Wow, I have 60 reviews! Thanks a lot, everyone! Cyran the Fox, and Alexandra Midori McClintock-Kaiba (who is also a first time reviewer) inspired the events of this chapter.
Chapter 18: The Big Kaboom
By the time Katz returned with breakfast for Nightmare and Mitsurugi, everyone else had finally recovered from the side effects of the "Nasty". "Here you go," the wizard said, handing a large white paper sack to the dark knight. "There are muffins, bagels, energy bars, and other good shit like that in there."
"Woohoo!" Nightmare cheered, digging out a blueberry bagel and handing the bag to Mitsurugi.
The two childlike warriors dug into their breakfast, and the mage turned to Vincent and asked, "Well, do you want to go home yet?"
"I suppose not, since we're supposed to be fighting Sephiroth and his absence would cause a lot of awkward questions I don't feel like answering," the ex-Turk replied.
"Hey, Katz…Nightmare and I are up next, right?" Squall inquired.
"Yeah, which reminds me, I have to get your challenge set up."
The wizard raised his hands to the sky and shouted the "Ibbety, Hibbety" incantation, but this time something seemed different about it. The sky turned a weird lime green color, and deep violet clouds streaked across it in an erratic fashion. "What the hell is going on?" Kilik yelled, as Nightmare and Mitsurugi tackled him in their attempts to escape the scariness. "The energy levels are going crazy!"
"What the fuck did you do?" Sesshomaru demanded, rounding on the mage.
"I don't know! I just cast the spell just like I always do!" Katz replied as the wind started howling.
"Maybe it's because you've been casting spells left and right for the past few days!" Muumuu suggested, shouting to make herself heard over the wind.
Then the sky exploded in a burst of light and force, and everyone blacked out.
…
A little while later, Auron was the first one to wake up, and the first thing he saw was a pair of clunky brown shoes. "Mama Mia! Are you okay?" called a heavily accented voice.
The guardian slowly got to his feet and stared at the stranger. He was short, maybe an inch taller than Katz, with blue overalls, a red cap and shirt, white gloves, a huge honker of a nose, and a cheesy black moustache. "Who are you?" Auron asked, not sure what to think of the newcomer.
"It's-a me, Mario!" he replied, as if that explained everything.
"Who?"
Everyone else got up, and Cloud stared down at the plumber, and, to Auron, said, "Who the hell is this guy?"
"I don't know. He just said his name is Mario."
"Yeah, he's from the Mushroom Kingdom, and I brought him here to help out with the next match," Katz explained, before turning his attention to the plumber. "Mario, were you fighting with Bowser again?"
"No, he's-a on vacation…why?"
"Because my magic went all wonky when I brought you here."
"Oh, well, that might-a be because of that," Mario replied, pointing at the ground behind Muumuu.
Lying on the ground was what looked like a small child with lime green skin, pointy ears, and long, dark purple hair. "What the fuck is this thing?" Sephiroth wondered, walking over and nudging the creature with his foot.
"It doesn't smell like a demon," Sesshomaru said, staring at it.
"It kind of looks like an elf, don't you think?" Yugi asked Kaiba, who was still nursing a headache from when Princess Muumuu whacked him with her absurdly large mallet.
Before he could respond, however, the little creature opened its watermelon colored eyes and hopped to its feet. "Hi, everyone! I'm Fufu the Infected Elf!" it cheerily announced in a high-pitched, childlike voice.
"Fufu…the Infected Elf?" Muumuu said, warily backing away from it.
Fufu ignored her and walked up to Kaiba. "Are you Seto?" it asked, looking up at the duelist with a hopeful expression.
"Yeah, what of it?"
Suddenly, Fufu's expression became insanely joyful and it let out a delighted shriek as it glomped Kaiba. "WHEEEEEEEEE!" it happily screeched, rubbing its head against his chest as he toppled to the ground. "Seto, Seto, SEEEEEEEETTTOOOO!"
The little elf's voice grew even louder, forcing everyone to cover their ears in pain. "Somebody get rid of that thing, quick!" Kilik shouted as Mitsurugi and Nightmare started bawling like little babies.
Finally, Katz waved his hands around and Fufu vanished in a puff of red-orange smoke, hopefully sent back to wherever it came from. "What kind of elf was that supposed to be?" Yugi wanted to know, helping Kaiba to his feet.
"I think it said that it was an Infected Elf," Muumuu replied.
"Infected? Infected with what?" Auron demanded.
"Elf Pox. When Fufu touched Kaiba, it passed it to him, and then Yugi touched him, so now he's infected, too."
"WHAT?" the duelists shrieked as bright blue spots started popping up all over their bodies.
"Nobody touch them!" Katz ordered, creating a mobile barrier around the two sick boys. "If anyone touches them while those spots are on them, they'll get Elf Pox, too!"
"Are…are we going to die?" Yugi asked, his eyes filling with tears.
"No, but you two are going to be completely miserable for the next week or so."
"What, you mean there's NO CURE?" Kaiba demanded.
"Yeah, you'll just have to wait until it runs its course, I'm afraid."
Finally, Mario lost his patience and shouted, "Hey, why did you bring-a me here?"
Startled, the wizard turned around and stared at the usually good-natured plumber. "Oh, right, sorry! Like I said earlier, I need your help with the next match in the tournament." He waved his hands around, and the arena transformed into a baseball diamond. "Do you think you could go stand on the pitcher's mound for me?"
Confused as hell, Mario obeyed the request and trotted to his designated place. Meanwhile, Katz turned to Squall and the still-sniffling Nightmare and said, "Your task for this round is to play 'Homerun Derby', only it's going to be a little different from what you're used to."
"Yay! I like baseball!" the dark knight cheered, finally drying his tears.
"Right…" Squall trailed off, giving Nightmare a sidelong look. "Anyway, I know I'm going to regret asking this, but what's so different about this time?"
"I'm so glad you asked! First, you'll both have to use your weapons in place of real baseball bats, and second, you won't be hitting baseballs."
"Then what are they supposed to be hitting?" Vincent asked, watching Yugi and Kaiba scratch at their itchy blue Elf Pox welts.
The wizard flicked his fingers and a huge basket of little round black objects appeared on the pitcher's mound beside Mario. Then, one appeared in Katz's hand, and he held it up for everyone to look at. Besides being round and black, the object also had stubby legs, white eyes, and a fuse sticking out of the top. "What is that?" Mitsurugi wanted to know.
"This is a Bob-omb," the mage replied, as if that explained everything.
"What the fuck is a Bob-omb?" Muumuu demanded.
"Bob-ombs are creatures that inhabit the Mushroom Kingdom. They usually just wander aimlessly about, but they explode violently if they're provoked or subjected to a sudden impact. Watch this."
Then Katz chucked his Bob-omb toward first base, and it exploded in a cloud of fire and smoke when it hit the ground. "I brought Mario here because he knows how to handle Bob-ombs, and he'll pitch them at Squall and Nightmare, while they try to hit a homerun with their weapons, and they'll keep going until one of them is unable to continue."
"Hey, isn't that a little dangerous?" Cloud asked.
"Yes, but I'm sure you figured that out already." The mage moved everyone who wasn't competing into the stands, but this time transported the contagious Kaiba and Yugi to some seats a little ways from everyone else and reestablished the barrier around them. "Okay, you can start now."
Squall pulled out his gunblade, Lionheart, and started the match. Mario pitched a Bob-omb at him, and the SeeD swung his weapon, smacking the little explosive and sending it flying into the crater that used to be first base. "Hey, Katz, these Bob-omb things don't fly very far, do they?" he asked, turning to give the wizard a baleful look.
"Just because I said it was like 'Homerun Derby' didn't mean you were actually going to be able to hit a homerun! Do I really look like I want you blowing my arena to pieces?"
Then it was Nightmare's turn, and Squall had to get out of the way before the demon-possessed knight could accidentally behead him with Soul Edge. Of course, it didn't matter, because the mentally disturbed Soul Calibur character missed his Bob-omb and it exploded when it struck the ground behind him. The inevitable explosion knocked both combatants off their feet and singed them pretty badly. Kilik turned to Katz and asked, "Hey, can I have some earplugs?"
"Why?"
"Because I have a feeling that this is going to be a long AND noisy match."
…
A couple of hours and several baskets of Bob-ombs later, Squall and Nightmare were still competing, and were both covered in dirt and burn marks. It was the dark knight's turn again, and for some obscure reason, he decided to swing the Soul Edge left-handed. Mario chucked yet another Bob-omb, and Nightmare managed to hit it, but due to his change in batting stance, the little explosive flew wildly off to the right…straight into Squall! The bomb made a direct hit, and the unfortunate SeeD commander was blown to bits. "Holy shit!" Nightmare shrieked, dropping Soul Edge and running to Squall's tiny, charcoaled pieces. "I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"
"Nightmare, watch your language!" Kilik scolded, as Katz ended the match.
"Does he really look like he's okay?" Auron wanted to know.
Sephiroth rushed over to Squall's "corpse", poked it several times with the Masamune, and gleefully shouted, "Ooh, toasty! Poke, poke, poke…"
Then Katz cast a spell and brought Squall back to life. Unfortunately, Sephiroth was still poking the SeeD with his sword, so he ended up with several stab wounds when he woke up. "Damn it! What happened to me?" Squall asked, sitting up after Sesshomaru dragged Sephiroth away.
"Nightmare won after he accidentally blew you up," Princess Muumuu replied.
"Hey, can-a I go home now?" Mario asked, sauntering over. "I have to get back to Peach."
"Okay, sure," Katz replied, making the plumber disappear with a flick of a finger, and sending the basket of Bob-ombs with him.
…
Mario reappeared in the Mushroom Kingdom, just outside Princess Peach's castle. "I hope Peach isn't too angry with me for disappearing on her," he thought as he opened the front door and walked inside.
"Peach! I'm-a back…" he started to say, but he stopped when he saw what was going on.
Princess Peach and Luigi were standing in the middle of the entrance hall, kissing each other passionately. "What the hell is going on?" Mario roared, losing his accent in his anger.
The princess and the sidekick sprang apart and stared guiltily at the plumber. "Mario, you were gone for so long, and I was so lonely, and…" Peach began, but Luigi stepped in front of her and shook his head.
"Peach, you don't have to explain anything to him," he said. "Mario, I'm-a tired of being your sidekick! Peach loves me, and we're-a gonna be together whether you like it or not!"
Before Mario could respond, however, the basket of Bob-ombs fell out of the ceiling and exploded, sending him, Luigi, and Peach sailing into the sky. "Luigi, when we land, I'm-a gonna kick your big green ass!"
Mario, Luigi, Peach, Bob-ombs, and the Mushroom Kingdom belong to…Nintendo, I guess, so I don't own them. I don't know if that was the kind of Infected Elf Alexandra had in mind, but it was the best I could come up with. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter.
