Series: Snapshots of the Past
Story: Back Home Again
Chapter 6
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Previously: Abbey kept quiet about her troubles at school/work. Jed had a tough time dealing with the manipulations of his daughter.
Summary: Jed closes off after facing a personal crisis.
- - -
The knob slowly rotated and the door opened carefully, deliberately stifling the creaking noise that threatened to fill the room. Elizabeth stuck her head through the crack to see her parents still sound asleep under the comforter. She walked in on the tips of her toes. Only a slight laugh gave any indication of her presence before she rested her feet by her mother's bedside.
She quietly nudged Abbey and pulled on the covers which gently tugged at her body and caused her eyes to pop open.
"Good morning," Liz greeted her.
"Lizzie?" She stayed on her back, a medical textbook draped over her chest.
"I'm up!"
"Who woke you?"
"I got up all by myself." A feeling of pride was evident in her expression.
Abbey lifted the book from her body and set it aside. Her eyes moved from her daughter and over to the clock on the nightstand.
"Oh God." She turned quickly and began patting Jed's back. "Jed, wake up. Honey, it's after 7. I fell asleep before I set the alarm."
"Huh?" Groggy and tired, Jed was completely oblivious to his surroundings.
Liz laughed at his confusion and futile efforts to sit up. "Daddy's sleepy."
"Yes, he is," he answered with a strained voice.
"I'm sorry. I must have fallen asleep while studying."
"It's okay. At least we can count on Lizzie."
Liz pressed her waist to the mattress, leaning forward to hand Abbey silky pink ribbons tangled around her favorite brush. "Will you do my hair?"
"Sweetie, your mom's going to be late," Jed said sympathetically.
"No, it's okay. You go take your shower. I'll be fine."
Jed smiled warmly at his girls and climbed out from under the sheets.
"Okay, hop on up, Baby Doll." She patted the mattress and grabbed Liz's struggling arms to help her onto the bed.
She took her spot between her mother's legs as Abbey started brushing her shiny shoulder-length brown locks. "Mommy?"
"Yeah?"
"Why do you call me 'baby doll'?"
Abbey sighed happily, her eyes sparkling with a memory she hoped to one day share. "Because when I was a little girl, my mother gave me the most beautiful baby doll I had ever seen. She had creamy white skin and long dark hair and the biggest blue eyes in the world. She was absolutely perfect. I used to go to sleep at night and pray that when I was all grown up, God would give me a little girl just as pretty and perfect as that doll. And you know what?"
"What?"
"He listened. He gave me you."
Liz tipped her head back and replied with a smile. Abbey fastened the barrette in the little girl's hair and pulled her closer to her chest, but Lizzie twisted herself around in her mother's arms to hug her tightly. She stretched her tiny head and gave her a sweet kiss before they jumped off the bed.
"Let's make breakfast now!"
"Sounds great!" Abbey picked up the book she had laid aside then followed her out the room.
- - -
Liz sat at the breakfast table attentively outlining the pictures in her coloring book. A box of Crayola crayons had been ripped open and the vibrant colors spilled from inside. A shocked Abbey didn't notice the stained tabletop as her hands retreated only inches from the phone she had just placed in the cradle. Her face was still dominated by features frozen in time when Jed finally walked in.
"Good morning."
Liz slammed down her crayon and jumped into his arms. "Daddy!"
"Hi, Angel."
"Mommy fixed my hair!" She moved her head to give him a view of the ribbons that dangled in the back.
"And she did a fabulous job!" His mood quickly changed when he caught a glimpse of Abbey. "What's wrong?"
Her heavy breathing was evident in the rapid movement of her chest as she gazed at her daughter. "Sweetie, why don't you go get cleaned up?"
"But I want to help with breakfast."
"You can do that later."
"But I..."
"Elizabeth, please." Her voice was firm enough to persuade Jed to lower her to the ground and send her on her way. Abbey watched Liz disappear into the bathroom before she continued. "Jed..."
"You're scaring me. What's going on?"
She had never delivered such bad news before and she wasn't sure she was ready to this time. She picked up his hands, joining their palms together. "Your brother Jack called when you were in the shower."
"Abbey, what is it?" He was losing his patience. Every moment she spent pondering her next word only added more frightening thoughts to the list of horrific scenarios he had impulsively contemplated.
"It's your mom. Your dad took her to the hospital last night. She had some pain in her chest and her stomach. She couldn't move her lower body."
"Is she okay?"
The visible flash of hope that radiated from inside him gave her pause. She licked her lips and took a deep breath, dreading her next few words.
"No, Jed, she isn't. She died, honey." His mouth hung open, but no words came out. Her hands reached out for him as he stumbled backwards until he eventually got a handle on the chair behind him. "The doctors said it was an aortic aneurysm. It burst. They don't even know how long she's had it. Possibly since childhood."
"It was in her heart? She used to have chest pain all the time when I was growing up."
"It may not have been related. Patients rarely exhibit symptoms, especially when it's in the thoracic section of the aorta as opposed to the abdominal region..."
He put his hands up and shook his head at her medical jargon. "Don't. Please. Just explain to me what happened."
Abbey approached him slowly, cautiously, and helped him sit in the chair, pulling another one up beside him. She went into as many details as she could about how an aneurysm can affect the human body, sometimes remaining dormant for eternity, and other times bursting and wreaking havoc on internal organs and eventually causing fatal consequences.
The words went into Jed's ears, but were never processed in his mind. Instead, his focus was grounded in the memories of his childhood and his time with his mother. They were never especially close. In fact, one could describe their relationship as stormy and turbulent, accentuated by rare tranquil moments. Inside the wall he had carefully constructed as a child, he hid the animosity he felt towards Diane Bartlet and her refusal to stand up to the cruel, domineering man she called her husband.
Deep down, he understood his mother's neutrality, always believing it was simply part of her quest for household peace. But with every strike of his father's hand, the emotional pain inflicted by the neglect and, sometimes, indifference of Diane grew stronger and bolstered the feeling of resentment he carried with him to adulthood.
Even more troubling than his memories were the thoughts that invaded them. His mother's death meant that Jed would have to face his father -- a man he hadn't seen since the day he married Abbey. He knew it was selfish that her death dwindled down to his unresolved hatred towards the elder Bartlet, but like an irrational fear that manifested into anxiety-ridden hysteria, the notion of spending any time at all with the abusive man caused Jed to panic.
"Jed? Jed?" Abbey waved her hand in front of his face in an effort to bring him out of his trance.
"What?"
"I asked if you'd like to keep Lizzie home today?"
"No. I want her to go school and spend some time with her friends, playing and being happy. She doesn't need to be around here today."
"Then I should get ready or she'll be late."
"She needs breakfast."
"I'll pick something up for her on the way. I'm going to call in sick today and I'll go ahead and call in for you too." He gave her a silent nod. "I'll bring you your breakfast on my way home."
"I'm not hungry."
"Do you want to come with me? It might do you good to get some fresh air." This time a shake of the head answered her question. "Okay." He sat motionless as she leaned over the back of his chair and kissed his cheek. "I love you."
Jed spent the day in a silent daze, wandering from the sofa in the living room to a chair in the kitchen, tuning out Abbey's presence with every move. He had retreated into himself quite often as a boy and he quickly learned it was a defense mechanism still alive and well in his psyche. Among the feelings of shock and grief that burned within him, there was a feeling of guilt that stirred his emotions to the brink of eruption. But he restrained himself out of fear of losing control.
His father taught a young Jed that men don't cry. They don't wear their hearts on their sleeve. And they certainly don't admit to vulnerability. Some of those hard-learned lessons faded from his memory when he met Abbey -- a woman who loved him unconditionally, who frequently reinforced her own ideas of openness, encouraging him to let go of the steel armor that used to guard his most intimate thoughts.
Other lessons were more difficult to throw by the wayside and in times of tragedy, they easily resurfaced.
- - -
Jed sat on the stoop outside the apartment for most of the afternoon and into the evening. A confused and uninformed Liz shared a strained dinner with her mother and tried to convince herself that everything was normal. The five-year-old noticed the tension in the home and the sadness that was predominantly visible on her father's face, but she dismissed the questions that lingered in her brain and focused on fixing the situation instead.
She ran out the door and down the steps to stand in front of Jed. Her hand gestures gave away her excited and jovial mood before she even opened her mouth. "Can we go for ice cream early tonight? I want to you to watch The Brady Bunch with me later."
"Sweetie, your father won't be able to take you for ice cream tonight," Abbey said from the doorway before Jed had a chance to respond. She walked down the steps to join her daughter.
"We go every Friday."
"I know, but not this week, okay?"
"Why not? He promised he'd take me."
"Then I guess I'll have to take you," Abbey offered. "What do you say?"
Liz pondered the idea before smiling in agreement. "Okay."
"Run upstairs and get your jacket. It's chilly tonight."
Jed turned his head to watch her skip up to their apartment and inside the door. "Thank you," he said to Abbey.
"She doesn't know yet. I'm going to have to tell her."
"Yeah. It shouldn't be that bad. She never even met her."
Abbey sat down next to him, careful not to touch him until he gave her some indication that he wanted to be touched. "You haven't had anything to eat all day."
"I'm not hungry."
"I'm keeping your dinner warm in case you change your mind." Another sad nod from him caused tears to well in her eyes. "Jed, I said it earlier, but I'd like to say it again. Honey, I want you to talk to me. It doesn't matter what you say. If you just want to babble, that's fine..."
"I know," he interrupted. "Later."
"I'm ready!" Lizzie shouted from the top of the stairs.
Abbey held out her hand to guide the young girl. "Okay, come on. You can lead the way."
Liz stopped and turned around to face her mother. "I don't know the way."
"Well we'll just have to figure it out together."
The only smile to break on Jed's face came with the image of Abbey and Liz walking down the street hand-in-hand. But even that brief moment of peace came with a bitter reminder of the dysfunctional childhood he shared with his parents.
By the time they returned, Liz's mood had completely changed, her demeanor expressive of the news Abbey had been forced to break.
"Hi, Daddy," she said to him sadly.
"Hi. What's in the bag?" he asked, his attention focused on the brown pouch in Abbey's hand.
"Lizzie refused to eat her ice cream without you so we brought them home."
Liz took the bag from Abbey, pulled out one of the plastic containers of ice cream, and handed it to Jed.
"Maybe later, Sweetheart."
"Okay, I'll save them for later," she replied as she began to wobble back up the stairs.
"Have you called your father?" Abbey asked.
"No."
"You're going to have to talk to him about funeral arrangements. Jack said they're planning something for early next week. If you want, I could call."
"It's okay. I'm going to have see the man in a week. I guess I can pick up the phone."
"I'm going to go help Lizzie with the freezer." She walked behind him and placed her hand gently on his shoulder before turning away.
- - -
Elizabeth's fingers curled around the edge of the curtains. Her eyes peered through the glass and down at her father who sat in the same position he had been in hours earlier when she returned with ice cream. Her brows wrinkled and her neck twitched slightly at the sadness she felt for him.
"Lizzie, I told you to get ready for your bath ten minutes ago. What are you doing?" Abbey stood next to her and followed her stare out the window. "Do you want to go out there?" she asked in a quieter, gentler tone. Liz lowered her head unsure of how to answer. "He won't mind. In fact, you'll probably make him feel better."
"Okay."
Abbey opened the door and didn't take her eyes off her as she walked down the steps. Liz took a seat next to Jed and tilted her head onto his arm. He moved his body to help her settle in on his lap, where she sat comfortably leaning her head back against his chest.
"Mommy said God needed another angel." She turned only half way to see him nod then faced forward once again. "Daddy?"
"Yeah?"
"How does God know which angel to take?"
Abbey watched the scene from the top of the stairs. A single tear shined her eye before trailing down her cheek. The past fourteen hours had been rough, but they were nothing compared to what lay ahead. A father-son reunion was imminent and the consequences would be far-reaching for everyone involved.
TBC
