Paralyzed

Spoilers: Post Nesting Dolls, Post Unbearable

A/N- Special thanks to Rica! You are the best!

I wanted to thank everyone for the nice reviews.. they means a lot!

Chapter 8

For the first time in nearly two decades Sara didn't hurt.

When Sara woke the next day she was confused as to why she couldn't move. That is until she opened her eyes. Looking back at her were the beautiful blue orbs of Grissom. Grissom was her friend, her mentor and the only man who had the keys to her past. She smiled at him, silently thanking him for his support, and whispered, "Good morning."

His face, which had been serious, broke into a smile, "It is a good morning, isn't it?" For a few split seconds he wasn't aware of why he even was upset last night. Holding and being held by Sara made it all go away. Not that he doubted all these years the effect she would have on him, but one thing he knew was how much she rocked his world.

They stayed curled up together for quite a long time. It was Grissom who finally broke the silence. "I probably should call the airline, I have to work tonight."

Sara looked at him with a bit of trepidation. "You came here for the night?"

He pulled her in closer kissing the top of her head. "I couldn't be alone and I needed you."

"That's good because I needed you too."

Grissom closed his eyes. He dreamed of hearing those words from Sara. It's not that he didn't know how much they needed each other; it's just the first time he allowed himself to believe it. "I just wish that I could stay longer. I sort of lost it at work and if I don't show up tonight they will think I've finally gone off the deep end."

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"I'd rather just hold you, Sara. Can we talk about it later?" Grissom hoped she would understand. He wanted to savor the strength he was gathering by holding Sara close.

"Actually I understand perfectly, being held is nice." They lay together for another hour or so before Grissom decided he needed to make plans to get back to work.

Grissom called the airline and was leaving in three hours. As he hung up the phone he looked over at Sara, she was rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She looked adorable in her t-shirt and lounge pants. So this is what it would be like, having a bad night and waking up and fighting their demons together.

Sara sensed his eyes on her and she turned around to call his bluff, "what?"

Slightly blushing he looked at the floor while composing himself. It hit him then and there that they were alone in a hotel room. No interruptions, no worries; just man and woman, friend and foe. Whatever feelings were rushing to his core he put aside as he knew he needed to take baby steps, friends first. "Do you want to talk about your Mom?"

Sara walked over to the bed. She slid down to sit leaning up against the bed for support.

Grissom took her lead and sat next to her. He waited for her to begin. After sensing her uneasiness, he reached over and gently took her hand. "Remember what I said last night? Let's fight this together. We both have failed miserably fighting alone, so starting now, united we stand."

She cleared her throat and told him of her trip the previous day. She was only going to hit the highlights but was shocked at every detail coming out of her mouth. He listened at every juncture and seemed to take it all in. She got to the point where she had asked her mother why she did it, and she hesitated.

"I asked my Mom why she did it-." Sara closed her eyes and lowered her head to her knees.

He saw her struggling and squeezed her hand harder. "It's ok, let it out."

"She told me she did it to protect me, that he was coming after me-." Her voice was coming in choking sobs now. "After all these years of blaming my mom and she did it for me."

Grissom thought his heart couldn't break anymore; he was wrong. The hate she carried around all these years, the hate that molded her existence was built upon false truth. Knowing Sara as he did, it must be killing her.

"Oh Sara, there was no way for you to know the reasons why it happened." He reached over and pulled her in for a hug. "Tell me you don't think it is your fault."

Her eyes shot up, "how can I not think it was my fault?"

"Your mom made a choice Sara; she had reached her boiling point. Years of pain and anger will make you do crazy things."

Sara desperately wanted to believe him, but her mind has worked one way for almost her entire life, self doubt. "She wasn't even mad Gris, she said she knew what she had to do and she did it. I've planned every aspect of my life. Nothing I do is spontaneous; everything is calculated. She just did it, for me."

Grissom looked over and studied her. Sara was always so strong, now he needed to be strong for her. "Sara, the past is the past, you can't change it. You can create the future. Have your mom be a part of your life, start over. Instead of having this reality bring your future down, have it fuel your sense of family."

Sara listened, but it was all so much to take in. She needed time to digest this all. She had a family, and may even have a future with her Mom and this man giving her strength. "Thanks Gris."

Sara closed her eyes and listened to the soft beat of his heart. The rhythm was slow and steady and it calmed her. He always had that effect on her but it had just been years since she let him in that far.

Sara remained with her head on Grissom's chest. It felt too good to move. "Gris, what happened to you last night?"

Quietly, he began to speak, "An entire family killed; two kids, a mom and dad. All dead for no reason. We have nothing, absolutely nothing. Some sick bastard is out there enjoying his high and no matter what we do, we still have nothing."

His voice was steady as he stared into space. He used to be so good pushing the emotions out of his mind, but lately it has been harder and harder. When he saw the family picture of the mantle it cut him to the nucleus. His soul had been dying a slow death, and by coming here tonight he was trying to jumpstart his life again.

They stayed that way for a bit soaking in each others strength. It was Grissom who finally moved. "As much as it pains me, I have to go."

She looked up at him, "Thanks for coming." She hesitated then looked deep into his eyes, "Thanks for being my friend."

He cupped her face with his strong hands. "When you are ready, I'd like us to be more than friends. I'd like to be your family Sara. I want to show you how special family can be, how love can be kind and happy. I never want to see sadness on your face again and I'm willing to do anything to make sure of that."

Grissom stood up and reached out for her hand. He pulled her up and into a hug, placing his lips next to her ear, "I love you Sara. I think I have from the first day we met. I'm sorry I ever made you doubt it. Can you ever forgive me enough to be with me?"

She smiled up at him, "I need some more time to straighten things out in my head but I'm leaning towards coming back."

He looked confused. "For work or for me?"

Sara chuckled, "For work…well, really for Ecklie."

Grissom dead panned, "Ecklie?"

"It's his irresistible charm, what can I say?" Her lips pursed up in a semblance of a smile.

Grissom finally cracked a smile, "you almost got me."

Sara dialed a cab for Grissom and before they knew it, it was outside honking. "Time to go."

After another round of salutations, he pulled her close. Her heart had surely stopped beating. His face was a mere inch from hers. "I meant it Sara, I do love you. I'll be waiting for you."

She didn't know why but she wasn't ready to give her love away just yet. He was probably hurt by her not saying it, but 'love' was a strong concept for Sara Sidle, and the key that locked it up years ago had yet to surface.

"Gris, can you call me when you get to work tonight? I want to make sure you get home ok."

He picked up his small bag and slung it on his shoulder. He caressed her face one last time before he walked to the door. "Take care of yourself Sara, but come home soon."

And with that, he was gone.

XXXXX

True to his word Grissom called Sara when he got back to Vegas. They had a nice conversation about nothing in particular, but it was pleasant nonetheless. Grissom promised to call her when he went to work that night, and he did, that night and every night that followed, for the next two weeks. The first night he called it was just after Sara climbed into bed. The mental image left him in a state of flux, but he managed to control those feelings and carry on normally. He looked forward to those calls with Sara more than anything in his life now and he knew despite miles distancing them, they were growing closer and closer and it scared him, and he loved it all wrapped together.

Sara felt it too. She spent her days relaxing, walking, reading and re-gaining her mental strength. She decided against seeking professional help because she knew she had faced her demons and now it was up to her to accept them and move on with her life. No matter what her days brought, she always looked forward to Grissom's call at night. She had her routine down. She took a bath, put on her pajamas and curled up on the couch. She spoke of beautiful sunsets, walks at dawn and literature she was reading. Grissom had sent her several books to help occupy her time and they discussed each at length. They had spoken more in the past few weeks than they had in years, and Sara loved it. In all honesty she almost counted on his nightly phone calls. She knew it was dangerous giving herself to him, but right now he was her rock, only problem is she had no idea how to tell him.

Sara knew she needed to get back to Vegas and re-join her life. As much as she liked her routine she was growing bored with it and she missed her job. What scared her most was going back to Vegas and her and Grissom losing the ground they were gaining in their relationship, but she was now willing to try. She decided it was time and she emailed Ecklie and told him she would be back the following week.

When Sara told Grissom that she was coming home he had a pit in his stomach. As much as he wanted to see her he didn't want to lose any ground they had made over the past few weeks. It was easier talking to her on the phone, he held no guard up. He wasn't her supervisor or mentor; he was just Gil Grissom talking to Sara Sidle. And as man and woman they connected on every level that counted. His hunger for her was growing and he was afraid when she saw him she would know how he felt. He longed to curl up on his couch with her and have their nightly calls "in person". Maybe one day the dream of finally having Sara would come true.

It was Saturday morning and Grissom was getting ready to leave work. He packed his bag up, filling it with a few case files to occupy his boring home existence. He left work and headed home. The lonely feeling he got every time he headed home was driving a knife into his heart. It was only his fault; he had no other to blame. When he pulled in, he looked up and saw her. She was sitting on his step. She was the same beautiful Sara he has known for years, yet she was different. She looked genuinely happy.

He put the car in park, got out and ambled over to her. Their eyes met and stayed locked until they were mere inches apart. "Look who the wind brought in."

Sara laughed, "More like desert storm, don't you think?"

He opened the door and they walked inside. It was normal, natural and comfortable like they had been doing it forever instead of a monumental first step. "Can I get you anything?"

She looked at him wanting to speak her mind, but suddenly the man who was so easy to speak to over the phone was miles away. Why couldn't things be the same as they were on the phone?

They continued to look uncomfortable at each other until Grissom remembered Sara's words. Fight or fall. He knew what he had to do.

Grissom walked towards Sara ever so slowly so she wouldn't back off. When he was close enough he gently grabbed her hand and pulled her into him. Her touch set him aflame and he didn't realize how much he had missed her being near until that second.

"I'm glad you are here Sara, I've missed you."

Sara was too entranced in his arms to hear his words, she felt like she was in heaven. She was afraid to let go and have to face him as she wasn't sure she could be herself under his watchful eye.

He didn't wait for her answer before he lifted her chin with his finger, "Sara, I really want to kiss you right now, would that be ok?"

Her face went ten shades of crimson. As much as she dreamed of being right here and right now, she wasn't ready for this, but her body was telling her otherwise. Her entire body was aching for his touch and she needed to get past her self made walls. She tried to answer but nothing came out. She was worried he would misread her hesitation.

He led her over to the couch and sat down beside her. He turned and looked at her. "Sara, do you trust me?"

There was no hesitation now, "With my life."

He smiled, "That's a good start." He cleared his throat before continuing. "Close your eyes Sara."

She looked befuddled, but went along with him.

He leaned in closer, settling right next to her ear. "Sara, do you hear my voice?"

She shook her head. "Yes."

"For the past few weeks we have spoken over the phone. You were comfortable, yes?"

"Yes."

"Is my voice the same to you?"

"Yes."

He pulled her hand into his chest, "do you feel my heart beating fast for you?"

"Yes."

He moved back closer to her ear, "I'm the same man. I'm the same man who wants to hold you, wants to love you and be with you, do you understand that Sara?"

Her heart was jumping through her throat, "yes."

"Sara, I need you to be honest with me now." He had placed his hands on her arms and they were running the length of her arms with the softest of touch. "Can you tell me what you want me to do to you, for you?"

She kept her eyes shut. If she made eye contact now she wouldn't be able to speak. She had longed for his touch for the better part of the last decade, and the thought that he wanted to touch her was almost overwhelming. "I want-."

He now grabbed her face tenderly in his hands, "Go on, I need to hear you want me too."

She couldn't take it anymore and opened her eyes. Her eyes screamed at him, her body ached for him, and it was now or never. "I want you Gil Grissom, I've always wanted you and only you."

Her lips found his. Man found woman. Lust or love, or maybe both were driving the kiss. "I want you and all of you; whatever you can give me Grissom."

His desire ran wild. His hands ran unbridled in her hair; and his tongue danced with hers in perfect harmony. After what seemed like an eternity he broke it off, "Are you ok?"

She smiled as she answered, "Better than ok."

"Care to join me in the bedroom?"

Sara stood and suddenly he was horrified at his words. "You're leaving?"

She pulled him into a standing position until they were face to face. "Close your eyes Gris."

His eyebrows furrowed, he replied, "Ok." He closed his eyes not knowing what to expect.

She took a deep breath in an effort to gain her composure. When she finally thought she was able she leaned in and whispered, "Gil, I love you."

In Gil Grissom's 47 years of life, he had never heard such beautiful words. He needed to show her how he felt right now. He firmly grabbed her hand and walked her towards the bedroom. It was going to be quite a day.

TBC - One more chapter after this! Please be kind and review. I need to know if you like the direction this is going!