BWAHAHAHA! Just when you all thought it was safe to come out of hiding, I go and write ANOTHER chapter! (Screams of anguish echo in the background) Actually, the chapter after this will be the final one, so don't get rid of your crash helmets just yet.

Chapter 23: Wedding Bells of Doom

Two months…yes, two WHOLE months later, almost all of the preparations for Katz and Muumuu's wedding were complete, and the day of the "happy" occasion finally arrived. "This really sucks!" Squall groaned, plucking at the sleeve of his newly transformed jacket. "I can't believe that those two decided that the colors for the wedding should be tangerine and hot pink!"

"Yeah, well at least you're wearing the tangerine instead of the pink!" Sesshomaru grumbled as he mournfully stared at his now lurid fluffy thing. (I don't know what it's really called, so sue me!)

The day before the wedding, Princess Muumuu decided that everyone who attended the wedding had to wear one of the two colors, or suffer a horrible death by as of yet unknown means. After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, Auron, Vincent, Sesshomaru, Kilik, and Sephiroth were crammed into bright pink versions of their normal clothes, while Mitsurugi, Nightmare, Cloud, Squall, Yugi, and Kaiba wore an eye-blinding shade of orange. "Gee, this color really clashes with my hair, but it IS for a wedding, so I guess its okay," Yugi said, while Kaiba muttered about the little duelist's evil pointy hair under his breath.

Suddenly, Zell, who was now King Dingaling's chief entertainer, poked his head through the waiting room door, the bells on his pink and orange jester's hat jingling merrily. "Hey, Auron! The princess said you needed something!"

"What, did she say that I needed the last few shreds of my dignity erased?" the guardian snapped.

"Nope, this!" The bouncy SeeD held up what looked like a powder pink satin ribbon and grinned. "She said and I quote: 'Tell that grouchy motherfucker that he IS NOT wearing that raggedy-ass leather thong in his hair at my goddamn wedding!' Then she threw this thing at me and told me to bring it to you."

Auron's face darkened with barely-suppressed rage, but knowing that anger would do him no good, he just sighed, put the ribbon in his hair, and said, "None of this matters, I'm going back to the Farplane when this is over, and I can just forget all about everything that's happened recently."

Finally, everyone finished their various complaints, and they all accompanied Zell to the Great Hall, where the wedding was about to take place. The room wasn't as crowded as expected, due to Muumuu's flat-out refusal to cram the entire kingdom into the Great Hall just to watch her get married, but everyone that was in attendance was wearing the awful colors, and it looked absolutely disgusting. Once everyone was in place, King Dingaling, who was wearing orange and white, stood up and said, "Okay, everyone's here, so all we need now is the priest."

Just then, one of the Royal Advisers scurried over and said, "Uh…we don't have a priest, sire."

"WHAT? Why don't we have a fucking priest?" boomed the king. "My daughter can't get married without one, you dumbass!"

"Well…you DID have the last one put to death after he incited that riot, Your Majesty," the adviser whimpered.

"Oh yeah, I remember that! The fool told everyone that the world was going to end when a comet came by, and he tried to get everyone to put on Nike shoes and drink poison so they could 'go to Heaven'. He kept screaming about that until the executioner chopped off his head, if I remember correctly."

"Yes, well what will we do now, sire?"

"I could bring someone with God-connections in," Katz told them, "I just can't guarantee that they'll actually be a priest."

"Just bring whoever!" Muumuu sighed, clearly wanting to get things done in a hurry.

"All right, everyone stand back!" The tiny wizard rolled up his sleeves and raised his hands to the ceiling. "BIBBITEY, BOBBITEY, BOO!"

Suddenly, a huge silver wolf popped into being in front of the altar, and in the way of wolves, said, "One wants to know where one is."

"This one needs one's help," Katz replied in the same manner.

"Katz, why is there a wolf in the Great Hall?" Muumuu demanded. "I thought you were bringing in a priest?"

"He's not actually a wolf, love. In his real form, he's a seven thousand year-old sorcerer named Belgarath, and he's the first disciple of Aldur," he explained.

"A seven thousand year-old sorcerer…Katz, are you sure you haven't been drinking?" Sephiroth wanted to know.

"No, I swear that he's really Belgarath!"

Just then, the silver wolf changed into a slightly scruffy old man and glared at everyone. "All right, what's going on here?" he demanded, turning his gaze to the tiny mage.

"I'm getting married!" Muumuu announced rather imperiously.

"I can see that!" Belgarath took a long look around and winced at the overall garishness of the room. "Are you sure that you didn't get into Sadi's 'feel-good' box when you were planning this?"

"Who's Sadi?"

"Never mind." He turned his attention back to Katz. "You said you needed my help?"

"Yeah…" the wizard chuckled nervously, "You see, I'm supposed to marry the princess today, but we needed someone with God-connections to wed us, so the spell I cast brought you here."

"Couldn't you have just called in a priest? I was in the middle of something important, you know," Belgarath growled.

"He could have, but everyone in this kingdom is so fucked-up in the head that they would die if they ever tried to do anything normal," Vincent sighed.

"You know, you could always just ask whatever God you worship here to bless the wedding and cut out the middle-man," the old man replied

Kilik sadly shook his head. "Unfortunately, none of the resident deities would do it, because we're currently hosting a Demon Lord, a man possessed by a demon sword, a were-demon, a man with a God-complex, a zombie…"

"I'm not a zombie!" Auron shouted.

"…A boy with man-eating hair, and to top it all off, the groom is a half-demon sorcerer!" the monk finished, ignoring the guardian's protests.

"You people really have a serious problem, don't you?" he said.

"Yeah, so will you help us?" Yugi asked, looking hopeful.

"I guess, but let's make this quick." Belgarath struck an important-looking pose, and raised his hands over the two of them. "Do you take this woman to be your wife?"

Katz nodded, and the Eternal Man turned to Muumuu. "What about you? Do you take this man to be your husband?"

"Yeah, so are we married, or what?"

"Yes, you're married, so can I go home now?"

"Of course!" The half-demon wizard waved his hands, and Belgarath disappeared as mysteriously as he appeared.

"Hey, does this mean you're sending us back now?" Kaiba demanded.

"Nope."

"What do you mean 'no'? I've got a company to run, and I've been stuck in this hellhole long enough! Why can't we go home?"

"Look, just stay for the reception, and I promise I'll send you home afterward, okay?"

A little while later, the guests were seated at a long table, after having finished their meals, when Muumuu stood up and shouted, "Everybody shut up and let me make an announcement!"

When the room fell silent, the princess gave everyone an evil grin, and said, "Now that we're done with the food, it's time for a little 'fun'. Does anyone have a karaoke machine available?"

Nightmare jumped to his feet, and frantically waved his demon arm in the air. "Ooh! I do, I do! Pick me!"

Muumuu nodded, and the deranged knight ran to the far side of the room, reached down his pants, and somehow pulled out a big karaoke machine. "Please don't tell me you're gonna make us sing!" Cloud begged.

"Yep, you've got to sing, but don't worry, I won't make you go first."

Then Mitsurugi hopped out of his seat, ran to the machine, and screamed, "Let me go first, PLEEEEAAAASE!"

"No, I'm going first, 'cause it's my karaoke machine!" Nightmare replied.

Before the two childlike warriors could start another fight, Katz said, "Why don't you two just sing together, that way you'll both get to go first."

"Okay!" Nightmare quickly plugged in two microphones, and he and Mitsurugi began to sing off-key. "Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one, too!"

Their song finished, the two of them bowed, and then merrily skipped back to their chairs, while Kilik sighed, "Well, now that that's out of the way, who's going next?"

Muumuu gave the group a long, thoughtful look, sizing them all up, but finally said, "I guess we can make Squall go next, since he seems to think I'm fat!"

"I never said that!" he protested.

"No, but you implied it, so get your ass out there and sing!"

Cursing under his breath, the irate SeeD commander walked over to the karaoke machine, and growled, "What the hell am I supposed to sing?"

Katz flicked a finger, and a large stack of paper appeared. "Just pick a page, and the song on it should play automatically."

Squall shrugged, but grabbed one of the papers, and tapped his foot along with the beat as the song began. He followed along with the song for a couple of moments, and then finally sang,

Help me!

I broke apart my insides…

Help me!

I've got no soul to tell…

Help me!

The only thing that works for me…

Help me get away from myself.

I wanna fuck you like an animal…

Suddenly, Squall stopped singing and dropped the page he was holding, his expression one of sheer disgust. "I'm not singing that! That's just awful!" he shouted.

"You're such a prude!" Muumuu retorted as he returned to his seat. "All right, do we have any other volunteers, or will I have to force someone else to sing?"

Yugi quickly bolted out of his seat and ran over to the machine. "Yami and I have a song we've always wanted to try!" he said.

"Since when can you sing?" Kaiba demanded.

"Shut up and let him try!" Sephiroth yelled, waving the Masamune in a threatening manner.

The hacker glowered at both of them, but didn't say anything as the little duelist picked up the microphone and started his song. "War! Huh! Yeah!" shouted Yami, as Yugi sang back up.

What is it good for?

Absolutely nothing! Say it again, y'all!

War! Huh!

GOOD GOD!

What is it good for?

Absolutely nothing!

Everyone in the room stared in complete awe, as the two of them switched places to sing their respective parts. Finally, they finished their tune, and the silence was so heavy that it could practically be cut with a knife. "That was the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my entire life!" Sesshomaru exclaimed, breaking the silence.

"Okay…um…let's do another one," Katz said, his eyes still a little wild.

"Well, hurry it up already! We just want to go home!" Vincent shouted.

"Fine, then you, Cloud, and Sephiroth can sing the next song," the wizard replied, handing him three sheets of paper. "This will be the song you have to sing, since you want to be so damn impatient."

The ex-Turk let out a long-suffering sigh, but he and his two singing partners walked over to the karaoke machine and took their own copies of the song. Sephiroth quickly perused the lyrics, and then grinned wickedly at Cloud and said, "You and Vampire Boy can sing backup."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not a goddamn vampire!" Vincent shouted.

The One-Winged Angel ignored him however, as dramatic music welled out of the speaker, and he began to sing.

Estuans interious

Ira vehementi

Estuans interious

Ira vehementi

Estuans interious

Ira vehementi

Estuans interious

Ira vehementi

Then Cloud and Vincent rather unenthusiastically sang their part.

Sephiroth!

Sephiroth!

Still grinning, Sephiroth sang the next part.

Sors immanis

Et inanis

Sors immanis

Et inanis

Estuans interious

Ira vehementi

Estuans interious

Ira vehementi

"Hey, we'd better stop now, before Sephiroth gets the urge to try and summon Meteor again," Cloud said, instead of singing his part.

"Aw, come on! I've been a good boy the whole time we've been here!" the silver haired villain whined.

"You call trying to kill Katz and trap us in the arena being good?" Vincent wanted to know.

"Oh fine then, be that way! I don't have to stand here and be insulted, you know!"

"No, you could just leave and we can insult you behind your back."

Finally, Sephiroth stormed off, and Muumuu shook her head. "Well, let's bring on the next song."

The party finally ended around midnight, and all the guests went home, leaving Katz, Muumuu, and the others standing alone in the Great Hall. "So Katz…you're sending us home now, right?" Kilik asked. "I've really got to get back and take Nightmare and Mitsurugi to therapy."

"Aw, we still love you, Uncle Kilik!" the samurai said, hugging the monk.

"Nope, Katz can't send you home tonight!" Muumuu told them.

"Why not?" Auron demanded.

"He's going to be too busy tonight to work any magic," she replied with a wicked smile.

"Oh…"

"What's she talking about?" Yugi innocently asked.

"It means that she and Katz are gonna…" Cloud began, but shut up after Kilik whacked him on the head with Kali Yuga. "Hey, what'd you do that for?"

"Mitsurugi and Nightmare are bad enough without you trying to give them 'the talk' right here in front of God and everybody!" the monk scolded.

"It doesn't matter now, anyway, because the two of them just ran off," Squall sighed. "It looks like we're stuck here another night."

Okay, I don't own any of the songs played in this chapter. "Closer" (Squall's song) belongs to Nine Inch Nails, "War" (Yami and Yugi) belongs to Edwin Starr, the birthday song belongs to whoever invented it, and "One-Winged Angel" belongs to whoever created it for Final Fantasy 7.Also, I don't own Belgarath, Aldur, or Sadibecause theybelong to David Eddings!Anyway, the guys get to go home next chapter, so tune in again to see what kind of insanity may or may not occur.