Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!
XSARAH : I'm sure they will. Anyways thanks for your support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!
KATIE : Hey chicken! Course I can forgive you lol. Wow, I seems ages since I updated, a full 2 weeks I think. I seriously just haven't had time to do anything. I've been working every day for the past 2 weeks because my boss sliced her finger off, but I'm seriously knackered now and in great need of a sleep in lol. Anyways, I'm so glad you liked the last two chapters, I'm still pretty unsure about this story, no-one seems to be reviewing – not that it's gonna stop me like lol, but it makes ya think lol. I swear down, I will try to write a Connie/Guy story just for you, I haven't done one of those in ages have I? lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!
Chapter 5
To this day, I hate visiting hospitals. Even when I was giving birth to my own daughter, Holly, all I wanted was to get the hell out of there. On the few occasions where we had to go to hospital, for simple accidents like Jonah bumping his head falling off a swing, we tried a different hospital, but it still had the same 'nothing good comes from this place' feel about it. In the back of my mind, I knew hospitals did a lot of good things, but for me, it would always be a negative place.
FLASHBACK
We had been at the hospital about an hour now. Julie had been moved into a private ward, where we all seemed to camp outside, whilst Charlie kept bedside vigil. Jonah had long since settled, and was sat comfortably in Guy's arms. I paced the corridor, impatiently, absently clenching my fists with every step. The blinds to Julie's room were down, so non of us could see in, however, I had popped my head around the door earlier to check on them both, and saw Julie hooked up to all these monitors and an oxygen tube going up her nose.
"Um, Con, I think someone needs his diaper changing". Guy declared.
Immediately, I looked around for the diaper bag, but I couldn't see it, and that was when I realized I hadn't even picked it up. I looked around compulsively, hoping it would appear from no where. After a minute or so, I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't going to appear.
"I, I haven't got any diapers". I mumbled, as I searched around for my purse, so I could try and attempt going to buy some. By now Jonah, had woken up, and was getting a little grouchy at having a dirty diaper. "Where's, where's my purse". I stuttered.
"I don't think you brought it". Adam replied. "C'mon, lets go and find a store or something and get some, before he screams the place down again". He guided me, toward the nurses station, where he asked if there was anywhere, we could buy some diapers and wet wipes.
The nurse directed us, to the nearest store, which luckily was only down the street. We went onto the baby aisle, and picked the diapers and some wet wipes up, then deciding at the last minute to buy some baby food incase he got hungry. We can't have been gone more than 10 minutes, and by the time we got back, Jonah was still grouchy, but hadn't started screaming yet.
I took Jonah from Guy, and headed down the corridor to the bathrooms, where there was a baby changing unit. I changed him pretty quick, and as soon as his clean diaper was on, he began kicking his legs around, giggling and spluttering bubbles all over.
"Is that better now little guy, huh"? I began talking to him, as I quickly tidied up. "Come on, lets go see if the doctors been to see Mommy yet". I put him down on the floor, keeping a tight hold of his little hand.
"Yes. Les go see Moommy". He giggled.
As we walked back to the guys, I had to keep my back bent, so I could keep hold of him. When we got close enough, I let go of him and he stumbled toward Averman, who was sat on the floor closest to him. His walking was still a little wobbly, but he was defiant.
"Any news"? I looked at them all, waiting for anyone to answer.
"The Doctors just gone in". Fulton replied, pacing the same spot I had been earlier.
For the next few minutes, time seemed to pass slowly, even as though time had stood still. My eyes, never left the door. I could hear Jonah's giggles as he wobbled from Averman to Portman and back again. My eyes widened, as I saw the handle on the door, slowly begin turning. I watched as if in slow motion, the doctor exited, closing the door behind him, saying nothing to us, but giving us a sympathetic glance. It was then that I felt as though someone had dropped a lead weight into my stomach.
A second later, the door handle turned again. We were all hoping it was Charlie, coming to tell us what the doctor had said, but instead, the door swung open, and he stormed out, leaving us all stood gaping in amazement. I immediately took off after him, leaving someone to go in to see Julie.
"CHARLIE". I shouted, as I followed him out into the night air. "CHARLIE". I shouted again.
He didn't reply, and I ran a little faster to keep up with him. I didn't fully catch up with him, until we got into the hospital garden. Even in the dark, I could see the coal black pond that was just up ahead. I grabbed hold of his elbow and swung him around to face me. I think that was the point I knew it was serious. I could see the tears glistening in his eyes, and a few pouring down his cheeks.
"What"? I asked, wanting to cry with him in fear. "Tell me". I almost ordered, my strong voice portraying a confidence that wasn't really present.
"She lied to me. She fucking lied to me for over a year". He growled, though I surmised it was more with pain than anger.
"What do you mean"? I was confused now, and that took my mind off the fear I was feeling.
"A year ago, when she collapsed at home, when you were there. When I came to tell you guys she was ok, the doctor told her, she had a heart condition, one that was weakening her heart as time went by. She never fucking told me". He yelled the last bit.
His last statement, slowly sunk in, and I stood dumbfounded, unable to move or speak. I suppose even if I could speak, I didn't really know what to say.
"But she's gonna be ok though right"? I finally asked, I suppose already knowing the answer, but I was too afraid to admit it.
"No, she's not. Her heart is weakening by the second, and there's nothing anyone can do about it". He mumbled, more tears flowing.
"But she's 23, she's a mom, she can't be". I stuttered, tears rolling down my cheeks in acknowledgment.
"I know". He replied, as we both collapsed in tears into each others arms.
We slowly sunk to floor, sitting, our arms wrapped around each other in comfort. Neither of us knew what to do or say to each other. Nothing would make this hurt any less or go away, as much as we'd both have loved it to. The truth finally hit home, and I was left with paralyzing fear, of the next few hours/days/months or however long she had left.
"What am I gonna do Con's"? Charlie whispered eventually.
"You're gonna be there for her. She's probably scared out of her wits, and really needs you to be strong for her". I told him, choosing my words carefully.
"Why didn't she tell me before? We could have got her treatment before this". He wept openly.
"You said yourself there was no treatment. And as for her not telling you, she probably didn't want you to wake up every morning by her side, thinking is she dead, counting down the days she had left. She didn't want to be treat any different". I replied, not knowing where all this logical thinking was coming from.
"You know, she said the exact same thing before I stormed out".
"I know it's gonna be hard, but you have to be strong for her. She didn't mean to hurt you, she was just doing what she thought was best". I began to explain.
"CONNIE. CHARLIE". I heard Adam shouting us.
"OVER HERE". I shouted back.
Within seconds, he was coming into my vision. His face said it all. He knew. He came close enough to see us. Charlie climbed to his feet, and I slowly followed taking Adam's offered hand.
"She's asking for you". Adam simply told Charlie.
"Go on". I reached over and gave his hand a squeeze, before watching him run away. "How is she"? I asked, turning to face a tearful Adam.
"Scared out of her wits. I think she was more scared that Charlie hated her. But she's trying to be strong. You know Jules". He answered.
"Yeah, I do". I replied, and broke down in tears once again.
I finally finished crying, and headed back inside with Adam. Looking at the ducks, I knew they all knew Julie's fate. I managed a small smile, before receiving hugs from everyone. Tears didn't fall, again though, I had probably cried them all out.
5 minutes later, Charlie came out, and looked at me, before nodding his head toward the door. I slowly stood, and walked toward him. I stood unsure in the doorway. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before I walked in, closing the door quietly behind me.
"Hi". Julie croaked.
"Hey you". I smiled, feeling tears blur my vision again. I dashed for the bed, diving carefully into her arms, where I began crying again.
"Shh, shh, let it all out, it's ok". She told me, though I could hear the slight quiver in her voice over the rasp from her throat.
I didn't reply, just sat there crying, as she stroked my hair. I mean what could I say to my best friend, who I had just found out was dying. There wasn't anything I could think of to say, yet there was so much I wanted to tell her. I eventually, sat up, and looked at her frail form.
"Listen, I know, I know I should have told you, but I couldn't". She told me.
"I know, you don't need to explain". I countered.
"If I asked you to do something for me, would you"?
"Yes, a thousand times". I gripped her hand.
"Will you look after Charlie and Jonah for me. I need to know that they're going to be ok, especially Jonah. Charlie will probably struggle at first, but he's a good dad",
"I will, I promise". I cried.
"And secondly, could you bring your video camera in, I need to do something, something for Jonah".
"I'll fetch it in a little while".
"Look, I want to say this because I might not get another chance too. But I just want you to know, you've been the best friend I could ever wish for. I don't know what I'd have done without you"…
"Please Julie don't". I wept.
"No, I have to". She told me. "You've been the closest thing I've had to a sister, and I love you so, so much. You've given me some of the most happiest years of my life, and I couldn't ever imagine you not being a part of it. But I don't want you to mourn me, or remember me as I am now, I want you to think of our happiest times. Tell Jonah stories about what we did, but don't ever tell him, how I am now". Tears sparkled as they ran down her cheeks. "Please". She pleaded.
At that, I broke down crying again, and leant forward back into her arms. I was more scared than I had ever been in my whole life. I felt as though a part of me was dying with her. I remained in her arms for a while, just crying continuously, scared that if I let go, I'd never be able to hug her again.
"Ok, I'm gonna go and let someone else come and see you". I sat up, and wiped my tears away, before giving her hand one final squeeze, before leaving the room.
Once outside, I broke down again. I was slightly aware that Charlie had gone back in to Julie. I sat and told the guys how she was, but didn't tell them what she had told me. They were words, I would always keep to myself. I did warn them though, of what was to come.
10 minutes later, Charlie came back out and told us she'd fallen asleep. It was 11pm. I decided now was the time to go home, get changed and grab my camera. Also I wanted to pop around to Charlie and Julie's and grab some things for Julie. I told Charlie that I'd drop Jonah off at my mom's for a few hours as he was getting understandably fed up.
END FLASHBACK
As I said, I never spoke of the words Julie said to me. Not for her sake, but more for my own sake. They had meant the world to me, and were one of my last memories of her. I'm sure she said similar things to the guys, but they too, never told any of us what was said.
So what do you think? PLEASE R&R!!!!
