Welcome to Limbo

A fic By Marauder (I'm a very evil and twisted) Girl

A/N: Okay I'm officially warped…. I have NO idea how this worked it's way into my mind… but I've decided to be a little cruel to Sirius for once –Evil Grin- Please feel free to flame or review this… either's good…. It at least means someone is reading this

DIS: I do not own any of the characters…. Except the ones you don't recognize… which will probably be Sirius's mum and Dad and whoever else I pull out of the gutter. The rest is J.K's

Dedication: To Remecial, for being a fabulous artist and encouraging me with this.

Summary: When Sirius died he thought he'd have no more worries…. But fate has one last cruel twist up its sleeve before he can make it into heaven…

Chapter 1: The beginning of the end, or the end of our beginning?

There was darkness, only darkness because our little hero had yet to open his eyes. With an almighty effort Sirius Black last heir of the Black family opened his eyes and stared up at the 'Ceiling…? Why the hell is there a ceiling here?'

"Mr Black if you'd kindly get up off my floor I'd be much obliged. You're scuffing the varnish"

Sirius jumped as though he had just received a 1,000,000 volt shock and sat up looking at the source of the voice…. But there was no one to be seen.

"Over here Mr Black" called the voice again

Sirius stood up and looked around wildly, just where the hell was he and why was he hearing things. The last thing he could remember was fighting that bitch of a cousin Bella and getting stunned or something, but then there was nothing….

"Ahem!" Coughed the voice irritably "Down here Mr Black."

Again Sirius spun around wildly and then looked down in the direction of what he assumed was the floor. He was quite surprised when he saw who was speaking. It was an angel…. Well from what he could tell it was an angel, he was only around three foot in height with short stumpy wings that seemed tattered with age, the same could be said for his clothes, equally as ancient, equally as grubby. His face was hardly discernable under the mountain range of wrinkles that covered it. Still in shock he asked the first question that came to his mind.

"Who the fuck are you?"

The angel bristled and used his rather crappy wings to hover for a moment while he slapped the taller man around the head.

"That is no way to speak to God's right hand man you stupid boy!" he bellowed, folding his arms in a scolding manner.

Sirius scowled mightily rubbing the sore spot and glaring at the dwarf man in front of him.

"That still doesn't answer my question you bastard midget!" Snarled the black haired man, his infamous temper starting to peek out.

SMACK.

"OOOOOWWW!! Will you stop Fucking hitting me…. What am I doing!!!!!"

SMACK.

"Come on if you don't quit it I'm gonna do something you'll regret!"

SMACK.

"Rule one…" said the little man, smirking at the now semi-conscious figure on the floor "Don't annoy, curse or threaten an angel…. As they will be forced to dole out divine retribution on your sorry backside!"

Sirius gazed up through a slightly puffy eye "Okay point made"

The angel smiled "Good! So shall we try this again?"

"Fair enough! Who are you and why am I here." Sirius wrestled his temper under control and muttered the words through gritted teeth.

"That's better" Chuckled the grubby little man "My name is Saint Peter…. But you can just call me Petey."

Sirius gaped in shock "YOU'RE Saint Peter, the guardian of the gates of heaven….'El Rocco du Jesus'… Please tell me you joking!!"

SMACK.

"No young man I am not joking…. And if you want to get into said heaven I advise you wise up and listen to 'El Rocco du Jesus'!"

Sirius just glared, but remained silent. The stubby man continued "Right Mr Black, I am here to give you your judgement.."

"So I am dead..??"

SMACK.

"Don't interrupt me" Admonished the angel "Anyway…. Yes you are dead. And to get into heaven you are going to have to go through a some trials to prove yourself."

"And what would those trials be..?" asked the dark haired man, his face contorted with worry.

The angel laughed manically, doing very little to soothe the mans already frazzled nerves. "Oh nothing major and definitely not something the great Sirius Black could not handle."

Sirius gulped, his temper at breaking point "What are they you maniacal midget freak of nature!"

Petey just laughed again "Ooooo… . Sticks and stones may break my bones…. But I ain't gonna tell ya!"

Sirius began to growl like his canine alter ego, but the angel carried on his jeering.

"Ha, ha your not gonna know, you're not gonna know!!"

Eventually the animagus snapped and proceeded to pound seven shades of the nasty stuff out of the unfortunate messenger. Who of course didn't like this overly much and retaliated by unleashing some unholy fury on his ass! In the end they had to take a time out because the other 'passengers' were starting to get a little testy and were likely to start a riot. So for the moment they put their differences aside and made peace, if only for a moment while they calmed the riot.

"You are aware this is only because I don't want those other spirits to feel left out…. So I kicked their asses as well"

"Your one twisted angel man!"

"And you're the most screwed up S.O.B I've ever had to deal with!"

"Gee thanks…. So are you gonna tell me what I gotta do or what….??"

"Nope… wait and see!"

"Wait and see I'll give you wait and see!"

It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship…..

Or at least a comic disaster….

Limbo wouldn't know what hit it….

A/N: Yes this is crazy! Do we want to know what Sirius has to do? Then I expect at least one review!!! you hear me!