Here's another chapter! Woot! And I don't own Harry Potter, alas. But I do own Ethan Williams, his family, and the Institutions I made up… but I don't own 3M (Which I believe stands for Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing, not Magic and More Magic). There, I think that covers it. Oh, I also own the POA soundtrack… and am totally in love with tracks 6,7, and 15. (dreamy sigh) Oh, and 9, because that one has that jaw-dropping flute line that I am determined to learn someday.

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Ethan was digging through his letters again. He had sent the letter to Hogwarts a week ago, and still hadn't gotten any kind of response. Perhaps something had happened to the seagull. It could have gotten lost or something…, or maybe Dumbledore had just chucked his letter in disgust. He could have worded it better. But he was only eleven; what did the old guy expect,… a ten-page dissertation?

Ethan sighed and shook his head. Whatever the reason, it didn't look like he'd be getting an acceptance letter to Hogwarts anytime soon, if ever. So he picked up a large, colorful brochure for The American Academy of Magic. It was quietly humming its alma mater to itself, slightly off-key from sitting at the bottom of the pile for some time. The front of the brochure was dominated by a large, color, moving photo of some students playing Quidditch. Ethan watched, wide-eyed, as a student took a bludger to the throat and toppled off their broom.

"Ouch," he muttered, turning the page. The next page had several columns of text, as well as another moving photo of a group of students sitting under a tree in full autumn swing in front of an ivy-covered building, talking and doing minor enchantments with their wands, their bookbags strewn across the grass. Ethan looked at the picture for a while, but nothing interesting happened, so he turned to the text.

"The American Academy of Magic has been a leading school of witchcraft and wizardry since it was founded in 1802…," the brochure said out loud in a low, pleasant voice as Ethan's eyes passed over the words. He raised his eyebrows, then began to experiment, allowing his eyes to wander back and forth along the sentence. "The American Academy American Academy American the American Academy has Academy has been a leading a leading a been a leading school of witchcraft and wiz and craft and witchcraft and wizardry since it was founded in 1802." Ethan laughed. Well, the brochure had hidden entertainment value. He'd give it points for that. He tossed it aside and was reaching for a letter from The Upper Midwest Mystical Conservatory (which was trembling in excitement at being acknowledged) when there was a loud rapping at his bedroom window.

Ethan slid off of his bed, yanked up the blinds, and gaped. Hovering outside his window was a massive scarlet bird, the likes of which he had never seen before. It was clutching a letter in its talons! Ethan hurriedly slid open the window and stepped back to admit the bird. It landed with a quiet skittering noise on his desk and folded its wings.

"Wow," Ethan said quietly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the bird snapped irritably, shoving the letter forward. "Hurry up and take this before I burn it. Don't know what Dumblebum's playing at, treating me like a bloody carrier pigeon.…" It produced a cigarette from somewhere and lit it with a flaming pinion.

"Um," Ethan said vaguely, not wanting the bird to smoke in his room, but also not wanting to piss it off more than it already was.

"What?!" the bird snapped.

"Nothing," Ethan replied, quickly taking the letter and ripping it open.

Dear Ethan, ('damn it, he used 'dear'! I'm an idiot!' thought the boy as he read)

Although your request is a bit unusual, I can completely understand your frustration with the number of American schools of magic. Under normal circumstances, I would urge you to look closer to home for the sake of your friends and family. However, seeing as you are the main character, Fawkes is prepared to take you to Hogwarts as soon as you are ready. Hope to see you soon!

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

(extensive list of titles implied)

"Wow!" Ethan grinned. "I've been accepted!"

"Yippeeeee." The bird twirled a pinion in a mock excited gesture. "You're the main character! What did you expect?" The observation was punctuated by a series of hacking coughs. It took all of Ethan's self-control to not wince openly.

"So, you're Fawkes?"

"The one and only. Glad to see you've heard of me. Oh, wait," the bird's tone became more cruelly sarcastic than normal as he exhaled a stream of smoke in the general vicinity of Ethan's face, "silly me! You just read my name in that letter, didn't you?"

"Uh… well, your name is in the letter, but I've, uh, heard of you before." Ethan choked back a cough.

"I'll tell you who you've heard of," Fawkes said, taking a long, bitter drag at his cigarette. "Harry Potter. Everyone's heard of that brat."

"He seems nice, from what I've heard of him," Ethan said carefully.

"Oh?" Fawkes chucked the cigarette butt out the window and promptly lit up another. "Perhaps we aren't thinking of the same person. I'm thinking of Harry I-killed-the-basalisk-all-by-my-damned-self Potter! Harry No-I-sure-didn't-have-any-help-from-any-BIRDS-I-could-name Potter! That scene-stealing, glory-gobbling little urchin!" Fawkes' head-crest burst into flame briefly, and Ethan took an involuntary step backwards. "Who blinded the damned thing? Me! Who brought the kid the Sorting Hat? ME! Who healed his stupid arm? ME!! He wouldn't have lasted ten SECONDS without my help, and who got all the glory? Who got all the credit? Go on, I'm asking YOU, kid!" He waved his cigarette in Ethan's direction. "Take a wild guess! A stab in the dark, go on!"

"Um," Ethan said carefully, "him?"

"DAMN BLOODY STRAIGHT!" Fawked ruffled his feathers irritably and chucked the most recent cigarette butt out the window to join the first. "And I find it a bit odd that him showing loyalty to Dumbledore meant that I had to bust my tail feathers and save his ass. Kid never showed any loyalty to ME!" He shuffled back and forth on the desk for a minute, grumbling quietly to himself. Then he snapped his head around to glare at Ethan. "So, are you packed, or what?"

"Oh!" Ethan jumped. "Uh, no."

"Well, get on it!" Fawkes hacked a few times.

"Right," Ethan said, fumbling for his suitcase. "Um, that's quite a cough you've got there."

"Eh, it's a curse," Fawkes said casually, wiping a bit of goober from his beak and flicking it across the room. It hit a wall and stuck. Ethan looked at it in horror for a moment, then forced his attention back to his packing. "Not literally, of course," Fawkes continued. "I took up smoking after the whole Chamber ordeal. I was stressed out and whatnot. And now I'm hooked." He lit up for the third time. "All that Potter kid's fault, too."

"Yeah," Ethan said with feeling. Fawkes looked at him suspiciously for a moment, but must have detected no signs of sarcasm as he then turned and stared out the window, taking a long, thoughtful drag. "Hey, who's this broad?" His inquiry was immediately followed by a screech from outside.

Ethan leaped up and looked out the window. His mother was standing there, pale with fright, and looking at Fawkes in shock. The gardening implements she had been holding dropped out of her hands and thudded to the ground.

"What are you looking at?" Fawkes asked belligerently, though all Ethan's mother heard was melodic twittering.

"Mom! It's okay!" Ethan said, waving out the window at her. "He won't hurt you!"

"Says who?" Fawkes snickered, then flicked his cigarette away, folded his wings neatly, and tried to look harmless.

"What is it?" his mother asked, looking doubtfully at the bird.

"Um...… a phoenix," Ethan said. His parents both knew that he was a wizard, but he knew that his parrottongue ability made them slightly nervous, so he avoided doing it around them. "He's come to take me to Hogwarts… that school I told you about. Remember?"

"Yes… you're going now?" She dragged her eyes away from Fawkes and frowned at her son. "Just like that?"

"Well… yeah, I know it is a bit unexpected." Ethan shrugged.

"You just better get out here and give me a hug before you leave." She picked up her trowel and gloves and shook them at Ethan.

"I will."

"Do you need help packing?"

"No, I think I've got it," Ethan assured her.

"All right," she said doubtfully. She nodded at Fawkes. "Pretty bird."

"Excuse me?!" Fawkes snapped, though it sounded harmless to her. "'Pretty bird,' like I'm a bloody parrot!…" He ruffled his feathers again and turned to look at Ethan. "What are you standing there for?! Chop, chop!" He snapped his beak twice for lack of clapping ability. Ethan jumped again and started throwing clothes into his suitcase. Inside thirty minutes, he was packed.

"About time," Fawkes said. He flapped down to Ethan's suitcase and lifted it easily. "Let's blow this popsicle stand!"

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FrighteninglyObsessed: Why, thank you! I suppose it could kind of be considered one, though there isn't going to be any love interest, as Ethan is only eleven. ;-)

Katie115: Thanks! And I shall!

Quirky Writer: Thank you muchly. Don't worry, I never abandon a fic.

Syth Colbalt: Oh, I'm entering it with a VENGEANCE. ;-) Hehehe. Thanks! Hope this wasn't too long of a wait! :-P

D6: Your review made me giggle. Glad you liked it!

TheSiriusSparrow: As you should be, hehehe! It's going to be fun!

Laire: Thanks! :D

Fuji the Hobbit: Yeah, it's really hot here, too. Doesn't it suck? And I don't even have air conditioning!

Anamaria Elentari: Glad you like it! Thanks!

Scap: I'll try not to make Snape and Draco completely loathsome, hehehe. And yes, he is eleven. Don't feel bad about rambling on; I LOVE long reviews! And he's going to be several years behind HP and Co. But… well, you'll see. ;-)

Rachel the Insane Unicorn: Horror, indeed! And it's only getting worse! Bwaha!

Mint Sauce: Yay, you reviewed! And yay, I have your HAHAHA seal of approval!

Phaidra: Sheesh, you responded quick! I've barely got it up for three seconds and people are reviewing, lol. Thanks tons!

Hirilnara: WOO! First reviewer! (fives) No muses unless I get bored, hehehehe. But here's a response! That's something!

Thanks bunches for all of your reviews! They were great! So you all get… talking Phoenix plushies! (flings plushies into the crowd) Just don't squeeze them in front of your parents or grandparents; Fawkes has quite a mouth on him.

-Platy