…And Really Bad
Eggs
(special 2.5x drabble… I have no excuse for this. I was watching One Piece.)
Canons rang out over the high seas that legendary morning, coming perilously close to doing damage to the fine ship Lucky Loon.
"Oh captain, my captain!" able seaman Neville shouted from the crow's nest, "The Navy has us in their sights!" He blew a conch shell to sound the alarm.
The Fearsome Pirates of the Moon lined the deck facing the enemy ship, swords high. The Captain shouted over the water. "Avast! I am Pirate Queen Lovegood! Who be you, crab-legged landlopers?"
Two tall skinny blokes in matching feathered hats shouted back indignantly.
"Landlopers?! We be Her Majesty Hermione's Royal Navy—" the one on the left yelled.
"—And we be here to arrest your arse!" the one on the right finished, gesturing dramatically.
For a second the Pirate Queen panicked. After all, she had lent her warships to her nephew young Draco, and was taking her week off to go sightseeing for sea monsters. It would be frightfully embarrassing to be taken by that jerk Queen Hermione's commodores on only an unarmed tourist schooner. Then she had an idea, and whispered for crewman Bones to go wake her boyfriend up. After all, she was a pirate and that meant she could cheat.
"Listen foul pawns of Her Vile & UnMajestic, this day was passing wonderfully but a few minutes ago, and if you dare fire those guns at my boat again, I shall have the swordsman Harold the Bloody board your vessel and cut you all to pieces! Savvy?"
The two red-coated commodores across the way communed for a moment, then shouted in return.
"You lie, pirate scum!"
"Even you can't claim to know that villain Harold the Bloody!"
"He be my first mate!"
"Prove it!"
"Yeah!"
You can all guess what happened next.
