Wow, it seems like Chaka, Kiki, Cyran, and Semo are the only one who read this story. Well, them and Marlene, who reviews in her emails. Since they're such great reviewers, they get to join my evil army and command legions of improved Hell-Kittens, Demented Cyborg Hoboes, and Tangerine Man-Eating Elephants as we go forth and conquer the world! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA…ack… (Cough, cough, choke) Ahem, okay, I'm better now. Oh, and did anyone notice that none of the fangirls asked for Seymour in the last chapter?
Chapter 13: Drunken Master
After Joey's defeat, Katz decided to go ahead and start the next match, due to the threat of an unsanctioned fistfight between Kaiba and Yugi. He whipped out the black hat, even though there were only four names left in it, and read them aloud. "Okay, the next match is between Cloud and Nightmare."
"Well it's about damn time!" the ex-SOLDIER exclaimed, drawing the Ultima Weapon and turning to Nightmare.
"Yeah!" the dark knight cheered while waving Soul Edge in the air. "I'm gonna chop you into itty-bitty pieces and make Uncle Kilik proud of me!"
"Hey, hey, hey! Hold on one goddamn minute! I haven't told you how you're fighting, so don't be in such a rush!" Katz scolded after he moved everyone else into the stands again.
The wizard waved his hands, and suddenly two fighters were dressed up in frilly, sleeveless ballroom gowns. "What the hell is this?" Cloud demanded, plucking at the skirt of his cornflower blue dress.
"Blue is definitely your color, Cloud!" Sephiroth crowed in between howls of laughter.
"Fuck off, you chicken-headed alien bastard!"
Mitsurugi pointed at Nightmare's emerald green gown and said, "Ha, ha! You're dressed up like a GIRL!"
"SHUT UP!"
Auron tapped Katz on the shoulder and asked, "What, exactly, is the purpose of having them dress up in drag?"
The tiny wizard shrugged. "There's no real reason for it. I just thought it was funny, that's all."
"Well, it IS kind of funny," Yugi agreed.
"Of course it is. Now, let's get the rest of the event set up," he continued, waving his hands again.
The arena floor changed, and now Nightmare and Cloud were sitting on a large platform of ice in the middle of a lake. "Okay, your task for this fight is to…"
"Have a drinking contest!" Princess Muumuu interrupted.
Katz fell over and started twitching, but soon recovered and sighed, "Yes, Cloud and Nightmare are going to have a drinking contest, and if one of them hasn't passed out, or died of alcohol poisoning, then they'll have to fight and try to knock each other off the platform."
"Is that really what you planned on doing?" Squall wanted to know.
"Actually, no, but if it's what Her Highness wants, then who am I to argue?"
The mage cast another spell, and a table, two chairs, two glasses, and enough liquor to kill a regiment appeared on the ice. Cloud and Nightmare sat down, gave Princess Muumuu a baleful glare, opened up a bottle of Crown Royal, and started the drinking contest. Sesshomaru watched the two combatants toss back glass after glass of various alcoholic drinks with great interest, and asked. "Why do you want those two to get drunk?"
"I love a man who can hold his liquor!" the princess replied, her bubblegum pink eyes flashing wickedly.
And hold their liquor they did. Nightmare and Cloud polished off two large bottles of vodka, one of gin, one of Corona, 3 bottles of Jack Daniels and one of Crown Royal in the space of two hours. Surprisingly enough, the two of them were still alive after all of that, even though they were completely fried. "Are yoo gonna give up now, or am I gonna have to get sherioush?" Cloud asked, punctuating his question with a loud hiccup.
"Never!" Nightmare replied, swaying slightly. "I will…b-b-b-beat yoo, and take ALL the cookiesh for myshelf!"
"How the hell are they doing it?" Kaiba wondered, his eyes wide and voice full of awe. "They should have passed out or died by now!"
"Cloud has alien DNA in him and Nightmare's halfway a demon, so that lets the two of them easily handle what would kill an ordinary human," Vincent explained.
"So does that mean that you and Sesshomaru could get drunk like that, too?" Yugi asked.
"Yeah, along with Sephiroth, and probably Auron, too, since he's dead and all."
Princess Muumuu, finally satisfied that her two possible fiancées were extremely inebriated, turned to Katz and said, "Okay, you can let those two fight now."
The wizard took away the alcohol, gave the two of them back their swords, and the "fight" began. Cloud swung the Ultima Weapon at Nightmare's head, but missed by several feet, slipped, landed ingloriously on his rear, and immediately burst out laughing.
Nightmare said, "Here, let me help yoo up," but grabbed the ex-SOLDIER's ankle by mistake. "Wow, your head sure is tiny, ma'am!"
Cloud looked up at his foot and screamed, "Holy shit, my foot ish talking to me!"
After much laughing, stumbling, and staggering, the experiment and the dark knight managed to get up and stay on their feet by leaning against each other. They wobbled in silence at first, but soon broke into loud, and off-key, song.
"Lean on me! When you're not shtrong…" Cloud screeched.
"THEN I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND!" Nightmare finished, bellowing the words as loudly as he could.
They continued in that vein for some time, much to everyone's dismay, but finally, Cloud said, "S'cuse me, but I've got to pee."
In his attempt to find a bathroom, the spiky-haired hero walked off the platform and landed in the water with a rather large splash. "Well, it looks like Nightmare is the winner," Katz announced as he turned the arena back to normal.
"What are we going to do with those two?" Auron asked, pointing at the now blissfully snoring Nightmare and Cloud.
The mage shrugged, and replied, "I guess I can put them up in the stands and let them sleep it off while I go pick up some takeout."
"Is it lunchtime already?" Squall asked. "I didn't notice, since Zell isn't here, bitching about his stomach."
"Actually, it's almost 3 in the afternoon," Katz corrected, checking his Mickey Mouse watch. "Well, you guys just wait here, and I'll go pick up something to eat, okay?"
Everyone, except the two drunks, nodded, and the wizard hopped on his vacuum cleaner and sailed off into the bright afternoon sky.
This chapter was probably short, but that's all that I could write for this one without going off into some senseless ramble. Anyway, review and maybe I'll let you join my evil army, too.
