Thanks Chaka, Cyran, and Kiki. I'm glad that you appreciate the sheer stupidity of Katz's plan. By the way, yes Kiki, I am twisted. People have told me that for years. Well, I won't waste any more of anyone's time, so here's the new chapter.

Chapter 5: Slumber Party

Katz returned home just as the sun went down, and found his mother waiting for him on the front porch. She looked like the stereotypical, cookie-baker types, except for the fact that she had her teeth and fingernails filed down into sharpened points. "Where the hell have you been?" she demanded, "Dinner was on the table an hour ago, and now it's cold!"

"I'm sorry," he sullenly replied.

She gave him a suspicious look. "What's wrong with you, child? Are you starting to get sick on me?"

"No," he told her as she led him into the house. "My captives all told me that my evil plans were stupid, so now I'm just sad."

His mother gave him a sharp look. "What did you do about it?"

"I told them all that they had to do it anyway, and now I'm making them all spend the night outside without any supplies. I figure that a night out in the cold ought to teach them a lesson."

"That's my good boy," she cooed, hugging the wizard and petting his balding scalp. "You're Voldemort's son, so you don't have to take shit off of any of those bastards out there."

She gave him a kiss on the forehead, and smiled at him. "Now, you go on and eat your dinner and then get ready for bed, okay?"

A little while later, Katz finished his cold dinner, changed into his undersized Superman pajamas, and crawled into bed. His mother gave him another kiss, flicked off the light; shut the door, and the "evil" wizard dropped off into slumber, where he dreamed about all the terrible and probably stupid things that his captives might be suffering through at that moment.

Everyone stood in the middle of the now-dark arena, pondering what their fate might be. "Man, I can't believe that we're all stuck spending the night out here," Tidus griped.

"Well, it's not as if none of us aren't used to sleeping outside," Vincent said.

Mitsurugi and Nightmare, however, didn't seem to agree with that. The two disturbed warriors huddled close to Kilik and shivered. "Uncle Kilik, we're scared," the samurai whined.

"Yeah," the dark knight agreed. "I don't like it out here."

The monk sighed heavily, and Sesshomaru gave him a curious look. "What's wrong with those two?" he asked.

Kilik related the story, and the demon sadly shook his head. "That's too bad. Nightmare seems like he would make a good demon, if not for his infirmity."

"Well, they both still know how to fight and they still have their memories, but they're both stuck in childhood now," the monk explained.

Suddenly, Sephiroth looked around and asked, "Hey, does anyone have anything flammable?"

Cloud and Vincent eyed him dubiously. "Why?"

"I DO still have my Fire materia, but I need some fuel to get a good one going."

Tidus snatched at Auron's white jug, and the swordsman quickly shoved him away. "Hey, what'd you do that for?" the blitz star complained.

"Keep your hands off of my stuff."

"Hey, you don't have to be such an old grouch!"

The guardian gave him an ominous glare. "I've already finished Jecht's favor, so you just remember that I don't HAVE to keep you alive anymore."

"Okay, okay!" Tidus surrendered. "You don't have to give up your sake then, but we really do need some stuff for a fire. Here, I'll even throw in my Withered Bouquet."

He pulled some dead flowers out of his pocket and tossed them on the ground. Afterward, Mitsurugi followed the young star's example, pulled out a wooden arm, and dropped it on top of the bouquet. "Where did you get a wooden arm, Mitsurugi?" Kilik demanded, his eyes narrowing in accusation.

"Ooh! I know!" Nightmare shouted, wildly waving his big demon arm. "I saw him steal it from Yoshimitsu!"

"It's not like he was actually using it!" the samurai protested. "I took it after he got that metal arm installed, so he won't miss it!"

The monk shook his head in disgust, but didn't say anything. Everyone except Auron dug around in their pockets and pulled out various flammable items that included several grenades, a wooden mallet, multiple bits of scrap paper, an old duck decoy, Jaken's two-headed stick, and finally a long, oddly shaped piece of wood of suspicious origin. "Seymour, what is that?" Joey asked, eyeing the last object with distaste.

"Oh, it's just an old keepsake that I don't need anymore," the maester blithely replied.

Finally, everyone looked up at Auron and after a long moment, he pulled off his collar, poured some liquor on it, and tossed it on top of the pile. Sephiroth grinned; yelled "Fire 3" at the top of his lungs, and an explosion of flame that nearly knocked everyone off their feet rewarded him. "You dork!" Zell yelled once he discovered that his eyebrows were singed off. "Were you trying to kill us all?"

The silver haired villain opened his mouth, and Squall quickly raised his hand and said, "Never mind, we already know the answer to that."

The group sat around the fire in silence, and because of Sephiroth's little episode, the fuel burnt out quickly. Nobody seemed to notice that Seymour was giving various other members of the group speculative looks, and when the fire finally died, Yugi sighed, "Well, why don't we all just try to go to sleep then?"

Cloud was having the most wonderful dream. He was back in his world, and Tifa was idly stroking his back, whispering all sorts of naughty and wonderful things into his ear. The ex-SOLDIER rolled over in his sleep, and suddenly realized that somebody was now stroking his chest. "Tifa?" he mumbled, halfway waking up and grabbing one of the busy hands.

The blond swordsman woke up completely when he noticed that the roving fingers were too long, and ended in pointy fingernails. "What the fuck?" he gasped, sitting up and opening his Mako blue eyes.

Seymour was hovering over him, with a sick grin on his face. The two men stared at each other for one long moment, but when the Guado tried to kiss him, Cloud immediately jumped to his feet and let out a terrible yell. "SON OF A BITCH!" he spat, backing away from the maester as fast as he could, shuddering as he went.

The others heard his shriek and woke up in sleepy confusion. "What's going on?" Kaiba growled irritably, rubbing his eyes.

Cloud pointed at Seymour and yelled, "I woke up, that motherfucker was petting me, and then he tried to KISS me!"

Seifer shot the Guado a dirty look. "Tighty-Whiteys is right: you ARE a faggot!"

"My name's Tidus, not Tighty-Whiteys!" the blitz star snapped.

"Whatever."

Seymour shrugged, and with a slight smile on his creepy features, said, "I'm sorry. I just wanted to make you happy, that's all."

"You ain't making me happy like that, you sick bastard!" the ex-experiment shouted, a look of horror on his face.

Sephiroth gave his nemesis an evil grin and said, "Aw, that's SO sweet. He thought you were a fruit and wanted to make you 'happy'."

On that last word, the villain wiggled his fingers, and Cloud shuddered with revulsion. "You stay away from me, you nasty freak!"

Seymour smirked, but didn't say anything, and eventually everyone went back to sleep, except for the now-traumatized Cloud, who sat as far away from the maester as possible.

A little while later, Sephiroth felt a warm weight settle on his chest. He opened his mouth to yell at whomever it was, only to find another mouth being pressed against his. The silver haired villain froze, but when the stranger stuck their tongue in his mouth, he renewed his struggles and shoved his assailant away. "GODDAMNIT!" he shouted when he saw that it was Seymour. "You…you…fucking zombie fruit!"

"What is it now?" Seifer growled, "I was having a good dream before you woke me up!"

Sephiroth wiped at his mouth, pointed at the Guado, and screamed, "That…that…UGH!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Sesshomaru wanted to know.

"Sephiroth is a REALLY good kisser," Seymour replied with a wink. "And I just LOVE that long silver hair of his."

"How do YOU like it, Sephy?" Cloud sneered. "It looks like he wanted to make you happy, too."

"Shut up!"

Yugi scratched his head and said, "Well, what are we going to do now? We obviously can't go back to sleep with Seymour on the loose."

"I've got an idea!" Nightmare offered, reaching down his pants again.

He pulled out a long yellow rope and held it up. "We can tie him up with this, and then he won't be able to mess with anyone else's ass for the rest of the night."

"Where'd you get a rope?" Kilik demanded.

"You shouldn't underestimate the powers of the magic pocket, Uncle Kilik," Nightmare grinned.

Everyone quickly tackled Seymour and tied him up, leaving him in a distant corner of the arena. "Hey, wait a minute!" the maester cried as the group turned to leave. "Sir Auron, I need to tell you something."

"What?" he gruffly demanded.

"I can't tell you with everyone else standing here. It's for your ears alone, so would you please come a little closer?"

Auron eyed him dubiously, but walked back to Seymour and leaned down so that the Guado could whisper in his ear. Everyone else hung back, watching the whole event, but could not hear what was being said. Suddenly, the swordsman let out a strangled cry and punched the Guado in the jaw. Afterward, he kicked him in the stomach and strode off, fury clearly written in every line of his body.

"What happened?" Tidus inquired, seeing the look on his friend's face. "What did he say?"

Auron turned around, his face flushing angrily, and said, "He told me that he wanted to…" He stopped and shook his head. "Never mind. Let's just all go back to sleep."

Well, they tried to go back to sleep, but they found that difficult to accomplish with Seymour snickering in the background. Eventually, they all gave up and waited until the first light of dawn peeked into the arena.

Woo-hoo! This is my longest chapter yet! No, I'm not going to tell you what Seymour wanted to do with Auron; I'll just leave that up to your sick and twisted imaginations. Also, I don't own Voldemort, and I wouldn't take him if J. K. Rowling tried to give him to me. Well, I'm looking forward to your reviews, and I'll see you next chapter.