Author's Note: Hi there! Lil here! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, ELVIS!!! Yes, the King turned 70 this weekend, how lovely! Hope you all had a lovely Winter Break, alas, mine is over! I had classes today, bummer. Oh well, nothing good lasts forever. Except reviews, they're good! I got some, yay! Thank you to: Vanillafluffy (glad you like the silly fun! It makes me giggle too! Now that I think about it, I'd like some yummy waffles! But Tommy broke the waffle iron, alas!), inuyoukai-01 (hilarious? Why thank you! And I do try to update soon, really I do, but 'soon' is such an irrelevant term.), CyNicole (Okay! Okay! I have continued, now stop the poking!!! Lol, glad you like!), Mordire (oh, no. Hermione is not the culprit! She is affected later on in this chapter! It just takes a while for people to be 'infected' and she wasn't around him long enough at first to be obviously love-sick! Clever deductiveness, though.), Avalon Estel (thanks a lot, dear Avie! Snapey-sense was due to watching too much Spider-man 2, which I got for Christmas. I loved the post-deuling professors as well! Lupin's insane laughter is brought out whenever I am laughing insanely (though not always, or else he'd never stop!), so there is quite a bit of it! But remember, I'm a nut! I can laugh all I want!) Thanks to all of you, you each get a peanut butter cookie! Oh, I think I should use this space as a shameless plug for one of my other stories, but I can't decide which one so: Go read my other stories! Any of them, I don't care! Just be nice and leave a review, por favor! You know the drill, just click on my name up at the top and it will take you to a nice bio. Skip that crap and go straight to the bottom! Read those lovely pieces of fiction, they're sure to make you laugh! Anywho, I think I've rambled enough for now. On with the disclaimer!
Oh, by the way... I don't even know who the culprit is yet! I've decided to change it from who I had the first time I wrote it, so I'm stumped! If you want, tell me your guesses in your reviews and when the time comes to figure out the guilty party, I'll look at your ideas! Not guaranteeing anything, but...
Disclaimer: I own everything, everything! Muahahahahahahaha! -lawyer man in fancy suit comes and slaps Lil upside the head with a large and heavy briefcase- Alright, alright! I own nothing, nothing. Darn, almost got away with them this time! Stupid lawyers!
Oh yeah, and a cookie to all who got the 'it's not my feet, I just washed them!' reference to Robin Hood: Men In Tights, I LOVE that movie!
Love Potion Number 9
Chapter 4
Our poor fellows were in a dilemma out on the lawn, but Professor Sprout was traipsing towards the castle, happy as a clam not in chowder. She opened the door and walked in and, seeing the many female figures scouring the hall in front of her, went over to McGonagall and Sinistra, who seemed to be in charge of the search. "Hello there, Minerva, Sylvia. Whatcha doin'?"
McGonagall looked at her and replied, "We're looking for Severus! You haven't seen him, have you?"
"As a matter of fact, I have!", she told the two teachers, "I just ran into him out in the yard, literally. He was very sweet! Have either of you notice how handsome he is looking today?"
Before she could say 'liver-flavored Kibbleshnitzel' her colleagues had ran down the corridor screaming, "Come on, girls, he's outside!!!" This was followed by a stampede of love-crazy ladies charging down the hall and out the door, several getting stuck because many had tried to go through at the same time. If the Crocodile Hunter were to observe them, he would say they look suspiciouly like a herd of water buffalo!
"Okay, well, bye!", Sprout said, heading for the infirmary to look for Madam Pomfrey, not knowing that the school nurse was among those in the mob.
Madam Hooch was running toward Snape and Lupin now at full speed! They had nowhere to go but backwards, so they started to run back to the castle. This escape route, however, was quickly cut off as the giggling group of loony ladies that had previously been in the castle came out the doors in a rush! With nowhere to run now, Snape quickly started to panic! There is a first time for everything, though, and it seems that now was the time for Lupin to use his brain!
"Quick, Severus, to the bat cave! Oops, I mean broom closet!", he shouted, dashing towards the Quidditch field. Snape, not understanding, follows anyway, anything to get away from these weird women! They arrived at the broom closet used to store the schools brooms and Lupin unlocked the lock. Turning back to see how close the 'fan club' is getting, he was frightened and hurriedly grabbed the only two brooms that looked like they could stay in the air and handed one to Snape. They soared into the sky just as the mob reached them. A quick spell from Snape set the door locked in place, and it couldn't be unlocked without the key, unfortunately for his faithful followers! The two were flying off when they realized that they had forgotten about something… Madam Hooch!
The dynamic duo chanced a glance back behind them only to see that she is air-born as well, and her broom is a fair bit faster than the school's! Thankfully, however, the rest of the crowd has apparently given up trying to open the door and they all started back to the castle at a run. Now they just had Hooch to deal with. Not so bad, right?
Wrong. She, being the flying teacher, was an excellent flyer. Neither of them were even good enough to make their House Quidditch teams back in their day. But they had one advantage, pure, unadulterated fear! It was this fear that drove them on, and somehow they managed to elude their persevering pursuer.
It was then that the men found out why Snape's followers had run into the castle, at that moment brooms of every make and model were flying out of windows with teachers and students alike on them, and there were more coming every minute! Snape and Lupin thought that Hooch was hard to evade, but now they had to escape over two dozen broom-riding maniacs!
They zigged and they zagged and they somehow managed not to get captured, yet. Frequent looks in the rearward direction, however, showed that the ranks of the hunters were growing, and quite rapidly! Madam Hooch was still in the lead, but she was closely followed by the Patil twins and Luna Lovegood. Not far behind theses three were the ever-frightening, dedicated and determined, breakfast-ruining Sinistra and McGonagall.
Snape wasn't sure what to do, there were more people flying after him every minute, and evading them was hard, the old broom he rode was not very aerodynamic and it's handling was probably equal to a wet mop! Still, he had to get away! He couldn't fall behind, who knows what they would do to him? That single thought and the will to live were what made him so darn uncatchable to the desperate witches! He and Lupin dodged, turned, and spiraled for a while, getting very dizzy. Soon a glance back saw that Professor Trelawney had added to the numbers on her flying carpet, joined by a few first years who had not yet learned how to fly on brooms. She was quickly catching up, and her breakneck speed and shoddy steering were making a few of her passengers turn green.
Meanwhile, back in Gryffindor Tower, Hermione Granger was just sitting down to do some extra credit homework when she happened to glance out the window. What an odd flock of birds! she thought, and went back to reading. She then did a double-take! That large, black bird out in the front looked like… Professor Snape? But she had never seen him on a broom, she didn't even think he knew how to fly, and by the looks of it he wasn't doing very well, all that turning and spinning might make him fall off! And Professor Lupin was there, but he wasn't flying much better. Then she noticed that the rest of the 'birds' were, in fact, people, people who were after poor Professor Snape!
She had to save him! Quickly, she ran up the stairs into the boy's dormitory and grabbed Ron's broom, telling him in a rush, "I'msorryIneedtogosaveProfessorSnape,I'llbringitback,thanks!", before leaping out the window! Well this did not suit Ron at all, and he went off to go find Hermione and get his broom back before she mangled it or something, but he didn't go out the window. He wisely chose the stairs.
Outside, Snape and Lupin were having a hard time trying to get away from the screaming Severus fans, they were getting closer by the second! Looking back showed that Blaise Zabini and Alicia Spinnet were moving up and now ahead of the nutty professors, the Patil twins were still gaining, and Cho Chang was now up toward the front with Luna. Hooch was nowhere to be seen, that was either very good or very bad!
It turned out to be very bad, she had gained speed and flew above him, planning an ambush,and now chose this time to attack! She pounced on his broom, grabbing at him and trying to give him a great big smooch! He screamed like a little girl for the bazillionth time that day and tried to shove her off, in the process losing control of the broom. He tipped over and right off the blasted flying contraption, leaving her alone on it and very sad. The good thing is that he got away from Hooch, the bad thing is that he was no longer supported in the air. Another scream erupted from our favorite Potions Professor as he plummeted towards the ground, but was saved just in time by Lupin, who grabbed him by the back of the robes!
He thanked him gratefully for saving his life for the bazillionth time that day and tried to get on the broom, but couldn't manage it without hanging upside down. Well, he considered his options and decided that flying upside down on a broom high in the air is better than not flying upsied down on a broom high in the air, and settled for the first option. However, it was not particularly enjoyable when Lupin flew a bit too close to the top of a tree and Snape got a mouthful of leaves and twigs.
Daring to look behind them again showed that Trelawney had quickened her pace and was now at the head of the pack, along with her now terrified passengers who were clinging to the carpet like cats to a tree limb. However, the more qualified Quidditch players were right behind her and they looked determined to reach their professor first!
All of a sudden there was a loud noise that drowned out the rest, and a lone figure flies out of a tower window. "I'll save you, Professor!", the figure shouted, and dashed towards him like a hurricane! Soon the person was close enough for identifying, and it turned out to be Hermione, of course! She was there to rescue them but, unfortunately, couldn't fly very well. After almost running into the Whomping Willow, Professor Vector, and Hagrid's Hut, she finally reached them and pulled out her wand, announcing, "I won't let them hurt you! Immobulus!" At this everyone behind Snape and Lupin suddenly froze, stuck in mid-air! This was particularly fortunate for a poor first year who had just tumbled off of Trelawney's carpet and who was saved from an almost certain death.
The Professors and student landed by the lake, Hermione a bit clumsily, but not as clumsy as Snape. Him being upside down, he had to let go of the broom before it came to close to the ground and then roll to a stop. Lupin turned to Snape and said, "Hey, why didn't we think of doing that?"
Snape just glared at him and said, "I don't know, I thought you were the one with all of the bright ideas!" After dusting himself off he stood up and turned to Hermione. "Thank you, Miss Granger, for saving my life. For this, I will do something I have never done before… Fifty points to Gryffindor!"
Lupin stood there, shocked, but Hermione beamed with pride. She gave a 1000-watt smile and skipped up to Snape. "Thanks for the points, Professor!", she said, but then turned scary. She batted her eyelashes and puckered her lips, saying, "But can't I have something more than points? Like, a kiss?" She then dove at the man and he jumped away, screaming.
Drawing his wand he turned to her and said, "I'm sorry to have to do this, but… Petrificus Totalus!" With a 'thud' she fell to the ground, stiff as a board.
Just then the sound of footsteps behind them drew their attention, and none other than Ron Weasley showed up, running at full speed toward Hermione. "What on Earth happened to her?", he asked, "Oh, my poor baby!"
The pair of professors were trying to come up with an explanation, but found it unnecessary when they saw what he meant. The young boy ran right past Hermione, whom he didn't even seem to notice, and picked up his broom, clutching it to his chest. "Oh, my poor broom, are you okay?", he asked it, "I'll never let mean old Hermione take you again! Look, you're all scratched, and your straws are bent! We've gotta get you back inside!" With that he ran off to the castle, muttering foul things about the petrified girl.
"Well, that was… odd.", stated Lupin.
"Indeed.", agreed Snape. "Let's get down to the castle while the mad people are still up there." He indicated his 'fan club', who were still immobilized in the air. Lupin nodded and they both scurried off to the dungeons. But what horrors awaited them there? What exactly were the mob members doing in his precious lab?
