Once again, thanks for the reviews everyone. Yes, Kiki, Smores are included in the chocolate Pop Tarts that defeat Hell Kittens. That's something I have to work on. I suppose that I could have had Sesshomaru fight butt naked, but considering that this plays out as a mental movie as I write it, I probably would have accidentally electrocuted myself drooling into the keyboard. Well, I won't keep you any longer, so here's the new chapter.
Chapter 12: Fangirls, Duelists, and Demons
After Kilik's brutal defeat and subsequent revival at the hands of Sesshomaru, Katz pulled out his black hat and prepared to draw two more names for the next battle. Before he could announce the names of the fighters, Princess Muumuu tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Don't look now, but it seems like we have company."
Suddenly, a large plume of floral-scented lavender smoke erupted from the ground, causing everyone to quickly back away. "What the hell is this stuff?" Kaiba growled. "Katz, did you suddenly take up an interest in girly incense"
"I didn't do it!" the wizard replied, coughing and rubbing his eyes.
"Well, if you didn't do it, then who did?" Sephiroth wanted to know.
"We did!" shouted a strange female voice.
Finally, the hideously perfumed smoke cleared, and everyone saw several bleach-blonde, bubbly girls in black commando outfits standing in the middle of the arena. "Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my arena?" Katz demanded.
The lead girl, who had spoken earlier, stepped forward and said, "I'm Missy, and we are the members of the IPCFGU."
"The what?"
"The Insane Preppy Commando Fangirls of the Universe, silly! We all love characters from various anime, video games, and other such things with a passion that borders on obsession. Here, have a business card."
Missy and her crew handed everyone some baby pink cards, and Joey read one aloud. "Insane Preppy Commando Fangirls of the Universe…that's all it says."
"These aren't very good business cards," Squall said, "They don't say what you do, or have a phone number, or anything."
"Oh, would you like my phone number, honey?" a pig-tailed fangirl with a Southern Debutante accent asked, sidling up to the SeeD commander and placing a perfectly manicured hand on his forearm.
"Uh…never mind!" he replied, quickly backing away.
"Anyway, why are you here?" Vincent asked.
Missy's sky-blue eyes lit up with joy, as if she had never been asked a more flattering question. "I'm so glad you asked! All right girls, on three."
The IPCFGU members formed a suspicious-looking huddle, and their eyes shone with some undisclosed emotion. "One…"
"What are they doing?" Yami, who had once again taken control of Yugi, wondered.
"Two…"
"I don't know, but it's starting to freak me out," Kilik replied with some unease.
"THREE!"
The fangirls started screaming at the top of their lungs, and poor Sesshomaru, being a dog demon, immediately covered his ears and suppressed the urge to howl. Everyone else winced, and the crazed girls began their rampage. Missy tackled Cloud, and the ex-SOLDIER toppled to the ground as the IPCFGU leader delightedly shrieked in his ear, repeatedly yelling, "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!"
Nightmare and Mitsurugi ran away screaming in terror as two more fangirls chased them, and Kilik held another two at bay by poking them in their stomachs with Kali Yuga. One girl, a tiny mouse-like thing, walked up to Auron, who was slowly backing away as if she were a dangerous beast. Finally, the guardian backed up against the wall, and the tiny fangirl touched his sleeveless arm, let out an especially ear-piercing scream, and fainted dead away. Auron, trying to be somewhat nice, caught her before she hit the ground, but the girl woke up and latched onto him like an animate burr, covering his face in glittery, cherry-flavored kisses.
Meanwhile, the pigtailed girl had knocked Squall to the ground, and was doing her level best to feel the poor boy up and prevent his escape, while an extremely well endowed, stereotypical cheerleader type grabbed Sesshomaru's fluffy shoulder thing as he tried to run away. Yugi, Kaiba, and Joey were accosted by three more screaming fangirls, who pulled off their commando outfits and were now dressed up as the Dark Magician Girl, the Magician of Faith, and Gyakutenno Megami, respectively. Sephiroth and Vincent stood back-to-back; trying to fend off the attentions of even more crazed girls, but were quickly overwhelmed, due to the closeness of the incessant high-pitched squeals.
Katz watched all of this with openmouthed horror, while Princess Muumuu remained expressionless. Three fangirls approached the wizard, looking upset, and a shorthaired one poked him in the shoulder and said, "Hey, fat wizard-type dude, where the hell is Tidus?"
"Yeah, and Zell, too!" a Marcia Brady-type chimed in.
"Tidus went back to Spira, and Zell is one of King Dingaling's royal entertainers," Katz explained.
Muumuu gave the third girl a curious look, and asked, "What's wrong with you?"
The forlorn fangirl, a tall, athletic girl, sighed, "I'm a Kurama and Hiei fan, and Missy said that we had to do this before we went after them, so I'm just waiting for everyone else to get finished."
The screaming (both happy and anguished), glomping, and other molestation went on for a little while longer, until Katz turned to Princess Muumuu and said, "You DO realize that they're molesting YOUR men, right?"
She sighed, "They are harassing my property, aren't they?"
The mage nodded, and the tiny princess whipped out her star wand and in an extremely loud and bitchy voice, yelled, "HEY, YOU FUCKING SKANKS! YOU NEED TO GET OFF MY MEN RIGHT NOW, OR THERE'LL BE CONSEQUENCES AND REPERCUSSIONS THAT I DON'T THINK YOU BITCHES CAN DEAL WITH!"
The silence that ensued was deafening. The IPCFGU members all looked like had just been slapped, and Missy got off Cloud and said, "Who the hell do you think you are, trick?"
Muumuu cracked her across the jaw with the wand and replied, "I'm Princess Muumuu, but as far as you sluts are concerned, I am God, because I'm about to visit the Wrath of the Almighty on your asses! Those are MY fiancées, and the only one allowed to grope them is me!"
Missy slapped the tiny princess in the face, Sephiroth yelled "Cat Fight!", and things went downhill from there. Muumuu quickly annihilated the fangirl leader, and moved on to reduce the entire squad, except the Zell, Tidus, Hiei, and Kurama fans, into a big pile of bruised and bloody flesh. Once finished, she turned to Katz and said, "Get these motherfucking bitches out of my goddamn kingdom before I decide to get really nasty and feed them all to Hannibal fucking Lecter!"
"Okay, okay! I'll send them back to wherever it is they came from, just calm down!"
The Hiei and Kurama fangirl raised her hand and asked, "Hey, can you send us home, too?"
The wizard nodded, raised his hands to the sky, and started to make his incantation, until Kaiba shouted, "You aren't going to use that stupid 'inkle, hinkle' thing, are you?"
"No, I just came up with a new one," he replied before turning back to his spell. "IBBITEY, HIBBITEY, JIBBETY, SWIBBETY!"
The IPCFGU squad vanished in a puff of blue smoke that, thankfully, didn't have a weird scent, and the mage turned back to his captives. "So, are you guys ready to fight, or do you need my mother to kiss you all and make you feel better?"
The guys quickly recovered from their violation, motivated by the fear of having to deal with Sylvia again. "Let's go ahead and fight," Cloud said, while the others nodded in agreement. "Maybe it will help us get over what just happened."
Katz started to open the names he had drawn earlier, but then stopped and looked at Kilik. "Hey, I forgot to ask you: since you lost, do you want me to send you home, or would you like to stay and watch the rest of the tournament?"
The monk shook his head and pointed at the still-cowering Nightmare and Mitsurugi. "I'll have to stay until they're finished, otherwise no one will be able to control them."
The two mentally disturbed warriors huddled close to him and cried, "Uncle Kilik, we're scared!"
"Anyway, who's fighting in this match?" Auron demanded, trying to wipe the lip-gloss prints from his face.
"Joey and Vincent," the wizard announced, looking down at the names. "Okay, Joey gets to use his Duel Monsters cards, and Vincent can use whatever he likes, as long as he doesn't turn into a demon."
As usual, everyone except the two fighters was transported into the stands, and the match began. Joey shot Vincent a wicked grin and said, "I hope you're prepared to lose, Vampire Boy, because I summon the Red-Eyes Black…WHAT!"
The blond duelist had tossed a random card out, but what appeared was not the Red-Eyes Black Dragon. Instead, a little pink pompom with angel wings and a halo appeared and made happy noises at everyone. "Happy Lover? That's not supposed to be in my deck! Somebody switched my deck!"
Kaiba burst out laughing, and replied, "You're not the only one with tricks up his sleeve, Wheeler! I just thought I'd pay you back for trying to cover me with Crazy Glue and chicken feathers…by switching your deck with Téa's!"
"You dirty rat bastard!" Joey shouted, as Vincent pulled out the Death Penalty and put a bullet in the little pompom angel.
The ex-Turk smirked, pointed the gun at the duelist, and said, "It looks like you lose, Blondie."
"NO!" Yugi shouted, climbing down from the stands and interposing himself between the two fighters. "I won't let you do this!"
"Yugi, what the hell are you doing? Didn't I say that you can't interfere in other people's matches?" Katz demanded.
The boy replied, "Yes, I know, but Joey's my friend, and I won't let him die! Vincent, if you want to shoot him, then you'll have to shoot me, too!"
The gunman raised the Death Penalty higher and shot Joey in the head. As the defeated duelist's body hit the ground, Vincent said, "Kid, that was a noble thing, but you're not an effective human shield, since you're only four feet tall."
Kaiba found the whole thing hysterical, and continued to laugh at Joey's misfortune while Yugi muttered about heartless bastards under his breath. Katz brought everyone else back into the arena, and said, "I guess I'll just send him back home, then. Don't worry Yugi; he'll be okay once he gets there."
The wizard waved his hands, and Joey's body dematerialized into a bunch of brilliant sparkles.
…
Back in Domino City, Joey reappeared on the sidewalk in front of Tristan, Mokuba, and Téa. "Joey, what happened to you? Where did the flying monkeys take you?" Tristan demanded.
He didn't bother explaining, but handed Téa her deck and stalked off, screaming, "I'll get you for this, Seto Kaiba, mark my words!"
I hope you all enjoyed the new chapter. Yes, I will admit that I am something of a fangirl, but I wouldn't go around glomping those poor guys! Anyway, I've got to go work on improving the Hell-Kittens, so I will see you all later.
