Author's note: this is my first fan fiction but not my very first story made so just enjoy!

Summary: Set in Butler's point of view

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl but I do own the story. Thanks

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My Life as an All-Around Bodyguard

By Dane32

Chapter One

"Domovoi? Domovoi?" Artemis Fowl, now 14 years old, called me from his study. I peeked inside and saw the raven-haired boy, now with color normally surging in his cheeks, looking at me.

"Shush, Artemis. Mrs. Fowl might hear us. You're not allowed to know my first name right?" I said calmly while Artemis rolled his eyes.

"Oh, come on, Butler. Do you expect me to know you as 'Butler' my whole life?" Artemis asked me. Suddenly, I sensed something.

"Captain Short, I presume?" I said, and then Captain Holly Short materialized from her shield.

"Hello, Artemis. Hello, Butler, nice to see you," The pretty elf said, fingering her buzz baton.

"How can we be of service, Captain?" Artemis snapped. Holly smiled.

"I need to take you to Police Plaza. Opal Koboi struck again, and the LEP needs to break a few rules, the Council agrees to it. Foaly'll fill you in the Operation Booth," Holly replied. I scowled. In the underground, other LEP operatives usually get a shock to find their so-called 'Mud Men' in the Lower Elements. That happened in the Artic incident, a year after the Fowl Manor siege.

"Take us then," Artemis said, excited. Hours later we're in the chute and down to the Lower Elements. Then we arrived in the Operation Booth.

"Hey, Foaly," Holly said. The centaur, now without his tinfoil hat, looked up and grinned at the elf.

"Hello to you, too, Captain Short, Butler, and Artemis," Foaly said, his grin widening.

"Fill them in, Foaly," Commander Julius Root's voice said from the door. There he was, the notorious Beetroot.

"Right then, Commander. Okay, Mu- I mean, guys, sorry about that commander, Opal Koboi has a dangerous mission on hand. She formed a new vendetta against the LEP and are using updated, LEP technology-my technology. Our only hope is human power cells, crude, inneffecient, and illegal," Foaly explained. Artemis rolled his eyes.

"Illegal? Let me guess, class A contraband?" Artemis asked. Foaly paled.

"You're a genius, Master Fowl. We want you to give us many batteries, particularly those D batteries; they're so much efficient than the AA pencil ones. Our gun power slots are adapted to D batteries; we'll give you a decent budget. The Council agreed, anyway," Foaly tutted, his chin bobbing from nodding. I decided to speak up.

"What's it in for us?" I asked. Root turned to me.

"We're removing the red flag on Fowl Manor, plus ΒΌ of the total ransom you took from us, Fowl," Root said. Holly brightened.

"Finally! I'm so sick of seeing Lili Frond's face twice whenever I pass over Disneyland Paris then Fowl Manor. Well, I saw her hours ago, at least," She exclaimed, drawing stares from the male people in the Operation Booth. Artemis nodded curtly.

"Deal," He said and shook with a particularly pink Root. Then Foaly took a gun from a rack.

"Butler, would you mind holding some fairy weaponry? We've got a nice Neutrino rifle, 1500 metres range, want it?" Foaly asked me. I shook my head.

"Forget it, I have my Sig. But can I make a simple request?" I said. Foaly grinned.

"Sure, big guy. Make sure it's good," Foaly said. I racked my brain.

"2 Concusser eggs, 5 premium hydrosion shells or 'fizzers', and 3 SafetyNets. Give me the gear, and I'll have your batteries in like, 96 hours?" I said. Foaly's smile slipped.

"Are you serious, Butler? You could have killed have the people at