CHAPTER 5:MARIEL
I figured that he needed some help, so I had to say something after a while.
>I think that you need a medic,> I ventured.
>I'll be alright. It doesn't hurt.>
>Maybe you're in shock.> He looked back at me with half closed stalk eyes. It's the same effect as a kid rolling their eyes. >Don't even start with me, I was just concerned.> I returned his half-lidded look.
>I promise that I'll be fine. Tell you what, if pass out, you can get a medic. That sounds like a good enough compromise to me.>
We continued on in silence. He turned to leave the base, never once regarding me. I hung back at first, but then I guessed it was okay to follow him, so I did. I hoped against reason that no one saw me. If anyone watched me leave with Karrass, gossip could ensue and then my reputation would be nonexistent. Knowing all of this, I trotted to catch back up with him.
He continued on for quite a long time. When he finally stopped, we were on the banks of a small pond. He turned and narrowed his eyes. He must have been deep in thought and hadn't noticed me. His brow furrowed as he asked me, >Followed me home, did you? Well, my little stray, what do you have to say for yourself? If I know that you shouldn't be here, then surely you yourself know it.>
>I can be anywhere I want,> I said with more bravado than I felt that I had.
>Oh, really? I wonder what your dad would have to say about you walking home after a strange man.>
>My what?>
>Dad. It's short for father.>
>He would probably be livid, but that's fine with me. He'd take it out on you for being the strange one,> I smiled at him, but my smile quickly faded as I noted his pained expression. >Come back to the base. You need to do something about those cuts.>
He lowered his tail, the swung it out in front of him, flicking water my way. There was no chance of my being touched by so much as a drop.
>What was that for?> I demanded.
>Because you worry too much.>
>No one can worry too much where you're concerned,> I countered. We looked at each other for a long time. It's strange how we can talk so freely one moment, then there's this awkward thing between us. I hate it. It makes me sad because it makes me think of my mother. Is it like this for her all of the time? Will it be like this for me? I started to choke on my anxiety.
>Are you alright? Hey. Hey!>
I had to take a step back so that I wouldn't fall. He came forward to catch me. I tried to shrug him off, but that threw me off balance and he ended up catching me anyway.
>I have to go,> I said weakly.
>Let me walk you.>
>No! I mean…that is to say…just no. I can make it fine.>
>I know that you like to be independent and all, but-->
>It's not a girl-boy issue! You just can't walk me. My parents will already be mad that I am gone, but they will kill me if they know that I was gone with some guy that they've never met. I'm sorry that it has to be that way because I know that you only want to help me, but I have to go alone.>
>I see.>
>Don't be that way,> I started to plead.
>I'm not being any way,> he shot back. He turned to look away from me, shook his head then looked back at me. >Maybe you should see me at all. It was wrong of me to think that I could be friends with you. Don't say anything. You are a young, very pretty girl, but no family is interested in a loose woman. If you think that being with me makes you look that way, don't come around anymore. I am willing to let you go if that's what it takes to make you happy in the long run.>
Frankly, I was shocked. I shouldn't have been, though. I had suspicioned that he was falling in love with me and I with him, but I had chosen to ignore it. I liked the way that it made me feel to be desired and I didn't have a care for how he might feel when I told him about my betrothal. I was selfish.
I backed away, and then I turned and left him for the last time. I had a long walk home to think about what I had done. I hadn't meant to toy with him; it was just so easy to get caught up in his banter. I felt so comfortable with him and I could speak so freely to him that I never thought beyond myself. He knew how I felt when I didn't even know. That was why we had those unsettling moments. Those were the times when one of us almost spoke our affections, but lost the courage.
I determined that I would mourn my loss, and then put it behind me. I owed it to my future husband to be true in soul as well as body when I came to him. I may not have liked the idea of my marriage, but I was determined to enter into it flawlessly. I thought that I had enough time to forget Karrass, but life has a funny way of ruining even the best laid plans.
