Paralyzed

Spoilers: Post Nesting Dolls, Post Unbearable

A/N- Wow! Thanks for the reviews! Thanks again to Rica, you are the best!

Chapter 3

Sara checked herself into a no-name hotel. She needed to blend in, she needed to hide. The room was very ordinary; a studio with a bed and a table. She was used to such rooms because she'd lived in them her whole life. Never more than one room that would be a home. Sara had never had a home that she could remember.

She laid her small bag on the bed and sat down. She was so very tired and needed to sleep. Lately her thoughts had been focused on eternal sleep, but for today she would settle for rest. Then she needed to face her past, and then, maybe she would entertain the thought of eternal sleep again.

It felt strange sleeping at night time, but surprisingly sleep found Sara easily. She learned long ago how to escape her thoughts and body and as her breathing became steady and easy, she slept. She had no dreams – why would she? Dreams would mean something good would happen, and she knew better. If she always expected to be disappointed, it would hurt just a tiny bit less.

When Sara woke it was just starting to get light out. She reached over and checked her watch: 5 AM. If she was still in Vegas she would be at work, with him, and her. The thought of Grissom with Sofia brought bile into her throat and she rolled over, swallowing hard. It was pointless to get up and shower as she couldn't go to social services until at least 9am.

After a half hour of absolute boredom Sara jumped up to start her day. She walked over and raised the curtain. Sunshine and blue water – finally something that appealed to her, something she didn't have to fight for. She dressed in stretch jeans and a sweatshirt. The sunshine was deceiving – it was chilly at 6am.

Sara walked along a path and immediately felt better. She was glad she got a room near the water, because it always relaxed her. Even as a child when her life was to hard to handle she found herself coming down to the water. She looked out at the horizon today the same way she did twenty years ago. The horizon helped her remember that there was hope in her life, somewhere out there was a happy future. She still wondered why twenty years later she still hadn't found happiness; life was still as cruel as it had been when it started.

After walking for what seemed like hours, she stopped at a bench overlooking the pier. She had grabbed a coffee on the way and sat eating a scone and sipping on her brew. For these few minutes Sara felt at ease, and it felt good.

Lost in thought, Sara was startled by the sound of another human's voice. She was lost at the sound of the water and the chirping of the birds.

"Mind if I sit down?" Looking down at Sara was a man with a coffee and a paper in hand.

Sara cleared her throat. "Sure, why not?"

So he sat. He opened his paper, carefully resting his coffee on the bench next to Sara. "I hope this is okay?"

She shook her head. She looked over at the man sitting next to her. He was fairly non-descript: dark hair, blue eyes and glasses. He was dressed in tan slacks and a beaten up sports coat.

He sensed Sara's glances and looked over. "I hope I'm not bothering you. I usually come here and have my morning coffee. It starts the day off peacefully."

Sara sighed. Yes, it would start any day off peacefully, wouldn't it. "No problem, just enjoying the view. I'm Sara Sidle, by the way."

He looked up, "Mike. Mike Sampson." He put his paper down. "Are you from around here?"

She shook here head, "No, I'm from Vegas. Well, I mean… I work in Vegas now, but I grew up around here, Tamales Bay."

"I've lived here my whole life, never left. Pretty boring, but this is my life."

They shared a few minutes of silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence either. He was the first to break it. "What are you doing in Frisco?"

Momentarily dazed by his question, Sara finally answered, "Just taking care of some old business."

"I hope everything's okay," he stammered, "you look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders."

It was a statement rather than a question and even as this stranger pried into Sara's life, it didn't bother her.

"Sorry, Sara, I'm nosy, or a 'people person' as some put it," he chuckled and opened is paper back up.

He was worried he'd pushed too far and was surprised that the mysterious woman seated next to him continued.

"Mike, can I ask you a question?" Sara looked off into the distance again before continuing, "Have you ever reached a point in your life when you just feel paralyzed?"

"Yes, actually I have."

Sara noticed the look of seriousness that suddenly crossed his face.

"I have a pretty stressful job and sometimes it eats me up inside. Caused me to lose everything, even my family… so yes, I know how it feels."

She looked down, "At least you had a family to lose, I've never even got that far."

It was quiet again as each of them reflected on their thoughts.

Mike looked down at his watch, "Damn, I have to get to work."

"For you," he handed her the paper. "Maybe I'll see you again sometime, Sara Sidle."

She watched as he walked away. He had strides and she counted 24 of them until he was out of her sight. She pushed herself up and headed back to her hotel room. Time to shower and change. She had an appointment at Children's Services in less than an hour.

XXXXXXXX

It took less than 30 seconds for memories to start flooding back as she approached the Children's services building. She could never forget the look or smell of it. She closed her eyes and remembered the musty smell; it was warm she was sweating but somehow she had never been so cold in her life.

Sara reached the steps and continued to the receptionist. It was now or never. "Hi, I'm Sara Sidle and …and… I was in the system almost 20 years ago and was looking for some information."

The lady almost guffawed at Sara, "do you think we have records that far back?'

Sara didn't think it was funny. "Yes, I do. Can you please check?"

Even though she looked annoyed, the woman started typing something. "What was your name again?"

"Sara Sidle."

"No, I can't find anything, sorry." She looked over Sara's shoulder. "Next!"

Trying to remain calm, Sara slammed her hand down. "No!"

"You have to find something on me. I've been forgotten my whole life and now you're saying I have no past?" Sara didn't know why she was laughing. Nerves maybe? The tears were close but her anger kept them at bay.

Suddenly Sara heard someone walking towards them. "What seems to be the issue, Marie?"

Sara couldn't bear to look.

"This woman here is looking for information about her past and we don't seem to have any records on her, and she isn't happy."

Sara looked up and was about to lose her cool. "Mike?"

He looked at her. "Sara?"

TBC

A/N Don't get too worried, trust me, ok? I am a big GSR fan….