thecultofthepurplemonkeybyjetnoir

SACRIFICE

Life in the pickled onion had continued as ever: cold; wet; and slimy. Neil was on the floor, curled in a foetal position, asleep.

A soft squelching noise came from outside. Neil grunted and blearily opened his eyes. 'It was odd, that noise,' he thought, 'almost like someone knocking on a pickled onion.' His head swivelled, and grimaced profusely, when he saw the unwelcome figure of the purple monkey with a clown behind him. The purple monkey had a lighted stick of celery in his hand. The purple monkey sighed and began to recite an ancient magic spelle.

"Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Most poems rhyme,

But this one doesn't."

The purple monkey threw the celery onto the pickled onion, and both vanished, with a tweeting sound.

"I say sir," bellowed the clown, "that was an awfully good misspelling of spelle you just did." The purple monkey smirked.

"I didn't try my worst," was the enigmatic reply. He turned his attentions to Neil.

"Now boyo, I need your help. First put on these." He held up a pair of purple socks, with emblems of a dancing purple monkey on them. Neil, reverting to his Deep Eyes training (although there wasn't really a chapter in the manual actually on 'how to deal with a Purple Monkey'. Neil was going to rectify that if he ever got back) decided to comply…at least for the time being. The purple monkey grabbed the clown and Neil, and they vanished

-

Neil gazed weakly around at the scene in front of him. A massive pit was in front of him, filled with roaring, hungry flames. He was wearing purple monkey socks, and the real thing was behind him, ready to murder him. Neil thought about this three times. It still made no logical sense, but the terrifying fact remained that the flames in front of him were real. Slowly, Neil began to bleakly realise, that this was it. He was going to die.

It had seemed too surreal a few hours ago, when the purple monkey had explained it to him. He had taken over as ruler, after exiling the white rabbit. His ratings however, were climbing, and that was a bad thing, so he would sacrifice Neil – live on television – to drop his ratings back down. Neil hadn't understood a word of it a while back, but now it was sinking in.

The purple monkey had just finished addressing the crowd, and was about to push Neil into the fiery pit, when the inevitable happened.

The white rabbit appeared.

"Number 6!" roared the purple monkey. A clown waddledran up: "Deal with this traitor!" The clown snarled with fury.

"FOR THE VERY LAST TIME, MY NAME IS HAROLD!" he screamed. Number 6/Harold kicked Neil in the stomach, knocking him backwards, into a pool of water. Before he disappeared into its depths however, the last sight he saw, was Number 6/Harold leaping at the purple monkey, and knocking them both into hell.

"I'LL BE REVENGED ON THE WHOLE PACK OF YOU!" were the last words of the purple monkey.

Neil thrashed around in the murky water, and…

Note: Keep reading (pretty please!), 'cos it ain't over 'till the fat monkey sings!

Disclaimer: Neil is copyright to Square Pictures; and the story (plus other characters) to me. This story has been written on the understanding that you may read it and print it out; but you may not pass it off as your own, hire it out, or sell it for money. You also may not put it on your own or any other web page without my express written permission. Thankyou!

JetNoir