Author's Note: I hated this episode, because I found it really confusing. I've always liked the time-travel plot in cartoons, but when they did it in Mario's animated adventures, they really messed it up, and the story made no sense at all. Also, the bathtub in this episode didn't look like the bathtub featured in the cartoon intro for the first season. Speaking of which, in an earlier episode, Peach was turned into a baby, and she acted like one! But here, Mario, Luigi, Toad, Bowser, and Ludwig are turned into babies who DON'T act like babies. Even I had trouble making spoofing this episode! But I finally managed to finish it, so here it is.
"Toddler Terrors of Time Travel"
Once again, it was a dark day in Darkland, and the invisible camera found itself panning over to Bowser's Castle, blah blah, etc. But at this particular time, Bowser didn't seem to be in the mood for hatching evil plots. Rather, he was sitting on his throne, putting ice packs (decorated with pictures of crowns) on top of his head. "Ohh, my aching head!" he groaned. "Oooh!"
"It seems you get these headaches every time you get clobbered by the Mario Bros." Ludwig Von Koopa declared the obvious.
"Well, no shit, Kooky! Of course I get these headaches every time I get clobbered by the Mario Bros.! They always clobber me!" Bowser whined. "I even became invincible in Paper Mario and I still couldn't beat Mario! You don't have to tell me how I'm getting my own headaches! You may be my smartest kid, but it doesn't mean you have to state the obvious!"
Ludwig rolled his eyes. "Could you please not call me 'Kooky'? It makes me sound like a girl."
"Shut up!" Bowser yelled. "Sheesh... I could've taken over the Mushroom Kingdom years ago..."
"If only those nincompoop plumbers hadn't fallen down that warp zone pipe in Brooklyn!" said Ludwig, finishing his dad's line.
"KOOKY!" Bowser yelled. "Being smart doesn't mean you can finish my sentences either!"
Bowser Koopa Jr. sat nearby, reading the National Enquirer. "Well, papa, Ludwig does have a point. If the events of the Mario Bros. arcade game never occurred, you would've been in total control of the Mushroom Kingdom."
"You see, pop?" Ludwig pointed. "Princie understands what I'm saying!"
Bowser Jr. rolled his own eyes. "Please, Ludwig, don't call me that name; it makes me sound snobby."
"Princie," Bowser addressed his clone-son, "you may have a point, but it still doesn't mean Kooky can state the obvious!"
"Well, why not? A lot of people are doing it in cartoons based on video games." Bowser Jr. started listing them on his fingers. "Ludwig, Wendy, Larry, 'Mama Peach', Kevin Keene, GameBoy the Supercomputer, Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man, Sonic Hedgehog, Knuckles the Echidna, Dr. Ivo Robotnik, General Klump, Ash Ketchum, Tracey Sketchit, Tiff Ebrum, Marik Ishtar, the emcee on 'Ultimate Muscle'..."
"DAMN IT, PRINCIE! I get the freakin' picture!"
Kamek the Magikoopa appeared out of nowhere. "Or how about this? If I hadn't messed up capturing them when they were babies, you wouldn't ever have to worry about them!"
"Kamek!" Bowser was surprised. "Where'd you come from!"
"I'm a Magikoopa; I magically appeared behind you!" said Kamek. "How do you think I got here?
"Hh. Very well." Bowser shook his head. "Well, if any of you has an idea, speak up now or forever hold your peace."
Ludwig and Kamek paced around, trying to get an idea, as Bowser watched them and Bowser Jr. returned to his articles. During the course of their conversation, Toad stood nearby, hidden in a flower pot, listening with the help of his trusty periscope that could somehow pick up audio and make it loud enough for the possessor to hear what he was supposedly listening to. I can't believe the Koopas didn't notice him. What happened to reptiles being such smart creatures?
But then Ludwig got an idea. An awful idea. Ludwig Von Koopa got a wonderful, awful idea! "Maybe we can go back and change history, King Dad. All ve need is a little... TIME TRAVEL!"
"Time travel?" Bowser tried to keep his ice packs on his head. "You mean the second-most overused plot in television cartoons, next to the shrinking plot?"
"Just picture it, King Dad!" Ludwig encouraged. "A vorld vit'out those wretched reptile - er, despicable plumbers. Think about it!"
"Hmmm..." Bowser fantasized for a bit. "Yes, yes! Ehh-xcellent! All the Toads are stone, horsehair plants, bricks, and whatever else I can turn them into; Princess Peach can't do anything about it, for she is my prisoner and no one can rescue her; the Mushroom World monarchs become my own petting zoo; the Yoshies and their pretty little island are reduced to fossil fuel; Isle Delfino is full of pollution-causing paint; the Dream Depot's good dreams are never restored; the Wario Bros. are forced to give all their money to me; Wart has permanent control of Subcon; the Black Sugar Pirates rule the six seas; and best of all... no having to hear of Fairlo Oppreemo or Jimmo Neutrino or whatever Kootie Pie keeps whining about!"
"DON'T CALL ME 'KOOTIE PIE'!" Wendy O. Koopa screamed from offscreen.
"Whatever. Anyway, Kooky, that's a great idea you've got!" Bowser swiped the Enquirer from Bowser Jr. "Put up your articles! We're gonna go back in time and prevent the Mario Bros. from ever going down that drainpipe!"
"Sire, if I may offer a suggestion," Kamek offered, "it might make more sense if we go back to whatever year it was when I had that vision of the then-being delivered Mario Bros. bringing ruin to the empire. In that time, we could help me capture both of them and the stork, and therefore, prevent the Mario Bros. from ever being brought to their Mushroom Kingdom parents!"
Bowser eyed his chief spellcaster oddly. "Don't be ridiculous, Kamek! Those lousy Yoshies might come and rescue them anyway even if wedid capture both of the Baby Marios! We're not takin' any chances. I say we clog up the pipe that brought them back to the Mushroom Kingdom, and that's final!" And he walked off with Ludwig and Bowser Jr.
Kamek followed them. "I still think my idea makes more sense."
0-0-0
Soon, inside the Doomship's control room, Ludwig was fiddling with one of his many inventions. You see, not only was he the genius of the Koopalings, but he was very very smart, too. Bowser, B.J., and Kamek stood, watching.
"I've got to be careful; this is the only Time Travel Tube I've got," said Ludwig,
"Well then, Kooky," Bowser Jr. asked, "why didn't ya just make some more in case this one breaks?"
"Please, I don't like being called that," Ludwig warned. "Call me Ludvig."
"Okay, Ludvig." Bowser Jr. made fun of his older brother's accent.
"It's Ludvig, not 'Ludvig'!"
"Well, how can you talk clearly? You have that stupid German accent! Why do you even have it?"
"Because my namesake vuz German!"
"Really? I thought DiC didn't know our real names!"
Bowser interrupted the conversation. "I don't mean to call you a nut, Kooky, but I don't see how that silly little tube is going to get us back to Brooklyn and keep the Mario Bros. from ever leaving!"
"I know vhat I'm doing, King Dad!" Ludwig bit. "Don't you trust your oldest son?"
"Well, in a way, yes, but in another way, no." Bowser put up both of his hands. "Kootie Pie still thinks it's my fault for her run-in with these Supremofriends she claims ruined her America takeover. The last thing I need is my kids blaming me for getting captured by people I don't know anything about. I don't want you joining your only sister in that 'blame-it-on-dad' madness."
"Sire, I do not wish to upset your eldest son, but if you are correct in doubting his Time Travel Tube, I have another suggestion," offered Kamek. "I could use my magic to send you back to the year to which you are aiming to go. So what mode of time transportation would you like, sire? A DeLorean? A Time Scooter? A Purple Potty converted into a time machine? Or maybe a simple cardboard box labeled 'Time Machine'?"
"No, Kamek!" said Bowser. "Shut up, please, or I'll stomp on you again!"
"Say papa, why are we using the Doomship for this anyway?" Bowser Jr. critiqued. "Couldn't we just use the Koopa Cruiser?"
"The young master has a point, sire," said Kamek in agreement. "We're using the Doomship for a job we could do just as easily in the Koopa Cruiser."
"I said shut up!" bellowed Bowser. "I don't want to hear your stupid suggestions today, Kamek!"
"Oh, poopsie!" Kamek pouted. "You don't want to hear my suggestions today, no matter if they'll help you or hinder you! It's because I was left out of Mario Kart 64, isn't it? It was bad enough that Nintendo just called me 'Magikoopa' when they called it Super Mario Kart R, but then they had to go and replace me with Donkey Kong when they changed its name! You don't listen to me 'cause I'm so damn neglected!"
"Oh, Kamek, that's not true at all!" said Bowser. "For some reason, I don't feel like taking your ideas today!"
Toad's magic periscope was still eyeing them and picking up their sinister plotting from around the corner. As the Koopas started up their argument, it retracted itself back to its holder. You'd have to see it to know what I meant when I said it was a magic periscope. Toad climbed out of his disguise and looped his animation a few times as he talked to himself.
"Well, it's a good thing I planted myself here." Toad guffawed at that. "Planted myself. I oughta make a joke book. But foist I'd better get da Mario Bros.!"
0-0-0
And so Toad headed back to his house. The Mario Bros. were making themselves comfortable, eating pizza and lasagna, when he came rushing in, jumping like a jackrabbit and screaming frantically, " - hey, where'd you get da food?"
"Toadette baked it for us!" Mario answered. "How else?"
Toadette came out of the kitchen, with an apron on her bod and oven mittens on her hands. "Hey, Toad. Whatcha been up to?"
"I've just been doin' some investigative work for da Fungus Bureau of Investigation over at Koopa's evil fortress of evilness!" Toad panicked. "And he's got a disastrous plan in store dis week!"
"Really? What's he plan to do?" Mario swallowed a piece of pizza he was chewing on. "Kill King Toadstool?"
"Yeah, that'd be a waste of a murder," said Luigi, "considering that the Peach's father isn't much of a good ruler."
"DIS HAS NUTTIN' T'DO WIT' DA KING!" Toad shook his fists. "Koopa plans to go back in time an' prevent youse from ever gettin' here!"
"Oh no!" Mario pretended to gasp. "We have to hurry! Lighten up, Toadie."
"I'm totally serious! If Koopa changes da past, I'll never be born!" Toad waved his arms even more frantically.
"Well, tell us why we should get up off our seats and follow him?" Luigi requested.
"Yeah, chances are his scheme's a-full of plotholes!" Mario didn't want to leave his seat either.
"Are you sure you didn't have too much coffee this morning, Toad?" Toadette asked.
"Look, Marios!" Toad tried to put it simply. "Koopa's going back in time, detoimined to prevent everything that's happened since you arrived here from ever happening!"
"Toad, this just sounds like a badly-written version of a movie focusing on time-travel," Mario deduced. "Besides, seeing the trend of his defeats lately, someone else is bound to stop him! Perhaps Scooby-Doo and his gang will round up the Flintstones, the Jetsons, the Yogi Bear group, the Smurfs, and even the Snorks, and they'll drive 'im away with a big insane parade float on which they'll wiggle their asses whilst Scooby himself breakdances."
"Isn't that how they celebrated Scooby's 15th birthday at Macy's 1984 Thanksgiving parade?" Toadette asked.
"Mario! Luigi!" Toad yelled, ignoring his female counterpart. "Peach told you already dat dis is your show, and if somebody's got to stop Koopa, it's youse two!"
"Sorry, we're not leaving your sister's pasta to put a stop to something that some other hero can surely handle," said Mario.
"But you guys gotta stop Koopa! Pleeeeease?" Toad quivered his lips.
"Oh no, don't go there with me!" said Mario, not falling for the Puppy Dog Pout. "That may work in the real world, but it ain't workin' on a video game cartoon!"
"Fine! If da Puppy Dog Pout won't woik, den I know what will - a little routine labeled by Donald Duck's nephews as 'Plan B'!" Toad threw himself on the ground and pounds his arms and legs, whilst whining and screaming endlessly.
Mario sweatdropped. "OK, OK! We'll stop Bowser from changing the past! Anything to get you to stop that stupid 'Plan B'!"
Toad smiled gladly. "All right! Let's get goin'!"
"Ooh! An adventure!" Toadette threw off her oven mitts. "Can I come, Toad?"
"No!" Toad scolded. "You're just a character created for Mario Kart: Double Dash so dat I'd have a partner. We don't need you in an adventure game!"
Toadette watched as Toad and his two friends headed off towards Darkland.
0-0-0
Soon, in front of Bowser's Castle, several Hammer Bros. were loading up crates onto the Doomship. Of course, I don't know why. Bowser wasn't going on vacation, and he wasn't preparing to attack any kingdoms in the Mushroom World. Mario, Luigi, and Toad snuck over to the load of crates.
"Damn. I hate Hammer Bros. Filthy, stinking, no good, sons of bitches!" Luigi expressed his hatred further by sticking his tongue out. "So what's the plan for gettin' past those guys?"
"Live bait," Mario answered.
"What!" Luigi jumped back. "You mean we gotta dress in drag and do the hula?"
"Oh, hell no, Luigi! I was only joking!" Mario broke out the real plan. "We're gonna conceal ourselves from their view."
"Great idea!" Toad commented. "But any thoughts as t'how?"
"Simple! We'll squeeze ourselves into one of the crates!" Mario pointed to one that was suspiciously open and empty.
"Hey! We can't all fit in there!" Luigi stated the obvious.
"Sure we can!" the optimistic Mario denied.
"But it might make more sense if we just put ourselves in separate crates, considering that these crates individually are a hundred times too small for all three of us to fit in," Luigi sermoned, "and therefore, we couldn't poss-YEOW!"
Mario, not listening to his brother's lecture, tossed him and Toad into the open, empty crate in front of them. Then he jumped in himself and closed the lid on top of them. Inside, the following conversation came up.
Toad: "Mario's always gettin' us into tight spots."
Mario: "Hey, Toadie! Shut up with the lousy puns."
Toad: "Will ya stop callin' me Toadie? And get yer finger outta my eye, Luigi!"
Luigi: "Well, I will as soon as you get your hand out of my belly button!"
Toad: "My hand's not even near your belly button, stupid!"
Luigi: "Then why do I feel like someone's shoving their pinkies up my belly button?"
Mario: "Oops, that'd be me..."
Luigi: "See, I told you we should've gotten into separate crates!"
A Hammer Brother picked up the crate and heaved it around in his weak arms, all the while the other Hammer Brother behind him carried five crates without straining, as he had the strength of a Chomp Brother and a Sledge Brother combined. And for those who are uneducated, Chomp Bros. are new enemies featured in Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga. With Arnold Schwarzeneggerian bodies and Chain Chomps for projectiles, they are indeed the strongest breed of the helmeted Koopa Troopas. But for some reason, the Chomp Bros. were nowhere to be seen today. Maybe they were hanging out with Rainier Wolfcastle and Jorgen Von Strangle, watching their favorite soap opera, "All My Biceps".
"Jeez, I must be gettin' out of shape!" Hammer Bro 1 griped. "This crate weighs ten times as much as the last one!"
"Aaaah, quit your whinin', stupid!" grinned Hammer Bro 2. "You should've been payin' attention during the Chomp Bros.' training sessions, slacker!"
The Hammer Bros. lugged the luggage into the control room of the Doomship, narrowly avoiding getting hit by the droppings of the Parabeetles flying overhead. Bowser, Kamek, and Bowser Jr. stood nearby as Ludwig configured his Time Travel Tube.
"Where do you want these supplies, your ultimate evilness?" Hammer Bro 1 asked his boss.
"Mmmm, right there in the corner's good enough." Bowser pointed.
The Hammer Bros. tossed the crates right there in the corner, during which Toad made one of his stupid squeaking noises. As the Hammer Bros. walked out, Bowser walked over to the crates and looked around.
"Did you just hear something?" he asked.
"Nope, just your imagination!" Mario stupidly blurted from inside the crate.
Toad blew a raspberry. "And he tells me t'shut up."
"Oh." Bowser did a double take. "Wait a tic... did that crate just talk to me!"
"Really, sir, how the hell should I know?" Bowser Jr. rolled his eyes again. "You've got that stupid music playing in the background."
"If I knew, I'd tell you, except you don't want to hear anything from me today, sire." Kamek was still mad at Bowser not listening to him.
Just then, loud obnoxious alarms came blaring out of Ludwig's invention.
"It's working!" Ludwig declared as the Doomship took off. "I'll take us back to that Brooklyn drain just before noon, when the Mario Bros. walked into the Mushroom Kingdom!"
"Ehh-xcellent," Bowser said again. "I don't think I could wait any longer, 'cause I just can't wait to be king of the Mushroom Kingdom. And when I've done that, I won't have to hear Kootie Pie complaining about Teaso Cheeso anymore!"
"Really? Well, this'd be much easier if he had specified which year we need to go to." Bowser Jr. nitpicked as he polished his fingernails..
Bowser turned to his clone. "What? What did you say, BJ?"
"Well, all 'Kooky' said about when we were going to is that we'd be heading 'back to that Brooklyn drain just before noon'. I don't think he said anything about which specific date it was.
Bowser looked in both directions. "Uh-oh..."
"What is et, King Dad?" Ludwig asked.
"He's back." Bowser answered.
"Snoopy?" Bowser Jr. looked up from his nail-polishing.
"No! The worst writer this cartoon has ever had..." Bowser's eyes narrowed as lightning struck behind him. "Rowby Goren."
"Rowby Goren?" Ludwig, Bowser Jr., and Kamek said in unison.
"This writer is a cursed one," Bowser described. "I know, because I was in an episode that he wrote - 'Mario's Magic Carpet'. I continually asked the producers to let someone else write the episode, but they simply refused. The quarter-hour that the script expelled was one of the most badly-written things I've ever been involved in. There were plot holes and obvious-stating everywhere! Not to mention the animation was so bad the clouds looked like background scenery from 'Seussical'. And now Rowby Goren is back to torture me once more with his drunk-monkey writing!"
"Hey, did he just say Rowby Goren was writing this episode?" Mario asked from inside the crate.
"Mario, shut da hell up!" Toad bit. "You'll let Koopa know we're here!"
"Well, if Rowby Goren's really writing this," Luigi tried to shake his head but couldn't, "that may make sense."
Not hearing the voices inside the crate nearby, Bowser took the wheel. "Damn it, Kooky! You're such a slowpoke!"
"But King Dad! It'll blow if you give it more juice!" Ludwig yelled. "Besides, I wasn't even driving!"
"See? That's the curse of Rowby Goren's Crappy Scriptwriting!" Bowser indicated. "It's taking effect!"
"Forget that, King Dad! It's going out of control!"
The Doomship started to shake around. During which, the crate the Marios were hiding in slid towards the Time Tube and knocked it into the air. Although Ludwig was lucky enough to catch it, the box then slid the other way and smashed into the wall, spilling out its human contents and their companion.
"Stowaways! What the hell are you doing here?" Bowser finally took notice of them. I can't believe he didn't hear them earlier. Is it because turtles don't have ears?
Then for no reason, Toadette ran in. "Are you guys okay?" she panted.
"What the! Gosalyn! I thought I told you to stay outside!" Toad scolded her.
"But Toad, my name's not Gosalyn!" Toadette pointed out the error in Toad's line.
"Hey Toadette, how'd you get in here?" Mario asked.
"I took out the crate-carrying Hammer Bros.," answered Toadette, "with the help of freshly-unearthed vegetables."
"Forget about them, help me!" Ludwig was keeping a grip on his invention. "We're going too far back in time!"
"How do you know?" Kamek critiqued. "I don't see any time portal outside."
Before Bowser could respond to the Magikoopa's nitpicking, the Doomship shook some more. When it finally straightened itself out, the Time Tube had somehow changed everyone in the room into babies! Well, except for Bowser Jr. and Kamek, that is. Bowser Jr. had, oddly enough, de-aged into an egg, and Kamek, being a magical being, wasn't affected by the transformation in any way. Mario and Luigi still had moustaches, though. And despite the physical transformation, they didn't seem to act differently, except for Toadette.
Bowser, realizing he had a pacifier in his mouth, spat it out, but it rebounded off a computer screen and hit him in the eye. "Ouchies!"
"Hey Mario!" Luigi cries really loud and unconvincingly.
"Cut that out, Luigi!" Mario tried to scold. "You're a grown man."
"No, Mario! I'm a baby. And you are, too! Those lousy reptiles turned us into toddlers!" Luigi bitched.
"Well, we seem to be speaking normal English for babies," noted Mario. "Not to mention we've still got our moustaches!"
"I don't feel any different either. But Toadette's sure actin' weird! Look!" Toad pointed at his sister.
"That's right, Merlock!" Toadette was now acting and talking like Dijon the Thief. "The treasure map was written in Colli Baba's own hand!"
"Don't look at me; I knew this would happen," Kamek said, "so I protected myself from this."
"Hang on. Maybe I can get us back on course and return us to normal." Ludwig fiddled with the Time Tube.
Bowser tried to stand on his hind legs. "Are we heading back to the right year, Kooky?"
"Oh, how the hell should I know, King Dad!" said Ludwig. "You just said earlier I didn't specify which year you wanted to go to!"
"Well, since my first appearance in a video game was in 1985," Bowser figured, "then that's where we should be going!"
"Fine," Ludwig considered. "But you should've said so earlier!"
Just then, the Doomship crashed to the ground, landing in the town square of Brooklyn, NY. Mario and Luigi crawled out, followed by Toad, who was carrying Toadette on his back.
"Yes, yes!" Toadette uttered. "You will be more powerful than locomotives! More faster than speedy bulls! You will leap tall buildings in a single bound!"
"How come we're still babies?" Toad asked.
"I don't know how, but the crash must have messed up the Time Tube!" said Mario.
Luigi didn't believe that. "That doesn't sound possible..."
Mario looked at the clock tower, which read 2:00 PM, and gasped. "Oh my god! We don't have much time to get to the apartment where we fell down the drain!"
"Uh, correction - we don't have ANY time at all! Kooky said earlier dat the event happened at noon." Toad said, noting the time on the clock. "Besides, why bother tryin' to get dere? Shouldn't your past counterparts be doin' dat?"
"Do things have to make sense around here? Rowby Goren is writing this." Mario reminded his friend.
"Oh yeah."
"Well, as small as we are," Luigi noted, "we'll have to find a shortcut."
"Man, what I wouldn't give for the Goo-Goo Buggy right now..." Mario mumbled as they started to crawl off.
Bowser, Ludwig, and Kamek, carrying the egg-turned Bowser Jr., crawled out of the wreckage.
"Hey, they're getting away!" Bowser pointed. "Let's get those diapered dodos!"
"Wait, King Dad! I need a little bit of confirmation here!" Ludwig called to a suspicious-looking man nearby. "You zere! What day of ze year is zis?"
"Why, it's October 2nd, 1985, young man!" answered the suspicious man.
"And has anyone called for a plumber today?" asked the Koopa composer. "More specifically, Mario Bros. Plumbing?"
"Well, a friend of mine called them up just earlier!" said the suspicious guy. "She claims she needs her bathtub fixed before her party tonight."
"Thank you, kind sir!" Ludwig turned to his babified dad. "All right, dad, let's prevent ze Marios from preventing us from preventing zeir past selves from going down ze drain!"
"Right! Kamek, you stay here and fix up the Doomship." Bowser assigned the Magikoopa. "And make sure no one captures Junior!"
"You mean, you're trusting me with a job for once today?" said Kamek.
"Yes, really!" said Bowser, as he and Ludwig started crawling off.
The suspicious man watched Bowser and Ludwig give chase after Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toadette. "Such nice boys, those two lizards. Wait a minute... lizards don't speak English, and they don't wear diapers in their infancy. There's only one logical explanation - someone in Brooklyn has wished these diaper-clad reptiles into existence with his... FAIRY GODPARENTS!" And with that, he gave chase after Bowser and Ludwig, much to Kamek's confusion.
Those strange unidentifiable voices came again, this time singing about baby chases. And there was indeed a baby chase going on, as Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toadette were being chased by Bowser and Ludwig, who were being followed by the suspicious man. They crawled past some unnamed citizens along the way, but none of them seemed to find anything strange about odd-looking babies being pursued by a tall thin man. Actually, they probably did, but thought it best not to say anything. Besides, how could they talk with that music drowning them out? The Mario group then got a street crossing light to work for them, much to the annoyance of the drivers, but the traffic cop didn't seem to mind. Next, they jumped through three girls playing jump rope, none of whom seemed to notice. Bowser and Ludwig stupidly tried to do the same, but only got tangled up. The Mario Bros. and the Toad Siblings then crawled into a junkyard and made off with a stroller, a wagon, and a skateboard, respectively. Far behind in the chase, Bowser and Ludwig tried to catch up in a makeshift wagon/stroller, with a sign reading "Bad Babies on Board" tacked to the front. And unbeknownst to either of them, that suspicious man was hot on their tail! As the pursuit continued, the three Warner Siblings came running by, chased by Ralph the Guard. Eventually, Mario's group (and the song) came to a dead end in an alley.
"Oh goodie!" Bowser chuckled. "Now we've got those little squirts cornered! Ha ha!
But their efforts were in vain, because their cart came to a halt as Granny from Looney Tunes came out of a shop.
"Now's our chance," said Mario as he saw this. "Let's scoot!"
"Do not be feary. Dijon shall treeck the trap," said Toadette. "Ha! You see? Ohhhh... ees there a doctor in the pyramid?"
As Mario, Luigi, and Toad (with Toadette) scooted away, Granny looked at the Koopas' stroller. "Oh, I just love cute babies. Gitchy gitchy goo!" Then she pulled back the blanket and looked at the Koopas. "Oh, goodness! I thought no babies could be ugly!"
"HEY! Who ya callin' ugly, sister? I'm a dinosaur/turtle!" Bowser tries to slash at Granny, who screamed and jumped back. "And don't you dare call me a cross between a lizard and an inferior species of toad! You don't wanna know how angry I get when people get my species wrong!"
Granny ran off. "Heavens to Betsy, they're monsters! And bad ones, too!"
"Yeah!" said Tweety from inside his cage. "Bad ol' dino-turtles!"
Ludwig looked in the other direction. "Ohhhh, shit! The Super Mario Babies have made a clean getaway! Now what do we do?"
"It's time to stop kiddin' around! Let's get back to the Doomship, Kooky; Kamek's probably fixed it by now." Bowser started wheeling the cart back to the Doomship.
"Y'know," Ludwig criticized, "ve probably vould've caught up vit zem if you hadn't have wasted so much time taking zat sign and painting 'Bad' on it."
"Aw, shut up, Kooky!" Bowser bit back. "You may be the genius, but I'm still your dad, and what I say goes!"
0-0-0
Soon, inside the magically repaired Doomship, Kamek watched reluctantly as Ludwig reconfigured his Time Tube. "I think this might work, King Da-da!" said Ludwig.
Bowser took his thumb out of his mouth. "It better! My thumb is getting sore from all this sucking! Besides, we can't beat those Super Baby Bros. if this thing doesn't make us all growed up again."
"Now see, personally," Kamek pointed out, "I believe it would've been better if I used my magic to return you to your atomically correct ages."
"Shut up, Kamek!" said Bowser. "Mr. Goren won't let me take your ideas today, no matter how good they are!"
And with the flick of a switch, a ray emitted from the Time Tube, restoring Bowser and Ludwig to their correct ages and hatching Bowser Jr. out of his egg. Bowser sat there, still sucking his thumb for a while, before doing a double-take at his sons and servant. Embarrassed, he stood firmly, looking as poised as a talking reptile could look.
"It worked, King Dad!" Ludwig declared victoriously. "You're back to your abnormal self!"
"My abnormal self? Hmmm, that's a good one. I oughta say it next time I go through something like this. Write it down for me, Ludwig," said Bowser, calling his son by his real name.
Bowser Jr. shook himself. "What just happened? I feel like I've been covered in yolk for the last coupla minutes."
"You were, B.J.," said Ludwig, "you were."
"Sir, sir," Kamek alerted, "the computers indicate a human life form outside the ship, carrying what appears to be a DNA tracker."
"Really? Hang on for a second." Bowser headed for the door.
The unnamed suspicious man was standing outside the Doomship, holding a DNA tracker, demanding them to come out. "You diapered reptiles come out of there right now! I demand to know whose... FAIRY GODPARENTS! brought you into existence!"
Bowser came out of the Doomship. "Yeah, what in the name of high school football do you want?"
Upon seeing this giant reptile in front of him, the suspcious man began to cower in fear. "Uh, nothing. I just want to know if you're a creation of... fairy godparents... and whose fairies made you."
"Now listen here, bub. I ain't no creation of no fairy godparents. I'm a crossbreed of a turtle and a Tyrannosaurus Rex, and I'm a very nasty one, too. But I'm also..." Bowser pulled up his tail to show the Official Nintendo Seal of Quality stamped on it. "...a registered trademark of Nintendo Company, Ltd." And with that, he kissed the seal on his tail.
"Well, I must be going now." The suspicious man started to back up. "See ya!"
"Not so fast, Mr. Unnamed Cast Member!" Bowser grabbed the unnamed cast member. "Since you've questioned me without the right to do so, I believe it's my right to incinerate you."
"What!"
"That's right! I'm also part dragon!" And with that, Bowser blew his flame breath on the suspicious man.
"Auuuuuuuuuggggghhhhh!" The now-charred suspicious man dashed off in the other direction. "I'm not cut out for this!"
Kamek patted his master's shoulder. "Nice work, sire."
"Yes, it was, wasn't it? Well, now that Mr. Extra-Guy-Who-Isn't-Bill-The-Extra-Guy is out of the way, now for the next part of my disgusting plan!" Bowser laughed evilly.
Kamek didn't understand the adjective. "What, may I ask, is so disgusting about time changing?"
"I said shut up, Kamek!" Bowser recommanded. "Stories like this never make sense when Rowby Goren's writing them."
"Well, how do you expect to get to this apartment and change the present without arousing suspicion?" Kamek obviously noted how strange they all looked.
"You'll conjure up a van for us to travel in!" Bowser ordered. "And give it a spicy name, too. Something like, 'Koopa & Kid Costumed Plumbers'. That's it, I like that! It's funny, 'cause it appeals to teenagers like Crash Bandicoot's advertising campaign."
"Uh, sire, although I'm glad you're finally relying on me today, I must nitpick this," said Kamek. "Won't this woman be expecting Mario Bros. Plumbing and not 'Koopa & Kid Costumed Plumbers'?"
"Just shut the hell up and produce that van!" insisted Bowser. "Hopefully, if this episode is really as illogical as it seems, that woman has an extremely low IQ."
0-0-0
In the meantime, Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toadette were still scampering around Brooklyn. After quite a while of Toadette blabbing on about golden geese and someone called "Mr. Gloomgold" who would "be even gloomier when he finds out I've lost his Metal Mites," Luigi pointed to a building nearby. "Look!" he said. "There's the place we fell in the warp drain and went to the Mushroom Kingdom."
"Boy, Luigi," said Toad as they stopped in front of the door, "for something dat happened a long time ago, you sure got a good memory."
"Well, I'm a video game character," said Luigi, "and I can remember my career very clearly."
"The lady who lives here is a little dowdy," Mario reminded as he crawled up to the front door. "Let me do the talking."
"You really t'ink she's gonna believe a quartet of talkin' babies?" Toad asked. "How are we even talkin' normal English, anyway!"
"I think the Muppet Babies and the Rugrats have that down pat," Luigi remembered, "despite the latter group's continuous mispronunciations."
"Why must you doubt me here by asking questions about whether or not this lady's gonna listen, Toad?" said Mario. "Did you see or hear anyone seeing anything strange about us during that chase sequence! In fact, your sister is rather strange herself, considering she was just created so you'd have a partner in Mario Kart: Double Dash!, even though I've read complaints that there are plenty of characters fitting for that role! Anyway, just let me do the talking!"
Toad and Luigi rolled their eyes as Mario raised his arm to knock on the door. But it turned out the red-haired woman of the house had come to find out what was the ruckus outside, and Mario was thumping on her knee right now. Oddly, she looked a lot like an earlier guest star.
"Fi-fo-fum-fee, who's that knocking on my knee?" she said stupidly. "Oh, goodness gracious, someone's abandoned four babies on my doorstep."
"Oh no, no, ma'am," Mario explained, "we're not abandoned babies; we're plumbers. Actually, the half of us with the moustaches are. The other half is just our friends. Anyway, Luigi and I are the Mario Bros. Plumbing service. You called for us, remember?"
"Please, plumbing's too dangerous for babies." The woman picked them up and brought them inside to a cradle she happened to have lying around. "I'll put you down for a nice nap."
"We're NOT babies!" Mario yelled. "We're the plumbers you called for! Well, actually, we're their counterparts from the future. Well, we're their counterparts from the future turned into babies. You see, this evil reptile we're at war with has come to this time to prevent the past versions of ourselves from ever coming to his place, and there was an incident with his time machine that wound up turning us into babies! Anyway, that's what we are - babified versions of the future counterparts of the plumbers you called earlier."
The lady of the house was obviously not processing Mario's speech into her empty skull. "Oh, but I insist that you take a nap! And if you have to go poop, the bathroom is over there."
"DAMN IT, LADY!" Mario screamed as his skin turned purple. "Why don't you get it that YOU'RE HEARING A TALKING BABY RIGHT NOW!"
"Yes, I admit I'm not exactly attractive," said the woman, "but I know darn well what you abandoned babies need."
"IS YOUR BRAIN TINIER THAN AN ANT, YOU MENTALLY CHALLENGED FREAK!" Mario hollered. "We're adults turned into babies! Why else would we be talking in English!"
"Uh, are you alright, bro?" Luigi asked his angry relative.
"Yeah, we never seen you like dis before - y'know, purple." Toad looked at Mario's skintone.
"Bah! I'm fine! But can you believe this lady's dangerously low IQ? You could take the stupidest thing you could find, multiply its stupidity by the number of 'Pokémon' episodes, and you'd wind up with this lady! BUH-ZARRG!" Mario roared.
"Calm down, bro!" Luigi restrained his brother from attacking the woman. "Just count to ten and think of the happiest things!"
So Mario thought of pasta and all sorts of Italian delicacies as well as how beautiful Princess Peach was until his skin returned to its normal color. "Ahhhhhh, that's better. But if you ask me, there are getting to be too many in-jokes here."
Just then, a big yellow van pulled up outside, and the woman looked out her window. "Wonderful, here come the real plumbers. 'Koopa & Kid Costumed Plumbers'..."
"There it is, Merlock, there it is!" said Toadette. "You can drop me off anywhere along here. B-but not there! Not there! Ahhhh-Ow! That is going to leave a nasty mark!"
"Hey Luigi, is it just me," Toad inquired, "or does dis woman look rather familiar?"
Outside, Bowser and Ludwig, dressed like plumbers, got out of their van and walked towards the door.
"If they think we're in costumes like those Disneyland employees, King Dad," said Ludwig, "they'll never guess we're not from the Real World! I told you I'm a genius."
Bowser rolled his eyes, knocked on the door, and tipped his hat when the woman answered. "Costumed plumbers at your service, ma'am! We make plumbing a party! I'm, uh, Bowser Von Giovanni Dragmire Dedede Pokey Rool Koopa. And this is Ludwig Kooky Von Grunt Stalfo Waddle Dee Starmen Kritter Koopa."
The lady didn't understand those long pseudonyms. "Is this some kind of gag?"
"Actually, I'm a hybrid of turtle and dinosaur attempting world domination in another dimension by making a slight change in the flow of time." Bowser grinned.
"Ah! Well then, come on in." The lady obviously hadn't understood a thing that Bowser just said.
"You're right, Toad," Luigi said as the lady let the Koopas in, "she does look like that Joliet person we helped in that Verona-like place."
From his point, Mario looked at the Koopas. "How'd Koopa and Kooky get back to their normal ages but we didn't?"
"Wait a minute!" Luigi realized. "The Koopas are pretending to be plumbers now! If they mess with that drain, we'll never get back to our grown-up selves and save the Mushroom Kingdom!"
"Dat didn't make any sense, Luigi!" said Toad. "I t'ought your past counterparts were gonna handle dat drain!"
"Well, they should've," said Mario, "but for some reason they don't seem to be anywhere. I'll bet Mr. Goren thinks that the current versions of Mario and I, the ones the watching millions see right now, have to become our past identities and do the job!"
"Geez, I hate time travel," muttered Toad.
"Follow me out this window, and we'll spy on them!" Mario jumped to the window. "I happen to know this lady's bathroom has a window and is right across from this room."
"Dat's gonna be difficult, considerin' what I've got on me," said Toad as Luigi jumped up.
"But I am not a popular favorite in that house." Toadette shuddered. "If Scrooge finds me, he'll kill me!"
The lady of the house led Bowser and Ludwig to her bathroom, complete with a clogged-up bathtub. Strangely, this bathroom didn't look anything like the one we could see Mario and Luigi working on in the intro for the Super Mario Bros. Super Show's animated segments. Outside, Mario, standing on Toad and Toadette, who were crouched on Luigi's back, spied on the conversation.
"Please fix my drain as quickly as possible, costumed plumbers," the lady requested. "I must bathe for my party tonight."
"Just leave it to us! We'll fix everything." Bowser pushed the lady out the door.
Outside, Mario faced downward. "We can't let Koopa get away with this! If we do, Nintendo Power will never be published!"
"But what can we do?" Toad called upward. "We can't walk upright like da Rugrats, and Toadette's still crazy!"
Toadette was now rubbing her nose. "Poor nosey!"
Luigi looked down through a window at a cellar. "Hey, I've got a way to cut Koopa down to size!"
"How?" Mario asked. "Lure him into being turned into a baby again?"
"Nope! Follow me!" Luigi jumped down, causing Mario, Toad, and Toadette to fall down behind him.
"Hey!" Toad rubbed his head. "Warn us when ya do dat!"
They climbed inside the cellar and looked at the house's pipes. "Hey aye, aye-a!" Luigi shook. "These pipes are more tangled than a bowl of cheap spaghetti!"
"Shouldn't I be the one to say that?" Mario questioned.
"Here's the bathtub drainpipe." Luigi indicated it. "Let's open it up."
Mario tried to turn a monkey wrench on the pipe, but couldn't. "Come on, you half-pints! A baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do! I couldn't resist saying that. I need some baby powder! I mean, power."
Luigi and Toad gave him a hand, but to no avail. "Now what do we do?" asked Toad.
"Well, I don't suppose we should hope that cute couple and their little blue friend will show up at the last minute to help. But I think I have another solution." Mario picked up a hose that happened to be lying there. "Let's sneak up behind them and back-flush 'em!"
"I take it you made that pun as the real word wasn't safe for kids, was it?" Luigi hummed.
Up in the bathroom, Bowser and Ludwig were stuffing things in the bathtub drain.
"Get some more stuff to plug this drain!" Bowser demanded as he stuffed a small rag into the drain.
Ludwig placed a handful of toiletries on top of the drain. "Ve'll make sure those shrimpy Mario babies never warp through zis pipe!"
"Uh, are we assuming that the present Marios need to do the duty of their past selves?" Bowser nitpicked.
"Don't ask me; you should've listened to Kamek!" Ludwig ran out of the bathroom, past the lady.
The woman cleared her throat and knocked on the door. "Um, how are you doing in there, costumed plumbers?"
"Awww, shut yer trap!" Bowser yelled from inside.
"Good gracious, how rude!" the woman complained. "I thought you made plumbing a party!"
Ludwig ran back in with a lamp and a wheel. "We do, lady; this is a fun game we call 'Stuff Your Furniture Down the Drain'!"
"Oh now, who'd want to do that?" The woman at least seemed to know that there was a plot hole there.
"Fun-loving plumbers, zat's who!" Ludwig replied as he reentered the bathroom.
And down in the cellar, the Marios and Toad (without any help from mind-numbed Toadette) had hooked the hose up to all the pipes. "OK, time to stop playing patty cake," joked Mario. "Turn on the water!"
"Hey, now we'll really put the pressure on those Phony Koopa Plumbers!" Luigi also joked.
"I gotta admit," said Toad as they turned on the H2O, "Rowby's writin' better puns dan he's writin' plots!"
The water traveled up to the bathtub, causing some problems with Bowser's badly-drawn drain stuffings.
"Kooky, help me!" Bowser whimpered. "It appears our clog is unclogging!"
"Oh, I'll help you, but please stop calling me Kooky!" Again, Ludwig was insulted.
"It doesn't matter, Kooky!" yelled Bowser. "Our plan's starting to crash and burn!"
But before Ludwig could bite back, a flood started in all the other pipes.
The woman let out a 'little girl scream'. "What are those costumed nincompoops doing to my house! I'd better get help!" She picked up the phone, but water came out and squirted her in the face. "I thought things like that only happened in cartoons," she said.
Ludwig headed outside and looked in the cellar window. There, he saw the Super Mario Babies and Toad sabotaging the scheme. "Ah, so that's our problem!" He went back inside. "King Dad, the Super Baby Bros. are sabotaging our scheme!"
"I told you to stop stating the obvious! But in this case..." Bowser ran out of the bathroom. "Hey lady, we need to use your cellar for a bit!"
"How will that fix the problem?" she questioned.
Bowser Jr. suddenly stuck his head in the window. "Hey papa! Do I still have to stay in the car?"
"Princie, you get your ass back in that van!" Bowser yelled. "Kooky and I have a bit of babysitting to do right now."
Bowser and Ludwig walked into the cellar and found the babyshop quartet playing the pipes.
"Uh-oh," said Mario, "it's Vicky the Babysitter and her annoying little sister Tootie!"
"Well, what do we have here?" Bowser padded a wrench on his claw. "Some bratty Brooklyn bambinos!"
"Good morning, Scrooge sir," Toadette cooed. "At the urging of my Genie, I have decided to seek my fortune."
"I don't care what's up with the girl mushroom, but you twerps are gonna do what I say or else!" Bowser had suddenly confused himself with the aforementioned red-haired villainess.
"Timmy! Vhy must you soak me vit vater balloons vhen I only want you to return my love?" Ludwig had also gotten himself confused with what Mario had called him.
"Quick! While they're diluted, crawl after me!" Mario crawled into a big pipe, followed by Luigi and Toad.
"Wait," Bowser snapped, "we're acting like the wrong red-haired villain, Kooky. Help me out here." He picks up the big pipe Mario and Luigi had crawled into.
Luigi stuck his head out one end. "Hey! What the hell you think you're doing?"
"Sealin' your fate, genius!" Bowser answered as he stuffed a big cork on Luigi's end.
Ludwig did the same to Mario's end and tossed them over to a bench near the window. "Excellent! Now the past Mario Bros. will never get to ze Mushroom Kingdom, and the present Mario Bros. won't be able to stop us in ze present!"
Bowser and Ludwig walked away laughing evilly, but there was one thing they hadn't counted on. Toad climbed out of the main pipe, which they hadn't pulled off, and looked at his sister. "Foolish toitles! Dey didn't stuff me in dere!"
"That's right!" said Toadette. "I get the loot, you get the boot!"
"Shut up with dat amnesia crap and get on my back, sis!" Toad picked her up.
0-0-0
With Toadette slung on his back, Toad crawled as quickly as he could to the Doomship. Although Toad was a lousy jumper, he and Toadette jumped in though one of the windows. And this somehow changed them back to normal!
In the control room, Bowser happily took the steering wheel. "Well, it's turnin' out to be a red-letter day! With the Mario Bros. permanently trapped in Brooklyn, I can finally capture the Princess, enslave her people, lay waste to Dinosaur Land, pollute Isle Delfino, ruin all the good dreams of the Dream Depot, tax the Wario Bros. out of their money..."
"Okay, okay, we get ze picture!" said Ludwig. "And anyway, I guess my Time Tube has worked out great."
"Oh, I don't know," Kamek pondered. "I still say things would've made more sense if you had taken my ideas."
"Will you just be glad we've won for once, Kamek?" the annoyed Koopa King bit.
As they were arguing, the fully-grown Toad used his magical periscope to snatch the Time Tube and bring it over to him and the back-to-normal Toadette.
"I don't get it," Toadette said. "How did jumping into the Doomship restore us to our normal selves?"
"It musta been da beam of dis! Getting close to it must've toined us back to normal." Toad adjusted the Time Tube to the window and threw a REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALY long rope outside that window. "If I can just focus da Time Tube beam on da basement window..."
"But what about that magical periscope of yours?" Toadette pointed to it. "How'd it get here?"
"Beats me. Dis ship must have da same magical powers as dat basement in da last episode!"
Ludwig suddenly appeared in the doorway with Bowser Jr. "Hey, how did you two get here?"
"Well, rumor has it da stork brought us," joked Toad.
"Grab zem, Princie!" Ludwig commanded to his little brother.
Fortunately, Toad's aim as good as his speed, as the beam shot into Mrs. Boobles' cellar window, making the Mario Bros. grow to their full size.
"Hey, I'm a full-sized hunk again!" said Luigi when they broke out of the pipe they were trapped in. "What happened?"
"Beats me," said Mario, "but we gotta save Nintendo from never becoming the King of Video Game Producers!"
So, long story short, they rushed up to the bathroom and got rid of all the unnecessary things clogging up the warp pipe hidden in the drain. But they left in "the hairy clog that started it all" so that their past selves would be able to get sucked into the drain, thus restoring the timeline. Then, as the lady was greeting the 1985 Mario Bros., the present Marios grabbed onto that REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALY long rope that Toad had tossed out the Doomship's window and followed the Koopas back to the future, er, present.
0-0-0
Bowser never noticed they were behind him, and he didn't notice that Darkland didn't look any different when he returned home. But even after Ludwig and Junior told him they had caught the Toad Siblings, he was in too good a mood to lose now. He got out the charter he had been saving for the occasion and marched on over to the Mushroom Kingdom, with Kamek, Ludwig and Junior, and the Toad Siblings too. There, he grabbed Princess Peach by the arm, even though she didn't really look threatened (actually, she took the sudden happening rather pleasantly), and said, "If you know what's good for ya, you'll sign over your kingdom now!"
"You'd better do vhat King Dad says, Princess," said Ludwig, as he and Bowser Jr. held the Toad Siblings down. "The Super Mario Bros. are stuck in ze past!"
"Uh, sire," Kamek wondered, "if this is the corrupted present, why doesn't it look any different from the not-corrupted present?"
"Not now, Kamek!" Bowser yelled at him. "Can't you see I'm about to get myself a new addition to my list of conquered kingdoms?"
"Don't count on it, Koopas!" Mario's voice was heard.
"WHAT THE HELL!" said all the Koopas at once.
Mario and Luigi came leaping out of a nearby warp pipe. And they had Raccoon Power! "We unclogged the past!" said Luigi.
"And now we're gonna clog you out of the Mushroom Kingdom, ya big hairball!" Mario shouted at Bowser.
"Hairball?" The Koopa King was insulted. "Blimey! I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition! Kooky, Princie, attack along with me!"
"Hang on a sec!" said Mario just as the Koopas jumped at them.
Mario and Luigi both pulled cartons of milk from behind them, and then guzzled the milk down. The Popeye Theme played as their muscles grew larger and they beat the crap out of Bowser, Ludwig, and Bowser Jr.
Finally, after getting beat up so much he had little Koopa Shells running circles around his head, Bowser stumbled on over like a drunk monkey to Kamek. "Drats, this is even worse than the first time the Mario Bros. got here! Get us out of here, Kamek!"
"As you wish, your not-one-for-good-ideas majesty." Kamek produced a warp pipe with his wand, and Bowser climbed as best he could into it, taking Kamek with him. Then Mario and Luigi used their Raccoon Tails to bat Ludwig and Junior into the pipe.
"Good going guys," said Peach. "That'll teach Koopa not to mess with history!"
"Or with us!" Mario added.
"Yeah - it might become the plot for a very crappy educational game! Heh heh!" Luigi joked about the irony there.
"Our pants are of silk / And we drink up our milk / We're the Mario Brother-men!" Mario sang, and then tooted twice.
Phew! I've finished the parody of my least favorite episode on the DVD. I was going to give a little comment here, but I think I'll save it for the next episode. Sorry for no real special guests, but those of you who expected Kim, Ron & Rufus in the last chapter will be pleasantly surprised with "Reign Storm". Also, I'm very glad Nintendo finally brought the Koopalings back so they could be in Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga.
