Series: Snapshots of the Past

Story: Back Home Again

Chapter 17

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Previously: After a hard-fought battle with himself, Jed grounded Liz for her actions; Abbey confronted John

Summary: Jed and Abbey open up

- - -

An emotionally drained Abbey stood motionless at the front door. Her eyes focused on her five-year-old daughter who precariously balanced herself on the tips of her toes, the step stool underneath giving her just enough height to peer down over the top of the salad Jed was preparing.

"Does it taste better?" he asked after giving Liz a small slice of cucumber.

"A lot!"

"If you're wrong, I'm telling Mom it's your fault."

The sounds of laughter and teasing that vanished with the earlier turmoil, resonated throughout the apartment once again. Father and daughter were back on track and it was obvious to her, the most intimate outsider, that no amount of manipulation from John Bartlet could cause permanent damage.

She watched from the corner as Jed wiped the drop of dressing that stained Liz's shirt. With furrowed brows reflective of his deep concentration, he rubbed the material repeatedly, spreading the once-tiny spot over a larger area. It was his look of utter confusion that made Abbey chuckle. Despite her many lessons over the years, he never actually did learn. Still, she was reluctant to intrude on the heartwarming scene and only approached the kitchen when he heard her laugh.

"Hey."

"Hi." Her discretion wasted, she tossed her coat over the back of the sofa and joined them. "Everything back to normal?"

"Almost."

Lizzie's hands were gripped tightly on Abbey's shoulder, pulling her down to eye level. "I'm sorry, Mommy. I won't do it again."

"Can I have a hug?" she asked, lifting the young girl up into her arms until her feet dangled in the air. "Apology accepted. Thank you."

What had started out as a small dressing stain on Liz's shirt was now smeared on Abbey's sweater. Jed began to dab it with the damp washcloth he was still holding. "I was worried about you. Where did you go?"

She ripped the cloth out of his hands with a lighthearted smirk. "For a drive. I wanted to clear my head. I'd like to talk later."

"We will. But right now, dinner is ready. We heated everything up and Lizzie even helped me make a new pot of steamed carrots."

"And salad," Liz reminded him.

"And salad," Jed repeated. "And now that you're home, it's finally time to eat."

The infectious good mood radiating from him was a double-edged sword. Part of her had worried that the argument with his father would be at the crux of their own problems, but the fact that the mere thought of the earlier confrontation now seemed like a distant memory, didn't ease her concern.

It was the same vicious cycle really. Regardless of his joyful veneer, Jed had never learned to shield himself from John's venom, and when he was stung by the poison, his antidote of choice was avoidance.

Abbey watched as he took his seat. He wasn't a particularly tall man, but his legs coiled around one another when he stretched out under the table so his back could separate from the cushion behind him. She sat next to him, quietly.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"I won't ever lie to you or Mommy again."

He gave his daughter a warm smile beaming with pride. "Good."

"Can I please go to Mandy's party?"

"Nice try, but no."

Liz inflated her lips to twice their normal size. It only took her a few seconds to alter her expression and address him with a sad, disappointed frown. "But I'll cry again."

Abbey dropped her fork at the five-year-old's gross attempt at manipulation. Her head snapped towards Jed to prevent him from backing down.

To her surprise, he was already one step ahead. A tissue in-hand, he reached across the table and handed it to Liz. "Then I guess you'll need this."

His serious reaction caused Liz to burst into laughter and Abbey to breathe a sigh of relief. But it wasn't going to end there. Abbey remembered what it was like to be a little girl like Elizabeth, for she too had her father wrapped around her little finger. It only took a subtle smile to usually get her way. One wink of her eye and his world seemed to transform into a haven of limitless possibilities geared to make her every wish come true. But before she could prepare Jed for the barrage of mischievous schemes his young daughter might try to pull, she had to fix their own problems.

- - -

That night, Abbey sat at the foot of the bed devoting all her attention to him during his nightly bedtime routine.

"I'm sorry," she finally said. Jed pulled up his sweatpants, never letting his eyes leave hers. "I'm really sorry," she repeated. "You were right. I was wrong to keep it from you."

It was rare that either of them outwardly took full responsibility for an argument. Usually, the best way to resolve a fight was for them both to apologize, crack a few jokes, then hit the sheets for the all-important make-up sex. But tonight, there wasn't going to be any of that and they both knew it.

With a heavy heart after such an emotional day, he replied with the only answer that came immediately to mind. "Fine."

"Please talk to me."

"I haven't said much because when I'm angry, I say things I don't really mean and I didn't want to say something I'd regret...something I couldn't take back. Besides, I'm not sure you want to hear what I have to say."

"Anything is better than silence."

He abandoned his wish to let the disagreement slip away quietly without any more discussion. "Okay. You're right, you shouldn't have kept me in the dark. When we got married, we made a vow to be partners. When Lizzie was born, I thought we were going to be parents - together. I never thought that you'd keep something like this from me."

"I wish I hadn't. You have no idea how much I wish I hadn't."

"Also, I'm not wild about the precedent you just set. You basically told our daughter that it's okay to keep secrets from me."

"It's not okay. It's not and I'll fix it."

"Did you do it because she asked you to?" She didn't realize he had overheard her earlier conversation in Liz's bedroom. "The walls are pretty thin."

"No, that isn't why. I honestly didn't want it to spoil our holiday. That's all." Her gaze followed him as he sat down on his side of the bed. "Jed, the last run-in you had with your father was at Thanksgiving and I saw what that did to you. I just didn't want a repeat performance. I didn't want him to ruin Christmas for you - for us."

"He told me I wasn't a father," he admitted to her for the first time.

"What?"

"At Thanksgiving. He said that because I never discipline Lizzie, I haven't earned the title."

No wonder he was so closed-off about the incident. It all made sense to her now. As usual, John had latched on to Jed's self-expressed weakness and probed and prodded it until he tore away his last bit of confidence.

Abbey pulled her knees up under her chin as she shifted her body towards her husband. "Let me ask you something. When you were punishing Lizzie tonight, why did you restrain your temper? Did the thought even cross your mind to lash out at her?"

"I would never do that. She's just a little girl."

It was just the answer she expected from him.

"On our wedding night, when I told you I was pregnant, you told me that you were terrified because you didn't know what kind of parent you'd be. Tonight, you found out. Your daughter pushed you about as far as she can at this age and you didn't break. YOU didn't break, Jed. John did."

His own past marred by abuse, Jed's patience was truly a testament to his strength to persevere as a human being, a man, and a father.

"Every time I look at Lizzie, I don't understand. I try to. I try to explain it to myself to excuse it, but I can't. I don't get how someone can't love their child. Explain it to me, Abbey."

She shuddered at the stabbing pain she felt at the moment his wounded heart caused his voice to crack just as he breathed her name. "He does love you. I really believe that."

And though the knowledge was buried deep inside, he knew in some way, she was right. John Bartlet did love his son, but his insecurities held a bottomless pit of resentment.

His eyes fixated vacantly on the wall ahead as he replied. "Maybe in some kind of lifeboat situation, I'll believe it too." He turned his head slightly to catch her nod in response. "I'm sorry if I overreacted about all this. I know you didn't expect this to happen."

She took his hand to help her to her feet. "I would have reacted exactly the same way."

"Yeah, but you're a lot crankier than I am," he teased.

"I love you, Jed," she assured him after she laughed at his attempt at humor. "Forgive me?"

"Do you even have to ask?" He lowered his head to catch her mouth in his for a long, steamy kiss.

When they pulled away, she clasped his arms and turned him around. It was obvious that she wanted to look at what he didn't want her to see. The slap across her left wrist as his hand grasped hers gave her temporary pause, but it didn't stop her. Instead, she placed her right hand on top of his, gently easing the desperate grip and lifting his fingers to her lips. After a soft kiss to each finger while her eyes burned into him with a reflection of love and concern, he relented.

She gingerly lifted the shirt over the top of his shoulders, barely touching her hands to the blue and purple bruises that outlined his back. With his body turned away from her, his face glowed with the vulnerability of a child. After all these years, he was still mortified by what she was seeing - every mark on his skin wasn't just an external injury. To him, it was evidence of his lack of control and empowerment. To her, it was simply fodder to nurture her hatred towards John and her respect for Jed.

She softened the material as she lowered the hem back down and turned him around. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not a big deal."

But it was. He believed it just as much as she did.

"Yes, it is," she argued. "It's a very big deal."

He didn't need to know that it was such a big deal, in fact, that she stormed John's house just hours earlier. He would never need to know.

The tears that involuntarily shined Abbey's eyes were restrained with a few rough blinks. "Do your muscles hurt?"

"No. It's all superficial. Just bruised a little."

"How are you going to sleep tonight?"

"I was hoping we could spoon."

And despite her best efforts, she cracked another smile before taking his hand and leading him to the bed. He settled in on his side, his body facing her. She slipped under the comforter and backed up into his arms, allowing his chin to rest on her shoulder, his hands to meet just below her breasts, and his legs to twist around hers until they were meshed into one another as if they were one.

His warm breath tickled her neck seductively. He was purposely trying to tease her, probably to lighten the mood before they drifted into a restful slumber. Taking his cue, it was now appropriate to warn him about what was waiting.

"Jed?"

"Mmmm hmmm?"

"You know Lizzie's not finished trying to manipulate you into letting her go to that party."

"She's not going," he whispered into her hair.

"I just want you to be prepared. She's going to do a lot of pleading over the next few days."

"And you're afraid I'm going to give in."

"The thought did cross my mind."

"Cross it out of your mind. I'm not going to be outfoxed by a five-year-old, no matter how cute and adorable she is. Her plan, whatever it may be, won't work."

"Famous last words."

"Yee have little faith."

"Oh I have faith, Gumdrop. I have faith in the extraordinary powers of a sweet little girl with her heart set on a prize."

"Go to sleep," he ordered, lightheartedly yanking on her hair to spark one more round laughter. "Abbey?"

"Yeah?"

"It's not midnight yet. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," she replied softly after a brief pause.

She closed her eyes as she took in his incredibly alluring scent when he pulled her body even closer to his. In some ways, the platonic gestures of love that entangled them in each other's arms that night were even better than make-up sex. To her, anyway. What she didn't know was that he felt the same.

TBC