"You've got to be joking," Hellboy chuckles.
He watches as the five characters bounce around the clearing, singing and throwing around various body parts. Their heads seem to be a favorite and they keep singing something about "Chilly down with the wild gang."
"Yous wouldn't be saying that if you knew what they can do to ya," Hoggle grumbles. "We needs to get out of here."
"Yeah, I guess your right," Hellboy concurs as he stuffs Toby under his arm.
The kid immediately starts struggling. Hellboy gives the little brat a quick and decisive thump on his rump, and Toby stops his squirming.
"My dad's a lawyer," Toby threatens with a whiny voice and tears of indignation in his eyes. "He's gonna sue you."
"Oh, yeah," Hellboy rumbles without looking at the boy, "I'm shakin' in my boots."
Meanwhile, the fireys have taken notice of a certain young woman with fair skin and dark hair.
"Hey, little lady," says the first one as it jumps onto Liz's shoulders. "Have you come back to let us take off your head?"
The others laugh as they start grabbing at her.
"OW! Hey, let go!" Liz yells while trying to shake them off. "RED!"
"Unhand the fair maiden, you varlets," demands Didymus before Hellboy can even blink.
The small knight quickly rushes to Liz's side and starts bashing knee caps with his staff. Ambrosius, still high off of chasing Toby up the tree, joins his master barking and snapping the hairy pests.
"HA! Take that!" Didymus gleefully cries as he knocks the leg off of one firey before going to work on the next one. "And that!"
Hellboy is at first startled by the fox's actions, but is actually impressed with Didymus's moves since two of the fireys are now lying on the ground trying to reattach their legs. He walks over and grabs the first firey he can reach around its narrow waist, plucking it off of one of Liz's arms.
"Hands off of the girlfriend, fuzzball," Hellboy orders as he tosses this one aside.
He goes to grab another one when the first one jumps up onto his shoulders and grabs his head and starts pulling.
"Hey, his head don't come off either," the firey exclaims in actual surprise.
As Hellboy struggles to get rid of the unwanted pest, Toby starts squirming, trying to get away again. Liz ignites her now free hand and grabs the firey that's holding onto her other arms. Surprisingly, the skinny little beast starts to laugh.
"That tickles," it giggles.
"This is not good," Liz states as she starts to panic and the flames start to creep up her arm.
"Their heads," Hoggle orders. "You gots to go for their heads."
Getting her fire under control, Liz grabs the hair on top of the head of the giggling firey and pulls the head off. The body quickly lets go of Liz and starts trying to find its head.
"Hey, lady, that's his head," complains the firey on her shoulders.
With her suddenly free hand, she reaches up and grabs this firey's ear, dragging the head away from the body.
"Hey, that's my head!" the firey exclaims as its body lands on the ground next to Liz's feet.
Liz plays a lovely game of keep away as the bodies scramble around the clearing trying to find their heads, the heads complaining the whole time. Hellboy follows her lead and grabs the head of the firey perched on his shoulders with it uttering protests of its own. Didymus, not to be outdone, takes his staff and knocks the heads off of the still prone fireys.
"Ok, now what?" Hellboy asks as the firey's body starts trying to grab its head back.
"We needs to keep them here while we gets out of here," Hoggle says.
"Great," Hellboy growls. "How do you suggest we do that?"
Hellboy barely manages to catch one of Toby's ankles as the boy wiggles out from under Hellboy's arm. He holds the boy up by his ankle in his left hand the firey's head with his right. The headless firey starts trying to pull Toby's head off while the kid yells in protest.
"Ludo, five rocks please," Hoggle requests of the large orange beast who's been standing to the side watching this whole time.
Ludo throws his head back and lets out a bellowing howl that causes the very air to shake with the sound. Howl after howl is issued until five large boulders roll into the clearing.
"Huh," Hellboy grunts. "Neat trick."
Hellboy walks over to Ludo and drops Toby on the ground next to the beast. Toby lies there shaking his head, trying to get the blood that rushed into it back to the rest of his body.
"Sit on that, would you?" Hellboy requests of the only creature tall enough to stare him in the eyes.
Ludo complies, and sits on the kid before Toby can escape the large orange behind coming to squish him. Toby yells muffled protests as Hellboy heads back towards the flailing bodies of the fireys.
"Ok, now what?" Hellboy asks Hoggle again.
"Gets rid of the heads and then pin the bodies under the rocks," Hoggle instructs. "Otherwise they'll chase us all the way to the city gates."
"Won't they starve or something if they can't get their heads back?" Liz asks, still dodging the groping hands of the two fireys she beheaded.
"Nah," Hoggle responds with a shrug. "They're more indestructible than goblins. The bodies will eventually work themselves free and go find their heads."
"Ok," Hellboy says with indifference.
He pulls back his right arm and shot puts the firey's head out of sight. He proceeds to do this to the other four heads with many complaints and protests from the heads. As soon as the last head is a distant memory, Hellboy starts moving the large rocks to pin down the bodies. The two still missing legs are easy enough to catch, but the other three refuse to sit still long enough for Hellboy to move a boulder on top of them.
Every time Hellboy thinks he's got one of the bodies cornered, it manages to get away by jumping over him or crawling between his legs or some other unexpected move. Hellboy spends a good half hour just trying to pin down the last three bodies.
By the time the final rock has been put in its resting place, Hellboy is hot, sweaty and in a right foul mood. He turns back to his traveling companions and his mood darkens even more.
Liz is on the ground holding her sides and tears are streaming down her face from laughing so hard. Ludo is also openly laughing. Hoggle at least has the decency to turn around and try not to make it too blatant, but it's obvious that his small body is shaking with mirth. Didymus is desperately trying not to laugh, but the occasional snicker still manages to escape his canine lips. Even Ambrosius looks like he would laugh if he could. The only one not laughing besides Hellboy is Toby and that's only because he missed the show while being Ludo's cushion.
Grumbling to himself, Hellboy heads over to Ludo to retrieve Toby. Ludo gets out Red's way as quickly as the beast can. By the time Toby realizes that Ludo is no longer sitting on him, he's been slung back over Hellboy's shoulder. Spitting dirt out of his mouth, Toby starts really struggling to get free, causing Hellboy to grab the kid rather roughly with the Right Hand of Doom drawing out a yelp of pain from the little brat.
"Listen, kid, I'm not in the mood," Hellboy growls. "Now you can lie there quietly or I can find a bag and stuff you in it."
"You wouldn't dare," Toby challenges. "You're going to be in so much trouble when I get back to my dad."
"Yeah, right, kid, whatever," Hellboy grumbles as he starts to head back the way they came.
The others follow him for a short time and Toby continues to struggle. He gives up from exhaustion after several minutes. Every once and a while, he gives another try for freedom only to have a large stone hand placed on his back as a reminder not to bother.
"Good sir, you but go the wrong way," Didymus calls to Hellboy causing the large red man to stop and look back over his shoulder with baleful yellow eyes. The knight points off to the right. "The castle doth lie yonder."
Hellboy waits for Didymus to take the lead and then follows the fox knight riding a sheepdog. The others follow in silence. Liz knows him well enough to know that approaching him will only further darken his mood, so she hangs back and waits for the demon to cool down.
She has a while to wait since it takes them a couple of hours to get through the rest of the forest. As they step beyond the final tree they can see their goal not that far into the distance. Before them lies a huge junk yard with the walls of the goblin city just beyond that. Liz steps up next to Hellboy and carefully scans the mounds of rubbish laid out before them.
"Are some of those piles moving?" Liz asks, bewildered.
"Yea, those are just the trash goblins, don't pay any mind to them," Hoggle informs them. "Well, come on then. We're not going to be able to save Sarah at this rate."
Hoggle starts off with the others not far behind. Toby really struggles in earnest as Hellboy starts to carefully examine his surroundings. Every once and a while a heap of trash gets up and moves away. After a few minutes, Hellboy has to stop looking around and concentrate on keeping Toby still.
Liz spots something interesting and carefully pulls it out from under a bunch of moldy bread and banana peels. After carefully shaking it off, she continues her search for something else that might be helpful. Within a few moments, she finds another item that will be useful. And as they near the city gates, she finally finds one last thing that they need.
Catching up to Hellboy, she holds up her finds as peace offerings. He gives her a lopsided grin and then a quick kiss. He takes the items and with Liz's help, quickly puts them to good use despite the complaints of a certain spoiled rotten brat.
Shortly after utilizing the newly acquired items, they reach the outside gates to the goblin city. A single guard stands watch, sound asleep next to the entrance. Without as much as a glance from the travelers, they push through the doors and step into a corridor just inside the walls. There's a second set of walls about ten feet from the first. Situated directly across from them is another open doorway.
"Come one, we needs to hurry before the gates close," Hoggle insists as he starts moving as fast as his little legs can carry him.
Toby picks that moment to start bucking and Hellboy nearly drops him. Hellboy and Liz are so busy dealing with the little brat that they barely notice the first set of gates close, followed by the second set closing, then sharp blades popping out of the ground to stop them from retreating back through the first gate or even the fifteen foot robot that is descending upon them.
"LOOK OUT!" Hoggle shouts as a giant axe swings over their heads.
Hellboy looks up only after hearing the clang of metal on stone and sees the behemoth. Leaving Toby in Liz's care, Hellboy swiftly calculates his next move and waits for the robot to make his. As the axe arches back through the air at them, Hellboy quickly moves closer to the robot and then catches the shaft of the weapon in his right hand. After a few moments of wrestling with the monstrosity, Hellboy manages to pull the axe out of its grasp. Then, with a mighty heave, he swings the axe and lands his blow across the knees of the machine.
Everyone else flattens themselves against the walls as the robot comes crashing down primarily on top of Hellboy. As the dust settles, there is no sign of Hellboy.
"He was truly the bravest knight I have ever had the honor of meeting," Didymus says sadly as he removes his hat and bows his head.
The others bow their heads in respect as well. Liz comes up to them, dragging Toby behind her and eyes the huge mound of scrap metal.
"Give him a minute," she tells them.
They turn and look at her quizzically. Before any of them can ask her what she means, the sound of metal scraping against metal meets their ears. They turn back in time to see Hellboy push the last of the rubble off of himself. Stepping out of the scrap pile, Hellboy shakes the dust from his coat, pulls a half smoked cigar out of a pocket, lights it and then looks back at the others. Four of his traveling companions have their jaws hanging open.
"Well, ya comin'?" he asks around the butt.
He turns back towards the second set of gates, pushes them open and steps into the goblin city. The others follow in his wake. Liz finally manages to catch up to him, dragging Toby along.
"Here, you forgot this," she states as she hands the boy back to Hellboy.
"Oh, yeah, thanks," he replies as he swings the kid back into position.
Hoggle cautiously leads them through the silent, seemingly empty city. They see a cat, a few rodents and the occasional chicken, but no goblins in the goblin city. They get to an open plaza with a fountain in the middle. On the far side is a set of stairs that leads up to the castle. Hoggle, Ambrosius , Ludo and even Didymus look like their about to jump out of their own skins.
"What's with the nerves?" Hellboy inquires.
"This is where we was ambushed by the goblin army last time," Hoggle tells him.
"Well, they don't seem to be here now," Liz observes.
"Yeah," Hoggle agrees. "And that's what makes me nervous."
They continue on with Hoggle and Ambrosius practically jumping at every shadow and little sound as they reach the doors of the castle. They stop and eye the large metal doors warily. Even Hellboy and Liz are now feeling nervous.
"I don't like this," Liz states.
"I hear ya," Hellboy replies. "This is too easy. What's Queenie's game?"
"I don't know what Jareth has up his sleeve, but it can't be good," Hoggle warns.
"Why are the milk bottles outside the castle doors?" Liz asks as she looks to the left of the doors.
"Well, most of the people wished aways to Jareth are just babies," Hoggle explains. "So they kind of need to keep a good supply of milk on hand."
"Oh, ok," Liz replies.
Hellboy pushes the doors open and then lets Hoggle lead them towards the throne room. After a couple of minutes of going through twists and turns they finally step into the apparently empty throne room. By this point Hellboy and Liz are pretty strung out from the nerves. They're not used to an enemy just letting them waltz through to the end. They warily look around the room and all but jump out of their own skins when they hear a voice in their heads.
It's about time you two showed up.
Author's note: According to the comics Abe was human once and it seems he accidentally changed himself into what he is now.
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