Here I am again! After finally having taken my last tests, I had the time to sit down and get the next chapter written.
It's interesting to see how different your opinions are on the credibility of Phai's and Philip's actions in the last chap… or perhaps I should say I really loved Komadori's criticism! It's good to know people take a closer look at what I write. I hope this chapter will help you realise that the cunning youth who seduced a prince is still there, and that he had not lost his mind when he 'just' let his rapist in. Oh and I hope you didn't mind my long mail, Komadori, I got a bit carried away lol. (and all inspired again as well, thanks once more!)
Hey Nicholas! I'm really glad that you like my view on things. I figured it was time for a story that would take closer look at Philip, though I must admit I find it hard to write. It's very rewarding though. :)
And yeah, I was ill – but that is more than a month ago now, I think. I'm all happy and healthy now!
(the site refuses to let me make some kind of seperation between the A/N and the chap... it's getting worse and worse to handle... groans)
Chapter 17
With swift paces, Alexander hurried back to his room. His mother's opinion on the matter was not really reassuring, but even though he knew she disliked Hephaistion, he trusted her. She would help them. After all, his mother always protected his best interest, and he had made very clear to her that his best interest was in this case, having Hephaistion safe. She had given up trying to convince him otherwise… though not because of lack of willpower.
And deep in his stomach, mingled with worry over his friend, there was a little nagging feeling. He never had to fight his mother before. Not like this. He understood her point of view, understood her fears, but the disturbing thing was that she did not seem to understand his own point of view… not at all… she did not take him seriously. His mother was, after all, never eager to admit she might be wrong – she usually wasn't wrong, just this time.
Everything in his own world had become different, when Hephaistion had taught him that there could be such a thing as honest love, a force in your life other than the knowledge he would king one day. His mother never had such love, obviously – how could he blame her for not understanding? It was a feeling, something that you would only understand when you felt it. And a true leader needed intuition as much as intellect.
"Hephaistion!" he called upon reaching his room, and waited for the door to open. When it finally did, Alexander stiffened. "What's wrong, what…?"
"Nothing, just come in."
Nothing? Looking as if you had just been frightened to death was nothing? Even… fighting tears? Alexander gave his friend a worried, questioning look, then entered silently, his gaze sweeping through the room. What had happened?
He turned around, waiting for his friend to meet his eyes, but the other did not look at him. "So, did you find her?" Hephaistion asked after a few moments, his voice soft.
Alexander swallowed. "Uhm… she said she would talk to… Philip."
Hephaistion shook his head slowly, dark hair dangling in front of his eyes. "That… will no longer be necessary. Your father has already made his decision." Finally he looked up and met Alexander's eyes.
The prince froze as fear tickled his insides. "And you would know that… how exactly?"
"He came here to tell me."
"You…" Alexander tried to make himself take another breath, suddenly feeling strangely light-headed. "You're not telling me…" Seeing Hephaistion's expression, he drew the right conclusion. "You let him in! I told you to-"
"Alexander, don't worry, I did but-"
"Idiot!" Alexander yelled, grabbing Hephaistion by the shoulders while his eyes bored into the other's disturbed blue ones. "You- he- …you tell me that- after last night when I rescued you from him, the moment I am gone- you let him in again! I can't believe- have you completely lost your mind! Hephaistion…" Another breath, another. "If he had tried to… do something again, if he had hurt you… you fool…"
He had no more words as he thought of what might have happened then, but suddenly Hephaistion's eyes tightened and Alexander's arms were roughly shoved down, a hard push threw him backwards, his back hitting the wall and a moment later the sparkle of a knife just below his chin. "I am not helpless," a low voice breathed over his face. The pressure of a knee against Alexander's crotch increased painfully.
"Hephaistion…" The prince swallowed as he met Hephaistion's intense gaze, and he quickly looked away… looked back again, trying to keep his breathing even. His lover's behaviour scared him somehow, not because he felt he was in danger but because… he was not sure he knew this person. "You would have killed my father… to prove that?"
A humourless laugh left his friend's lips, but as Hephaistion tossed the knife aside and turned around, Alexander knew the other was not as sure as he would like him to believe.
Hephaistion's fists clenched as he stood unmoving, his head bent down. "What was I supposed to do? He summoned me to his rooms… I couldn't go, figured he would send someone more impressive than a boy to get what he wanted… I had just bought myself time – I hoped that you would be back on time, then I realised… I don't need you to protect me, I'm no nearly-raped distressed maiden… nor am I a boy anymore. We might have still been boys when we were with Aristotle, that time is over." Hephaistion swirled around and caught Alexander's gaze with his own. "I am a man, Alexander, I will not hide from him nor will I be chased away. If he had not given up – perhaps then I finally would have done something I could be proud of, for the first time since I got myself in this madness." With a sigh the dark-haired looked away, swallowed, then walked over to where his knife lay motionless on the floor and he and picked it up, then secured it to his leg again with the leather straps beneath his chiton.
Alexander watched him, his heart sinking deep into his stomach. "You would have turned from a man into a dead man."
Hephaistion glanced up, his eyes sad. "Yes. I'm sorry for that, Alexander." The young man made his way to the window, halted there. His form one of silent regret, radiating solitude in the midst of his own thoughts after that what he had almost done.
Slowly, Alexander let the air slip from his lungs. He had come this close, this close to a sudden mess worse than any other he had ever known, this close to losing the brother of his heart, this close to having the future that he had thought out for the both of them, crumbling down around him, this close to having to face an execution – or a wild flight, or…
And all of had had to deal with all these things while he had been begging his mother…
Shame crept up on him, shame that Hephaistion claimed to be man, and he could not help but feel that he himself was not one. He had never considered the situation to be as bad that... his friend would kill. The one he thought he knew through and through, closer to his heart than any other, and that still was somehow a stranger to him since he had not ever seen this coming… All these changes in Hephaistion and perhaps they were still further apart than they thought, because the future was never a beautiful place, not without so many fights that would be there even in the happiest moments…
"So what did Philip do?" Alexander asked, his voice soft.
A sigh lingered in the air. "He… I have to apologize in front of his generals."
"And you're going to do that."
"Yes."
Alexander was quiet. Hephaistion had gone from being ready to murder, to being ready to humiliate himself. For the man who had nearly raped him, and caused all of this in the first place. He let his thoughts slip away on a cold tone. "He should be the one apologizing. Down on his knees for what he dared-"
"Just be glad, Alexander!" Hephaistion snapped suddenly, barely restrained anger in his voice.
Alexander bit his lip to stop himself from snapping back: 'About what! That he is the king and has tried to rape the one I love, or that he will make you crawl in front of his men…' He didn't want Hephaistion humiliated, not ever, not by anyone, but there was little choice in the matter and there was no use in speaking his thoughts out loud. Hephaistion was thinking the same anyway.
Slowly, he walked over to where his lover stood and halted next to him, both their gazes focused in the middle of nowhere as they followed their own thoughts. Yes, this was the best solution for all of them… "This is my father's best shot as well. Serves his purpose, causes little trouble."
