Thanks for the reviews! Now I have to add Cloud Strife's wifey to the list of wonderful people who take the time to read my fic. Well, its time for the last battle of the tournament, and the two finalists are Auron and Sesshomaru! Who will win? Why don't you continue reading and find out.
Chapter 21: Uh-oh!
After whimpering and whining for a while, Nightmare finally recovered from his terror of Pikachu's "assault". "So are Fluffy and Scarface supposed to be fighting to decide which one of them is gonna marry the scary lady?" he asked while dabbing at his eyes with a gigantic handkerchief.
"Yes, Nightmare, that's the idea, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop calling people names," Kilik sighed. "You and Mitsurugi have been picking up too many bad habits from Seifer and Kaiba, and it needs to stop."
"Oooookaaaaay…"
Suddenly, Yugi and Kaiba started screaming, and everyone quickly turned to see what was wrong. "Hey, what the hell is your problem?" Sephiroth demanded when he saw that the two duelists were unharmed.
"Our Elf Pox spots…they're black!" Yugi shrieked.
"I look like a fucking Dalmatian!" Kaiba yelled, staring down at his splotchy hands.
"That doesn't give you the right to scare the living shit out of us!" Muumuu griped. "Unless those stupid things burst and bright orange pus starts leaking out, I don't want to hear another goddamn thing about them!" Then she turned to Katz and hissed, "Get this fucking tournament over with already so I can get strapped down with one of these losers!"
"Hey, if you don't like us, then why the fuck did we have to do this?" Cloud demanded. "I mean, yeah, the battles WERE pretty funny, but there's no point in marrying you if all you're gonna do is badmouth us the whole time!"
"It's a political thing, isn't it?" Auron asked.
The bitchy princess sighed, and said, "Yeah, it is. The only men in this realm that my father approves of are all old, ugly, wimpy, or a combination of the three, and this tournament was the only way I could find someone from OutRealm that I might possibly like. Katz volunteered to host it because he knew how I felt about being forced into an arranged marriage, and except for Sesshomaru, I picked all of you in advance, based on how you acted in your own realms, but I really don't care for any of you."
"Wait! If you don't love any of us, then who DO you love?" Squall wanted to know.
"I didn't say I loved anyone!" she sputtered, her face turning as pink as her dress. "Shut up! That's none of your business!"
"Hey, if you didn't pick me, then why was I brought here?" asked Sesshomaru.
Katz chuckled sheepishly, and said, "Well, Bobo the Flying Monkey was supposed to bring a sixteenth person to even things out, but she kept messing things up and I just picked someone off the top of my head. Sorry about that."
"Whatever. Let's just hurry up and get this over with."
The wizard transported everyone, save Auron and Sesshomaru, into the stands, and Mitsurugi leaned over to Vincent, and in a loud conspiratorial whisper, said, "Ya know, I think that the scary lady really does like someone and is trying to keep it a secret, Uncle Vincent."
"Yeah, I know, but I'm not your damn uncle," the ex-Turk replied.
"Hey, I heard that!" Muumuu shouted, waving her giant mallet in a threatening manner.
Before she could pummel them senseless, Katz turned around and said, "Do you guys want to find out what kind of fight this last match is going to be, or do you just want to beat on each other all day?"
Everyone finally shut up, and the little mage made two feather pillows appear with a wave of his hand. "All right, your task for the final match will be to bludgeon each other with these pillows until one you is unable to battle."
Auron sighed disgustedly, while Sesshomaru growled, "This is really degrading!"
"Oh, and by the way, I've also equalized your strength, so neither one of you will have any advantage over the other," Katz told them when they finally stopped muttering to themselves.
Once the announcements were finished, the two unhappy fighters picked up their pillows, and the fight began. The demon and the guardian ducked, dodged, and whacked each other with their pillows, trying not to laugh when the fluffy objects honked like the geese that donated the feathers. The battle went on for quite some time, and their pillows were instantly replaced whenever one burst, so feathers were flying everywhere. Finally, the two of them stepped back from one another and gave each other measuring looks, hoping to find some kind of weakness to exploit.
"So…do you…give up?" Sesshomaru panted, exhausted by his exertions.
"No…I don't…do you?" Auron wheezed, equally tired.
The two warriors glared at each other for a few more moments, and then flung themselves at one another, swinging their pillows with reckless abandon. Suddenly, a huge burst of dark purple flame exploded out of the arena floor and tossed the both of them like a couple of rag dolls! Everyone stared in shock at the unexpected event, and Katz paled and said, "Oh no!"
"KATZ YANCY RIDDLE MCSPADDEN!" boomed a furious female voice.
At the sound of his full name, the wizard flinched and immediately teleported himself into the arena, taking everyone else with him. The smoke caused by the explosion dissipated, and Sylvia stood in its place, insane rage written in every line of her body. "Uh…hi Mother. You look well today," the mage quavered, fear clearly showing in his eyes.
The clawed and fanged "happy homemaker" backhanded her son across the face with her black paddle, cutting his lip and knocking him to the ground. "Don't you 'hi mother' me, you ungrateful little shit! I've been up all goddamn night worrying about you, and you've been here the whole time, haven't you, you little bastard!"
"But, Mother…the tournament…" he weakly began, spitting out blood, but shut up when she hit him again.
"I don't give a flying fuck about your stupid little tournament! You can just wave goodbye to all your little friends and that thieving little Barbie-Slut over there and march your ass back home!"
At this, Princess Muumuu's eyes flashed angrily, and she strode up to Sylvia and yelled, "Just who the fuck do you think you are, lady? Katz is thirty-five years old, a grown man, and can stay out late and do whatever the hell he wants! And where do you get off calling me a slut, huh? I am the Princess and Heir, and you have a lot of…"
Whatever Sylvia had a lot of was never discovered, because the psycho-woman grabbed the princess by the collar, and with inhuman strength, tossed her across the arena! Muumuu sailed quite a ways, but she finally stopped when she slammed into the wall and fell limply to the ground. "Who am I? Who am I?" Sylvia snarled, slowly approaching the semiconscious princess, "I am the Grand Duchess of the Ninth Circle of Hell, and the only being I answer to is the Great King himself! The puny laws of the mortal realms do not bind me and I WILL KNOCK YOUR BITCH ASS DOWN IF YOU GET IN MY MOTHERFUCKING WAY! Katz is MY son, and I will do with him as I please!"
She now stood over Muumuu, and her paddle changed into a huge black sword. "Katz is my son, and I WILL NOT let some pink haired whore like you undermine my authority!"
Everyone watched the events with undisguised horror, and Sesshomaru said, "I had no idea that Sylvia was a demon!"
"Yeah, Mom learned how to mask her scent so that everyone would think that she was a human, but now I've fucked up bad and she's probably going to go on a murderous rampage," Katz sadly replied.
"Hey, why don't you stop her?" Cloud demanded.
"What?"
"Yeah!" Yugi chimed in, "You're the most powerful wizard any of us have ever seen, and besides, she's going to kill the princess!"
"But…"
"No buts! Do you or do you not love Princess Muumuu?" Auron asked, cutting off the wizard's argument.
"How do you know about…"
"That's not important now! Just answer the damn question!"
"YES! I LOVE MUUMUU! There, are you fucking satisfied?" Katz was quite angry and it showed. "I've loved her since the first time I saw her, but her father doesn't want her to marry some untitled wizard!"
"If you love her, then save her, goddamn it!" Vincent yelled. "And hurry up, because your psycho-bitch mother is about to kill her if you don't do something!"
Katz turned around and saw Sylvia kicking Muumuu around like a kickball, laughing maniacally all the while. "MOTHER, STOOOOOOOP!" he shrieked, his voice cracking.
She turned around and stared at her son. "What's the matter, baby?" she asked in a sickly sweet tone, "Don't you see that she's trying to tear our little family apart?"
The tiny wizard shook his head, and in a new voice, said, "No Mother, Muumuu was right. I'm a grown man and its time I started acting like one."
Katz's new voice somewhere in the same range as Sesshomaru's, which was much different compared to his usual nasal whine, and it startled everyone. Sylvia quickly snapped out of her startlement, however, and said, "Don't you sass me, you ungrateful fuck…"
He cut her off, yelling, "No, you're going to listen to me now, you miserable, bitchy old hag! I am sick and I am tired of you smothering me and treating me like shit! I am my own person, and while you may be my mother, you DO NOT have the right to control my life forever! I'm tired of all your hypocrisy, and I love Princess Muumuu! You wanted me to be a powerful evil wizard, and I will, because after I get rid of you, I'm going to marry the princess and take over the whole goddamn kingdom!"
"Woohoo!" Sephiroth joyfully cried. "And another one joins the Dark Side!"
"Go, Katz, go!" Nightmare cheered.
Suddenly, Sylvia's eyes narrowed, and a wave of dark purple fire rolled across her as she stepped away from the princess and slowly approached her son. "What did you say?" she asked, her voice dangerously soft.
"You heard me. You know, the only reason Dad left is because you were trying to do the same fucking thing to him, too! You tried to control him, but he wised up and ran off! Oh, how I wish to God that he had taken me with him!"
Katz glared at his mother, and she glared back, but now her eyes were the same color as her fire. "Oh really? I should have figured that you'd be just like your father. He was a powerful wizard, oh yes, but Albus Dumbledore would have swatted him like a fly if I hadn't showed him the Demon Crafts! Once he learned that, he abandoned me, just like you're abandoning me now, but you've fucked up and you'll fall just as he did. Only it won't be a little baby like it was for him, you gutless little skid-mark!"
Then Sylvia's human form vanished in the violet flames and in its place stood a horror. Now she was twenty feet tall, with a pair of curving ebony horns, black skin, huge bat-like wings, hoofed feet, and a skeletal face. Her body was cloaked in the amethyst fire, and her giant sword made Cloud's Ultima Weapon look like a toothpick! Sylvia the Demon Lady towered over her son, and in a guttural voice, roared, "DICKLESS LITTLE TRAITOR! I BROUGHT YOUR STUPID ASS INTO THIS WORLD AND NOW I'LL TAKE YOU OUT OF IT!"
As she continued to rant, the sky turned black, and blood-red clouds streaked across it at unnatural speeds. Lightning flashed and thunder rolled, and then Sephiroth neatly summed up their predicament. "Ho…lee…shit…"
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I left you all hanging, I know, but it's for a good cause…I just haven't thought of it yet. Anyway, review, but don't kill me, otherwise, you'll never find out what happens next! Oh, and I don't own Dumbledore, nor Katz's father, if any of you happen to remember who he is.
