Part Two: Lily Evans and the Horrible Favour Con't

"Rabastan Lestrange is the captain of Slytherin. He's also their keeper, so you'll only have to deal with him when you score. It'll be pretty straightforward. The beaters and the chasers you'll need to keep your eye out for. They're great dirty cheats, the lot of them." Cleo was giving Lily a breakdown of the Slytherin team over breakfast.

"Right. Well who are the others?" Lily asked.

"Well I told you Edward's the seeker, no real problem there. The beaters are two nasty sixth years, go by the names of Hel-Anubis and Kirby. They're bulky and they're not too fast, but they've got strong arms so when they smack the bludger…anyway I hear Kirby's got horrible aim, but you'll want to watch out for Hel-Anubis." Cleo explained.

"Noted." Lily said with a nod.

"Now the chasers are Pickett, Cleaver and Meyers. Meyers and Cleaver are new, I think they're both fourth years, so we don't know anything about them. Tony says they've got about three brain cells between them though. He's got potions with them. Pickett's different though. He was the other candidate for captain, from what I've heard. Sharp mind, fast and agile. Pretty cute too. Nice ass on that boy-"

"Can we stick to relevant facts please?" Lily asked.

"Right. Well anyway he's a good player, and if you show any weakness he'll take full advantage. He's been playing for the Slytherins since his second year, so he's got a lot of experience." Cleo said, finishing her prep. "You ready to get out there?"

"Ready as I'll ever be, I suppose." Lily murmured, suddenly feeling nervous. Normally she didn't care much about what her classmates thought about her, but she did have to admit the prospect of humiliating herself in front of the whole school was undesirable. "Cleo, what if I do something really stupid?"

"You'll shrug it off like you always do. You kicked ass at practice last night-"

"Right, but that wasn't against a team or anything." Lily put in nervously.

"No, it was against your fellow Gryffindor teammates, sans beaters, and I might remind you the Gryffindors are the most talented team in this school and have held the cup for the past eight years. So, you can take on the Slytherins." Cleo stated confidently.

"Right. Okay, I can do this." Lily got up from the breakfast table and made her way slowly to the changing rooms.

The atmosphere in the changing rooms was tense. Apparently last night's shouting match hadn't calmed anyone down, and Avaah, Frank and Tony were still angry at James, Sirius and Kamala. Sirius and Kamala didn't seem to notice the tension in the room. They were chatting as though completely oblivious to the dirty looks being flung their way.

James, on the other hand, seemed very distracted. He'd actually put on his robes backwards and hadn't noticed yet. Lily pointed it out to him and he silently fixed them, which struck her as unusual. More often than not, if she chose to speak to him he got flustered and tried to trap her in conversation for as long as possible.

"Alright, before we get out there, I'd just like to remind everyone that our opponents are the Slytherins and not, in fact, each other. Ready?" James asked the room at large.

Sirius and Kamala answered with enthusiasm, while the rest nodded their heads curtly. Lily frowned as she followed the team out to the pitch.

She watched as James and Lestrange shook hands, and then they all mounted their brooms and kicked off.

"And they're off." Saidi Silver, the commentator and a fourth year Ravenclaw, announced. "Slytherin in possession, it's Pickett. He's really taking off down the field, with Potter and Paglia trailing."

But James and Tony weren't the only ones following Pickett. So was Kamala Knightly. Lily couldn't see the little bat she was supposed to be carrying, and wondered how the hell she was supposed to hit any bludgers at him.

But Kamala didn't seem to be interested in the bludgers. She was moaning very loudly and distractedly. Pickett ignored her at first, and then finally shouted at her.

"What in the hell are you doing!"

"Practicing! My sister just taught me how to fake an orgasm, she said you made her an expert!" Kamala shouted.

Pickett's eyes went wide as he froze, staring at her and processing what she'd said. "What in the hell-"

But while he'd frozen James had come up under him and stolen the quaffle. Kamala smiled sweetly at Pickett, before zooming off to cover James.

James made an easy score and Gryffindor got first blood.

Now Cleaver had the quaffle. He passed back and forth with Meyers, and they made their way steadily towards Frank and the Gryffindor goal hoops. Lily circled them with Tony and James, but every time one of them got near enough to steal they got pelted with a bludger. As Sirius and Kamala weren't paying much attention to them, Kirby and Hel-Anubis were always armed.

Even with all the people surrounding them, Sirius managed to make his way within shouting distance of Meyers and Cleaver.

"Oi Cleaver, how's your mum? Wait, I mean your aunt! Oh never mind, same difference!"

It took a minute for what Sirius said to sink in, but once Cleaver got it he became so angry he actually threw the quaffle at Sirius' head. James intercepted it, tossed it to Tony, and Gryffindor scored another goal.

Lily scowled. She'd figured out that most, if not all, of the purebloods were interrelated and for the large part inbred her second year. She also had some tact about the way she used that bit of knowledge, as it could be very hurtful and embarrassing. Basically, she only pulled it up when one of them called her a Mudblood. She was very happy to be a Mudblood if clean blood meant your mum had to be your aunt too, and your kids were going to have webbed toes.

Which was what Sirius had just shouted at Meyers, who had apparently been born with webbed toes himself, which got him distracted and got him to drop the quaffle into Tony's waiting hands.

Lily was furious. As far as she was concerned this tactic was underhanded and cruel. And supposedly the Slytherins were supposed to be the cheaters.

The beaters had figured out what was up, and were now aiming the bludgers at Sirius and Kamala, respectively, attempting to shut them up so their chasers could score. The strategy didn't work though, since it left James, Lily and Tony open to steal more. And chances are if Sirius was temporarily silenced by dodging a bludger, Kamala was free to shout some other dark secret.

It didn't take long for the Gryffindors to seize an impressive lead. The Slytherins in the stands were outraged and confused as to why their team was playing so badly; they couldn't actually hear the things Kamala and Sirius were saying.

The last straw came when the Gryffindors were up 180 to 10. Kamala flashed Meyers, causing him to fly into one of the goal posts. Tony then picked up the quaffle and headed down to the Slytherin goals, where he made a very difficult score. In the process he lost a few teeth and gained a bloody nose as a bludger stuck him, and nearly unseated him.

This all happened less than a minute after the flash, which attracted the referee's whistle. Lily hovered within hearing range of the argument between the two captains and Madam Hooch. Soon Professors McGonagall and Arey strode over to join them on the field, the heads of house of Gryffindor and Slytherin, respectively.

Meyers and Sirius joined in as well.

"Look, professor, you've got no grounds. It doesn't say anywhere in the rules that players aren't allowed to flash each other." Sirius insisted.

"It's not in the rules because we didn't feel it was necessary to state it!" Madam Hooch snapped, looking furious. "Common sense should tell you that!"

"It was dirty cheating, and I demand you remove them from the game." Lestrange growled. "Those two beaters have been playing the worst game I've seen, they're not even beating!"

"Nothing we've done has been against the rules." Sirius stated, his eyes narrowed at Lestrange.

McGonagall had yet to speak, but her nostrils were flaring intensely and Lily knew when she spoke it wouldn't be in the Gryffindors' favour.

Professor Arey was busy berating the Gryffindor team for their underhanded tactics when Kamala showed up, frowning at all of them and looking about as sweet and little girl-ish as possible.

"I didn't mean to, really. My robes just came loose. It's embarrassing enough as it is." She said, staring at her feet.

"What a load of horse shit!" Lestrange yelled.

"Watch you language young man!" Professor Arey scolded. She turned to Madam Hooch. "That goal shouldn't count, they didn't get a fair possession."

"But professor, Paglia almost killed himself for that goal! We're pretty sure his nose is broken." James argued.

"You can't prove she purposefully flashed him. You've got no grounds." Sirius stated firmly.

McGonagall finally spoke, in such an enraged yet oddly calm, controlled voice that the other squabbling stopped immediately. "We've no grounds to give her a detention, Mr. Black. A detention she rightly deserves as far as I can tell." She turned to Madam Hooch, and they shared a significant look.

"The goal doesn't count, the score remains 180 to 10. Slytherin in possession." Madam Hooch announced. The Gryffindors tried to argue some more, but it was feeble and game play quickly renewed.

Lily wanted the game to end badly, but that depended on either Avaah or Edward catching the snitch, and they seemed overall too entertained at the antics of the Gryffindor beaters to be trying very hard.

Lily wondered what the game must have looked like from the stands, considering the audience couldn't hear what was happening.

She was starting to think the game would never end when a cry of outrage erupted from the Slytherin stands. Edward had caught the snitch, and now looked very confused at the hostility his teammates were showing him.

"We've lost the game you idiot!" Pickett screeched, red in the face. "They were up! You've made the score 180 to 160 and ended the game!"

"The thing was buzzing in my ear, it got annoying." Edward answered apathetically.

Lily touched down and stalked over to the changing rooms as the stands emptied onto the fields. The other Gryffindor players were soon surrounded by admirers, except for James, who had been called aside by McGonagall. Lily couldn't help a smirk as she watched the scolding he was receiving; apparently someone had told her about the beaters' strategy.

She managed to be one of the first back at the common room, and stole herself a chair by the fire. Sleazy victory or no, the team had still won and there would be a full party when everyone got back.

In no time at all the common room was full of noisy teens and sweets, and Cleo had sat down opposite Lily to discuss the game.

"So, the Slytherins are great dirty cheats, are they?" Lily asked, eyebrow raised.

"You happened to be playing in a very odd game." Cleo admitted. "Last year Hanes' broom went up in flames. Someone stuck no-strike matches in his bristles-"

"Can you prove it was a Slytherin?" Lily asked.

"Sure. Someone saw a Slytherin sneaking around the Gryffindor changing room. They didn't know who it was, but his description matched Lecinq well enough. I didn't say anything though. After all, Hanes crashed into Jeremy and lit him up like a Filibuster firework. It was really beautiful." Cleo's eyes shone brightly with the memory.

"I saw McGonagall yelling at him before I came up. I take it someone told her about what Black and Knightly were doing?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, I think it was Avaah." Cleo said thoughtfully.

"Avaah? But she's on our team. Why would she say anything?"

"Because she's dating Jason Kingston." Cleo answered. Lily's brow furrowed in confusion. "He's on the Hufflepuff team. We're playing them next. Jason also lost his virginity to Knightly, so Avaah really wouldn't want them using the same strategy against her boyfriend, now would she?"

"I suppose not." Lily said with a frown. "Wait a minute. Why would Edward Lecinq put no strike matches in Hanes' broom? I thought he didn't care about Quidditch."

"He doesn't. He did it because I asked him to." Tony Paglia answered. Lily jumped; she hadn't seen him come up behind her and Cleo.

"Why did you ask him to booby trap Hanes' broom?" Cleo asked with a scowl.

"I asked him to put them in Jeremy's broom. Kid's so dense about flying he couldn't tell the makes of the brooms apart. It was lucky for us Hanes fell into Jeremy, actually." Tony answered.

"But why did you-" Lily started. Tony only grinned and walked away.

"Prank war." Lily and Cleo said together, grinning in realization.

TBC

Many thanks for the two reviews I have received so far! ;) tell your friends! Alright, Miss Myrtle 360, I mentioned this in the author's notes for the first chapter. Jeremy and James are one and the same. People who don't like James call him Jeremy to annoy him. My sisters made it up and I don't remember why they started it, but I have my own way to explain it and I shall use it shortly. Thank you for the review, and I totally understand what you mean with being good at crap you hate. Only I'm shit at math and I hate it to boot. yech.

It's kinda nice to have something to mock him with other than the obvious Pot-head crap anyway. The next installment should hopefully tie up my loose Quidditch ends, and then I can get into the really fun part of this fic; the Great Prank War of Hogwarts. Mwa ha ha ha ha…