Series: Snapshots of the Past

Story: Back Home Again

Chapter 10

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Previously: Thanksgiving dinner provided a new battleground for Jed and John; Millie questioned Abbey's motives for wanting another child while in med school

Summary: Jed loses patience with Abbey's refusal to open up and is determined to find answers

- - -

Silently, Jed and Abbey cleared the counter of the clutter that remained after the guests had left. Since the confrontation with his father, any attempt at conversation was squashed by Jed's imaginative efforts to segue the discussion to more disagreeable topics. The only congenial words he had spoken were farewell wishes to the friends and family he had invited for dinner.

It was a difficult request to fulfill, but Abbey gave him the time he wanted to map out his thoughts. The next move was now his and just as she worried, he was reluctant to make it.

After cleaning up the kitchen, they followed one behind the other into the bedroom. Her eyes never left him, but he didn't return the stare. Instead, he simply pulled back the covers and slid under the sheets fully clothed as she changed into her pajamas.

"You're going to sleep in that?" she asked.

"I'm tired. I don't feel like changing."

She expected the prickly, brash tone he had used earlier. Instead, his voice was monotone, devoid of any feeling along with pitch. "And you still don't feel like talking?"

"I really don't." It was a firm declaration and the thought to accept it did cross her mind.

She decided against it. "Did he mention anything at all about blurting out to everyone that we were trying to have another baby?"

"Were you in the room a second ago when I said I didn't want to talk about it? I wasn't kidding. I don't want to talk about it." He was terse this time as he reached up to turn off the lamp on the nightstand.

She waited for his arm to rest back under the covers then turned the light back on. "I do."

"Abbey, please. I just want to get some sleep."

Disregarding his appeal, she continued. "You're not even going to tell me what happened out there?"

"No. I'm not. Not tonight."

She stood staring at him with her arms folded over her chest, unwilling to abandon her curiosity. One eye popped open to the image in front of him and he immediately deduced it was going to be a long night. He slipped his elbow under him to act as a headrest.

"Okay, fine. Let's talk. I told my father I didn't trust him to be alone with Lizzie. Your turn."

"What?"

"What was Millie so concerned about?" He turned the tables on her, something to which she didn't respond well.

"I don't know what you're talking about." With a slip of the light switch, she walked to her side of the bed.

He turned the light back on and propped himself against the headboard. "Sure you do. You just hate it when I give you a dose of your own medicine. It's that old hypocritical side of you..."

"Excuse me, did you just call me a hypocrite?"

"I was saying, it's that old hypocritical side of you I've learned to love. When you and Millie were in the kitchen, I distinctly heard her say she was worried about you. Why?"

"Well since you were eavesdropping why don't you tell me?"

"I couldn't hear the rest. But I know that something has been going on with you for weeks now. What is it?"

"This is rich. You keep me in the dark about your feelings and then you call ME the hypocrite." She snapped her head back, the rest of her body still facing away from him.

"Abbey?" He was leaning over her back now, his tenacious nature taking over.

"It's nothing. Turn off the light and go to bed."

"Not until you answer my question."

She pushed the covers off her body and sat up. "What did your father say when you told him why you didn't trust him to be around Lizzie?" she asked, her voice reinvigorated for another round.

He could accept defeat, just this once. It was easier than dredging up all the raw emotions that simmered beneath the surface, threatening to explode. He turned off the light and pulled on the covers, giving them an extra tug to express his displeasure.

- - -

The next morning, the pair exchanged tenuous glances over breakfast. Abbey mulled her fork around her eggs without actually eating while Jed just simply dropped his utensils on the plate in a much more obvious way of acknowledging the tension. At least arguments he could fix with an apology. When it came to simple marital strain, he was usually at a loss.

Elizabeth's eyes darted back and forth between her mother and her father as she wondered why they weren't enjoying their usual morning meal complete with trivia or long Latin lectures about the history of bread.

She finally broke the silence. "When am I going to be a big sister?"

"Not for a while," both Jed and Abbey answered simultaneously.

"Look..." Jed began, addressing his wife.

"I'd really rather not get into it."

"I wasn't going to start anything."

"Then what were you going to say?"

After he flashed a sheepish grin towards Abbey, he turned his attention to Liz. "Lizzie, come here."

She did as he said and when she got to his side of the table, Jed whispered in her ear, kissed her cheek, and patted her on the back to send her on her way. Liz approached her mother then and stretched her body while pulling Abbey's face down to eye level to kiss her cheek.

"That's from Daddy."

"Tell Daddy if he really means it, he'll come over and do it himself."

Liz opened her mouth to repeat Abbey's words, but paused as she watched Jed take Abbey's hand and kneel beside her chair to press his lips onto hers.

"Better?" he asked.

"Much."

Still perplexed by what was going on, Jed hid his intrigue in the interest of marital harmony. The first few days were easy. He avoided the topic altogether and so did she. Abbey even joined him and Liz on their traditional Friday night ice cream run. It was as if whatever burden had been weighing her down had now been lifted off her shoulders.

But Sunday provided another sleepless night for Abbey as her mind raced with images of Kyle Nelson. Though her new rotation had started and she was no longer seeing him on a daily basis, his influence and criticism had boundless consequences. She wasn't the same Abigail Bartlet who began medical school with wide-eyed determination. Something inside her clouded her confidence, made her question her competence at healing, and destroyed the spark of aspiration that took root in her heart when she was a young girl.

With every toss and turn of her petite frame, Jed's curiosity grew. Abbey was usually a sound sleeper. The last time she had been so plagued by restlessness while refusing his comfort was during their troubles in London. This time, he had been completely shut out. All he could piece together was that he wasn't the only one who noticed Abbey's stress level had elevated dramatically. Millie was concerned as well and Millie's concern only intensified his.

Monday morning's breakfast chatter was more spirited than Jed had expected, but it didn't relieve the mystery looming in the background. He was desperate for answers and since Abbey wasn't volunteering them, he contemplated taking matters into his own hands.

- - -

Nurse Amy Lowell was examining medical forms that had just been returned to her when Abbey stopped at the nurse's station. She plopped her elbows on the counter and rested her chin into her palms, a position she usually used at the end of an exhaustive day.

"One of those days, huh?" Amy questioned.

"Is it ever NOT one of those days?"

They shared a light chuckle. "Thank your lucky stars there's no more Dr. Nelson."

Abbey shook her head at the mere thought. "I can't tell you how happy I am to be rid of him! Problem is, I hear he may be in charge of my January rotation."

"That's not good."

"Tell me about it. If I have to put up with his condescending, insulting, and degrading personality for another eight weeks, I'm going to seriously need one of the beds in the psych ward." Her words had an undercurrent of sarcasm, her face donned a smile.

"Uh uh. Don't let him get under your skin."

"I can't help it. Whenever I see his face in the halls, it's like I'm entering the gates of Hell."

"You need to get him out of your system. Talk to someone."

"Oh no, not you too. My husband's been on my case about it." She leaned in towards Amy, whispering the next few words. "He doesn't know."

"You haven't told him? Why not?"

"Because I don't want him to interfere. It's my problem. I have to deal with it myself, without Jed."

She turned to her side and saw him. There was Jed standing in front of her with flowers in his hand and a look of bewilderment on his face. She didn't know how long he'd been there or how much he'd heard. Frozen solid, his mind struggling to embrace the possibilities that ran through it, he simply glared at her.

"I came to take you out to dinner," he finally offered, taking a step closer to her. "So what is it you don't want me interfering with? What is this big problem that's yours alone?"

He didn't make a move when she lowered her head and walked past him, their elbows colliding on the way. She walked out of his line of sight and headed through the exit door.

- - -

Abbey arrived home only minutes before Jed. She threw off her shoes and kicked them across the room, her lab coat following the same path.

He swung the door open and took a few quick strides towards her. "Hi." She ignored him. "I bought you these."

"Thank you." She took the bouquet of roses.

"That's it?"

"What?"

"No apology for leaving me there at the hospital? I show up with flowers and you just leave?"

"I was shocked and a little embarrassed that you overheard me."

"Why?"

"And to tell you the truth, the more I think about it, the more it pisses me off that you were there, listening."

"I wasn't listening, Abbey. I showed up to see you. I thought I was doing a good thing."

"Don't lie to me! I'm not an idiot, Jed. You didn't show up at the hospital to take me to dinner. You showed up so you could snoop around."

He conceded with a nod. "All right, fine. I did show up to spy on you a little bit. What do you expect? I know something's going on, Millie knows about it, that nurse knows about it. The only person who doesn't know about it is me."

"Have you ever considered there might be a reason for that?"

Feeling his anxiety rising inside him, he took a breath to calm himself down. "There was a time when you used to tell me everything."

"There was a time when you didn't push."

"I've been pushing? Really? Because I think I've been a real treat about this whole thing. I've been pretty understanding, considering most husbands would probably assume by now that you're having an affair."

"Oh please."

"You're not, are you?" It was asked with a hint of a smile, to lighten the mood, without any real suspicion to back it up. His body lurched back in shock when Abbey's eyes turned on him with an intensity he rarely saw. "Okay, so you're not having an affair."

She whacked him in the chest with the bouquet. "You Jackass!"

"I was kidding!" He shielded himself with his arms as she aimed for his shoulder and back.

"You think I'm having an affair?" Without giving him time to reply, she took a few extra swings for good measure.

"No, I swear I don't. Ow!"

She stopped her assault at the claim of his alleged pain. "They're just flowers!"

"Yeah, well they have thorns!" he shot back. She put the flowers on the counter and turned away from him. "Abbey, I really was joking. I just...want to help. That's all. Let me help. Please."

The sincerity dripped from his voice, his expression holding a look of concern and vulnerability at the same time. She was touched.

"There's this doctor," she started in a soft voice. He approached her slowly, straining to hear her. "He's just been giving me a hard time."

"What's his name?" His macho attitude was resurfacing.

"It's not important."

"Like hell it's not!"

Jed Bartlet was a protective man and it was a quality Abbey cherished, when it didn't get in the way. "Jed, I don't even see him anymore. It's just that during my last rotation, he rattled me a little, you know? Well, I guess it was more than a little."

"What did he do?"

"Have I ever talked to you about pimping?" His eyes narrowed suspiciously at the word. "Get your mind out of the gutter. It's like hazing, except it happens in med school. Residents do it to students and interns. This doctor, Dr. Nelson, was the resident I was assigned to and he enjoyed messing with me."

"He didn't..."

"No, nothing like that. It was all professional. All he did was quiz me on things he knew I didn't know. He did it to humiliate me in front of the other students, the other doctors, the attending physicians...and even the patients."

He sighed with relief before fully comprehending the rest of her statement. "How can something like that be professional? I'll go down there myself and throw the bastard out on his ass!"

He spun around with force.

"No!" The tight grip on his arm stopped him in his tracks. "That's exactly what I don't want!"

Satisfied that he'd listen, she let go and stepped away from him, causing him to approach her in a gentler, less domineering way. "Don't shut down on me. I want to know what happened."

"Pimping isn't out of the ordinary. It's done all the time, in every hospital in America. It's a rite of passage for aspiring doctors. This guy is a jerk is all. He got special joy out of harping on me, partly because I'm a woman."

His head tilted in a subconscious move to sympathize with her predicament and the sadness that still lingered in her eyes. "Honey, why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't need you to run out there and save the day. I didn't want you to be my hero. I wanted you to be my husband. I wanted to get through it by myself."

"Being married means you never have to do anything by yourself. I'm here to help you, always."

"I don't think you can help me. It's too late." Now came the admission she dreaded having to make. "I'm scared."

"Of what?" He reached out his hand to brush a few strands of intruding hair behind her shoulder.

"I didn't tell you this, but I just barely passed my general med shelf exam. I have the national boards coming up in January and I don't think I can..."

"Of course you can."

"No, Jed. You don't understand. It's step one of the licensing exam. This is my ticket to residency. This test will eliminate my options of specialty...or even worse...it could end my chances of residency altogether."

"Okay, stop. You're getting ahead of yourself."

"No, I'm not. It's all based on my first two years of med school and, Jed, I barely remember the material. I've been so obsessed with my rotations that I didn't keep up with the class work. I think I'm in trouble. I'm not sure I can pass."

"Don't you dare say that. You can do anything you set your mind to, Abbey. It was that instinct to persevere, the determination to succeed that made me fall in love with you."

She shrugged at his hand which was delicately draped around her. "I used to be that way. But now...something's changed."

"You changed. You let him change you. You let him undercut your self confidence." Silence filled the room at her agreement. "And we're going to do something about it."

"Jed, please don't go to the hospital."

He reassured her with a touch of his finger to her lips. "I won't. Trust me. What I am going to do is help you ace this exam. You had a study plan for it last year. What happened?"

"I got an extension and decided to wait to take it in January, but somehow, I let other things get in the way."

"We'll have fix that. We'll have study sessions, right here. You'll study. Lizzie and I will quiz you. She'll love it and in the end, you'll show this Dr. Nelson just what you're made of."

"I'm not as sure as you."

"Abbey, we didn't sacrifice all the time we spent away from one another while you pulled all-nighters at the library and at study groups...all those days and nights taking care of Lizzie by myself, sleeping in an empty bed because you were working an ungodly shift at the hospital...we didn't go through all that just to have you give up now. This is your dream and we're going to make it come true and in the process, we're going to grace the world with one of the most brilliant medical minds they've ever seen."

His confidence overshadowed her apprehension, and for the first time in months, she felt the hot flame of an eager and motivated student rekindle inside.

She leaned in for a soft kiss. "Thank you."

That evening, without the burden of outside distractions, Abbey lounged on the sofa, a medical textbook glued to her eyes and a small throw blanket covering her feet. She peered over the top of the page to glance at Jed sitting across the room on the loveseat, deeply engrossed in rereading Theory and Policy of International Economics. In the center of the room sat Lizzie, leaning over the glass coffee table and sounding out the words in another Dr. Seuss classic - Green Eggs and Ham.

With a contagious smile and girlish giggle that tore Jed's attention away from his book, Abbey winked at him before returning to her page.

TBC