Once again, thanks for the reviews everyone. I finally managed to capture one of my Hell-Kittens, so I'm happy about that, but I discovered that they're extremely weak against the power of any of the different types of chocolate Pop Tarts, so that's something I need to work on. Anyway, here's another session from my sick and twisted imagination.

Chapter 11: Boxers vs. Briefs

Sylvia flung Katz's bedroom door open and it smacked the wall with a resounding boom. This, of course, startled the living daylights out of everyone, except the wizard, and they all let out various gasps of surprise. The demented homemaker grinned at her son's sleepy captives and cheerfully sang, "Get up, get up, get up! The sun is in the sky! Get up, get up, get up! Time is starting to fly!"

Kaiba stumbled to the window and opened the blinds, only to see that the sun was just barely peeking over the horizon. "Lady, what the hell is your deal? It's the ass crack of dawn, and you're making us get up?"

"Shut up, Kaiba!" Katz hissed, seeing the angry look on his mother's face. "Just do as she says, or you're going to get into a lot of trouble!"

"Why don't you shove it, mama's boy! I don't have to..."

His tirade stopped there, because Sylvia stepped over the rest of the group and slapped the hacker in the face. "When I tell you to do something, then you'd better fucking do it! Don't stand there and backtalk me!" she snarled. "Now, everyone get up and come downstairs for breakfast."

The guys grumbled, but did as they she said and trudged downstairs to the kitchen. Once there, they sat down and Sylvia brought out trays of ham, eggs, toast, and various other breakfast foods and said, "Dig in, boys."

After breakfast, Katz, now sporting shiny blue-gray robes, led his prisoners outside, called the flying tapestry, and everyone climbed aboard. He then kissed his mother on the cheek and told her, "Well, I have a tournament to oversee, so I'll see you later, okay?"

She nodded and replied, "That's fine. Just let me have a little chat with Auron before you go."

The guardian eyed her suspiciously, but walked back to the porch to see what she wanted. Sylvia leaned over and whispered something in his ear, and while no one else could hear what she said, they all knew that it had to be creepy, because Auron hurried back to the flying tapestry with a strange look of apprehension on his usually stolid features. "Let's go," he said, not looking at anyone.

"What'd my mom say?" Katz asked as the tapestry and the vacuum cleaner began their slow ascent.

"She said that if we came back, that she would like to 'train' me and keep me as a pet!"

"That's...really weird," Squall announced, not knowing what else to say.

"Katz, your mother is one freaky woman!" Joey said.

"Uncle Kilik, why does Katz's mom want to keep Auron as a pet?" Mitsurugi and Nightmare asked in unison.

The monk sighed and replied, "I'll tell you two about it when you're old enough to understand."

Sephiroth shook his head in disgust and said, "Everyone who plans on camping out at the arena again, raise your hands."

Everyone, except for Katz quickly raised their hands in agreement with that, and Auron muttered, "First Seymour, and now Sylvia: I should have just stayed in the fucking Farplane."

The group arrived at the arena, and found King Dingaling's buffalo-drawn carriage waiting for them. When they landed, Princess Muumuu and her father climbed out, and she said, "I had such a nice time yesterday that I decided to come back for more."

Katz started fawning over the pink haired princess, and while everyone else waited patiently, Zell became bored and started doing backflips across the arena. King Dingaling watched the boy's gymnastics with great amusement, and finally cried, "Wizard is this boy still in the tournament?"

"No, he lost to Auron in the last match yesterday. Why?"

"I want to hire him as one of my royal entertainers." The king turned to Zell and asked, "What say you, boy?"

The bouncy SeeD scratched his head and replied, "I don't know. What's in it for me?"

"Five gold crowns a week, fancy accommodations, and all the hot dogs you can eat."

"HELL YEAH!" Zell cheered. "Sign me up, Your Majesty!"

With that, the king and the SeeD climbed into the carriage, and flew back to the castle to set the boy up in his new occupation. After they left, Yugi scratched his head and said, "Is it me, or was that a little strange?"

"Everything about this place is strange," Vincent replied. "Well, are we going to continue with this, or just stand around all day?"

Katz conjured the hat he used yesterday, and pulled out two names, but before he could announce them, Muumuu said, "I get to pick the conditions of this battle."

"What?" The prisoners gaped at her.

"The two fighters for this round will fight in their underwear," she continued, ignoring the dismay on their faces. "So Katz, who are our two lucky contestants for this round?"

"Kilik and Sesshomaru are our fighters, Your Highness," Katz said, reading the names.

She smiled evilly at the monk and the demon. "Well, you heard him; you're the 'brave warriors', so strip already!"

Kilik sighed and Sesshomaru raised his new left hand and said, "I have a question."

"And that would be?"

"What if we?re not wearing underwear" Are we supposed to fight naked?"

Muumuu gave him a speculative look, and finally told him, "No, Katz will give you some underwear."

The wizard waved his hands, a puff of gold smoke appeared, and the two combatants found themselves in nothing but their underpants. Kilik wore a pair of black briefs, while Sesshomaru wore a pair of white boxers printed with little red hearts. "This is embarrassing!" the monk cried, his face a lush crimson.

"Oh, stop whining!" the princess sighed. "You can have your clothes back as soon as the match is over."

"Do we get to keep our weapons?" the demon demanded.

"Yep, so let's get this over with, all ready!"

Katz transported everyone up into the stands, while Kilik picked up Kali Yuga and Sesshomaru grabbed Tokijin. The tiny mage nodded, and the fight began. The white haired demon lashed out with his evil sword, and the blade fired a wave of pink light at the monk. Kilik didn't try to dodge, but merely held his staff in front of him, his eyes closed in concentration. The wicked light struck the pole, flared brightly, and vanished, leaving the human unharmed.

"What happened?" Cloud wondered aloud, as the demon continued to fire experimentally at the monk. "Why aren't the attacks hitting him?"

"That's a very good question," Sesshomaru said, finally stopping his attacks and warily eyeing his opponent.

"Kali Yuga absorbs all energy, both good and bad," Kilik explained. "You can throw bolts at me all day, but it won't accomplish anything."

Then the monk and the demon attacked each other with an amazing display of skill. Sesshomaru had speed and the brute power of the arm Nightmare had given him, but Kilik had great agility and Kali Yuga's long reach to help protect him from the demon's strength. It seemed that the two were evenly matched, but finally the monk managed to get inside his opponent's guard and knocked him to the ground with several well-placed blows.

"Not bad," Sesshomaru chuckled, getting to his feet and leaving Tokijin on the ground. "I've never had a human knock me down before, but now it's time to get serious."

The demon's yellow eyes suddenly turned red and Kilik renewed his assault, hoping to finish the battle before the enemy could do whatever it was he was doing. Unfortunately, Sesshomaru evaded his attack, grabbed him by the waistband of his drawers, and gave him the notorious Atomic Wedgie. Everyone in the stands, including Princess Muumuu, winced when they saw that, and Squall said, "That poor man will never be right again!"

Kilik's temporary incapacitation gave the demon the time he needed and he vanished in a flare of blinding white light. When it faded, a monstrous white dog stood in his place, with a hideously deformed left foreleg. "Ooh, puppy!" Nightmare squealed in delight, while Mitsurugi cowered under his seat.

"Hey Kilik, I think you're fucked!" Cloud called to the monk.

"That's really mean, Cloud!" Sephiroth scolded.

"What makes you say that?"

"You're getting his hopes up! You said that you THINK he's fucked, but what you should have said is that you KNOW he's fucked," the villain explained.

"That's true," the spiky haired hero conceded.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, you bastards!" Kilik yelled, staring at the giant dog with more than a little fear.

Sesshomaru let out a thunderous bark, caught the monk in his jaws, and shook him like a rag doll. Of course, this instantly snapped the human's spine, and when the demon released him, he fell to the ground in a boneless heap. Sesshomaru changed back to his humanoid form, Katz brought everyone back into the battlefield, and Muumuu announced, "The winner is Sesshomaru!"

Katz gave the demon and the dead monk their clothes, and prepared to bring Kilik back to life. "Wait!" Sesshomaru said, putting away Tokijin and drawing Tenseiga.

"What are you doing?" Kaiba demanded. "He can't get any deader, you know."

"Just watch," the wizard told everyone as the demon waved his father's sword.

A wave of blue light poured from Tenseiga's blade, and flowed over Kilik, restoring his broken body and bringing him back to life. "Yay! You saved Uncle Kilik!" Mitsurugi cried, hugging the demon and the bewildered monk in turn.

"Why did you do it?" the defeated fighter asked. "Why did you save my life?"

"You're not bad for a human, and you didn't run away screaming, so I respect you for it," Sesshomaru explained.

"Well, at least we learned something from all of this," Joey said.

"What was that?" Yugi wanted to know.

"Boxers beat briefs, of course!" the blond duelist grinned.

Everyone groaned at that, and Princess Muumuu smacked the boy with her electric star wand. "Why me?" Katz groaned, as the duelist suffered for his horrible joke.

That's it everyone! I had a hard time deciding who I wanted to win, but after much deliberation, I picked Sesshomaru. Also, I don't own Pop Tarts, and the song Sylvia sang in the beginning belongs to my friend's mother. If this chapter was stranger than normal, it's because I'm fighting a bad cold, and my head feels like it's full of cotton balls. Anyway, review...PLEASE!