To annakas: I hope you read TWGM often enough, you might want to read it just one more time before going on to this chapter… This is the most angsty chap of all chapters ever written lol. Or will that be next chapter? Oh well…

To Bago0: 'Going to be a problem' is perhaps a bit underrated, hehe. And yes, Phai isreally cute. :) Too bad that's also the main problem we're talking about here. Being too cute is not good for your health...

To Valo: Read, and be amazed more. :)

To Rothalion: A compliment from the master, yay! Thank you. ;) The boiling water is underway…

To Siobhan: Yes, brains are good. He starts using them a little late though, if you ask me. ;)

To lvingphai: Well, your wish has come true. Not so sure you wanted this anymore when you're done with this chap though, I assure you…

To Mamanchat: Yes:))

To Julie: I'm so glad you do, thanks:)

To Annie: LOL very short, indeed!
I'm getting a cold as well, perhaps even the flu or something. I was having a horrible headache last night. -( But for all you sweet reviewers and my own peace of mind I needed to write this chapter anyway. Consider yourself lucky. ;) Thanks for the compliments, I suggest you quickly go read the chap now, I won't hold you up any longer…

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Hephaistion stood in front of the window in Alexander's room, hands clenched to fists. Alexander was impossible this day. Simply impossible, and there was not much more he could endure.

The younger boy sat on his bed, hunched over his copy of the Iliad, his face unmoving as his eyes swept over the page. He had let Hephaistion in but that was all – he had ignored the other's kisses, answered shortly to his questions, told him to get lost when Hephaistion had gotten irritated and demanded to know what was wrong. Now silence hung heavily in the room, both boys lost in their own worlds.

Worlds that at this moment seemed to drift on different sides of the great sea, Hephaistion thought. He was truly angry with Alexander for his strange behaviour, it was not like him, and Hephaistion knew that he should be trying to make amends but he simply couldn't. He would rather punch his friend for being so inconsiderate and downright stupid. The whole world seemed to be closing in on him and he needed Alexander now. Would his friend offer him a shoulder to lean on, he would confess everything, he knew he would, but Alexander thought of no one but himself.

Hephaistion abruptly spun around and headed for the door. Fine, he would just go, since he was obviously not welcome here. Alexander could drop dead.

Making his way out of the room, he nearly bumped into another man, and his eyes met two cool brown ones. "Oh… Alexander is inside," Hephaistion motioned while cursing the crack in his voice. This was not the moment to sound like you were about to burst into tears.

The dark-haired man gave him a cold smile. "I was sent for you."

"Oh?" Hephaistion felt his stomach clench.

"The king requires you presence."

Alexander would call him back. Had to. Tell him to stay here, and Hephaistion would tell the king he could go to Tartarus.

He needed to face Philip sooner or later, but first he needed to tell his lover, his best friend… Just in case he screwed everything up, and… He was not even sure what would happen then… But had to get out of this… Somehow… Speak, Alexander!

The other man raised an arrogant eyebrow as Hephaistion remained motionless, and it remained frightfully quiet in the room behind him. His soft curse was only to be read from his lips. Fine. Fine. He would do this by himself.

He dropped his eyes and pulled the door shut behind him, then followed the other young man with increasing uneasiness. Hephaistion had seen him before, knew that he was one of the young men close to the king, something like… Pausanias? Everything in the dark-haired's movements and words spoke of held back anger and irritation. He was obviously not happy to be doing this. Was he taking away time with the king that the man want for himself? Or was that a too naïve thought?

Hephaistion shook his head silently as they rounded the last corner and halted in front of the large wooden door, an unmoving guard on each side.

"Well, have fun."

Hephaistion glanced up at the other's face, and saw a hint of a very sarcastic smile. He prayed in his head to the gods as a strange sense of foreboding came over him. Perhaps he should talk to the king another time. If he had had a choice. But Pausanias had already knocked and opened the door without waiting for a response, and a hand settled on his shoulder and pushed him inside.

"Ah, there you are…" the king's rough voice welcomed him, and before Hephaistion was even sure of what was happening the door was bolted behind him.

"My king," he replied, keeping his voice as steady as possible. The other smelled of wine. The man was drunk. He backed away slowly. "I am glad you have called me here to talk about what happened yesterday morning, my king."

Philip stared at him and breathed heavily. "Talk. Talk another time…" A slow smile spread over his face as he moved closer, swifter than Hephaistion had expected. With a rush of panic he ducked aside, but his wrist was caught and the wall was close.

No. Oh gods, no.

"You don't understand! I can't…" It was no use talking, he realised when the older man did not let go of his wrist, instead pulled him closer. Why had he come here? Why didn't he see this coming? Why why why? Breath smelling of alcohol ghosted over his lips and he quickly turned his head away, trying to get… away…

Pausanias' grin flashed by in his mind, the knowing eyes, and he had just stood there, like he was standing here now, unsure of how he would ever survive this. He tried to squirm out of the other's grip, using his free hand to push Philip away, and the next moment his ears rang and his cheek seemed to explode with pain at the force of the man's punch in his face. A wild gasp, then he was kissed deeply. Hephaistion gagged and had the strong urge to bite down, but a hand wrapped itself securely around his jaw as he was pinned against the wall. The older man was surprisingly strong, even in his drunken state.

He had to somehow… get out… there was still a chance, there had to be! A hand groped under his chiton as the mouth left his, sucking in fresh air. "No!" he gasped, and again he tried to break free, but his head was slammed back against the wall with such force that he could only whimper as the other took advantage of him.

Zeus, he prayed, don't leave me this time. It's all my fault, but let it stop… Alexander… Anyone…

In horror he noticed the tears streaming down his face. He was actually crying! No, he had to stay calm, use his brain. The other man was drunk, he only had to wait for the right opportunity, when his attention would fail…

He stopped resisting. Philip's approval was clear, and he laughed and whispered incomprehensible words in his ear. Hephaistion took deep breaths, trying to not feel, trying to not to fight as the man's hands slid over his body. Just think of Alexander. No! Alexander… How to ever… make things the way they were… How to ever… make this go away… Alexander… A gasp that was more of a sob left his mouth.

He was suddenly pulled forward, then Philip leaded him in the direction of the bed with force and bruising fingers. He nearly stumbled, his clothes were completely torn from him, and Hephaistion just breathed, waited while the man forced his body… There was still a chance. Sprawled on the pillows, large man hovering over him, weight settling on his… stomach… chest… Had to hold on, was not the end… Could not be.

He did not notice the noises in the corridor and the banging on the door until Philip's head shot up and some of the weight lifted. But when he did, he acted quickly. Without any further thought, Hephaistion's knee found its way to his king's most private parts with all his saved up strength.