A/N: I didn't like this chapter very much, I thought I kind of forced/hurried it, but I figured you guys would forgive me for it's crappyness, just because I updated twice in one day!!!  (wait…mebbe it was two…can't remember)  Oh, and I'd like to apologize for my last chapter, it took out some of my astricks in my A/N and the format was weird.  I swear I didn't do anything…I'll try to fix it later.

MovieFan757:  Thank you tons for reviewing!!!  I really like new reviewers, and yours rocked!!!  Please, keep following my story and reviewing (my story, preferably.)  Oh, yah, and thanks for the cookie! munches on it happily

Oh, and true to my word, this chapter is dedicated to Pip-pip.  You don't know me, but I know you!!!  (Wow, that is like, a famous line of stalkers…I swear I don't stalk!!!  Krishnaa will testify for me!)

Chapter Five

Flirtation Classes

      Harry and Claire sat in silence for a moment.  Harry scratched his forehead, and Claire squirmed.

"Um…so…when are we starting?" asked Harry.

"Oh, right!" said Claire.  "Here, hold on a minute, I've got to go make myself look more like Ginny.  Be back in a few!"  Harry rolled his eyes.  Knowing girls and makeup (which he didn't really know, at all, but only what he was guessing) it would take Claire more than a few minutes, especially since she looked completely different than Ginny in the first place.  He figured this would be a good time to catch up on his reading, which he had sorely neglected.  Picking up "The Dummies Guide to Romance", he leaned back on his bed and began reading. 

"Ron?" he heard a familiar voice call.  "Ron, are you there?" 

Holy knickers.  It's Ginny.  CLAAAAAIIIIRREEE!!!  he yelled in his head.  There was no response—not even giggling. 

"RON!!!" Ginny yelled.  Harry figured he probably should go to the common room and talk to her.  He breathed deeply for a few minutes, until Ginny's caterwauling became unbearable. 

"He's not here, Ginny!" said Harry, once he could see her in the common room.

"Oh…" replied Ginny, blushing.  Harry walked down the stairs and approached her, cautiously. 

"What did you need him for?" asked Harry. 

"I needed to borrow Pigwidgeon, and he had him last."

"Ah," said Harry, settling down in one of the easy chairs.  "And what did you need to borrow Pig for?"

"I needed to owl someone." 

"And who did you need to owl?" asked Harry, leaning in.

"One of my friends." 

"Which one of your friends?"

"One that goes to a different school."

"What school?"

"Beauxbatons." 

"What is her name?"

"His name is Mark."

"Mark?!" 

"Mark."

"Who is this Mark fellow?"

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" said Ginny, in a voice that was not her own. 

"Claire?!" whimpered Harry, astonished.  Suddenly, Ginny's hair color changed, and she became taller.  Her feet got bigger and glasses popped on her nose.

"What was that, Harry?  Twenty questions?"  Claire asked.  Harry was speechless from seeing his true love turn into Claire. 

"Wha?  Wha?  How…why…wha?"  blubbered Harry. 

"You are a hopeless case, you know that?  What sort of crazy conversation was that?  You had Ginny alone in the common room, and all you could talk aboot was who she was writing." 

"Does she really know someone named Mark?" asked Harry, recovering from the original shock. 

"You'll have to figure that one out on your own, buddy," said Claire, grinning evilly.  Harry just glared at Claire.  "We definitely need to work on your flirting, though.  Want some tips from the master of romance?"

"Yes, oh humble one," replied Harry, leaning back in his chair.  Claire grinned and flopped down on the couch. 

"First off, there is no need to be a talk show host.  No twenty questions."  Harry nodded and blushed.  "If she has another guy, just act cool aboot it.  She doesn't want a flaming ball of jealously!  She wants a sensitive, caring friend.  Guys always get that wrong."  Harry rose from his seat, defensively.  Claire just gave him a look, and he shrugged and sat back down.  "Now, first off, we'll start with body language, 'cos that's my favorite!!!  All right, if you're standing next to her, make sure to brush against her!!!  Take every chance to touch her, but don't be weird and clingy.  Just, small touches.  Like so," said Claire, standing up and indicating for Harry to do as well.  Harry did, rather reluctantly, and stood next to her.  "Okay, now, let's say you are talking to me, and I comment on something out the window," Claire pointed to an imaginary open window.  "Look, Harry, a bird," she said, very mechanically. 

"Could you please be a little more natural?!" asked Harry, smiling.  Claire grinned at him. 

"Sorry, I was having a bit of fun.  I'll try again," she cleared her throat, "Look, Harry!!!  A bird!"  Harry leaned over to look out the 'window' and brushed her arm with his.  "Good job, Harry!  That was perfect.  Now, you can do these sly touches, or you can be blatantly obvious…sort of an obvious, wicked type of flirting.  I think Gin'll like this kind better.  For example, if you're talking aboot something, just put your arm around her and grin.  Or, if she's sitting down on the couch, come up and plop down really close to her.  Make sure you always accompany them with a grin, a wink, or a laugh, unless you are being really serious.  But that will only happen after a few dates.  Got that all?"  Harry nodded.  Claire continued with her lesson until something interrupted their lesson. 

"OKAY, HARRY, YOU BIG LUMMOCK, GET OUT TO QUIDDITCH PRACTICE!  I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR EXCUSE IS, YOU'RE GOING!  DON'T EVEN TRY THAT ONE WITH ME!"  Harry blushed.

"It's my watch," he explained to Claire.  Claire nodded. 

"Well, I guess that's it for our lesson, eh?"

"Yep, I got to go…the next round of yelling is the worse." 

"Okay, buhbye!"  Claire enveloped him in a huge bear hug and kissed him loudly on the cheek.  Harry blushed deeply.  "You blush really easy," giggled Claire.  Harry blushed again.  "Ooo, Harry, d'you think I could borrow your Invisibility Cloak?  I'd really like to watch your practice."

"Sure," replied Harry, wondering why Claire didn't just use her endless powers to make herself invisible.

"I know, I know," said Claire, reading his thoughts, "I just always wanted to use the Invisibility Cloak."  Harry nodded.  "It's in your trunk, right?" Harry nodded again.  "Accio Cloak!" yelled Claire, waving her finger.  The cloak whizzed into her hand.  "Ooo, pretty!"  She put it on.  "Let's go!"

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRY!!!  WHAT DID I SAY?  GET YOUR UGLY SELF TO THE QUIDDITCH FIELD NOW!  I—" Suddenly the watch stopped. 

"It was bugging me," said an invisible Claire. 

"Thanks," replied Harry, "it was bugging me too."  Harry walked down to the Quidditch field and mounted his broom.  He saw just a hand wave at him from the stands, and he figured it was Claire.  He nodded back, zooming around the sky on his Firebolt.  After two hours of intense training, they were finally let go.  Harry dropped to the ground quickly, dismounted his broom and set off for Hogwarts, completely forgetting Claire. 

"HARRY!" he heard a voice yell.  He couldn't see anyone but heard panting.  Claire! he realized.  "If you EVER make me run AGAIN, YOU are going DOWN, my friend," she said, once she had caught up with him.  "Think I'm safe?" Harry looked around and then nodded.  She slipped off the cloak.  "Whew!  That thing is hot!"  She turned to Harry and stared, mouth open. 

"What is it?" asked Harry, feeling his face.  "Is there something on it?"

"You look really sexy when you are all sweaty.  Harry…you're…HOTT!  Oh my holy pickles, I bet you have really nice muscles from Quidditch…umm, could you possibly lift your shirt up a little?"  Harry stared at her, eyes sticking out.  Claire sighed and then jerked her finger up.  Harry's shirt magically lifted up, and Claire almost fainted.  "Ginny is one lucky girl, that's all I've got to say.  You definitely need to walk around with your shirt off more.  Whew!"  Claire stared at him for a moment (which made Harry very, very uncomfortable) until she finally yelled out, "HARRY, I HAVE A BRILLIANT IDEA!"  She did a little victory dance while Harry looked at her, completely lost.  "I cannae wait to put this one into action!!!" 

"What is it?!" asked Harry, extremely interested. 

"Well, let's just hope Ginny likes muscles…" said Claire.  "Wait, what am I thinking?  Of course she likes muscles!"  Claire shook her head. 

"Are you ever going to tell me what it is?" Harry asked once more. 

"Mmm…maybe…man, it rocks, though, if I do say so myself…"

"It's not going to humiliate me, is it?"

"With that stomach?  Never."  Harry was still very confused, but he knew Claire well enough now to know that she was too wrapped up in her thoughts to actually tell him what her plan was.  He'd just have to wait, or maybe he'd pick up some clues.

"We probably should head back to Hogwarts," said Harry.  "What time d'you have to go…er…home?"

"Oh, no specific time, I have no life, so it's not like it matters." 

"I'm sorry…" said Harry, not really knowing what to say.

"Nah, 'tis fine, I'd much rather be hanging out with you, that's for sure." 

"Thanks," said Harry, feeling a thank you was in order.

"Okay, never mind, I lied…I'd actually prolly much rather be out on a date with Oliver Wood," Claire said, gazing off into the distance.  She wasn't paying any attention to their conversation. 

"What?!" exclaimed Harry.  Oliver Wood?! he thought. 

"Mmmhmm," Claire replied.  They began walking towards Hogwarts. 

"Hey, Claire, I just got an abortion," said Harry, testing out his theory.

"That's good," she replied.  Harry smiled and waited a moment.  "WHAT?!" she replied.

"I knew you weren't paying attention…"  Claire laughed. 

"Okay, I might as well tell you now.  I've got it all figured out…I think," said Claire as they reached a bench close to Hogwarts.  They sat down and Harry leaned in close.  Claire whispered eagerly in his ear. 

"NEVER!" yelled Harry after she was finished. 

"Come on, Harry, it'll be great, I promise."  Claire's eyes were pleading. 

"Fine.  But if it doesn't work…" he trailed off, trying to threaten her. 

"It'll work, don't you worry!"  As they walked up to the common room, Harry wondered just what it was he had gotten himself into. 

A/N: Review, and I'll give you a cookie!  waves aboot the half eaten one that MovieFan747 gave me