Well, did everyone have a good holiday? I know I said that I was accepting suggestions for battles, and I still am, but I've had this chapter floating around in my head, so this one will be an exception.
Chapter 16: Mimic
"So, do either you or Cloud want to go home now that you've lost?" Katz asked Yugi as he healed his wounded leg.
The little duelist shrugged, and replied, "Yami's pretty pissed, but I suppose I can stay for a while."
Cloud stopped clutching at his pounding skull, and shot the wizard a baleful look. "I suppose I'll stay, but could you possibly give me something for my head?"
"Stop being a whiner!" Princess Muumuu commanded, smacking the hung-over hero with her wand.
Suddenly, Nightmare sat up and started wailing, "Uncle Kilik, my head hurts!"
The demonic knight continued to bawl, until Katz finally gave up and cast a wave of yellow light at both him and Cloud. "There, that should take care of your hangovers."
Vincent clapped the mage on the shoulder, and said, "You just saved us from several hours of bitching and whining…thank you."
"Anyway, can we get on with this, or are we going to stand here all night long?" Kilik grumbled.
"Right, well the next match will be a kung fu match between Auron and Kaiba," Katz proudly announced, "But there are two conditions that have to be obeyed."
"I know I'm going to regret asking, but what the hell are they?" the hacker demanded.
"One: neither of you can use any weapons, not even mutant hairpieces, and two: you can't fight in those outfits."
With that said, the wizard waved his hands, and the two competitors suddenly found themselves each wearing nothing but baggy black pants not unlike the kind that fighters wore in old karate movies. "Wow, not bad!" Princess Muumuu murmured appreciatively, eyeing Kaiba and Auron's now-bare torsos.
"It's a good thing Seymour isn't here, or we'd have to get Nightmare to pull that rope out of his pants again," Sephiroth muttered.
"What in the Farplane is this?" Auron shouted after Katz moved the spectators back into the stands.
"I don't want either of you to have an unfair advantage, so you both get to wear those while you fight," the little mage explained. "Oh yeah! I almost forgot about your third condition."
He waved his hands, and a pair of shiny black collars appeared around the two fighters' necks. "You two have to wear these special mimic collars while you fight."
"And just what the fuck are they supposed to do?" Kaiba and Auron demanded at the same time.
Then they stopped and stared at each other with looks of horror. "We're stuck mimicking each other?" they shrieked in unison.
"That's right!" Katz grinned. "As long as you two wear those collars, you'll do the same thing that your opponent does, only as a mirror opposite…except for talking, of course, because that would be confusing. If one of you steps back, then the other will do the same, but if one of you moves left, then the other will move right, and you can't get those collars off until one of you is defeated."
"Well that's just great! Grandpa will probably break his hip, or something, and then I'll be stuck trying to limp around, too!"
"Uh, Kaiba, maybe you shouldn't keep calling Auron an old man," Yugi suggested when he saw the murderous look on the guardian's face.
"I'm not afraid this old Cyclops! I'll kick his ass and send him to the old folk's home!" the hacker snarled in stereo.
"Kid, I warned you not to fuck with me, but apparently you don't know how to listen to good advice," snapped the guardian.
He and Kaiba glared at each other for another moment, and then the fight began. Auron aimed a right hook at the duelist's head, but his fist merely crashed against his opponent's, as the collar forced Kaiba to swing his left hand in response. Then Kaiba tried a high kick, but he went off balance when Auron's foot crashed against his, and both fighters crashed to the ground. "Damn it!" they swore simultaneously. "How are we supposed to hit each other if we keep doing the same thing at the same time?"
Meanwhile, everyone else, save Nightmare and Mitsurugi, who had fallen asleep since it was way past their bedtime, watched the proceedings with great interest. Both Auron and Kaiba had bloody knuckles from all their clashes, and all their attempts to throw each other around met with disastrous, but amusing results. Finally, Princess Muumuu decided that although the match was interesting, she didn't want sit around, doing nothing, so she turned to Sephiroth, and barked, "Hey, Angel-Boy, get your ass over here and sit down!"
"No," he replied, not taking his eyes off the match.
That proved to be a big mistake, because the princess stood up, walked over to the villain, pulled out an absurdly large wooden mallet, and whacked him on the head with it. Then, she dragged him back to her seat by his ears, sat down behind him, pulled out a brush, and started stroking his hair with it. Poor Sephiroth didn't say much, because his eyes were out of focus and stars were swirling around his head. "Ooh, pretty! Twinkle, twinkle…" he murmured vaguely.
"Where in the world did you get a wooden mallet?" Squall wanted to know.
"I keep it in my dress for occasions when I don't feel like using my cattle prod," she explained, still brushing away at Sephiroth's silver hair.
Suddenly, Sesshomaru started laughing hysterically, which was extremely out of character for the usually cool dog demon. "Why are you laughing, Fluffy?" Muumuu demanded, "Your ass is next, you know."
The demon mutely shook his head, and everyone turned their attention back to the fight. Kaiba and Auron both were pretty battered and bruised now, and an end to the confrontation seemed nowhere in sight. The two opponents circled one another carefully, but since they were still in those mimic collars, every blow they threw was immediately countered by the same move, as if they'd attacked a mirror. Finally, Kaiba grew angry, and he and Auron shouted, "This is bullshit!"
Along with the cry, the hacker punched the ground, and noticed that the guardian did the same. "Hey, that gives me an idea!" he thought, an evil grin spreading across his face.
Auron glared at Kaiba, but stopped when the boy raised his fist and hit himself in the stomach, forcing the guardian to do the same. "Little bastard!" he croaked, struggling to breathe. "You want to play that way? That's fine with me!"
They slowly stalked toward one another, and Kaiba steadily kept beating himself up, hoping to force the swordsman to beat himself senseless, but the swordsman, although bloody, remained conscious. Finally, they were in arms reach of one another, and Auron grabbed the hacker by the shoulders, pulled his head back, and then slammed it forward as hard as he could. Kaiba did the same thing at the same time, and their two skulls connected with a resounding crack. "Ooh, that HAD to hurt!" Katz said, wincing as the two fighters keeled over onto their backs.
Both of them lay unmoving on the ground, blood pouring out of their noses, and the mimic collars finally fell off with an audible click. "Hey, are you two okay?" Cloud asked.
"Do they look like they're okay?" Vincent retorted, before turning to the downed captives. "Hey! If you guys can hear me, you might want to roll onto your sides before you drown in your own blood!"
"Could Auron actually drown, since he's already dead and all?" Kilik wondered.
"Actually, that's a really good question," Sesshomaru replied, now having his hair brushed by the princess.
"Pretty, pretty pony!" Sephiroth cheered, still dazed by that blow to the head.
"Auron! Kaiba! One of you needs to wake up, or Katz will disqualify the both of you!" Yugi shouted.
"Yeah! You've got to the count of five, and then you both lose, and I'll be forced to turn you both into neon-green space midgets!" yelled the wizard.
He held up his hand and raised a finger. "One…"
Both fighters stirred, and struggled to get to their feet. "Two…"
Auron and Kaiba managed to stand up, but they wobbled like a couple of drunks. They eyed one another warily for quite some time, but finally, the hacker's eyes rolled back in his head, and he keeled over like a felled tree and did not get up. "It looks like Auron is the winner," Katz said, ending the match and hurrying to his captives.
The guardian turned to face the wizard; his remaining eye glazed over, and in a slightly slurred voice, said, "Kinoc? You got really short, didn't you?"
Then, Auron joined Kaiba on the ground, and Katz moved to aid them, but Princess Muumuu stopped brushing Sesshomaru's hair, and shouted, "Wait! Don't wake them up just yet!"
"But Your Highness, they've both got a concussion, and…"
"I know, I know!" she impatiently replied before pulling out a camera and grinning. "You can wake them up, but I want to take some pictures of them first."
"Why?" Sesshomaru wanted to know.
"Do you have any idea how much money women would pay to get a picture of Auron without a shirt on, even if he's covered in blood?"
That's all for this chapter! I know it took forever, but I hope you all enjoyed it. Anyway, I'm still open for suggestions for battles, if anyone's interested.
