CHAPTER 7:MARIEL
>You shouldn't have stayed out that long without a chaperone,> my mother's slight reprimand was springtime to my father's frigid remarks.
>You should not have been out at all! I had no idea where you were. After I heard you had followed that boy off of the base, I wish I had never been told at all! It was not only irresponsible, but it was out and out stupid. Of all the idiotic things that a female can do, this is possibly one of the worst! Never mind the kind of reputation behavior like that can land you with. Think of what he could have done to you. Who would have had any idea of where you are? Not me, that's for damn sure. Why, when I was growing up, a girl never . . . >and that's how it went for ten straight minutes. Believe me, I counted.
One down, one to go.
My father didn't say half as much as she did, but it was so much colder. He practically growled at me that if I weren't getting married, he would have disowned me. He stalked away from me. All it takes is the right words from my father and I start to wish I had never been born. I know he wanted to hit me, the tension was as palpable as piano wire, but he never would have done it.
My mother, if you can believe it, was harder to deal with than Breeyar. She made every one of my faults seem like a failure of hers. She made herself feel like a bad mother because of the way I had 'turned out.' She would look at me with the utmost disappointment and I would feel like the worst daughter in the world. She was a solid wall of guilt.
>Why, Estrill? Why do you continue to do these things? You know how much it upsets your father and me. We only want the best for you, but we can't do that if you don't help us just a little. If I've already heard about it, then the gossip will soon spread like wildfire. What do you propose to do if you husband's family hears about this?> It was almost as if she were pleading with me. I wanted to tell her that he was not my husband yet, but that would have just made more trouble. I wanted to tell her to hell with the gossips, that I didn't do anything. I just stared at the ground and tried not to fidget.
>Maybe I can make you understand,> she adopted a more serious tone. >Do you know who that boy is?>
>If by that you mean do I know his name…> I said circumlocuted, trying not to answer her. I had already surmised that he was probably too old for me.
>You know perfectly well what I mean. He is Alloran's son.>
>Alloran? The Alloran? Alloran-Semitur-Corrass? The…the Abomination?> I was stunned. Karrass never mentioned that to me. It made sense. Every one regarded him with either pity or disdain. I never understood it, but it all made perfect sense. Suddenly, I was angry. Furious even. >Why should he have to suffer for what had happened to his father? Why should that matter? He didn't do anything. He can't help who his father is…was…whatever,> I finished lamely. I had to argue his case. He was my friend. He would be more if I could have my way about it.
>I know that,> my mother said patiently, >but it does not change the fact that he is closely associated with one of the most feared and hated beings in the universe.>
>Alloran didn't choose to be in that position. It was an accident; he is a prisoner of war. It doesn't make us look like such upstanding race to turn tail on one of our own because the circumstances surrounding him are unfavorable for us. Sometimes the electrolate has to face the facts. They screwed up. Karrass is innocent and striking out at him won't erase Alloran. You can't punish the Yeerk by attacking the host's son.>
>Shut up,> she said with more vehemence than I have ever heard. >Everything you've just said is treason of the highest order. It is fine you feel that way about it. I wish the whole world felt that way, but they don't. Don't do something stupid in the face of injustice that costs you your life. I don't want to turn on the news one morning to see my fool daughter indicted for sedition. It is hard enough to deal with the situation at hand without your being declared an enemy of the state.> It was, by far, the harshest thing she had said to me in a long time. I knew immediately that something had slipped. I wasn't aware of any situation, but I was about to be.
>What situation?>
>Well… >she trailed off. She looked around her and bent down to pick up a smooth stone. She turned it over in her hand then began to pass it from one hand to the other. She always had something in hand when broaching a delicate subject. She was acting especially uneasy now.
>Your father's leave has been cut short. He's needed at the front. We don't know…we just need to hurry things along.>
>What things?> I knew before I asked. There was a lead weight in my hearts as she looked me in the eyes.
>It's time for your brother to start at the academy, your sister is in her last year of school and we need to prepare her for USTA, and we have to secure your future.> Uh oh.
>My future?>
>Yes.>
>The point in time yet to come that expressly involves me?>
>Yes.> My hearts sank all the way down to my hooves. >Your father and I have talked it over and we have decided to settle early. Don't get upset. All of our arrangements will be upheld, we will just move the ceremony ahead a few weeks. Your husband's family agrees with us. It is for the best.>
I couldn't even muster a reply. I thought that I would lose consciousness. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe. I was suffocating. >Give me a name.> I said in a voice so small that I could hardly hear myself. My mother leaned toward me questioningly. >Give me a name. I at least deserve to hear his name. GIVE ME A NAME.> I was fast becoming hysterical.
>Your father is well acquainted with his family. You should consider yourself luck to have such a fine match.>
>I don't care about any of that. Just please tell me his name. Then I will decide just how lucky I am.> I was beginning to breathe again.
>Ajaht-Litsom-Esth. I know that it is hard to marry a stranger, but there you have it. You can learn anything you could ever want to know about him. Don't let on that you know. It's bad esdet for the bride to know before the wedding day. Don't ask me anything more. You already know more than I did when I married your father. It will be alright, you'll see. Things are always hard in the beginning, but they will be rewarding before too long. Besides that, you will be the envy of every girl your age.> She brushed my face lovingly and I leaned into her open palm.
>I'm really tired, mother. I think I'll rest for a while or maybe go for a walk around the garden…>
>Do you want me to come with you?>
>Please,> I started to walk away with my fingers trailing behind me, touching hers. I will never outgrow the need for my mother.
