Chapter 18. Reasons to Live.

"What?"

Lance stared at the big furry man in front of him. "What?" he could only repeat.

"We're not sure how, and were not sure why, but your powers are somehow causing a chemical imbalance in your brain, as well as other side effects," Hank repeated, hoping he sounded better than he felt.

"What does that mean."

"You may experience anything from headaches, nausea, blurred vision, numbness, or mood disorders such as depression."

Lance nodded, vaguely hearing the explanation.

Hank attempted a weak smile. "But in your case, it seems to be more physical, since you don't seem to have experienced any depression or mood changes. Have you before this?"

Lance shook his head. He wondered how his brain was getting all this and actually responding.

"Lance, do you understand this?"

"Yeah... how bad is it?"

"There is very little detail known about chemical imbalances as of the moment, and even without taking your powers into consideration, I have to say, this is not a small problem."

"Adding my powers to that?"

"Quite frankly- we have no idea," Hank tried to look optimistic. "So, Lance, have you had any of these symptoms besides headaches?"

Lance hesitated, but finally nodded. "Sometimes I can't see clearly, or I can't really tell where things are... What am I supposed to do now? I mean, whats the worst that can happen?"

Hank looked at the eighteen-year-old, hesitating.
"We really don't know. This leads to new possibilities, and we don't know just how much of your brain is affected by your powers. We're not even entirely sure that's the reason. But it seems to be, since your collapse was triggered by over-using your powers. This never happened before, right?"

"Well, except one time. The first time my powers emerged. Yeah, something like this happened then too, though it was on a way smaller scale. But I don't remember too much of it, I was out most of the time when it happened."

"So it is very likely this is all connected to your powers. I really don't know how or why, but everything seems to lead to that."

"Whats the worst case scenario?"

"We dont know enough to..."

"There has to be something."

Hank looked at the teen, and was surprised to see the look in his eyes. Sitting there was not Lance the hot-tempered teenager, but an older, more mature young man. Hank's thoughts went back to the morning, when he had seen Lance with the exact same look, even right after getting up. Going to that, he remembered wondering why Lance was sitting beside Todd's bed, not in his own bed, but he had been too busy to dwell on it. He did recall now, though, that Charles had told them of a strong wave of emotions from Todd during the night, so he suspected that must have had something to do with it. Charles had not wanted to look into it further, because it had become very evident in the way Lance reacted to them that the teen was trying to avoid Charles as much as possible without making it too obvious, though it was still Lance that had done most of the talking to them. It would do no good to push him further away by prying into things he clearly wanted left alone.

Coming back to the present, Hank found himself face to face with the brown- haired young man sitting across him, his dark brown eyes studying him. He sighed before speaking.

"In the worst, your powers could seriously damage your brain. But that's the worst of the worst. We can't possibly make any real speculations until we know more about this."

"Serious damage?"

Hank sighed. "Yes, severe damage to your brain."

"So..." Lance drew a blank. He didn't understand what this was leading to, what Hank meant.

"For example, you may lose control over your body."

"I'd be paralyzed?" Lance drew in a sharp breath, his eyes widening.

"It is a possibility. And another possibility is that you might lose control over your involuntary bodily functions," Hank explained. "But this is the most extreme case, there's very little chance of that, if at all. There's no reason for concern."

"Involuntary bodily functions..." Lances wide eyes dimmed, then suddenly flashed and he looked at Hank, jerking up from his seat. "Stuff like breathing? Is that it? I'd..." he couldn't finish.

"It is the worst-case scenario, and there's hardly any possibility that it will happen," now Hank really regretted telling him. "It's only a minuscule possibility, there is also the possibility that nothing serious will happen, and with medication, this will simply pass for you."

Lance fell back into the chair. "But... dying?" he managed to rasp.

"It is highly unlikely that will happen, Lance; we're just theorizing here. You have to look at the positive possibilities as well," Hank reassured.

Lance couldn't reply, completely still for a moment. Then, the disbelieving look of shock disappeared, replaced with one of resigned acceptance.
"If there is a worst-case scenario, that's what's going to happen. Trust me, it's always been that way in my life. How long until something big happens? I mean, something really big, something serious."

Hank was both surprised and deeply disheartened at the brittle coldness in his voice. It wasnt even angry or bitter, something Hank might have expected. No, it was completely devoid of emotion, empty, as his eyes were.
"Now you have to look at this from all sides, as I've told you that is the worst that could ever happen in theory, but its unlikely to happen in reality. And there are more positive probabilities than are negative, you must look at all the sides to this, Lance."

Lance shook his head. "It doesn't work that way. And I think I know my life a little better than you do. So this... brain damage thing I have, what's going to happen to me if I use my powers?"

"We can't be sure, but we can guess that it'll speed up the currently present actions or possibly trigger new reactions."

"If I don't use my powers- will it go away?"

"I'm afraid not."

"So not using my powers- it's just going to slow it down?"

"Lance, you have to realize, we're just speculating here, I'll need to do some more check ups on you and get some help from an expert in order for us to know anything for certain."

Lance nodded, but it was just to satisfy Hank, and the man could tell. "So you don't know how much slower it'll be."

"We don't know anything for sure."

Lance got up. "All right, I get it," he said, and looked at Hank, expressionless. "Do you want to do anything or can I go?"

Hank looked at Lance, worry evident on his face. "Lance, you do understand that it was just a speculation? It's highly unlikely to happen."

"Yeah, whatever, I get it."

Hank sighed. There was no use; Lances face remained the same, completely devoid of feeling.

"Do you want me to stay here?"

"No, we'll run a couple more tests in the evening, unless you want them done now," Hank replied. He actually would rather they did it now, but he didn't think it would be such a great idea to keep Lance in there for much longer. And he wasn't sure if he could give any better news to help the teen after he ran the tests.

Lance shook his head and turned to the door. He was briefly deterred by Hanks voice.

"Lance? You don't have to worry about this, just stay positive. There are a lot of different sides to this."

Lance faintly nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Dr. Hank McCoy collapsed back into his seat, one hand on his forehead.

Charles, things didnt go too well.


Lance walked down the rather quiet hallway, and was glad most of the X- Geeks were outside in some game. Mutant dodge ball, or something like that; he had overheard some of the talk as the New Recruits were leaving the building.

He felt strangely okay.
Sure, a part of him wanted to panic, to shout, to yell.
But the rest of him was unnaturally serene.
It was almost as if he had expected this. Had he? Of course not, why would he anticipate his own death? But it was true he had been expecting something big. Well, dying was pretty much the biggest thing he could get, wasnt it.

Still, while the initial reaction had been shock, Lance was calm now, even apathetic. His only concern was what was going to happen now. It wasn't like he knew exactly when he was going to die, just that he was.
Well, everyone died someday. At least he knew from what he would die of and that it was in the near future. Unless of course, he died for some other reason before that; but he didn't really have the patience or the strength to think about that right now.

As he neared the guest dorm halls, he found his thoughts wandering over to the Brotherhood, as they tended to do, though right now, he was trying not to think about them.
It didn't work. He thought about them.
And as soon as he did, the wave of panic rushed over him once more. What was he going to tell them? What was he going to say? Then, the biggest question forced its way into his mind, the one he had been trying to keep out all along.
What would happen to them after he died?

Suddenly, he was panicking all over again.

None of the Brotherhood had jobs besides Lance himself, and thus, no income. And would they even bother going to school everyday if he didn't half-force them to each morning? Lance himself was close to dropping out; the only reason he continued to go was because of the fact that some of his jobs required him to, and more importantly, because otherwise the rest of the Brotherhood might just decide to drop out too. Once he was gone, would they even bother to go to school? A place filled with people that hated them, thought they were worthless hoods that would never amount to anything- to endure that each day? And that wasn't even taking into consideration the physical abuse they had to deal with, though it was mostly Todd that got bullied around.
With him gone, who would take care of the money; pay the bills? Lance remembered the short period of time he had stayed with the X-Men before, and returning to a lot of chaos in the Brotherhood house. And that had been less than a week, just a few days.
No, he wouldn't let that happen this time. He wouldn't let anything, anyone, fail because of him.
Lance was going to have to make sure everything was taken care of before... well before he died.
What a weird thought.
But pushing that aside, he made a mental list for himself- get Tabitha and Pietro jobs, teach Pietro to pay the bills, Tabitha to fix the heater and take care of the water, buy Fred some more cooking books... Lance froze. Todd. What was he going to do?
Thoughts, ideas, and possibilities clashed against each other as Lance struggled to think of a way to break this to the young boy.
None came.

Finally, Lance gave up.
He would have to hold off on that for a while- it wasnt like McCoy would let him say anything before a few more test results came in anyhow. Lance would just have to get Pietro, Tabitha, and Fred to fill in as much as he could without making it blatantly obvious from now on. Tabitha was pretty good with comforting others, relatively, and Fred was okay as long as it was Todd. Pietro was not so good at comforting people, but he cared, and that was what mattered.

He would have to make sure Fred and Todd were okay around people as well, without Lance around. Pietro and Tabitha weren't going to be able to do all the looking out the three of them did by just themselves.

That and do something about everyones nightmares.

Plus make sure Pietro didn't get himself into too much trouble, and possibly get him to actually try in the academic area- Pietro hardly spent more than five minutes on anything, and due to his powers, this actually worked for him. But despite the fact that he could learn materials many times faster than the average, Pietro plainly refused to try further than the basics unless he was specifically interested in the topic. Once, for example, Pietro had taught himself Spanish in a matter of weeks, and was now fluent in it, as well as German, though he didn't like to speak the latter as much, after Nightcrawlers acquaintance. Lance was really going to have to do something about Pietro's intense hatred of the X-Men, and anything even remotely related to them.

That and figure out what was going on with Tabitha and why she was so furious at Rogue; the southern girl didnt seem to know either. But though he trusted Rogue, much more than the other X-Geeks, with the exception of Kitty, he still wasn't quite sure of her; too much had happened for them to just go back to the way things were before. Much had been lost, and whatever common ground they had had before had been lost and forgotten. In short, Rogue was, and would always be, an X-Man. But still, she was a Brotherhood too, in a way. The only other member with mixed affiliations, or past affiliations anyhow, was Tabby. But she was different. Tabby was completely Brotherhood. She didn't really care for any of the X-Men beyond the acquaintance level, maybe with the exception of some fondness for the New Recruits; but to the Brotherhood, the New Recruits werent really X-Men anyhow, not all the way, just half-way, so it didn't matter. They never really dealt with the New Recruits, so they didn't really care for them either way. Tabitha was friends with Amara though, and thought better of Nightcrawler than the rest of the Brotherhood. Still, it wasn't the same as the situation with Rogue.

Lance knew that, if things came to test, Rogue would choose the X-Men over them, no doubt about it. But he had a feeling Tabitha would choose them. No, he was certain she would choose them. After all, why else hadn't she left them yet? Things certainly hadn't been good at the Boarding house; a working phone system had been something of a challenge lately, especially while trying to keep the electricity and gas going, as well as running water. And face it; the X-Geeks had a freaking mansion, for crying out loud. She didn't leave though, or even mention it, not even as a joke, not once. A smile crept up on Lance as he remembered a certain incident.


Once Pietro had been teasing her, asking her when she was going to go back to the X-Men. The joke had been abruptly cut off when Tabitha gave him her characteristic shrug, only it wasnt her usual who knows, who cares shrug, it had been different somehow... definite. And serious. Which had been, well, weird.

"I'm not."

Pietro had, for once, been at a loss as to what to say, but the silence only lasted a brief moment as Pietro went on to talk about other matters, as did Tabitha, and Todd and Fred.

But later that night, when Lance had been going over a few bills, Tabitha had come downstairs to the kitchen for a drink, and Lance had asked her again.

"When are you going back to them?"

He hadn't said, when are you leaving, as one might have.

To Lance, it had been a simple question; he had never expected Tabitha to stay around long, maybe just until whatever had happened with the X-Geeks and her passed. But Tabitha had turned to him with an expression he could not understand. It was so... unlike Tabitha; too serious. Even offended.

"I'm not," she repeated her answer from the afternoon.

Lance had been taken aback by the plain truth in her voice, but the still skeptical part of him looked at her, and tossed the statement out into the playing field- as clear as she had been in her answer, and as matter-of- fact in its approach.

"You're not going to stay here forever."

Tabitha gave him her patented grin as she took a drink from the water bottle, and then tossed it back in the fridge.

"No. I'm not."

Grabbing a granola bar from a pile of random food products on one side of the counter, she headed out the kitchen; and just when Lance was turning back to the bills, thinking that she wasn't going to say anything more on the subject, she glanced back for a second.

"Just as long as you guys are here."

And she left, not seeing the amazed expression crossing Lances face, nor the smile afterwards, as the earth shaker heard the complaints of Todd as Tabitha barged into the bathroom a moment later.

"I'm taking a shower yo!"

"I never thought that I'd hear that from you, Toddy! I'm out of mouthwash."

"Could you be any louder?"

After Pietros shout joined the two, there was a small explosion in the bathroom, and five minutes later, a still somewhat wet but fully dressed Todd had engaged the bomb-wielder in a duel of pillows. They were enthusiastically joined by the speedster and the immovable teen that occupied the other rooms of the house, and Lance smiled as he heard the battle of pillows intensify, until the pillow fight became an all out pillow war. That is, until the sound ceased all at once. When everything remained still for a full minute, Lance had gotten worried and started up the stairs, only to be bombarded by pillows. "You are so dead!" And the four teens atop the stairs had managed to grab their weapons again, through fits of laughter.


Lance smiled. That was pretty regular in the Brotherhood house. Add a few water fights, food fights, its my turn for the remote control fights, the bathroom fights between Tabitha and Pietro, a couple random fights, and some school fights, and a truckload of pranks, you would have the Brotherhood schedule. No, add a dozen truckloads of pranks, and toss a couple more in for Pietro's part, and then you would have the Brotherhood schedule. Pietro successfully accomplished more pranks in one day than anyone could ever imagine. Well, anyone outside the Brotherhood, anyhow.

Pietro was a whole different situation from Tabitha. While he was often like Lance's right, being the second-in-command in the Brotherhood ever since Mystique disappeared, things had turned a little different since Tabithas unofficial but still just as important initiation into the Brotherhood. Usually, things were about the same as before, albeit more pranks and the newly created bathroom wars between the speed demon and the bomb-wielder, and discoveries by the other three members of the Brotherhood of ways to prevent this and not get caught in the crossfire. But when things got a little too chaotic or there was a more serious fight than the norm at school, or even with the X-Geeks, Pietro lost control, and his temper was almost as bad as Lance's was. But while Lance, when things went wrong at school or in a battle with the X-Geeks, even after losing his cool, managed to keep a level of calmness about him, unconsciously holding him back from doing serious damage, as his powers might, in a fight, and maintaining some kind of rational thought; Pietro did not. And at these times, it was not Pietro that was second in command, but Tabitha. There was something distinctly different in the teen when she was serious. You knew when she was serious; it was impossible to miss. And in this, she and Pietro were opposites. Tabitha turned like steel in the strongest fires, and in the fiercest heats of things, she had a level head. Pietro fought fire with fire. Of course, it was usually the other way around as the two worked together, along with Todd and Fred, to achieve their most important goal of the day- pulling a better prank on Duncan Matthews, the jocks, the X-Geeks, or Kelly, than they had the day before. Tabitha being her carefree, and frankly, careless self; Todd the joker and adding much humor to their duties; Fred with his great capacity to not only consume edibles, but aid in the pranks with his strength; Pietro the egotist with slight perfectionist inclinations- just in that he at times, would obsess over the details of things.
Okay, most of the times.
Okay, all the time, and on every single little detail.
Pietro refused to allow any holes in his plan, such as the plan to ambush Kelly's car with pink paint. He wanted everything to be smooth, completely loophole free and as perfect as he was, to quote the speedster himself. But this made him a great thinker. That is when Pietro wanted to be. Usually, he didn't. Pietro didn't care for school, or of grades; the main reason he went to school was because Lance made him, and to pull pranks on people while he was there.
It wasn't that he wasn't smart, obviously.
He simply never felt any reasons to try hard, and besides, nothing really presented itself as a challenge to the silver-haired boy.
So he felt no need to try.

Challenges.
There was one word Todd Tolensky was well familiar with.
The little guy had had a rough life.
Lance didn't blame him for being afraid of the dark, or being so nervous. He was afraid of a lot of other things besides that, including the X-Men, especially the adults, and more specifically, Wolverine. But Todd didn't let this fears get in his way; he really strived to be rid of them, or to simply be able to control them.
And despite all the crap he had dealt with, Todd was a good kid.
Generally friendly and willing to try to be friends with everyone.
He was one of the major reasons the Brotherhood found the will to keep going, to keep fighting back when life threw rocks at them.
None of the Brotherhood had pretty pasts, but Todd was the only one that was optimistic enough to keep them going at their hardest times.
Maybe that was why they were so protective for the youngest teen of the family. He was their little brother, the youngest brother.
Lance had no doubts that each of the Brotherhood had a special desire to protect the little guy, in their own ways. Even Fred, who was closest to Todd and his best friend, had the defensive older brother streak in him, something he only showed in matters concerning Todd.

Fred was an entirely different story all together.
As it was with the rest of the Brotherhood, Fred Dukes had that tough guy exterior around him. It was their first line of defense, and also useful in keeping people away from them.
But with Fred, things were different.
Fred wanted to be accepted by them. His fear that the public would never accept him was the only thing that held him back. He was too scared to try, too afraid of being rejected. Freds fear of rejection was as strong as Todds fear of abandonment.
But while Todd was less successful in his tough-guy exterior, Fred was quite adept at the facade. Underneath it however, just underneath the thin wall, Fred was the weakest, the most vulnerable. The Brotherhood knew and understood this and defended Fred against it. Sometimes even Fred would have those sleepless nights; the entire Brotherhood was cursed with them. And then Fred and Lance mostly spent the night talking, or just being in the same room together, both aware of the others presence and pacified by it.
Fred was sensitive, despite appearances, and probably the easiest one to hurt, at least emotionally. And without the Brotherhood, without them to accept him for him, and to respect him as he was, Fred Dukes would break.

The question was, would he break if it was only one member of the Brotherhood that was gone? Would Todd?
Would Pietro and Tabitha?
Lance needed Pietro and Tabitha to be strong, to be extra strong for Todd and Fred. But what if they didn't want to be?
Pietro, despite the fact that he loved being in the lead, was loath to be forced into anything, and Tabitha didn't want to deal with things unless she absolutely had to, and it seemed that Lance and Pietro needed the help.
Would they be able to hold their ground if he wasnt there?
Would they be able to get past their own problems, and at the same time help each other with theirs?
Their own problems were more than enough; what would happen?

Lances thoughts swirled, dragging him into a deep abyss. One theme played over and over again in his mind.
He had to make sure everything would be all right before anything happened.

And he would.