Okay, first off, let me say that I am SOOOOOOOOO sorry for not updating sooner.. Procrastion + Lazy + Me no update.. smacks self I swears, I'll do better next time.. oO Why do I feel like I'm talking to a teacher? Meh, whatever.. Okay, as I mentioned, I am lazy, so I'm not responding to my reviews.. However, there were FOUR of them! FOOOOUR! WHOOOOOP! Far cry from the chappie where I only had ONE!
Chapter Three: Well, that's loyalty for you!
Well, once the bathing thing was over, I got to wrap a towel around my body, which I was most happy about. I seriously didn't like having some strange women that I don't even know, freaking bathing me. It's like these whackos were under the impression that people were too stupid to bathe themselves.. I wondered, momentarily, whether the women bathed the men. I smirked. You can just imagine all the perverted thoughts that were going through my head. So, in order to rid my mind of these dirty images, I started chewing on bubblegum. It took my nerve-wrecked brain a moment to realize that I somehow had gotten gum in my mouth. It will remain a mystery, even to me. Whoo! Secret Window rocks!
Well, I was blowing this mondo bubble, and it popped, so I quickly sucked it back in my mouth and smiled innocently. The maid people were looking at me strangely, but I just looked around, like I didn't know what they were talking about.
They came forward with these really strange clothes, and I stared at them warily. I did not like dresses. In fact, the only time I would wear a dress, was.. back when I was in private school and was forced to wear them. But, those are evil memories that won't be touched upon.
Ahem, anywho, I was clothed in the exotic material and found it to be.. well.. strange. It felt more like there was this towel that was wrapped tightly around my body. There were no sleeves, and it showed far too much of my breasts to my liking. However, what was I going to do? Complain? I don't think so! So, I just let them do whatever they were going to do next. It was when they started brushing my long hair, that I realized something.. My hair was long. You see, my hair only reached just past my shoulders, so it came as quite a shock to find that I had hair that reached past my hips. Ah well.. Well, they brushed it, and I was most pleased to find that it did this funky spiky thing, like Marik's hair, in the front.. It was nice. On my forearms, they put these funky gold bracelet-like things. They were awesome! Well, they put this golden crown-like thing around my head, stuck some black crap around my eyes, and then pointed me in the direction I was supposed to head.
I was quite surprised when I saw Seth already waiting. I raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. He grabbed my elbow, sending way too many butterflies into my stomach, and started walking forward.
"So, what's going to happen?" I asked. He turned and looked at me, probably surprised that I had spoken. Who knows?
"You will stay in the palace until the Pharaoh thinks it's best for you to leave." He said. I nodded.
"Does anyone even know who I am?" I blew another bubble. He looked at me sharply.
"No, and what is that thing that keeps coming out of your mouth?" He asked.
"Oh, it's called-" Then, I realized what he just said. "What do you mean, keeps coming out?" My eyes narrowed. "Were you watching me?" My eyes were now the size of slits.
"That's preposterous!" He said. I suddenly felt quite uncomfortable. Okay, that was the understatement of the year! I stared at him for a few minutes, contemplating whether or not I should kill him or not. Oh, if only Chris were here! I need my confidant here to tell me what to do when I don't know.. Sure, I was the general of us both, but sometimes the general needs to have.. a private.. You know, that sounded really wrong.. Great, Seth was rubbing off on me. That sucks!
"Whatever." I replied, coldly. Eh, forgot I was having a conversation with Seth, eh, eh? Well, okay. Hee hee.
We soon arrived back in the room that Atemu was at, and I suddenly got hit with this pang of friend-sickness. I actually felt tears enter my eyes. And this was me, the chic who hadn't cried in over a year.. Not that I hadn't tried, I just hadn't been able to.. It kinda sucked!
"Ah, much better!" Atemu commendededed. Yep, that's right. Ededdedded.. Uh huh! Anywho, Seth, who still had a hold of my elbow, pulled me forward. He pulled me to the side of the pharaoh, and we sat there, like a bunch of whackos posing for a picture. So, obviously, I got bored, and blew a bubble. I quickly sucked it back in when people looked towards me. Atemu was smirking at me, and I was grinning sheepishly.
So, there I was, standing next to two of the hottest bishies in Anime history, besides all the other dudes, when the door suddenly open, and some guy dressed in a sock ran in. I'm not kidding, either. He was wearing this huge white sock that went up to his chest. And he was hop running, too. It was rather funny, and I bit my bottom lip really hard to keep from laughing. Seth looked at me funny, and he soon smirked along with me. I mean, come on, you would've been laughing too. A sock? Come on! Who wears a sock?
"My lord, It's the Thief King, he's stolen from the palace!" Sock-boy cried. I heard murmurs around me and looked around. I mean, really, is it really that big of a deal. Ooh, so some priceless artifact that can't be given a price because it's so great was stolen. Big freaking whoop! Now, if it was a golden spork, then they could start murmuring. I shudder to think of a golden spork being stolen. That's a bad bad bad curse!
Atemu stood up immediately, an angry look on his face. I shuddered inwardly. He looked scary when he was mad... Or not, he looked hot, but since Chris had the hots for him, he had to look scary to me. It was simply the way it worked.
"He left this, my lord." Sock-boy hop-ran forward and handed the pharaoh this strange thing.. It looked like toilet paper.. on a stick.. Strange? I thought so! I looked at Seth questioningly, but he looked really angry. It made him look hot, even with the weird headdress thing on top of his head.. I just wanted to glomp him.
"High priest, come forward and read this for me." Atemu commanded. Seth grabbed a pair of these funky cheddar reading glasses out of nowhere and plopped them in front of his eyes. He walked forward, his weird robe thingy making a swishy noise, and grabbed the toilet.. stick.. thing.. His eyes narrowed dangerously as he read it. He turned to Atemu and spoke so quietly, that my super-unsensative ears couldn't hear what they were saying. But, I got a little nervous, because after Seth talked, they both turned and gave me this worried look. Now, from my experience, that's usually a bad thing..
"My lord, if I might suggest that she have guards watch her closely." Seth said, his hands clasped together. I quirked an eyebrow and smoothed out an invisible wrinkle. Why? Because I felt nervous...
And before I knew what was happening, an arm slinked around my waist and I was thrust up against a male body. How, you might ask, did I know it was a male body.. Well, I can tell the difference between a damned male and female! Sheesh!
"What a horrible predicament!" I heard a voice tease. I'd recognize that cute voice anywhere. Yami B! Seth and Atemu looked quickly in my direction, and their eyes immediately widened.
"Such a beautiful desert flower, eh Atemu." Yami B said. I had to suppress a grin. Yami B would never be able to live that one down! "Now, I'll set her free if you'll give me the Millennium Items."
I felt completely confident. Atemu and Seth wouldn't give me up. I was 'a gift from the gods' as the pharaoh oh so graciously put it. They wouldn't want to go and upset the gods, now would they? Seth and Atemu both looked at each other, then me, then Yami B.
"Take her!" They said in unison. My jaw dropped down. How's that for loyalty to the gods? Humph, I'd have to lecture them when I got back to the future.. Yami B was laughing, probably because he figured I was shocked. He leaned down slightly and picked me up, like I was some freaking feather. He smirked at my shocked facial expression. I could care less. I finally shut my mouth and glowered. They were SO going to feel my wrathful revenge. Oh yeah! Except maybe Seth; because he's my favorite bishie.. other than the other dudes, of course!
Well, in a short manner of seconds, I was outside of the castle, being carried to Ra knows where. So, I started cursing those two idiots under my breath, earning a huge smirk from Yami B.
"A gift from the gods, indeed." He teased. I stuck my tongue out in response. Bad idea! The look in his eyes was freaky, 'indeed'. He looked like he wanted to devour my tongue or something. I'm not kidding. He was probably going to take me to his hideout and then I was going to have my tongue cut out. And then, I'd have to watch as he eats it. Gross!
Well, I soon found out where he was carrying me to, as I heard this weird noise. I looked up and saw a camel. One camel, mind you. And you know what that means. That's right. Yami B jumped on top of it, with me still in his arms. Now, it's not to say that I don't like camels, but seriously, they can be violent creatures, and fast. So, when Yami B suddenly pulled out this whip stick thing and hit the camel with it, and the camel lurched forward, I couldn't help but throw my arms around him. I could just see the smirk on his face. But, what made it all worse, was the fact that the hot bishie wasn't wearing anything over his chest, so what else could I do but stare. I'd never live it down, I swear.
So, we rode. And rode. And rode. And rode. And rode. And- Annoyed yet? Anyways, we finally reached a destination, or at least I thought it was our destination. It was a hideout, after all. I suppose you're wondering how I knew it was a hideout. Well, I suppose I could say that it was because I was smart and had a sixth sense about these things.. But that would be lying, because there was this sign on the door, that says in big black letters, hideout!
"This is my hideout." Yami B stated. I just stared at him like he was an idiot. After all, I can read! So, just as Yami B was about to jump off the evil camel, someone cleared their throat. So, we both craned our necks, and guess who we saw! Marik Ishtar! Whooo!
Ahem, yes, so, as excited as I was to see him, I had to wonder, why was he here? And what did he want? And what was his favorite color? Maybe he'll dye his hair his favorite color in the future. That'd be so funny!
"Give up the woman!" Marik demandeded. I looked at Bakura and felt completely safe. After all, he was a thief, and thieves are known for their bravery. Plus, he thought I was a 'gift from the gods' as well, so he simply wouldn't betray the gods by giving up their 'gift.' Boy, how wrong could I be? And twice in one day, too! How annoying! Stupid bishies! They will fear my wrath!
Anyways, Yami B pretty much tossed me like I was some freaking hackie sack and luckily Marik caught me before I fell. That would have hurt, too!
So, he picked me up and started carrying me, bridal style I must say, in the opposite direction. It was cool! I loved my life, I swears! Well, my joy was short lived, as I suddenly found myself being dropped. And by dropped, I don't mean that I was just dropped down to the sandy floor, but I mean I was dropped and fell through this black portal pit thingy.
And, when I landed, it was with a loud thud, and it was right in some sploshy substance.
"Ah ma-an!" I groaned. I looked around and found myself to be in a punch bowl. How much more lucky can I freaking get! I sighed in annoyance and looked around. Boy, and for getting a record of strange looks, I had just peaked!
"Beverly!" Chris squealed, excitedly. She ran forward and pulled me out of the punch bowl. Before I could see the damage on my pants, Chris gave me a bone-crunching hug. I nearly lost my breath!
"Okay, as for your pants that have now faded red, I have a remedy." Chris stated, her finger pointed up in the air. I stared at her strangely.
"What kind of remedy?" I asked, skeptically. She grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the room. In fact, she kept dragging me so far, that I thought we were three miles away.. but that would be impossible, since if we were three miles away, we'd be dead after falling pretty damned far down.
Well, she pulled me into what I soon found to be a bathroom and pulled out a blow dryer and a spork. I eyed the spork lustfully, as my weak spot is sporks, plastic spoons, and hot bishies. Yep, that's right. Oh! And my weak spot is also smiling. Yep, if someone smiles at me, I pretty much melt.. well, depending on who it was. Now, if it were Kuwabara from Yu Yu Hakusho, I probably wouldn't have melted. It's not that I don't like him, but come on, it's Kuwabara!
"Okay, it's gone." Chris squeaked. I blinked once, twice, and then three times, just because I had an eyelash in my eye.
"What do you mean it's gone." I did the air quote thingys.
"The punch stain has disappeareded." She stated. Can you tell where I get some of my strangeness? Yep, Chris is definitely where I get some of it! I looked down and smiled at my butt.. strange? I think so, too!
"Soooo, what now?" I asked.
"We hold up the blimp and demand kisses?" Chris asked. I smacked the back of her forehead.
"Dummy, we can't hold up the blimp. We don't have the resources." I mused.
"Well, we could always go and just watch the tournament." Chris said, shrugging.
"Neh, but what about the height factor?" I asked, jumping into her arms. She laughed and dropped me. Ouch! Must she always drop me? It's bloody painful! Well, she pulled me up just as quickly, and proceeded to drag me to the area.
"Hey, wait, isn't that one chic in here?" I suddenly asked.
"What one chic?"
"The one chic."
"The chic that stole your sweet snow?"
"We're not in the Yu Yu Hakusho world, you freaking moron!"
"Oh yeah!" I sweatdrop. "So, what chic you talkin' bout, Bev?"
"The one I'm a psychic because of this necklace chic." Again with the air quotes.
"You mean the Millennium Necklace?"
Okay, so she's a lot smarter than me when it comes to the actual names of these things. Tish tosh, I choose to be ignorant! I swears!
"Uh... yeah." I nodded, as though I knew exactly what she was talking about the whole time. Because I did! See the smart look in my eye.. No? You're not looking close enough...
"What's her name again?"
"Ishizu Ishtar." I said, knowingly.
"Then why'd you ask?"
"Uh." I sweatdrop. "I forgot?"
She sighs and shakes her head.
"Your memory is getting worse everyday."
"Nuh uh."
"Yuh huh."
"Nuh uh."
"Yuh huh."
"Nuh uh to infinity."
"Yuh uh to infinity and beyond."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Friends forever!"
We hugged and went all happy and stuff.
"So, what say we go have a good ole chat with Ishizu?" I suggested.
"I say yay!" Chris punched her fist into the air.
So, Chris and I walked to each door and opened one after the other. It was rather strange, too, because in one of the rooms we went in, it was submerged with water. I'm not kidding, either! There were freaking fish swimming in there. We even waved at a scuba diver. He asked us how to get to Cincinnati. And you know what, I don't even know where Cincinnati is, so we pretty much lied to him. We told him it was up in Canada! That's right! Canada!
Well, we opened another door, and shockingly, she was actually in it! She seemed to know we were coming.
"I knew you were coming." See, I told ya! I know all, that I do. Chris smirked and walked forward. She suddenly bowed down and kissed her feet. It was very disturbing, actually. Ishizu looked very disturbed. And I had an idea she was thinking that Chris was crazy.
"I think you're crazy." Neheh! Told ya again! I really do know all! Muahahaha!
"I'm not crazy, though I'm a little bit insane." Ishizu looked to me for help, and I shrugged.
"Don't ask me. I once asked a psychic chicken to explain about Chris, but it kept making these weird buckaw noises. It didn't help very much." I stated.
"You scare me, child." She bluntly said.
"Really?" I raised an eyebrow. "I don't scare many people. Well, that's a little white lie, but what you don't know won't hurt ya, right?"
"But you just-"
"Anyways, how ya doing?"
"By the way, I'm Chris and this is Ra's wife." Chris said.
"Do not joke of the gods, child. Ra will punish you severely!" Ishizu warned, shaking her finger in a rather accusing sort of way.
"Nah, he's probably just up there watching soap operas, the silly goof." I said, waving my hands, as though I'm pushing the topic aside.
Up in Heaven
"She said what?" Ra roared, angrily. He stared into the television tube and folded his arms in front of him. "I can't believe Marsha doesn't like John. And how can she be so open about it?"
Down in Hell... erm.. I mean Earth...
"You two are dangerous, get out of my sight!" She exclaimed, motioning towards the door.
"Well, that was a little rude. And here we just wanted to say hello." I said, pouting slightly.
"You know, you're a lot meaner in person." Chris said, looking at her rather disapprovingly.
"I am not mean!" The woman said, incredulously.
"No, she's not mean." I shook my head. "She's Anubis!"
"Shhh! You must not upset the gods!" Ishizu said.
"Ah hush. Hades is probably sitting down there watching Punk'd." Chris said, shrugging. I gaped at her in horror. You see, the whole deal is, that I'm always right, and she's always wrong. So, this is how I knew I was going to die in a matter of seconds.
Down in Hell... Literally
"Impertinent women!" Hades roared. "They shall feel my wrath! Servant!"
A servant walks forward. Strangely enough, he looks like Gollum.
"Yessss, massster?" Gollum asked.
"Go to earth and make them suffer!" Hades commanded.
"Make who ssssssssuffer?"
"Them."
"Who'ssssssss them?"
"They are them!"
"But who are they?"
"Those two impertinent women!"
"But who are they? Do you know how many there issssss?"
"Shut up! Do as I command, damn it!"
"Yesssssss, oh evil masssssster of misssschief."
"Would you stop that?"
"Sssssssstop what?"
"Stop that sssssssss stuff. It's pissing me off."
"Yesssssss masssster."
"You just did it again!"
"Nuh uh."
"Yuh huh."
"Nuh uh."
A few minutes later.
"There, now that wasn't so hard, was it?" Hades asked, smirking wide. Gollum could be seen bandaging many new cuts that he had acquired. He also required about twenty bruises on his head. It was really funny looking.
"No masterrrrrrrrrrr."
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Down... Erm.. Up above
"We're dooooooooomed!" I was now running around in circles, as was Chris. We ended up running into each other and fell back flat on our butts.
"You fools! Grow up, damn it!" Ishizu screamed. Me and Chris looked at each other, then her.
"Woooow, this is so going into the journal." I said.
"Journal?" Ishizu looked warily at us.
"None of your business, crabby." Chris snapped, clearly angry at being yelled at. Chris is like that... although, she very rarely is, so that was just plain strange!
"Have you ever thought of taking anger management classes?" I asked no one in particular. "Because they really can help."
"Ladies and gentleman, we are sorry to inform you, that the blimp is about to hurdle into the ocean. Please buckle up." A voice said over the speakers... or not.. hehe. Scared ya though, I bet! Or not...
What was really said, was that Seto, Mai, and Namu are in a threesome. In the distance, there is the sound of someone being pummeled... You look around and see that Ishizu and Chris have both disappeared. Man, they sure did get out of there quickly! I shrugged off the confusion and darted out the door, heading for where the pummeling noises were.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed that.. Although, I REALLY think I should stay away from trying to write humorful things.. I just CAN'T write humor.. drama and romance are more my thing.. Meh, whatever!
