And another chapter! Quite impressed with the reviewer response don't usually get so many so quickly... except with the Sequel, and that was a bit of a fluke. :P I do not own Harry Potter, in case you were a bit confused.
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"So, how are you planning to get me to Hogwarts?" Ethan jogged down the hallway after Fawkes, who was carrying his suitcase. "Grab onto your tail or something?"
"Grab onto my tail?!" Fawkes looked back at Ethan, voice dripping with disgust. "What, you think just because that Potter dope did it, it's okay? It hurt. Listen to Uncle Fawkes, kid, and never, ever do anything because that bespectacled jerk did. I mean, honestly, look at where his actions got him. I take it you've read the fifth installment of that little series?"
"Well, I wouldn't say 'little,' but yeah," Ethan nodded, opening the front door and holding it back so the phoenix could fly through.
"Yeah, well, you may have noticed that the kid barely needs Voldemort's help; he'd kill himself very neatly if he didn't have Dumbledore and several dozen others watching his back all the time. It's pathetic." The bird set down the suitcase. "Put your stuff in that hammock there and sit yourself in it. I can carry you that way. And it'll be a hell of a lot more comfortable than you trying to hang onto my tail all the way across the Atlantic."
"Hang on," Ethan grunted as he hoisted his suitcase into the hammock. "I have to say goodbye to Mom."
"Oh, he has to say goodbye to Mummy," Fawkes said in a high-pitched mockery of Ethan's voice. Instead of rising to the bait, the boy ignored the bird and jogged to the backyard, where his mother was hosing down a patch of lilies.
"Mom? We're about ready to head out." Ethan shoved his hands in his pockets, surprised to find himself trembling. Everything had seemed pretty surreal thus far, and the fact that he was about to hop into a hammock and leave home for the better part of a year had suddenly hit full force. He'd never been away from home for more than a few weeks before, and even then, he had always been with his family on vacation or something. Now he was leaving his family and everything behind, and it was for school, of all things.
"You've got everything you need?" She turned off the hose and took her gloves off. "Do you want anything to eat? We have chips you could take, or"
"I could take some chips," Ethan said. He wasn't particularly hungry, but he thought it might make his mother feel better about him leaving if he took something. He trailed after her into the house and stared with mounting terror at the linoleum tiles.
"How are you getting to this British school, again?" his mother asked as she rummaged through a cupboard.
"Fawkes is going to carry me."
"You mean that bird out there?" She spun around, accidentally knocking a bag of coffee beans onto the counter. "How?"
"Well, I'm going to climb into the hammock, and he's going to grab it and, um, lift off. He's very strong," Ethan added, noticing the peculiar shade of gray his mother had gone.
"He'd better be." His mother's eyes turned hard as she clutched the bag of chips in one hand and marched out the door.
"Looks like someone's on the warpath," Fawkes snorted as mother and son came down the front steps.
"So this bird," she pointed to Fawkes, "is going to carry that hammock, with you and all of your things in it, halfway across the country and ALL the way across the Atlantic?!"
"He's very strong," Ethan said lamely.
"What, doesn't she trust me?" Fawkes sniggered.
"He could be the strongest bird the world has ever seen; that doesn't mean I trust him to ferry you safely across an ocean!"
"It'll be all right, Mom," Ethan said reassuringly. "I'll send seagulls back with little notes saying I'm all right, okay? And once we land, I'll send you a proper letter to let you know I've arrived safely."
"Well," she frowned, clearly caving in, "fine. But we can make this hammock more comfortable. I'll get some blankets."
Five minutes later, the hammock was fully padded to Ethan's mother's satisfaction. Ethan set his suitcase (which wasn't that heavy; Fawkes had told him to pack light as most of his wardrobe would have to be purchased in Diagon Alley anyway) on the hammock and climbed in next to it. A pen, scratch paper, and string were tucked in one of the outer pockets. Tucking the chips in between the suitcase and himself, Ethan gave his mother one last hug, with Fawkes's stream of impatient grumbling providing a soothing background melody for anyone who wasn't a parrotmouth. Then Fawkes grabbed the metal rings on each end of the hammock in his claws and hoisted the whole thing into the air as if it weighed no more than a daisy chain.
"Bye, Mom!" Ethan waved down at the rapidly shrinking figure below.
"Goodbye, Ethan! Be good! Study hard! Write! I love you!"
"Love you, too WAUGH!" Ethan leaned back against the padded weaving as Fawkes accelerated rapidly over the trees.
"Aww, did I startle you?" Fawkes laughed.
"I'm fine," Ethan said shortly, watching wide-eyed as familiar landmarks grew tiny and distant. "Uh, Fawkes?"
"Yeah?"
"There isn't really any cloud cover what if someone sees us?"
"On the off chance that some muggle actually notices us," Fawkes replied scornfully, "they aren't going to believe their eyes. Watch it, pal!" The phoenix swerved sharply to avoid a flock of shocked-looking geese; Ethan had to grip the sides of the hammock to avoid spilling out. "I'm flyin', here! Geez, traffic's a bloody nightmare"
As they gained altitude, the air grew considerably colder. Snuggling gratefully in one of the blankets his mother had provided, Ethan watched the country peel away beneath him and fought the urge to tell Fawkes to turn around and take him back home immediately. He wanted to learn magic. He really did. He just didn't imagine that he would end up feeling so alone.
"Cheer up, kid," Fawkes said in a moment of thoughtfulness. "You're the main character; everything will turn out fine. How about a little music?"
"Phoenix song?" Ethan was interested almost in spite of himself. Fawkes may have not been the most cheerful of birds, but phoenix song was legendary. "Sure."
"All right!" Fawkes cleared his throat and hacked a few times. "Meemeemeemeemeeeeeeeeeeeee harrAACCKKK!!! All right."
The bird then launched into the most hauntingly beautiful melody Ethan had ever heard, accompanied by lyrics so vulgar that they made Eminem sound like Barney the dinosaur. For a normal person, each melodic theme was so heart-wrenchingly gorgeous that it brought tears to the eye. Ethan, however, understood every single word. And the song brought tears to his eyes for a very different reason. In a mere two lines of lyrics, Fawkes managed to offend every race and religious sect in the world at least twice, some as many as five times. There was not a single word that bared repeating.
"STOP!" Ethan finally bellowed, worried that he was going to vomit if the song continued.
"What? Everyone loves phoenix song," Fawkes looked down at Ethan and blinked innocently.
"You're sick!" The boy glared reproachfully up at the bird. "How long did it take you to think up something that terrible?"
"Ten years," Fawkes said with pride evident in his voice. "The best ten years of my life. But I gotta hand it to you people for inventing the f-word; it's so versatile-"
"Okay," Ethan interrupted. "That's enough phoenix song for now. In fact, that's enough phoenix song for the rest of my life."
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Once the last of the great lakes was out of sight, Ethan dug out his pen and a bit of paper.
Dear Mom,
We just passed the great lakes! They didn't look so great from the air, though. Just thought I'd let you know that the flight is going well. Fawkes sang for a bit. It was awful. I'll write again when we reach the ocean.
Love,
Ethan
Holding the letter tightly to stop it from blowing off, Ethan called down the first bird he saw, which happened to be a sleepy-looking heron. The bird looked hard at Ethan, then angled over until it was flapping right next to the hammock.
"Did you call me?"
"Yes," Ethan held up the letter. "Where are you headed?"
"I heard there's quite a large lake or two back that way."
"You should check out Minnesota. Land of ten thousand lakes. Though it's really more like eleven thousand."
"Really?" The heron looked slightly interested.
"Oh yeah. Say, would you mind dropping off a letter for me?"
"So this is about a letter." The heron sighed heavily. "Why don't you get an owl like everyone else?"
"Because herons are more reliable," Ethan lied smoothly. The bird looked flattered.
"Well, in that case, I'd be glad to help." The heron flew a bit ahead of the hammock so that its long legs were extended practically into Ethan's lap. "Where to?" it asked as Ethan rolled up the note and tied it on.
Ethan gave the bird the address. "It's right on the Mississippi if you get lost, you could try asking a gull for directions. Most of the local birds know me."
"Fraternizing with gulls," the bird snorted. "I'll find it, never you fear." It wheeled around and headed back towards the home Ethan was beginning to regret leaving behind.
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Four hours later, they were well over the ocean. There was no land in sight. Ethan had sent back another letter as he had promised, this one with a rather stupid albatross. He hoped the bird would make it.
It was even colder out over the water. Ethan was bundled up in all of the blankets he had, and beginning to doze off. His eyelids were steadily drooping then they snapped open. Were they losing altitude?
Ethan looked up at Fawkes, who was wheezing slightly. "Fawkes? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Fawkes puffed stubbornly. The hammock swayed lower. They were now only sixty feet above the waves, which looked large and nastier the closer they got.
"Are you sure? I mean, if you want to find an island and take a break or something, we can"
"I said I'm bloody all right!" The phoenix hacked several times. The hammock dipped another twenty feet. Ethan tensed up, his numbed fingers gripping the twisted rope.
"Fawkes, you need to pull up!" The boy watched with wide eyes as a ten-foot wave hissed by a mere twenty feet below.
"I'm fine," came the stubborn reply. The hammock continued to drop steadily. Ethan stood shakily, gripping the sides of the hammock with all his might as another towering wave approached; this one would hit them for sure. The wall of cloudy blue came surging toward them.
"FaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAUGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!" Ethan screamed, shutting his eyes and waiting to be swept into the sea.
But the next sensation he felt wasn't that of a wall of water slamming into him. Instead, his stomach dropped unpleasantly as Fawkes surged into the air with renewed vigor, the wave passing harmlessly beneath them. Ethan collapsed into his bundle of blankets, shaking like a leaf while Fawkes cackled.
"You should have heard yourself! Hahahaha! 'Oh, Fawkes, you have to pull up!'" The phoenix rose higher, as fresh as he was when they had first started out.
"I hate you," Ethan informed the phoenix, still shaking. "I hate you!"
"Aw, lighten up," Fawkes said airily. "I could sing you a song if you like"
"NO, THANK YOU!" Ethan wrapped the blankets back around himself and scowled. The sun was setting, and the boy was exhausted. Figuring that the phoenix wouldn't try and pull anything if he wasn't awake to 'enjoy' it, Ethan curled up in a ball and shut his eyes. "I'm going to take a nap. Wake me when we get there."
"Sure thing, kid." Ethan fell asleep to the sound of Fawkes humming his song to himself.
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A bit rushed, I know but I'm excited for the next chapter! You guys are going to like it!
And at the request of a reviewer: SMOKING KILLS! Honestly, the only reason Fawkes doesn't have lung cancer is because he keeps dying and rising from the ashes, anyway. TOBACCO IS WHACKO, IF YOU'RE NOT A PHOENIX IN A PARODY FIC! There.
The Weaseling Dragon: Yes, indeedy! And there will be plenty of Fawkes in this fic, don't worry.
Witch of Darkness: Yeah, I used my experiences with college mail as inspiration for the letters and brochures. Too bad the college mail wasn't magical
Skimbleshanks, the Railway CAT: I'm glad you think this fic is deep, hehehe. Do you mean "destroyed" in a good way, or a bad way? :P
Spoofmaster: Glad you like it.
D6: Yeah, he got a raw deal. And I dunno when the heck I'm going to have time for the choose your own adventure, but I do want to try it.
Fuji the Hobbit: Yeah, it's brutal, but I have a fan so I'm surviving. Harry will be in his sixth year, I suppose. And I imagine that Ethan will be treated quite nicely, being the main character and all. ;-)
awkward: Thanks loads for the lovely review! I wasn't sure whether to giggle or cry (in a good way). You flatter me terribly! (blush)
Kathryn Bushore: YAY SUMMER BREAK! I've actually been off for over a month, now, but I've been working 40 hours a week so it doesn't feel like summer that much. And it doesn't help that it's raining all the forking time I swear, it's like living in Washington or something. Anyway, thanks!! :-)
Anamaria Elentari: He's my hero, too. :P
Lady Rumbottom: Your name rocks. Fight the man, indeed! Now that Fawkes has someone to listen to him, he's going to be spilling his guts. ;-)
Rachel the Insane Unicorn: Two hooves up! WOO! (fives) Wait can I do that if you have hooves? (ponders)
Ember the angry Firedrake: Only the second time? Hehehehe. Glad you like my characterization of Fawkes! :D
TheSiriusSparrow: Yeah, poor Fawkes. This fic is going to be his moment in the sun and then some.
morph: Oh, I'd FORGOTTEN about that! Thanks for reminding me; I have to work that in, now. Bwahahaha
FrighteninglyObsessed: I actually haven't read much HP fiction, so I don't know what typical HP Gary-Stus are like. But I know that the flood of mail was meant more as a parody of the loads of mail that high school students typically get from colleges than to illustrate how wonderful Ethan is. :P And if you don't like Harry much, you may end up LOVING this fic. But that's all I'm going to say. ;-)
purplestainedglass: Well, he's been through a lot. :P Thanks!
Hirilnara: Yay! I've changed your perspective on Fawkes forever! I did that with one of my friends, only instead of Fawkes it was Dumbledore, and I merely pointed out the double meaning "headmaster" could have :P I'm dirty.
Vanyaria Darkshadow: I think that someone telling you that they don't generally read the kind of fic you're writing but do like yours, it's one of the biggest compliments you can receive. So thanks! You made my day!
Ainu Laire: Eh, don't worry about the laziness. I hardly ever sign in. And I totally sympathize with your fic frustrations. Ficstrations? Hehehe. Anyway, I know how rough it can be when you start something and decide halfway through that you don't want to finish. But who knows, you could wake up one morning totally inspired to work on PotR! Don't overestimate my skills, hehehe I still hardly know where I'm going with poor Davey Jones.
Lady LifeCharm: Hey! (tackle) Long time no see! I'm glad you like it; thanks bunches!!
Luck Marie: Thanks muchly!
Phaidra: Second is still good! It was really close, hehe. I was just amazed at how fast people responded!
Cricket-chan: Glad you like the parrottongue. :D Thanks!
You guys, I have 40 reviews already, and it's just been two chapters! You are all amazing!! So you all get hammocks and blankets, for doing historical reenactments of Ethan and Fawkes's flight across the ocean in the safety of your own backyard! Enjoy! But don't swing back and forth too hard, or else you'll either flip over or get all tangled up, and that would just be unpleasant. Or else you'd drop your plushie, and it would get all dirty and swear profusely at you. So please, be safe. ;-)
-Platy
