A/N: I was re-reading my fanfic, and I realized that, in chapter one, when Claire asks Harry if his fantasy girl has slanted eyes, this remark could be construed as racist towards Asians.  I assure you, I was not making any jest or trying to be racist.  I will fix it as soon as I have time. 

More reviews=More chapters!!!

Chapter 3

Graphic Thoughts

            "Harry, can I talk to you?" asked Ron, motioning Harry to come over to the table where he was studying. 

"Sure," said Harry, moving his books, parchment and quill to Ron's table.  "Need help with your homework?" 

"No," Ron turned bright red.  "I'm having some girl issues."  Harry wasn't surprised. 

"Spill, mate," replied Harry, trying to sound helpful even though he would rather be at a midnight meeting with Claire than here, talking to Ron about girls.

"Y'know Hermione?"

"Yah," answered Harry. 

"I've been having these weird thoughts about her.  It kind of came on suddenly, but they've been rather intense."

Harry grimaced before he asked the obvious question, "What kind of thoughts?" Ron blushed. 

"You know what I mean.  I'd rather not get…err…graphic."  It didn't seem possible, but Ron's face was an even darker shade of red.  Harry watched his face in amazement.

"What other colors can you do?" Harry asked before thinking.

"What?"

"Um…never mind," Harry laughed it off.  "So, what do you want to do about this Hermione thing?"

"Well, I don't know if it's hormones, or I really like her…and I don't know if I want to find out."

"Well…"

Advise him to ask her out! Claire's voice was in his head again.

You were the one who put those thoughts in his head!  It's not true love!  replied Harry. 

Oh, believe you me, I only needed to nudge him in the right direction.  He is one creative guy. 

Too.  Much. Information.

Sorry.  But he really loves her.  Come on, Harry, my favorite person ever, puhlease?! 

Fine!  But if it doesn't work out, you are to blame. 

It'll work out.  Have some faith.  Lots of lurrve! 

"I think that you should ask her out.  I mean, what's the worse that could happen?" 

"Well, she could refuse me.  It could ruin our friendship.  She could be so disturbed that she would shoot random people—"

Harry cut him off.  "Don't be pessimistic!  From what I've seen, she really digs you.  At least enough to go out with you."

"Really?" Ron's eyes gleamed. 

"Err…yah," said Harry, losing his confidence. 

"Okay.  I'll think about it." 

"All right.  But, back to our homework…" Suddenly, Harry was reminded of the homework from Claire.  Judging on how spontaneous and…weird she was, he wouldn't escape alive if he didn't think of something.  "Actually, I'm really tired.  Can I get the homework from you tomorrow?" 

"You mean copy?" Harry winced at that word.

"I was trying to steer clear of using 'copy' but if you want to get technical, yes."  

"Why would you copy off my homework?  Copy off Hermione!"

"I was thinking you could go do your homework with her…" Harry trailed off, meaningfully. 

"Oh…right…good plan!"  Harry nodded.

"Go for it!" Harry picked up his books and went into his dorm.  Sitting on his bed, he tried to think of ways to ask Ginny out.  Then, he heard a ringing in his head, like the sound a muggle telephone makes.  "Um…whose there?" asked Harry, feeling stupid. 

It's Claire!  said a loud voice. 

Oh, hi.  What was up with the telephone ring?

I thought it was a nice touch.  Listen, I've been thinking…

Wow, that's the first.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Oh, crap, you can hear my thought, can't you?  Whoops…

I'll ignore your hurtful remark for now, but I will be avenged.  Anyway, I've decided that it would be best if you…held off on the proposal.

Proposal?! 

The going out proposal to Ginny! 

Oh…you had me worried there.  Why do you want me to hold off?

Well, I don't want to rush love and—

Hey, why don't you just apparate into the room, so that our speech doesn't have to be in italics anymore? 

Good idea!  Here I come!!!

KACHING! 

"Hi Claire…again," said Harry, relieved to speak out loud.

"HARRY!" Claire enveloped him in a huge hug.

"Ow…you're…hurting…me," yelped Harry, trying to pull away.

"Sorry, babe.  No harm meant," replied Claire, loosening her grip and plopping down on Harry's bed beside him. 

"So what's all this about not wanting to rush love?  Since when did you mind?"  Claire hit him with a pillow. 

"Well, since you cannae take control of your love life, you've left the whole Harry/Ginny spark dead on the side of the road!  So, you need to cozy up to her first.  I'm not going to help you as much anymore," said Claire, being more serious than Harry had ever seen her.

"Why aren't you going to help me?"

"Harry, Ginny is going to love you.  In fact, she probably does right now.  So that means you just have to be yourself.  Just…read the book I gave you, and add your own little touches to their suggestions.  You'll rock her socks off, babe."  Claire hugged him in a completely friendly way. 

"So, you aren't going to talk to me anymore?" asked Harry, surprisingly sad about losing Claire's company.

"As if!" exclaimed Claire, immediately giggling, "I sounded like I was straight from Clueless!" She shook her head, "Sorry, muggle thing." 

"Can't you give me any hints about Ginny?"  asked Harry, steering the conversation back to his love life…or lack thereof. 

"I already gave you that list and the book.  You need to do some studying tonight, okay?  Well, have fun."  And Claire apparated.  All that was left was a faint smell of lavender and a man singing something about Roxanne.  Harry groaned.  The book Claire had left him was thicker than most books he had to study for classes!  Reluctantly he picked it up. 

Chapter One: Infatuation or True Love?

Sure, you may think you are in love with that hott girl that works at the drugstore.  But what if it's just because she wears her skirts so short you can see what she had for breakfast?  You will never find out unless you try.  Of course, if she won't go on a date with you, you don't have to worry about!  But at least give it a shot.  When you take her on the date, you may realize you have no respect for her opinions.  This is one of the first warning signs of infatuation.  Beware. 

Harry looked to see how many pages the first chapter spanned, and immediately gave up the idea of ever reading the whole thing.  He really loved Ginny.  At least, Claire thought so, and that was good enough for him.  He looked at the Table of Contents, trying to save time.

Table of Contents

Chapter One: Infatuation or True Love? 

Chapter Two: Asking Her Out

Chapter Three:  What, When and Where

Chapter Four: What the hell do I wear?

Chapter Five: General Rules of Dating

Chapter Six: Did she like me? 

Chapter Seven: The Phone Call

Chapter Eight: Meeting The Parents

Chapter Nine: Presents

Chapter Ten: Long-Term Relationship? 

Harry was definitely going to need this book.  He wasn't looking forward to reading it, though.  Then, he remembered other homework he had to do, and sighed.  Grabbing the book, and his other class work, he walked down to the common room and took a seat next to Hermione.  Other than a few stragglers, he and Hermione were the only ones in the common room.

"No, you cannot copy my Potions homework, Ron," said Hermione, without looking up. 

"Ah, I'll relay that message to Ron, then," replied Harry, grinning. 

"Oh!  Harry!"  She shifted her books to allow room for him.  "Wait…you can't copy my Potions homework either, you know." 

"I wasn't going to ask that!" said Harry, trying to look hurt but failing miserably.  "I was just going to do my homework."

"What do you have to do?" inquired Hermione.

"Umm…Potions and finishing that history essay…yes I know it's due tomorrow," he said in response to Hermione's disapproving look.

"And he assigned it to us a week ago…" 

"Yah…that too…" Harry looked a little guilty.  He could never keep up with Hermione's high standards.  Hermione turned her head and examined the spines of his books.  He didn't realize what book he had in that stack until too late.

"The Dummies Guide to Romance?!" read Hermione, bewildered. 

"Oh, bollocks," replied Harry.  He was going to have a lot of explaining to do…

A/N: Okies, look down.  No, not that far down, just to the bottom of the screen.  See that little button that will let you send me a review?  Well, watch this watch.  *swings it back and forth*  On the count of three, I will snap my fingers, and you will click that button and write me a review.  One…two…three! *snaps fingers*