Notes: This chapter came out better than the last one I think, although it's just as unsatisfying. Can you see why I hate writing this part? It's so depressing and slow-paced. But unfortunately necessary.
As you may be able to tell I'm sort of floundering here. I know what I want to happen but I'm having trouble writing in the intermediate steps. Like I said before, I have most of the end of the story already written out and edited and ready to go. Yet I still have no idea how long this story is going to be at this point. I guess my earlier approximation that I was about halfway through might be accurate.
Another disclaimer before you read this chapter: I know nothing - I repeat NOTHING - about law. I'm making up stuff that sounds good as I go along in this story, and it's only going to get worse from here on out. I don't have the time or patience to research how the law is actually carried out in something like Kagome's case, so I'm giving my best effort to make it seem believable. Hope it's not too painfully inaccurate!
Enjoy!
Learning to Let Go
Chapter 21: Giving Up Hope
After dropping off Rin, Sango and Miroku, Kagome sat for a moment in front of Rin's house staring blankly out the window. It was only three – picking up Sango had barely taken an hour. Pulling away from the curb, Kagome drove by reflex. Her mind was on the overwhelming amount of work she was going to have to do – on top of all her work for school. There was no help for it though… she knew she couldn't live with herself if she ignored the people around her who needed help.
She pulled into the driveway, still trying to psych herself up for all the work she had to do. Somehow though, she found her thoughts wandering to Inuyasha… more specifically to how hurt he had seemed when she hadn't divulged her plans to him. She gnawed her lower lip for a moment, staring up at the big house. Should she let him in on it now? She wanted to smooth things over with him as soon as possible, because the thought of hurting him more than he'd already been hurt by others was something she didn't want to have on her conscience. But she was so uncertain of everything right now… what if she got his hopes up only to shatter them again?
Kagome frowned at herself and started toward the house. Her plans concerned him… he was a major figure in them. It was his right to know about them, and she felt guilty for even thinking about trying to protect him by keeping the truth from him. Which meant she had to tell him… now.
Bracing herself, Kagome let herself into the house. She checked the living room and the kitchen first, and when he wasn't there she glanced outside to the backyard and downstairs to the basement. Frowning as she came back upstairs, she acknowledged that not being able to find him was pretty anticlimactic compared to the big confrontation she'd been expecting. Quite honestly she didn't imagine him to be happy about her plans. It was much more likely he'd try to argue her out of them.
Annoyed that she'd run into yet another obstacle and resigned to the fact that she would have to wait to let Inuyasha in on her plans, Kagome retreated to her study to pick up where she'd left off. Going over what she'd found so far was somewhat encouraging… there was really no precedent for freeing a slave, which meant that it might be possible. She had been afraid of finding that others had tried and failed in the past, but it looked like the court system had never been required to make a decision on the issue before.
It wasn't much, but it was something. Now she had to find a judge, preferably one in a court nearby, who would take the case. And she had to try to find a lawyer to back her up. She decided to try finding the lawyer first, and picked up the list of names she'd accumulated during her search. Dialing the first number, she waited apprehensively.
"Hi, this is Kagome Higurashi… I have a case I'd like to propose to you…"
An hour later Kagome let her head fall onto her desk in despair. Not one of the lawyers she'd called would take the case, and none of them had been able to recommend someone who would. They'd all but laughed at her, telling her that there was no way any court would allow a case like that to be heard, not to mention the fact that the chances of her actually winning the case were worse than abysmal.
It had been such a long day, and Kagome felt like it had just been struggling to get past one obstacle after another – and failing. How was she ever going to accomplish anything at this rate? A pounding headache was starting up in the corners of her temples, and all she really wanted to do was crawl into bed and hide. All of her inspiration from that morning was gone, and in it's place was a coldness… an emptiness that seemed to eat away at her with each passing second.
Almost without realizing what she was doing she reached for the phone again and dialed the phone number of her mother's office. Surprisingly it was her mother who answered, and not a secretary or an aide.
"Hi Mom," Kagome said, trying to sound cheerful, as though she had only called to say hello and not because she was desperate for words of wisdom… desperate for her mother to hand her the solution, to point out the obvious answer that Kagome was missing, to restore her faith in the inherent goodness of the human race.
Her mother didn't seem at all surprised to hear her daughter's voice. She chatted briefly about her day and asked Kagome about hers. Kagome glossed over the details at first, but soon could hold herself back no longer.
"Mom… do you think slavery is wrong?"
Her mother didn't even hesitate. "Of course I do, Sweetheart."
This didn't reassure Kagome at all. "But Mom… if you really think it's wrong why don't you change it? You have so much power and influence… if you said something people would listen to you. How can you just sit back and live with it when you say you believe it's wrong?"
Her mother sighed, and Kagome was deeply disturbed by the note of guilt in her mother's voice when she spoke next. Even though she had been the one to accuse her mother of not being true to herself, a part of her had still expected an easy, sensible explanation.
"Slavery one of many, many things that I have not been able to change over the course of my life, Kagome. There is much that is wrong with the world, and there are so many things that I struggle to change, even a little bit, every day. I did try once, to make a difference, but even my best efforts were not enough. The world isn't ready to rid itself of slavery, darling, and though I can push for small steps in the right direction I can't make everything better. No one person can do that, no matter how smart or rich or powerful they are." Slow tears were running down Kagome's face by the time her mother finished. It hurt to have the truth shoved in her face – her mother *was* only human.
The world isn't ready to rid itself of slavery.
And as much as her heart ached for Inuyasha, after running into so many roadblocks while trying to *begin* her protest against slavery, Kagome couldn't' argue with the simple, cruel truth of her mother's statement. The world wasn't ready.
But something else in what her mother had said caught her attention. "Mom… when you said you tried once to make a difference… did it involve a slave named Sango? And her younger brother?"
"How did you know?" her mother asked, surprise and amazement etched into her voice. "It's been so long – you were just a child at the time."
"Rin's family just sent her a slave – that slave was Sango. She remembered you and recognized me as your daughter."
"Amazing," Ms. Higurashi said, sounding glad, almost relieved. "I had not idea what had happened to her after – It's such a comfort to know that she's survived."
Kagome didn't really think there was anything comfortable about slavery, but instead of pointing that out she said, "I have a favor to ask, Mom. I want you to try to track down her brother. She doesn't know if he's alive or dead, or where he is. I thought maybe you could help me find out."
"Hmm." A rustling of papers on the other line told her that her mother was making a note of the request. "It should be possible, slaves are tracked very carefully through the system. And I should still have both of their identification numbers on record from the case years ago. Give me a few days and I'll get back to you with anything I find."
"Thanks Mom," Kagome replied, feeling slightly better. "I love you."
After hanging up the phone Kagome stared blankly into space for a moment. The question now was whether she should resign herself to the fact that Inuyasha could never be free or if she should continue on her seemingly futile search for a court – any court – that would hear her case.
Now that she was seeing things from a devastatingly cynical (or was it rational?) perspective, it seemed almost ludicrous. Even if she did get a hearing, she thought, incredulous at her own naiveté, how would any judge be able to find an impartial jury? Who in a society that had integrated slavery so deeply into itself would ever rule that a slave could be freed? And to find six such people?
Her resolution seemed so childish in retrospect. Kagome felt as though she had aged twenty years in one day. Suddenly she was glad she had decided not to tell Inuyasha about her plan, since it seemed that after only a few short hours it had turned to dust beneath her feet.
Feeling an urge to see Inuyasha, wondering if he had reappeared after his apparent disappearance that afternoon, she went to the top of the stairs and began to descend. Halfway down she heard the sound of the TV and someone banging pots around in the kitchen. So he was home then.
Something made her hesitate on the steps though – shame, perhaps? As much as she wanted to see him, to talk to him, to straighten out their strange argument this morning, she abruptly felt that she couldn't face him. Turning quickly, fighting back tears for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, Kagome fled to her room.
Lying on her bed, staring unseeingly at the ceiling, she found it difficult to focus on anything.
The world isn't ready to rid itself of slavery.
She couldn't
get the sentence out of her head. It chased her other thoughts like a self-perpetuating
echo. The sun set, and still Kagome lay, oblivious to the world, trying to come
to terms with her defeat.
@@@
Still no Inuyasha... I promise he'll be in the next chaper. I promise he and
Kagome will patch up their relationship then. At least I think I promise. Maybe.
