Paralyzed
Spoilers: Post Nesting Dolls, Post Unbearable
A/N- Wow! Thanks for the reviews! Thanks again to Rica, you are the best! Special thanks to Anaside!
Chapter 2
Sara walked into her apartment. She was tired. She needed to stop thinking. She made her way to the kitchen to grab a beer. Thinking better, she put it back and grabbed a water bottle. She needed a clear head; her new life needed to start today, no matter what her heart said.
Sara walked to the computer and emailed Ecklie. She requested a meeting the following night, one hour before shift. If she had her way, she'd be out of there before everyone arrived. She had enough of the Lab, enough of her current life, and enough of "him." The last thing she needed was everyone's eyes on her. Poor Sara, first she gets suspended and then her love goes out with Sofia. Her life was filled with pity and she needed that to stop, now.
It took four re-writes but she was finally done. Short and sweet, end of story.
Ecklie,
I would like a few minutes of your time tomorrow before shift. How is 10pm? I'll come by your office.
Regards,
Sara Sidle
The plan was set it motion. For some time now Sara had wanted to go and find herself. She needed to face her past before going forward. After her 'talk' with Grissom last week she decided that she needed to resolve a few things. She wanted to find the social worker who took care of her when her mom killed her dad. She wanted to know her name. How could she have forgotten her name? Such a silly thing, but it led to a bigger question: what else did she forget?
'The mind has its filters,' he said. Why did every line he said to her stick in her head and she couldn't remember the simple name of the woman who led to her past?
Sara also needed to face her mother. She hadn't spoken to her since her sentencing. Her mother probably hated her, but the lawyers told her she had to tell the truth, and she had. She gave them a very graphic description on what she remembered of that fateful day.
She walked to the bathroom and ran the tub, a hot bubble bath. She turned the light down, not wanting to see herself right then. She shed her clothes and stepped into the tub. It was hot, so hot, and then she was numb. One thing she was good at was becoming numb. Truthfully, she spent her whole life practicing it. First in foster care, then she turned to her studies, followed by work and drinking. Yes, she was good at it and she hated herself for it.
XXXXXXX
Sara was early for her meeting with Ecklie, but went straight to his office. She had to prepare herself for her speech. She needed to convince him she needed this leave of absence. She needed to tell him enough so that he didn't question it, but not enough that her job would be on the line. She could do it, though. She'd fooled people for years.
Two days later she was on a plane to Frisco. It had been easier than she thought, talking to Ecklie. Apparently he welcomed her leave of absence request stating she needed to get her life under control. He said he'd handle talking to Grissom, and there was no better time than the present to start. With that, she handed him her gun and put her back to the lab and walked away. It was actually the easiest thing she had done in years. But she wasn't fooling herself. Physically walking away wasn't the problem, it would be emotionally walking away that would do her in.
XXXXXXX
Grissom walked into the lab only a few minutes before shift, very rare for him. His alarm failed to wake him and he rushed to get to work at all. He grumbled at the receptionist as she handed him his messages.
"Dr Grissom, Mr. Ecklie wants to see you as soon as you get in."
Grissom rolled his eyes. What now?
He walked into Conrad's office, something he hated doing before he had his evening cup of coffee. "You needed me, Conrad?"
He looked up. "Sit down, Gil."
Grissom sat, and felt like a good dog that should get a bone for good behavior.
"Remember last week when I told you that you couldn't solve Sidle's problems?"
Grissom sat up straight; what's this idiot talking about? His pulse shot up 30 points. Oh God, what did she do?
Sensing Gil's fear, Conrad clarified himself. "Relax, she's okay. She requested, and I granted, an LOA. She said she needed to solve some issues from her past. Said it would help her here. I think it's a great idea."
"Why didn't she tell me?" He looked confused and he couldn't help to think if this was Conrad's decision or Sara's.
"I am the Lab's director Gil."
Grissom rolled his eyes, "Of course you are, Conrad, and if I forget, I'm sure you will remind me. How long will she be gone?"
Ecklie looked down at the request form. He looked at Gil, "It says three months to indefinite."
Grissom was momentarily rendered speechless. 'Indefinite?'
"Well, we will be two CSI's short, Sofia resigned last night."
Grissom saw something in Ecklie he never thought he would see – sheer panic. He wasn't expecting that. Was there something between them?
"What? Why wouldn't she come to me?" Ecklie was totally taken aback.
Grissom smirked, "Well, I am her supervisor." He stood to leave.
"What are we going to do, Gil?"
Grissom turned to face the man he loathed. "I don't know Conrad. You are the lab's director." He continued on and left. He made it into his office before losing his cool. He punched his wall, hard. The pain felt good.
If anyone would have told him six months ago that this was how his life would turn out he would never have believed them.
He sat at his desk for what seemed like an eternity. He wasn't surprised Sara took a leave of absence, but he was surprised she didn't talk to him about it. He thought they were getting closer. She had opened up to him, and he was there for her. What happened? And then it hit him. She must have found out. Oh God, she thinks I went on a date with Sofia. His disgust with himself rendered even him disbelieving.
Truth told, he liked Sofia. She stood up to Ecklie and got demoted over him. He didn't like her in that way, but he couldn't say she didn't intrigue him. He wanted to pick her brain and have a bitch session about the lab, about Ecklie. Halfway through it he realized she thought it was more, but he was enjoying himself, and what was so wrong about that?
He lowered his head into his hands, and nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock on the door. He looked up and saw Catherine standing there.
"Hi."
She needed to say no more, the look said it all.
"Gil, what were you thinking? Did you think Sara wouldn't find out?"
"Catherine, I'm not in the mood for this, not now."
She looked at him with disgust, wondering where her friend had gone. The ultimate Gil Grissom was unraveling at the seams lately.
"Well, it is my issue. Conrad is putting Nick and Warrick back on nights to cover, so yes, your… asinine behavior is my problem."
"Do you think one dinner is what caused Sara to request a leave of absence, Catherine?" He was sick of everyone thinking his actions were the only reason for Sara's reactions. "Sara…. Sara has…" God, why couldn't he finish a damn sentence when it came to talking to or about her?
"You know, forget it. I'm sorry you have to cover for Sara." He hoped she would just leave him alone, but this was Catherine, and he knew better.
Catherine closed the door and sat down. "Gil, friend to friend, what's going on? Is she in some sort of trouble"
He took his glasses off and gently rubbed the bridge of his nose. He looked up realizing the mess he was in. "Not getting into any specifics, let's just say that Sara can relate to many types of violent crimes, especially against women, because she witnessed them first hand."
Catherine was stumped, and for her, that was a first. "I'm not sure what to say. I'm sorry I wasn't more sensitive to her. Is she…will she be okay?"
He didn't know how to answer that. It had only been a week since he found this out himself, and he hadn't seen her since that night. He thought he was being her friend, but if he was he should have gone back to see her. And what did he do? He had dinner with Sofia. God, Sara must have hated him. Who would blame her? Every time she opened up to him he retreated. He didn't like himself very much, not very much at all.
"Gil?" Catherine was worried about her friend.
He didn't say a word. Catherine took that as a hint to leave, but before she did she turned to him and asked, "Do you know where she went?"
He looked disgusted; he truly had no idea. What kind of friend was he?
"No."
He watched Catherine leave and stared into the empty void ahead of him. He had no idea what to do. First he lost his team, then his respect, and now Sara. Something had to change, and he had no idea how to do it.
TBC.
