To hephychick: Thanks once more for your more than wonderful review! You truly are too kind. ;) As for the 'S'-word, what word is that supposed to be? LOL it must be me, but I don't get it. Anyway, you're probably thinking the right thing. :P
To Annie: It's good to hear that there are so much emotions evoked by this story, lol. I guess this Alexander really is quite a bit like the movie-Alexander, and of course my view on him was influenced by the movie, but it really is just my own anxious little Alexander. I love him like that. :) Though maybe the movie influenced him more than I would think, because I based this Alexander on my 'a snake's advice'-Alexander and that one was pretty much based on the movie. Hmmmm, right. Anyway, thanks for the detailed review, love those so much!
To chris: Thank you! Hephaistion being such an ideal person, hm? You're right… or are you? Well pretty much, anyway. Guess you can see who I like most;) As for Philip's feelings for Hephaistion, I'll get back to you about that later. I must say you are very perceptive though… And yes, Hephaistion does deserve to be treated better by the others, I get frustrated about their hate towards him all the time as well.
To Rothalion: Thanks, I'm glad you like it. It's really a scenario that drifts in your head when looking at Heph's pretty face, hm;)
To Gabo0: I'm glad you liked the chap, as I said it is my own fav so far as well. ;) Hephaistion asked Alexander to truly sleep with him for the first time, so in the phial was oil to… make it easier. Do I need to be more explicit, or is the message clear:P
To all: I wrote the first bit of this chap when I was in an uninspired mood, but when I looked at it later I decided to just keep it, and write another scene to go with it because it would be too short otherwise… and then I realised there was yet more I wanted to put in. So, here is my first chapter ever with more then one scene, lol. Enjoy!
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The corridors were empty, cold and dark. As cold, empty and dark as he felt inside. If only his physical form could blend in with the surroundings as easily as his mood. Oh, the cold in his heart… He rushed on, his bare fleet slipping silently over the chilly floor, his sandals in his hand.
Hephaistion had dreamed, he was not sure of what, but when he had woken up he was close to panicking. Alexander's sleeping form had soothed him, the peaceful breathing of his beloved quieting his nerves. He had lain awake for a long time. There was so much to remember, so much to think about… Perhaps Alexander was right, and he really should stop worrying. But how could he, when everything seemed so confusing and unsure, and his friend would not even listen to him? Everything had gotten so complicated.
That's when he had made up his mind. He did not want to bother Alexander. The other had been right, there was no need to worry him with this. Alexander had made it clear the mission went above all, for their love would carry them through anything. Where others had the worst trouble staying faithful, they would ever have the most trouble being unfaithful. But for the good of the glory of the future, if it needed to be done, he would do it.
So he had kissed Alexander, careful not to wake him up, and here he was, alone and cold when he could've spent the whole night next to his friend's warm body. His lover. Truly his lover now. A shiver passed down his spine. Gods, he wanted to go back.
He quietly entered his own room, ignoring the shadows, throwing his sandals down and walking to the dark shape of the closet. It was right he was doing this without telling Alexander. It was. He should not worry about it. It would not help him. His mind was made up. Stop thinking. He pulled out a clean chiton and wondered how Alexander's father would react. Stop thinking.
-
"Phai?" Alexander turned in his bed and glanced around the room, the very first light of dawn turning the room into shades of gray and faint colours. "Phai? Are you there?"
In response, a wave of fresh air drifted his way and he pulled his blanket up higher with a shiver. Why was Hephaistion not here? His friend was always there when he woke. He felt his heart skip a beat in sudden worry, sat up and peered around the room again. No sandals. No chiton, where it had lain after it was thrown aside last night. Nothing to prove Hephaistion had even been here. Nothing to prove that they had… His eyes turned to his nightstand. Ah, yes. The other had been here alright. A shudder of joy passed through him and his lips turned to a smile.
He slipped of his bed and quickly got dressed. He usually wouldn't get up this early, but he would not sleep without knowing exactly where Hephaistion was – and why he was not here. Had he not known Hephaistion better, he might have thought that the other regretted what they had done, but he tossed the thought away quickly. Probably, his friend was worrying again… But truly, why could he not just do that in bed, instead of startling him so?
He rushed to Hephaistion's room. Alexander didn't knock, afraid to wake him up had he indeed gone to his own bed. Or perhaps he had even locked the door – no, he hadn't. Nor was the room's owner in there. The sheets looked unrumpled and clean, and with a sigh Alexander realised the other had not visited his room this morning.
Fine, so what did one do then? He went out into the still chilly morning air and checked the stables - all horses were still there, including Bucephalus - and the gardens, then turned back inside and checked his own room and then Hephaistion's again. This was not funny. He would be sure to tell his friend that when he would show up again.
-
"I just don't think I should be seen slipping out of your bedroom in the morning." Hephaistion looked at his friend apologetically.
Alexander's eyes widened. "Why? It's our choice to sleep together, isn't it? I don't mind people knowing."
When Hephaistion looked at his friend's honestly anxious face, he had to keep himself back to not blurt out the truth. How come it was so hard to lie to Alexander? It had all seemed so much easier when practising this conversation in his head. "Neither do I, Alexander, I would never. But…"
His friend frowned worriedly. "But what? Hephaistion, what are you not telling me?"
Hephaistion swallowed. "As you might know your mother has no particular liking to me. I see no reason to anger her further by letting her know I sleep in your bed all night…"
"What! Hephaistion where did you get that from?" Alexander's brown eyes had widened even further.
"Rumours around the court." Hephaistion was sure their would be such rumours. It was not such a bad lie, was it? "Would you deny it then?" Even Alexander could not be that ignorant. Or would Alexander lie to him? Or… had Philip lied to him? How could he trust Alexander's father over his lover himself, when he had no reason to? But Alexander could be so…
"Phai… It's not necessary, really. She would not hurt not you." Alexander's face held a pained expression that nearly made Hephaistion cringe, but his voice sounded as if he had to convince himself.
So there truly was danger. Hephaistion knew he had won this argument because of it, but it was hardly reassuring. He was not even sure he had wanted to win. But now he had to push through. "I always wake sometime near morning anyway, so I'll just take the chance to slip to my own room and sleep the last few hours there. It is for the best, I believe, Alexander."
Hephaistion finally let his own sorrow show on his face, now that he truly had a solid reason to be worried about the other's feelings but there was no chance he would loose the argument anymore. He stepped forward and pulled the smaller boy into his arms.
Alexander hugged him back and rested his head on Hephaistion's chest. "Alright, if you say so," he replied flatly.
Hephaistion closed his eyes in frustration. The words to soothe Alexander got stuck in his throat. They seemed such lies… He had lied to his friend already, and he would not do it again if he didn't have to. But what were the chances of him not having to do it again? He should just give this all up. But he had one more reason for continuing this now. He would have to tell Alexander the truth… With a sudden feeling of panic he realised that he was not sure he could, and held Alexander tightly.
