Author's Note: Sorry this next update had taken a while, but obviously this has been a busy week with Christmas. Anyway, I'd just like to take this time to thank you (whoever that may be) for nominating my fanfic, Mary Sue, for Best Happy Ending in Ziptango's 2004 Fanfiction Competition! I think the nomination ballots have now closed so now stories can be voted on, but if anyone wants more information about the competition, then just search this site under Ziptango's pen name and follow the links on her website. There are many categories, so if you're feeling bored these holidays, then you've got heaps of fanfics to judge. Once again, thank you for the nomination, and I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Chapter Four: Lust.

The first two facts which a healthy boy or girl feels about sex are these: first that it is beautiful and then that it is dangerous. – GK Chesterton.

The second hand of the lounge room clock seemed to click slower than usual. Everyone was so anxious that there seemed to be hurricanes churning around in their nervous stomachs. Leonardo was unconscious when they arrived home. With no questions asked, Don, Mike and Venus immediately tried to tend to Leo's two wounds, using Don's train carriage as a temporary infirmary. When he was safely hooked up to an IV drip, Don quickly ushered Venus and Mike out of his room so he could assess the extent of Leonardo's injuries.

During the next half-hour, Raphael explained to Splinter, Eve and Venus what had happened. During the incident, the three of them managed to knock out the two offending dragons. But when Raph realised that Leo had been seriously hurt, he turned around and killed them out of anger and revenge. There were some grave doubts, not only about Leo's well being, but also the fact that they had only attacked the one pair of dragons – the ones that were closest to their lair. If Dragon Lord was smart, he'd soon find out about his missing followers, and then it would only be a matter of time before he increased the number of search patrols in their section of the sewers.

Guilty thoughts clustered and weighed down Venus' mind. Judging from Raph's report, she didn't really know if she could have fended off the high-powered laser shots, but the fact that she had secretly wanted them to be taught a lesson was what really brought her down in the dumps. She felt she had jinxed them with her words and actions filled with spite, and now that might have cost them Leonardo's life.

At last Donatello emerged from his room. Everyone held their breath, expecting Donatello to make a public announcement, though he walked directly over to Splinter and pulled him aside. "He's stable," Don said loud enough so that everyone could hear. An audible communal sigh of relief was heard. "He's awake now. Gained consciousness again about two minutes ago." Splinter nodded in acknowledgment, though he knew from Don's facial expression that there was more to be said. The rat patiently waited while the others tried to listen in on the conversation. Donatello took his time and tried to think of what he was going to say next.

"How are his injuries?" Splinter finally asked as though he was trying to force the vital information out of the worried turtle.

"He was shot just above his left knee. The wound's been cleaned and bandaged, though he might limp for the next few weeks, but…" Once again Donatello took his time to choose his words carefully. "He was also shot in the neck," he continued. Splinter remained unresponsive and patient. Everyone else tried to subtly lean inwards so they could hear the conversation better. Donatello sighed, knowing that however he said it, it wasn't going to be any easier. "His nerves have been damaged beyond repair." Everyone fell silent.

"What does this mean?" Splinter dared to ask.

"He's unable to use his right arm. He's lost all feeling in it. It's as though he's had a stroke… I don't think he'll be able to fight anymore…" Don trailed off.

Splinter let out a long, loud sigh as he knew what Don had said was true. Leonardo could no longer fight. In order for a ninja to battle effectively, they needed to use all of their limbs; any less would be a major disadvantage. To Splinter, Leo's arm might as well have been amputated. It would take months for Leonardo to adjust to the unbalanced dead weight on his right side, and although someday he could practice ninjitsu again, he'd never be able to fight as well as he did before the accident. He had passed the peak of his training. As both his teacher and father, Splinter felt that it would be irresponsible to let Leo fight alongside his brothers, as his right arm would forever be an easy target for his enemies.

Deep down, the turtles knew that this would happen. It was only a matter of time before one of them either died or was maimed from battle. It was a reality that none of them wanted to acknowledge, and yet it was something that they must face. At first they were all relieved that Leonardo was alive, but after listening to the finer details, they knew that for Leo this would be worse than death. "Has he been told?" Mike timidly asked. Donatello solemnly shook his head. Splinter sighed once again and entered Don's room, while the others interpreted that as a signal that they should wait outside.

It was a bit of a shock to see Leonardo in such helpless circumstances. His eyes were tired and sorrowful; the bed sheets were tangled, not covering him fully; his right arm didn't move or even twitch. A small smile emerged on Leo's bedraggled face when he saw his fatherly role model. "My son…" Splinter was at loss for words while he took a seat beside Leonardo.

"Master Splinter… what happened?" Leo questioned, his voice raspy due to his neck being swollen. Splinter tenderly reached forward and gently clasped Leo's hand, however he pulled back when he suddenly remembered that he had no feeling in that arm.

"You were injured in battle. Your leg will heal with time, however you might never get the full use out of your right arm," Splinter decided to tell him straight. Leonardo gave him a quizzical look, and for the first time since he regained consciousness, he finally acknowledged his numb limb. His whole body shook with panic when his arm didn't respond to his mind's wishes. Leo touched it with his left hand, though to him it felt like he was touching something foreign. He couldn't control it, he couldn't feel it, and he couldn't use it. Tears swiftly started to blur his vision as he so desperately tried to do something, anything with his right arm. Splinter tried to calm him down, but Leo wouldn't listen. He panicked so much that it wasn't long till he knocked out the IV drip that was attached to his right hand. "Donatello!" Splinter called out for help.

The purple turtle immediately appeared, noticed Leo's panicked state and quickly tried to attach the IV drip again. Knowing that it was hopeless, Leo finally calmed down. He laid down, motionless, trying to come to grips with the new card that life had dealt him. No words were expressed as Donatello quietly tended to him, though both Don and Splinter knew that Leo's emotions were running high. After giving a respectful bow to Splinter, Don left the room knowing that they still needed some time alone.

"You have always been dedicated to the Martial Arts," Splinter finally spoke. Leo remained unresponsive, as though he knew what was going to be said. He dreaded it. "And now, I'm afraid, that we all must move on. Do not see yourself as a failure, as you have done me proud. From a tiny hatchling, I have seen you grow into a fine young man. You still have many years ahead of you, and now you have the time to appreciate the precious gift of life itself. It was an honour to teach you, Leonardo." With that, Splinter slowly left the room.

Leonardo continued to remain motionless on the bed. No doubt the rest of his family would hear Splinter's farewell speech one day as well, though Leo knew that it would be many years down the track. His Master's message was short and succinct, however it gave him a lot to think about, especially with what he was going to do next. Splinter didn't need to tell him that he could no longer fight as he had already gathered those facts on his own. Without ninjitsu training, Leo had lost his guide and was currently a lost soul. Temporary goals such as perfecting his spinning kicks no longer existed, as though he was given a clean slate. He had lost what he valued the most, and thus he lost his love for life.


A cold breeze swept along the streets of New York City while a lonely turtle clutched at his trench coat hoping for some extra warmth. Sick of dealing with the sorrowful emotions left back at the lair, Raphael decided to take some time out, although his family argued that Leo needed his brotherly support. Raph just needed time to deal with his own thoughts and worries. After mindlessly trudging around the streets for ten minutes, on a whim the turtle decided to pay a visit to April.

With a spring in his step, Raphael determinedly turned down the many alleyways and roads until he finally reached the building he wanted. A small smile toyed on his lips as he pulled down the ladder of the fire escape; fantasizing and comparing himself to a prince whom was traveling to the top of the tallest tower in order to reach his princess. Up and up he silently climbed until he secretly slid open one of her apartment windows with the use of a sai. He was shocked at what he saw.

A wooden chair looked like it had been slammed into the floor, which caused one of its legs to break off. Instinctually fearing that there had been an attack by one of his enemies, Raphael frantically scanned the apartment. He found April sitting on the couch, staring off into the distance. When he slowly approached her, he noticed the smeared mascara and red irritation around her eyes, suggesting to him that she had been crying for a while. Raph frowned when he also observed the blackening bruise that was starting to develop on her cheek, although it seemed that she had been hit with a rectangular object since the injured area had a weird, ninety-degree angle mark.

"Hi Raph," April softly greeted before quickly sniffling.

"April… what happened here?"

"Oh, it's nothing Raph. Don't worry about it."

"Nothing? It certainly doesn't look like nothing," Raphael commented while gesturing towards the broken chair.

"It's stupid really."

"Just tell me," Raph demanded. April sighed.

"Casey was over here earlier and he offered to go and rent a movie. I asked if I could invite you guys over, and, well… I mean, I can understand why he reacted the way he did. After all, he just wanted to spend some quality time with me," April started to ramble. She subconsciously took a tissue out of her jacket pocket, though instead of wiping off some of her remaining tears, she nervously twisted and twirled it around in her hands.

"You had a fight?" Raph questioned, looking warily at her bruise.

"Not a fight, exactly. You know what Casey's like. He just threw some pieces of furniture around," April said.

"Did he hit you?"

"What? No! No it was nothing like that."

"Nothing like that? Then tell me, how did you get that bruise on ya face?" Raphael really wanted to get the facts out of April. He cared deeply for the human and it irritated him when others didn't treat her the same way.

A smile emerged on April's face when she remembered the incident, causing Raph's curiosity to peak. She let out a small giggle before finally giving the turtle a recount. "When Casey smashed the chair, its leg flew off, bounced on the coffee table, bounced on this couch's armrest, then hit me in the face. It was just a fluke accident. Casey was so shocked when he saw what had happened. He apologised and calmed down quickly afterwards, but then he thought it would be best if he left. Of course, no doubt he'll be back either later today or tomorrow. The big boofhead can stay away from me!" April retold the events, slowly cheering up as she went along. Raphael gave her a small grin and decided to sit down beside her. "So what's been happening lately?" April asked. She frowned with worry when she noticed how quickly Raph tensed up in response to the question. "Is everything alright?" She instantly sensed something was wrong.

"Leonardo got injured in a fight," Raph admitted.

"Is he alright?"

"He won't be able to battle ever again," Raph muttered almost incoherently. April stayed silent, not really knowing what to say. She knew that Leo and the family must have been devastated.

"How is he handling the news?" April asked quietly after grasping the seriousness of the situation.

"I dunno. He just sat there and stared into space. Then again, that's all he can do right now." Raphael didn't know what to do with himself. He visited April to escape the torment and tragedy of what was going on back at the lair, and yet he somehow wanted to confide in someone else about his feelings. His answers were short and blunt, as though he couldn't make a decision about what to do.

"Why can't he fight?" April was shocked, yet still curious.

"He can't move his right arm anymore. He got hit in the neck by a laser gun ray and it severed his nerves or something."

"…Who told him the news?"

"Splinter. After he gave Leo a little pep talk, we were allowed to visit him to try and raise his spirits. Didn't work though. It's like misery central over there. Bloody depressing." April could tell that Raphael was starting to feel awkward and moody about the subject. So although she was anxious to hear more about Leo's condition, she allowed him to change the course of the conversation. "Got a new guest in the lair," he started.

"Who?"

"A mouse called Eve. Created by stem cell research, I think."

"What she like?"

"A bit short, furry, brown. I dunno! She looks like a mouse!" April couldn't help but smile. She knew that Raph sometimes got frustrated due to his inability to speak eloquently. "She's weird though," Raph suddenly added.

"Why?"

"She actually digs Mikey," Raph scoffed. Despite the terrible news she had heard earlier, April couldn't help but laugh out loud at Raph's comment and disgusted facial expression.

"And what's wrong with Mikey?" April grinned, already knowing what the turtle's response would be.

"Gees, what a question! I wouldn't know where to start!" Raph teased.

"He's not that bad," April said. Raphael simply gave April a tired, disbelieving stare.

"You haven't heard his burp-phonics or burphabet yet," Raph complained, causing April to laugh again. The sad thing was that she could actually picture Mike performing those things. "Seriously, how could a girl find that attractive?"

"Love is a mysterious thing, Raph," April commented with a more sincere tone.

"As mysterious as both you and Casey?"

"Possibly."

"You know, he shouldn't treat you the way he does," Raphael commented softly. The turtle cared about April more so than the female of his own species. She had been the first person his family had ever had the opportunity to befriend, and thus it was inevitable for all four of the male turtles to develop some sort of close bond, even possibly a crush. Yet as the years rolled on, Leo slowly lost interest in April when Venus arrived, and Mike simply flitted from one girl to another. To Raph, Don was a mystery to him. Don was a loner, similar to himself, and yet he was so different in that he could control and hide his emotions. Raphael didn't know what Don's thoughts were on the matter, but regardless of his brother, Raph wanted April to himself.

"He doesn't intend to. It's just who Casey is," April defended the antics of her boyfriend although in some aspects she knew that Raph was right.

"Doesn't intend to? He knows what he's doing April! I mean sure, sometimes anger does take over. Trust me, I know it does. But Casey's an adult, not a little kid, and he should be accountable for his actions. If I were Casey, I'd treat you with respect; just like a princess," Raphael said, not knowing if he was crossing the line with his words.

"I thought Casey was your friend?"

"He is my friend, but that still doesn't give him an excuse to trash your apartment," Raph argued. To his surprise, April simply sat there and allowed Raph's words to sink in. "He doesn't deserve you. You need someone to treat you better, someone like…" Raphael trailed off before he got too carried away. April, however, wasn't going to let him slide so easily.

"Someone like who?" April wondered what the rest of his sentence was. When she stared directly into Raph's dark brown eyes, she was surprised to see a glint of fear.

"Uh…" Raphael couldn't think fast enough and it didn't take long for April to work out what he had meant. Somehow she had always known that Raphael had strong feelings for her… "I should go," Raph muttered. He felt like a fool for hoping that a mutant turtle could find love with a human. When he stood up to leave, April quickly grabbed his hand and led him back down to the couch.

"Raph, we need to work some things out. Neither of us can go on like this," April was the voice of reason. The turtle sighed, knowing that they couldn't dodge the topic forever. But if Raph left in that moment and never spoke about his feelings again, then he knew for certain that he'd have a miserable life filled with regret. April continued to hold onto his hands while she stared straight into his soft eyes. "You've always been good to me, Raph," April admitted with a certain tenderness in her voice. "Casey knows this and that's why he gets so jealous sometimes," she explained.

"Really? He's jealous?" Raphael was confused as to why anyone would envy their life.

"He's worried that I might fall for one of you," April spoke so softly that it seemed like a sin to simply listen to her conflicted whispering. They were both hurting; Raph had lost a leader, while April was on the rebound from a shattered and fragile relationship. Raphael sat still as April wrapped her arms around his neck in order to bring him into a caring embrace. In an instant Raph knew that he was right in deciding to confide in April, as just her the warmth from her touch managed to take the pain away. April swallowed before finally whispering an unspeakable confession into Raph's ear. "Casey was right in his suspicions."

As she continued to hold him, Raphael slowly wrapped his arms around her waist and started to return the hug. His right hand slowly and timidly rubbed her back in a comforting motion, as though he couldn't believe that he had finally won. For almost a decade he dreamed of April saying those words; finally admitting that he was indeed loved. Yet a part of him wondered how long April had known that she was attracted to one of them. Although what April had said was true, she still had some feelings for Casey, yet at that moment she realised that Raphael deserved a lot more. Casey's role in her life could be dealt with later. Right now it was just her and Raph.

With his body lightly trembling out of a mixture of excitement and a fear of the future, Raphael started to follow April's cues and started to subtly kiss her neck with shaking lips. For some reason, it was at that moment when Raph remembered one of Splinter's lectures. The wise rat once said that a ninja had three weaknesses that could lead to their own downfall; greed, injuries and women. The Shredder became corrupted by his own greed, while Leonardo was maimed forever; both of which could no longer be shadow warriors. Raphael knew that his love for April would one day cause problems in the future, but for the first time in his life he wanted to be foolish. He knew it was wrong to sleep with April when she was still dating Casey, but a part of him wondered whether it was possible to sin without consequence.

To April and Raphael, no one else mattered at that particular moment. Both of them were hurting and both of them sought comfort in each other. That was all. Although Raph loved her with all his heart, April couldn't admit the same thing as her feelings were tainted with the thought of revenge on Casey. Neither of them knew if they would regret their actions later on, but both of them followed their instincts anyway.


Michelangelo sighed and tiredly flicked through the television channels out of boredom. The lair was eerily quiet. Venus and Don were currently spending their time occupying Leo, Raphael was out as usual, while Splinter sat in his favourite armchair and started to read the newspaper. Stopping on no particular station, Mike tossed the remote control to the ground. With a yawn, Mike looked at the furry female form that sat beside him on the couch. It seemed that only a good shower was needed to get rid of most of the horrid dirt and grime that was mixed in with Eve's coat. The mouse was still rather bony, but Mike could still tell that she had put on some weight since she had decided to stay with the turtles. Most of the knots in her fur had been untangled, but Eve still looked far from being completely healthy; not that her appearance mattered much to Mike anyway.

Noticing Mike's silent gaze, Eve twitched her ears and gave him a shy, girlish grin. Mike responded with a smile of his own, but it was filled with melancholy and worry for his brother. Although most of the time he enjoyed livening up the lair with his antics, today he simply wasn't in the mood. With another sigh he returned to watching the television, though he almost jumped out of his shell when a small furry hand unexpectedly touched his own.

Splinter immediately looked up from his newspaper and observed the looks that were being shared between his son and Eve. Appreciating her presence and her simple gesture, Mike squeezed Eve's hand, causing the mouse to grin again. Splinter's whiskers twitched. He could have sworn that Eve glanced at him when she had smiled. The old rat held his newspaper higher and pretended to read it, even though his eyes were solely focused on the couple.

At first Mike pushed Eve away when she tried to get closer, muttering something about how he wasn't really in the mood. But the mouse was persistent, as though she didn't understand or comprehend the fact that there was sense of loss and mourning in the lair that needed to be respected. Eve didn't know how to express her feelings for Mike, nor how she should go about progressing their rather stagnant relationship. Back at the lab she grew up in, friendship was rather non-existent, and so Eve naturally had no clue on how to hold a conversation in order to verbally express her thoughts and emotions. Thus, she simply relied on the strength of body language.

With Eve constantly trying to play with him, Mike couldn't help but lighten up as well. To show that she liked him, Eve gave him a kiss on the lips; an action which Mike mistook as a sign of love and affection. Splinter continued to watch the couple from afar and was surprised once again when Eve glanced at him, even though she was making out with Michelangelo. Was it simply his imagination? Was he just seeing what he wanted to see? Or was Eve trying to invite him over - trying to show that she preferred him, and not Mike? Either way, Splinter's jealousy grew, even though he didn't want to envy his own son.

Splinter's hands tightened with resentfulness around the newspaper he was holding, causing it to crinkle and rustle. In an instant, Mike finally noticed his Master's presence and started to blush in embarrassment. "Um, sorry Sensei," Mike said, not knowing what else to say in his predicament. Eve could only giggle at Mike's 'deer-in-headlights' expression. Without saying another word, the turtle and the mouse quietly walked into Mike's train carriage, and closed the door behind them, leaving the rest to Splinter's imagination.


Venus watched as Leo's chest rose and fell with each breath he took. Donatello's fingers continued to pound and glaze over the keyboard as he continued to stare into the depths of the computer's illuminated screen. Not having anything to do, Leonardo observed Venus looking at his plastron. Five minutes later, the female turtle finally snapped out of her fixated state of mind when she finally realised that Leo had been staring at her all along. Venus gave Leo a faint smile, though he didn't return the gesture. She sighed, knowing how bitter the turtle had become over the past couple of hours since he had learnt of his condition.

With weary eyes, Venus scanned the room and noticed that the IV drip needed to be refilled. "Don, the bag's empty," she reported. Sliding away from the computer in his swivel chair, Don went to check on Leo's condition.

"Don't bother. Just let me die," Leo said sullenly, not looking at his family members.

"Don't be like that, Leo," Venus muttered while she helped Don refill the IV drip.

"Things will get better soon," Don said, though he failed to convince Leo.

"No they won't. I still won't be a ninja," Leo whispered as he tried to hold back another bout of tears.

"You'll be able to fight and practice, Leo, once you get your balance back. It's just that you won't be able to fight the Rank," Donatello corrected him, trying to keep him positive.

"A ninja who cannot fight his enemies is no ninja at all!" Leo spat, still rather bitter about the whole situation.

"Well you can still teach and reach spiritual enlightenment," Venus tried to look on the bright side.

"But I can't protect any of you in battle. I'm useless," Leo remained negative. His face was stern, and his body was straight and taut, as though he so angry with himself that he couldn't find the strength to throw a tantrum.

"You're not useless Leo," Don said, though he couldn't think of anything to say in order to back up his claim.

"I want to get the dragon that did this to me," Leo muttered under his breath.

"You've already been avenged," Venus spoke softly. Leo immediately locked eyes with her. "…Raphael killed both of the dragons," Venus informed him. Leo broke away from Venus' gaze and remained silent for a couple of minutes. Feeling that Leo had calmed back down, Don returned to his computer.

"So… so what do I do now?" Leonardo's voice wavered when he realised that his life was no longer filled with responsibility or goals. Having nothing to do was a scary new experience for the ex-leader of the clan.

"You know, there's much more to life than being a warrior," Venus reminded him. Once again Leo met Venus' gaze, though this time instead of shock, his eyes were filled with rage.

"You know what, Venus? Maybe you should practice what you preach."

To be continued…