Author's note: The lyrics in italics are My Immortal by Evenesance and Over and Over by Nelly and Tim McGraw. These two songs I feel, fit what is going on between Smith and Indigo right now. So please sit back and enjoy another exciting installment of Smith and I.
Alexandra
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Chapter 19
Indigo sat in silence in her cell. A single tear ran down her cheek. She missed him so much that it hurt her to leave him. She felt like a part of her died at that moment when she returned to the real world. But she knew they had no choice.
I'm so tired of being here.
Suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave.
Cause your presence still lingers here,
and it won't leave me alone.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real,
there's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have...
All of me.
Back in the matrix Smith just sat in The Oracle's living room, he couldn't speak. Tears flowed from his eyes and he didn't hold them back. Smith also felt as if he left a part of himself. But he knew it was necessary. But he could not help what he felt for her. He loved her. He loved her very much.
You used to captivate me by your resonating mind,
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real,
there's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have...
All of me.
Back in her cell, Indigo rested her head against the wall and thought back to the time they first met and then smiled when she remembered the first time they made love. How longed to be in his arms again. She would give anything, even if it meant walking through the fires of hell to be with him. Yes, he was a program, but in the short time they were together he was more human than anyone she ever knew.
I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
But though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have...
All of me.
And it was true. Smith had all of her and she had all of Smith. No matter what happened he would always hold a special spot in her heart until the day she died. But if there was a way she could get back to him she would. She was deep in her thoughts until her brother Onyx entered her cell. The look on his face was that of relief.
"Thank God you made it out in one piece." He reached out to hug her and wrapped her in his arms, she returned his hug.
It was good for her to see her brother again, even after all this time. But he was also concerned because of what transpired in the matrix between his sister and Smith.
Finally Onyx spoke.
"Did they ... you know?"
"What?"
"You know ... did any of the agents hurt you in any way?"
"No Onyx. Actually they were quite nice to me."
Her brother had a look of disbelief on his face.
"Onyx it's true. They never hurt me. They were actually pretty nice people."
Her brother shook his head.
"Sis, the agents are programs. They wouldn't know how to be nice!"
Indigo folded her arms and leaned back against the wall.
"Well you're wrong about them."
"Come on sis! Haven't you read the history books back in the days of Neo? These bastards were killers of hundreds of humans! There is no way they can change!"
"Yes Onyx I know the history dammit! But they are different now. They actually want to learn from us!"
"Learn from us? You have got to be fucking kidding me! What could cold-blooded killers who are nothing more than sentinel programs learn from us?"
Indigo was furious at her brother's comment. And then Onyx looked at Indigo with a glare that could slice steel.
"You don't know them Onyx."
"What about Smith? Did you get to know him too?"
"That is between Smith and I."
Onyx's look changed from anger to concern.
"Sis, you have to get those thoughts out of your head. If you tell the council what you just told me, they could banish you to the dessert or you can be executed as traitor to Zion. I just got you back and I can't take it if I lost you again. You are the only family I've got."
Tears started to form in his eyes.
Indigo reached out and gave Onyx a hug but in her mind she was still thinking about Smith.
Back in the matrix Smith drove to the building in his black Audi. He had the dark windows rolled up se no one could see inside. He didn't want for anyone to see him cry, especially his fellow agents. How he missed her. The smell of her hair was still fresh in his mind, he could still feel the touch of her lips on his. He would give anything to hear her voice again. Every time he thought of her a tear would fall down his cheek. He missed her so much. And then a song came on the radio which made him think about her even more.
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it yeah I can't shake it
Nooo
The tune was sad but yet in way it made him feel a little better
I can't wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyesThat one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it's a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
Ohh
But I think she's leaving
Ooh man she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
(I Can't go on not loving you)
That last verse made him think about the tearful goodbye they had and it hit home way too much the more he listened it was like in way she was speaking to him.
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can't take it yeah I can't shake it
Nooo
And then he started singing along...
I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now
And this choice I made keeps playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
Ohh
I think she's leaving
Ooh man she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
(I Can't go on not loving you)
By this time he stopped at a light and people were starting to look at him weird but at that point he really didn't give a shit.
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo
He smiled when he thought back to the day when they had the snowball fight and The Architect got hit in the back of the head with a snowball. It made him smile.
Now that I've realized that I'm going down
From all this pain you've put me through
Every time I close my eyes I lock it down oh
I can't go on not loving you
He still kept singing along to the radio because it made him feel better.
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo
Finally he pulled up to the building where Carl and the other agents were waiting for him.
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo
He stayed in the car for a long momentbefore getting out. And then the song finished.
Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it's all in my head
Finally he stepped out of the car and greeted his fellow agents.
"Where's Indigo?" Jones asked.
"I had to let her go back to the real world."
"You what?" All of them including Carl said at the same time.
"Why?" Jackson asked.
Smith was silent for a moment and then finally spoke.
"I love her."
"But I don't understand." Said Johnson.
The group started to walk up the steps as they were still speaking.
"If you love her, why did you let her go?" asked Jones
"Because I had too." Smith explained.
Carl put his bear-like arm around Smith.
"My boy, you are now finally understanding what it means to really love."
Smith didn't say a word. The other agents left and went inside.
"You okay?" Carl asked.
"I don't know. I do have a question though."
"What's that?"
"If love is such a grand emotion for all living beings, then why does it hurt so bad?"
"Well Indigo is your first real love and that last forever. If it's true love and she comes back, you were meant to be together."
"Will it ever stop hurting?"
"Eventually, but it takes time son."
Smith looked him in the eye and gave a slight smile. He then went up to room 303. Once inside he looked at the feather and an overwhelming urge came over him to smash the glass dome. He acted on his impulse. But the dome was not enough. He threw a chair a table, he even punched some holes in the wall. He cried and screamed as he destroyed everything his path. His rage and sadness emptied out into the hall resulting in him kicking down doors and reducing them to splinters with a single blow of his fist. He didn't stop until there was nothing left.
Back in the real world Indigo was still sitting her cell. She was alone with her thoughts until she had an unexpected visitor. It was Cutter. She glared at him.
"Oh now don't be like that." He told her.
"What the fuck do you want?" She asked.
And then he got that look in his eyes and ran his hand through her hair, she recoiled at his touch. It was obvious she was disgusted by him.
"What any man would want."
"And what's that?"
"Oh I think you know baby." He edged closer to her.
She slapped him across the face hard making him bleed. He just laughed.
"You know I do have influence in the council, maybe I can get them to reduce your sentence. That is if you're really nice to me."
"I'm not gonna fuck you."
"You see it's more than that sweetheart."
"What the fuck do you mean by that?"
"You see it has to do with your little brother. I know how close you two are."
"What does Onyx have to do with this?"
"Oh let's just say, if you're not nice to me he's gonna go down as a traitor too."
"You motherfucker!" She sat up and punched him in the mouth, knocking him to the ground.
"The ball is in your court all you have to do is make the right choice."
"What do I have to do?"
He got up and walked towards her. He stunk and he was filthy. He was now nose to nose with her. An evil grin spread across his yellowed teeth.
"All you have to do ... is marry me."
"I would rather fucking die."
"Well think of it this way Indigo. If you don't do it for yourself and saving your own ass, at least think of Onyx."
Tear rolled down her cheeks at the thought of her brother being tried for treason. He stepped out of the cell.
"You have 24 hours to decide." He told her and then he disappeared.
