Woo-hoo! I already have reviews! Thanks a lot, Chaka and Cyran. So far, I only own Katz and his mother. The flying monkeys are on loan, courtesy of the Wicked Witch of the West, and the Final Fantasy people all belong to Square Enix. Mitsurugi, Kilik, and Nightmare belong to whoever owns the rights to the Soul Calibur games, and the people from "Yu-Gi-Oh!" belong to the person who created them. Well, here's the new chapter.
Chapter 2: The World's Stupidest Meeting
Cloud awoke to a slight headache and a touch of nausea. "What the hell just happened?" he groaned, sitting up and shaking his head.
The man in the red cloak held out a gold gauntleted hand and helped him to his feet. "Don't you remember, Cloud? We were kidnapped by a pack of flying monkeys."
"So it WAS you, Vincent!" the spiky-haired man said, a smile appearing on his face. "I thought I recognized those pointy boots and red cape. So, why have we been kidnapped?"
"Vampire Boy doesn't know, you pinhead!" Sephiroth sulked.
"I'm not a vampire!" Vincent admonished.
The silver haired villain dismissively waved his hand and continued to speak. "Anyway, he doesn't know, and I don't see why I have to be kidnapped along with you two. I'm the bad guy, and everyone knows that the bad guy isn't supposed to be kidnapped; especially not by flying monkeys!"
Just then, Yugi, Kaiba, and Joey walked up to them. "Hey, you guys got kidnapped by flying monkeys, too, huh?" Joey asked, smiling broadly at Cloud and Vincent.
Meanwhile, Yugi gave a friendly smile to Sephiroth, and said, "Hi, my name's Yugi, and these are my friends Joey and Kaiba."
"You shouldn't be so free with the word 'friend', Yugi," Kaiba growled, keeping his distance.
Sephiroth just gaped at the tiny duelist's wild hair and burst into gales of laughter.
"Hey, what's so funny? Is there something on my face?" Yugi wanted to know.
"Oh, it's nothing," the one-winged angel replied, quickly composing himself. "Anyway, I'm Sephiroth, and my two companions are called Pinhead and Vampire Boy."
"I'm not a vampire!" Vincent shouted again, while Joey touched one of Cloud's spikes.
"Hey, how many bottles of mousse do you use to get your hair to do that, Pinhead?" Joey wanted to know.
"I use five bottles every day, and my name is Cloud, not Pinhead!" the ex-experiment snapped.
"But Sephiroth said…" Yugi began.
"Sephiroth is the bad guy, so he's a pathological liar," Vincent told him.
Suddenly, a black hole opened up in the skies above, and Auron, Tidus, and Seymour fell on top of the group. "Vincent, get your claws off of my ass!" Sephiroth groaned, trying to get out from under whoever was lying on his back.
"That's not me," the gunman replied, shoving Yugi off his legs.
"Then who the fuck is touching my ass?"
"That would be me," Seymour informed him, rolling onto the floor.
Everyone got to their feet, and Kaiba stared coldly at the newcomers. "So who the hell are you three supposed to be?"
Seymour carefully dusted himself off and said, "I am Seymour Guado, and…"
"Your name is Seymour Guano?" Cloud snickered.
"Guado! My name is Seymour Guado, and I am THE greatest villain of all time!" he informed them.
"No, you're not!" Tidus yelled, slapping the maester in the back of the head. "You're the greatest fagot of all time! You sucked at being a villain when you were alive and you suck at it now that you're dead, Handlebar-Head!"
"Shut up, you stupid dream!" he shouted, shoving the blitzball player.
"ENOUGH!" Auron roared, startling everyone into silence. "This is not the time to argue, so all of you need to be quiet."
"I don't take orders from you, old man!" Kaiba belligerently replied.
Tidus gave the hacker a wide-eyed look of disbelief. "Dude, are you out of your mind?"
"Kaiba, don't you think that you should apologize?" Yugi asked, slightly worried.
Kaiba stubbornly shook his head and glared at Auron. "I'm not afraid of some stiff-necked Cyclops with a fancy sword! You hear that, old man. I'm not afraid of you!"
The swordsman raised an eyebrow at that. "Don't fuck with me, kid," he told him in a neutral tone. "You won't like the results."
Seymour grinned and said, "Go ahead, Kaiba. He's an old dead man, so you shouldn't have any problems with him."
Suddenly Sephiroth pushed his way to the front and gave Auron a big, vapid grin. "Ooh, zombies!" he happily shrieked, poking the guardian's cheek. "Poke."
Everyone stared incredulously as the villain continued to probe Auron's face. "I think that Sephiroth has finally lost it," Joey said, his eyes haunted by the odd sight.
Vincent shook his head and replied, "Sephiroth never had it to begin with, so there's nothing there for him to lose."
Finally, Auron lost his patience and he shoved the One-Winged Angel. "Stop touching me, you weirdo!"
Sephiroth muttered something under his breath, and Cloud looked at Tidus and Auron. "So we've already been introduced to Seymour, but we don't know your names yet."
More introductions were made, and Tidus tapped the sulking Sephiroth on the shoulder. "Hey, if you're into dead people, then I thought you should know that Handlebar Head is dead, too."
"Really?"
The blitz star nodded, and the silver haired villain hopped to his feet and immediately started pulling Seymour's hair sprigs, screaming, "Zombie Fruits!"
"Hey, that feels good!" the Guado replied, grinning at Sephiroth. "Do it again, please!"
Everyone, including Sephiroth, quickly backed away, just as a puff of white smoke appeared and dropped Nightmare, Kilik, and Mitsurugi unconscious on the ground. Right after that, a pink light flashed and Squall, Seifer, and Zell appeared, looking quite confused. "Oh great!" Yugi said excitedly. "More people to talk to!"
"Somehow, I don't think that these people are going to be any saner than anyone else in here," Vincent predicted.
"Chicken-wuss this is all your fault!" Seifer yelled.
"How's it my fault?" Zell wanted to know. "I can't help it if you're a big dork!"
"I'm not a dork! It's your fault that we've been…"
He trailed off when he noticed that Sephiroth, Cloud, and Vincent were staring at him. "What the hell is wrong with you three?" he demanded.
"Rufus?" Cloud asked, poking Seifer in the shoulder.
"How did you survive the destruction of the Shinra building?" Vincent was astonished.
"Shinra? Rufus? Look, you creeps, I don't know what nuthouse you escaped from, but my name is Seifer!"
"Ooh, Zombie Amnesiac!" Sephiroth cried, touching Seifer's forehead, "Poke."
"I'm not a zombie, you fucking necro!" the orange haired boy yelled, pointing the Hyperion gunblade at him. "All of you leave me alone, or I'll…"
Just then, Nightmare and Mitsurugi woke up and started fighting again. "Uncle Kilik, Nightmare hit me!" the samurai whined.
"No I didn't, you hit yourself!" Nightmare growled, shaking his head in denial. "You're just trying to get me in trouble, you big stupid-head!"
The two warriors continued to argue, and Yugi tapped Kilik on the shoulder and asked, "Are those two okay?"
The monk looked down at the tiny duelist with sad eyes and said, "No, they're not."
"What happened to them?" Squall inquired as the knight and the samurai engaged in a girly slapping contest.
"Long story short: Acid laced brownies and butt-naked zombie pirates doing the Macarena don't mix," Kilik replied with a sigh. "It happened at our last Soul Calibur Christmas party, and their minds have been stuck in childhood ever since. Although why I was volunteered to keep an eye on them is beyond me!"
Nightmare and Mitsurugi stopped fighting and caught the monk in a crushing group hug. "Aw, we love you, Uncle Kilik!" they said in unison.
Vincent finally grew disgusted with everything and shouted, "Does anyone besides me give a damn about finding out where the hell we are?"
"He's right," Auron agreed. "We need to find a way out of here, and everyone fighting each other is not going to help matters."
"Well, do you or Vampire Boy have any bright ideas?" Joey asked, not realizing that he had just mistakenly called Vincent by the wrong name.
"For the last time," the ex-Turk fumed, "I…am not…a motherfucking… VAMPIRE!"
…
Katz watched his captives fight through the bathroom mirror, smacked his forehead, and groaned, "Oh, shit! They aren't supposed to be fighting now!"
"Katz!" his mother yelled, "Watch your fucking mouth, young man!"
"Leave me alone, you hypocritical old hag," he muttered.
"What was that?" she shrieked.
"Nothing, Mother," he called, hurrying to the front door.
"Where are you going, Katz?" she demanded.
"I'm going out to fix my evil plot, so I'm not going to be back for a while!"
"I'd better not have to bail you out of jail for exposing yourself in public again, do you hear me?"
"Yes, Mother."
The "evil" wizard left his house, got on his flying vacuum cleaner, and flew off toward the place where his captives were held, thinking, "I didn't know that those guys were going to be that damn stupid! Oh well, at least things will be more interesting this way!"
That's it for chapter 2. If you've managed to survive it, then review and let me know what you think. By the way: I write this as it pops up in my head, so with the exception of Seymour being gay, I don't really think that this is really how they would all react to each other. Thank you for your time.
