Sir-dik-dik, is finally is writing a new chapter to YVG and it will finally put an end.
Now this Masterbeef person can finally stop bugging me.
So here it is the final chapter dedicated to one of my best friends that is in the hospital with a kidney infection, a severe one. Chapter five to YVG, Mercenary camp is just like high school, only much, much worse.
Everyone stared at Sir-dik-dik as their airplane landed on the ground and they walked out into a snowy mountain base where it was really cold. Everyone fell to the ground shivering.
"Jeez, you said it was going to be nice." ATR shivered.
"I didn't promise a cake walk, I also said it was going to be nice if you are an Eskimo." SDD shivered.
"Oh beep this." Soul Brotha tried to climb back into the plane but his armored legs froze.
"I already did." SDD snickered as he repeated his favorite joke.
"I think it's nice." Masterbeef stood on top of a rock.
"I thought you would hate it considering where you are from." SDD's teeth clicked together because he was NC where it is hot.
"Nice to see you bunch of babies aren't dead… yet." A tall Russian instructor pointed to a bunch of snowmobiles. Everyone else jumped for joy as they all ran toward them and jumped on. But there was no engine in there.
"You must be some silly Americans, In Russia snowmobile drive you." He smiled as he jumped on his and rode down to a gate. They all hitched onto a harness and started to pull them, except Super Size Me who ate it. Don't ask.
"That was a good meal." SSM rubbed his stomach.
"That can't be good for you." ATR looked in disgust.
"Trust me, this isn't as bad as the forty-two grams of heart attack that is a Big Mac." Masterbeef ate a piece of cheese.
"Big… Mac… God help me." Leon passed out and rolled down the hill luckily not being crushed to death.
"I really do hate you." Monkey Girl hit SDD in the shoulder.
"I thought you just got over hating me." SDD complained.
"No it's me that hates you." A little girl in chains spoke up but monkey Girl struck her down.
"That's okay, I hate you too." Monkey Girl then jumped on her and rode it down like a giant snowboard, but everyone else just ignored her.
"I have a plan." SDD spoke up, "oh wait that wasn't me."
"Man I swear when we get down there I'm going to kill you." Why Bother I'm Blind threatened SDD.
"Let's not resort to violence." T-bone cried.
"Yes guys, violence isn't fabulous." My Closet is My Home came out and jumped on the snowmobile in his bright pink armor but then got off. "That makes me feel to… straight." He said as he then got on again and ran down the hill.
"DotHacker 130, can you reprogram these things to work?" Masterbeef looked at him with a large computer on his arm.
"Sure there isn't anything I can't dot hack." He burped in the middle of the sentence. All the bikes started to work when Dot Hacker 130's blew up. There goes him.
"In the streets of shame where you wash your dreams in the rain, there's no signs of hope and it seems as the last of the dope." St Timmy busted out signing Green Day's Homecoming. Tayter took out a magnum and shot him in the head.
"Now you are dead." Tayter spoke normally.
"Your sane?" Masterbeef asked confused but then they arrived at the camp.
"So you guys are actually made it past task one." He spat choppy English. Then they walked into the training grounds. It was covered in snow and the sounds of guns filled the air as the lead Mercenary there awaited them, Jacob from Mercenaries, Playground of Destruction.
"I'll take the ones that don't suck first." He held a few hundred dollars he used to clean his nose.
"Um, sir they all suck, that's why they came." The Russian man explained.
"We can never have one easy assignment can we?" Jacob looked at the pathetic excuses for the Red and Blue team's replacements. So he went to a back office and handed out papers with ratings of themselves and special classes they had to go to.
Super Size Me got his and it read, Obese, he busted out crying.
SDD got his and it read, Smart-Ass, "Does that mean I pass? I mean if I have a smart ass think how smart I really am." SDD asked and everyone else snickered, especially Masterbeef. Then Mb got his, Mendez quote crazy, cheese lover. He looked at his and SDD and then they realized something, they both had the same classes. They were all sent to their rooms where they forced to listen to Russian music and TV witch wasn't bad cause they listened to System of a Down while they waited. Eventually they all passed out and at seven in the morning they got an odd wake up call.
"At seven o'clock, Russia wakes you up." And he left. Everyone left the room and then it happened the meatball took My closet is my home and changed his grade from Pansy to Governator, but other than that the morning was under whelming where SDD's breakfast tried to eat him.
"In Russia…" The man tried to finish but a random shot killed the chief. Everyone looked on in awe as the man fell over saying, "In Russia bullet kills you."
"Oh yhea you Russian bastard, America there are more dead bodies from bullet shots then Russia, I asked Jeeves." SDD looked proudly as the American anthem played in the background. The first bell rang telling everyone that I was time for the first class. We will now follow the weird day of SDD and Masterbeef in Merc camp.
First period was dodging bullet class, which was pretty much self-explanatory. When they walked in the first thing they noticed was the teacher was in a wheelchair, pushing with his hands while he held two SMG in his toes.
"Um, why are you in a chair?" Asked MB.
"Cause I beeping feel like it." You yelled.
"I guess you can swear in here? SDD asked.
"You bet your beeping beep pole you mother beeping can you chicken beeper." The instructor patted SDD on the back with his SMG.
"Alright class time to start doing stuff, like dodging bullets." He reloaded his gun with his hands as he began to hot people with his other gun, killing everyone but SDD and MB.
"If you dodge a bullet you can dodge a wrench." He threw one at MB's head hitting him.
"Ouch, that kind of hurt." Masterbeef rubbed his head. Then he whipped out the guns and ran a straight line down the wall witch both boys avoided.
"Jesus, they're really trying to kill me." SDD pulled out a flash grenade and threw it. It exploded and killed the teacher.
"How did I do that, it was just a flash grenade
The second period was one-on-one experience with a teacher and sense he was dead they rested for a few minutes, thinking about all the cash they were going to make.
Third period was SDD's worst class, driving the warthog. He got in his seat and looked around there was no one to stop him from jumping over that ramp of ghosts. Covenant not includedHe started up the motor and jumped three of them but hitting the fourth one blowing it up. The back end of the warthog was totaled but all of a sudden it turned into a transformer, "Get your but checked for prostate problems." He said as he spanked SDD. As I said earlier, weird.
Fourth period was a subject that SDD was good at, lunch. That was pretty normal but the food kept trying to eat him and more and more chiefs were killed so let's skip that and go to fifth period.
Fifth period was taking in captives in alive and how to keep them alive if they are dying. SDD's was simple, all he had to do was kill a dude that muttered Spanish and keep some whiney girl alive for five minutes. He couldn't help but look up her skirt, until a man called Mendez picked up SDD and began to choke him. "You are the one that made the Mendez quotes aren't you?" He threw him to the ground. "I now have to live like Hot Topic Barbie with eight jobs." Then he stormed away.
"You have the same damn quotes as us." Mendez shot SDD a friendly handshake in the air.
Masterbeef got stuck to the chick he supposable going to save, or that's at least he would tell.
Sixth period was maybe the weirdest class ever, Bug class. Not look at bugs in real life but find the glitches the programmers missed. The first thing they did was the walking on the head of a marine glitch. They all jumped on top of one of the marines and shot a rocket launcher and they didn't move an inch. Then they flew have way across the map with the flying glitch trick and then time ran out. Class was then over and the day was over, everyone met each other, everyone but My Closet is My Home. One of the instructors came running through the hall. Hello Stranger, I've got a important message for you, your friend is about to be killed by Mr. Double Chainsaw. They all ran to the door that had the word Water world labeled on it. They all busted in to find MCIMH hiding on top of a zip line.
"We should leave him there shouldn't we?" Masterbeef spoke up.
"We should." ATR agreed. Then mister double chainsaw this next line has intense gore so instead I put little kittens over it. Meoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. It then jumped towards our heroes or zeroes whatever you like them to be and tried to MEOOOOOOOW. But ATR used her improved force powers to make Mr. Double Chainsaw Meooooow.
SDD puked as he looked at the headless body but then Jacob came in and kicked them out for killing two instructors at the same time. It was amazing when he shot the teams over the hill they landed in Sidewinder. Cool, but now they needed three people per team to add up for the seven on seven match. So here's the draft results because 'm too lazy to rewrite the interviews.
Stranger, He went to the Yellow team. He is an insane animal-person that doesn't use guns but uses animals to kill people. He's in it to fix a "little" problem he has. He thinks that Joe Mama is ugly. Quote, I'll fill you with fuzzles bitch. He fears naked chickens and dogs.
Mr. Explosive, He likes to blow stuff up. He went to the yellow team that's all I'll talk about him.
Monkey Girl, A chick with a banana cannon and a temper that could malt anything, not to mention she's pretty hot. She has more then a dozen animals and she can dance. Quote. "Robert guess who Robert is you are such a idiot." She fears no one and serves no one.
Patches, A pirate that has a green back and he has only one eye from a tragic peg-leg accident. He has peg-legs but real feet. His armor is an untraditional pirate picture with two dog bones and a kitten flag on him. Quote, "It's funny, my mom was with the FBI and my dad was Dutch, no wonder I'm evil. I can't think of how many things scare him but the major thing is his invisible bird dying.
Farmboy, A little boy that uses more melee weapons then he does guns, watch out for his pitchfork of death. He has red and blue overall armor. Quote, "Yellow Vs Green is so funny it made me forget what I was going to say." Weakness, pigs.
Mendez, A really tall man with a fake eye. He has no armor and his quote is, You have the same blood as use." But I have found his weakness, me. MAHAWHA.
You better pick somewhere nice to broadcast next round or I'll leave. Okay next time I'll go to Zanzibar.
End of YVG, this time I'm for real.
