Evangelion Fan Fiction
Unfinished
By Kraven Ergeist (Fomerly known as Draco Delphinus)
Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, nor do I own anything pertaining to X-Japan.
Series: Evangelion
Song "Unfinished" by X-Japan
Unfinished
Two angels now inhabited the planet Earth. They were both inherent descendants of Adam and Lillith in a way. Rei possessed the spirit of Lillith within her. And Kaworu himself, who had the spirit of Adam within him, had blessed Shinji. And both of these beings possessed AT fields, capable of sustaining them forever.
These two angels, however possessing an understanding of one another were still strangers in a way. Rei had a difficult time expressing her emotions in any given situation. And Shinji, likewise, could not express himself adequately given a difficult situation.
Regardless, they still spent their days together, without synapses to fire, without food to devour or beverage to drink. Their lives were seemingly pointless. Yet, they carried on. For that one hope that the Earth may someday be the wonderful planet they enjoyed.
For the time being, they made their lives.
Both companions were sleeping. Rest had been something neither of them had needed, for they had nothing to exercise. Still, they slept soundly, by each other's side.
Shinji, however, couldn't sleep this night. He kept having unusual dreams. Given that he had only been an angel for a few days, this was understandable, but that did not change the fact for him that he was having difficulty.
"Shinji?" asked Rei, as he tossed beside her.
"No…" Shinji muttered in his sleep. "Don't!"
"Shinji!" Rei shouted.
Shinji opened his eyes in a start. And very soon he realized where he was, which didn't comfort him all too much.
He caught his breath, and finally looked at Rei.
Oh…I'm looking at you.
Can't control myself.
Nothing but pain for me.
He caught his breath, and finally looked at Rei.
"I'm sorry," he said. "Did I wake you?"
Rei did not answer. "You were having a bad dream."
Shinji curled up and looked away. "They're just dreams. I can handle them."
"Can you?" Rei asked, taking his shoulder.
Shinji breathed in at the contact. He knew it was inevitable that he and Rei become closer, seeing as they were literally, the only two people left in the world. It frightened him at first, and the idea still made him uncomfortable.
"No," he sighed, accepting the truth.
"Do you wish to tell me?" Rei asked.
Shinji looked up at her, his face long. He lay back down on his back on the hard ground.
Very little had been done as far as accommodations. Shinji was never much for helping his own comfort, and Rei was no queen-of-Sheba herself, so neither had ventured to construct something like a home. The world was their home.
"I just keep seeing myself walking," Shinji said. "I'm walking along the rocks, just walking forever. And then I come up to this cliff that falls for eternity. And I jump off it, hoping to die."
Rei looked quizzically at him. She had had such dreams before. They passed.
"But what terrifies me the most, is that right as I jump off…I see someone jumping in after me. Someone with blue hair and white angel wings…"
Wipe your tears from your eyes.
Just leave and forget me.
No need to be hurt anymore.
Rei did not need to ask if that person had been herself.
"Shinji, I know what you're going through," she said, comfortingly. "When an Angel contemplates their own existence, a common side effect is dreams of suicide. I used to have these dreams. And then they went away."
Shinji shook his head. "I just don't know what to do with my life anymore."
Rei shook her head. "Well, trying to end it won't accomplish anything. Besides, an angel cannot be killed simply by falling. How else could we have fought so many had they not fallen from heaven? No, the falling is attributed with your human sense of death. It is a sign of your humanity. And the only way to lose it is…"
"…To forget that I was once a human…" Shinji finished.
Rei could not deny it. "Shinji…if you did jump…and if it were fatal…then I would follow you, no matter what."
Shinji gasped, suddenly. "Why?"
Rei closed her eyes. "Because my life wouldn't mean anything without you."
Go away from me now
I don't know. What is love?
No need to be hurt anymore.
Shinji just didn't know what words he could use to reply to that.
"Now, try to get some sleep," Rei told him, and touched his shoulder one last time, before falling asleep herself.
So Shinji shut his eyes, praying to whatever nightmares to come to be gentle with him.
Shinji stood at the top of a cliff. He stared down at the bottom. This time, it wasn't endless. It was real.
Shinji took one deep breath…and jumped off the edge.
Down he went, smoothly, fluently, his arms pressed to his sides, his figure not moving. Finally, when he was no more than ten feet off the ground, he opened his eyes. And form his back sprouted a pair of wings that erupted out of his body, shooting feathers everywhere.
She swooped up from his position in the air in a split second, taking to the skies, like a bird pulling out of a dive. He gave his wings a flap, and he drew higher into the air. He soared above the trees, the mountains and then the clouds. And soon, he was higher than even them. He went into space and he still kept going, letting his AT field give his wings the lift to carry on.
He could definitely feel it now. If he wanted to leave the planet and go exploring to find another world, he could. It would take millennia's to accomplish, with no guarantee that it would, but he could try.
But he had other things to take care of. He descended back to Earth, his AT field protecting him from atmospheric friction, and he returned to the ground from whence he came.
"Enjoying yourself?" came the flat voice of Rei.
You said, "I miss you so much.
Every night, thinking of you,
And facing loneliness."
Shinji landed before her and shrugged. "Life here is kinda boring, but the flying is really fun. Can you do it?"
Rei nodded. "Of course."
Shinji cocked his head. "Could you always do it?"
Rei shook her head. "At the very pinnacle of Third Impact, my AT field also reached its pinnacle. And that was when I became capable interstellar flight."
Shinji snapped his fingers. "I knew it. So we can fly to other planets? Do you think it would be worth it?"
Rei looked oddly at him. "What?"
Shinji gestured to the sky. "To leave Earth, and go find life somewhere else."
Rei looked shocked. "What? You mean you'd leave the very planet which you came from?"
Shinji shrugged. "I'm not saying we wouldn't come back. But do you really want to wait another six billion years for life to reestablish itself on Earth? Because I can sense individual microbes, Rei, and there aren't very many of them, if any here any more."
Rei sighed, sitting down. "I just think it's…wrong…to say goodbye to Earth. This is the planet that Adam And Lillith have blessed with life."
But when you feel sadness,
Never can I stay with you.
Shinji blinked. "So are you saying that there isn't anything else out there?"
Rei shook her head. "No. Adam and Lillith were only the Angels of Earth. There are other angel's who have blessed life on other planets."
Shinji nodded. "So is it considered wrong to visit those other planets? I'm not saying we move somewhere else permanently. I just think it'll be difficult to wait for humanity to come back to life."
Rei shook her head. "If the original Adam and Lillith decided to be absent minded and not head their work, do you think humans would have survived as long as they have?"
Shinji shrugged. "So we need to stay here in order to ensure humanity's survival?"
Rei nodded. "Yes. Our presence is required for a planet to achieve life. But it may not be humans that achieve sentience on this planet."
I'm not the one you need.
Close your eyes and forget me.
There's nothing I can do anymore.
Shinji scratched his head. "Now I'm confused. What new race of people is going to eventually spring from this planet?"
Rei got up and paced around. "It depends on what species they are they are. Names are usually given using scientific nomenclature. Ergo, Humans based off the name homo sapiens, which is a derivative of primates."
Shinji got up as well. "So we could have a race of lizards, and they would be?"
Rei stood calmly. "Sauropo sapiens. Saurians."
"And birds?"
"Ornitho sapiens. Ornithians."
"Fish?"
"Impossible," Rei said, simply. "Aquatic life is far too primitive a stage to achieve sentience. On a planet such as Earth, whose surface area is seventy-one percent water would have certainly developed a sentient water race. But it didn't, so it must not be possible."
"Gosh, Rei," Shinji said. "You sure know a lot. I can't imagine how doomed the planet would have been if I'd have been alone."
I lost my way.
Rei simply smiled, and grasped his shoulder. "How terrible it would be. A race of people that did not know the name of their species. As if we didn't come up with our own as human beings. Besides, it couldn't be just you. One male and one female Angel must be present for life."
"So, wait," Shinji said. "Were you just making all that up?"
"I was improvising, using my knowledge of human sciences. Since all records of human science has been lost forever, my knowledge and your knowledge is all that's left."
Shinji shrugged. "Sorry…my knowledge is not that much."
Rei shook her head. "No, Shinji. You have a certain connection to your emotions that I could never grasp. You have something that I don't. And I respect you for that."
Shinji just sort of trembled in Rei's presence. That was the longest conversation he's had with her. And he had enjoyed it. He had enjoyed speaking with another living person. The thing he had learned…the things she had said.
Which made Shinji remember…
"Uh…what you said about their need to be one male and one female…does that mean that…we have to…?"
Rei blinked, before her face turned a deep red. "Only if you wish."
Shinji gulped, his cheeks flushing up.
"Ahem," Rei said, turning around. "That is, I…"
Shinji shivered. He began thinking back on how he thought of Rei. She was such a beautiful person, but she had been so mysterious. And now, here he was, literally, the only living being on the planet aside from her. Way too much of a setup, from one point of view. Cruel fate from another.
Shinji looked back at her. A vision of loveliness, held by but a coward such as himself. How could he hope to bring her happiness? How could he hope to bring forth the dawn of the second humanity?
I've been walking in the night of tears.
There I found someone was holding you.
As the night was falling down,
With my love, also vanished my vision of you.
"Um, there have been many impacts among the planets, and a rebirth of angels meant to reform the life on the planet, as god's way of recycling his people, and…" Rei said, trying to salvage the situation.
"It's alright, Rei," Shinji said, quietly. "It's alright. I shouldn't have brought it up."
Rei fell silent. It wasn't all right. Now that it was out in the open, She couldn't stop thinking about her feelings for Shinji."
"You…the other Shinji…said-" Rei said, cautiously.
"I don't want to hear about anything that side of me said," Shinji said, angrily. "That person…that side of me…killed…everyone…"
Rei breathed in, realizing that she had dug up old memories that Shinji wanted to forget. It had taken a lot out of Shinji when he had killed so many people, including Asuka, Misato, Ritsuko, and his own father.
"I'm sorry, Shinji," Rei said, taking his arm. "It's just that…he said…that you were in love with me…"
Shinji stopped sulking, and stared at Rei, nervously.
"I just wanted to know…the truth…" Rei stammered, her eyes lowered.
Shinji began trembling, his entire body shivering heavily. "Please…just don't ask me that now Rei. I just can't answer you. Not now. Maybe later…just…"
Rei nodded. "Later. I am sorry."
Shinji began sobbing. "Please, don't be sorry, Rei. I'm that one that should be sorry!"
Rei pulled away, as Shinji's voice raised with every syllable.
"It's my fault that things went wrong! I never should have let that other me take over! It's a part of me and I should be able to control it! It's my fault! It's my FAULT!"
My heart is cold now.
Rei began feeling sad herself. Shinji began pounding the Earth in self-loathing. He was using up as much energy as he could, letting out all his stress and toil in this explosion of anger and sadness.
Rei could think of nothing to do. All she could do was watch Shinji use himself up, and then lie there, beaten and exhausted. Rei could think of nothing to do to try to comfort him.
But she did what she could. As Shinji lay there, Rei curled up behind him and placed her arms around him, and curled her legs under his, covering him completely.
"Rei?" Shinji asked. "What are you-?"
"Please, just try to relax," Rei cooed. "It was nobody's fault, Shinji. And you did all you could do. Why, if it weren't for you, we would be facing a fate far worse than this. It doesn't matter if you believe me, because it's the truth."
Shinji just lay there, staring into blankness. He didn't know what to do. He needed something to guide him, something to prove to him that he was doing the right thing. But then he realized that all he needed was Rei.
Wipe your tears from your eyes.
Just leave and forget me.
No need to be hurt anymore.
She began to let go of him, but Shinji clasped her hand. "Please…just stay like this for a little while longer. I…I don't want you to let go."
Rei smiled and snuggled up to him. "Alright."
And so they stayed for hours of tranquil slumber.
Shinji found himself scaling the steep crevice of earthen terrain, the humanity smitten from the planet. He marched from a world without Misato, Asuka and the friends he had. He walked away from his father, his work, and his life. He walked away form Eva.
And what he found was an empty pit. Like how he felt, it was black and cold. There was nothing in it, no end to the depths. Just what he wanted.
On his back were wings. Although, this time, they were not the christened white Angel wings, but black, raven colored wings, black as ebony and onyx. Despite these wings, Shinji drifted forward, ready to tumble towards his death. Then he heard a voice.
You said, "I need you always.
Every day, thinking of you,
And living loneliness."
"Shinji!"
He turned around, in mid fall, just long enough to see…
The blue haired, white winged Angel, coming after him, ready to come after him no matter the cost.
"Shinji!"
But it was too late. Shinji was falling down the black and endless hole, away from light, sound, and touch, away from reality, away from life. Away from her.
No, wait, still, she came.
"Shinji!"
She was piercing the blackness with her light, coming forth to save him from doom, yet failing ever yet. Shinji so desired the cold emptiness of the black, but he still felt the call form the warm cold of light still calling him.
"Shinji, wake up."
And a singe pair of arms embraced Shinji for all they were worth, hugging him, taking him back. He loved these arms, yet he could not find it in his heart to taint them with his love. But just the same, those arms dragged him back into the world of light.
"Shinji, wake up."
And Shinji opened his eyes.
But when you feel sadness,
Never can I stay with you.
There was Rei, staying over him, concerned and scared for his life, as she always was. God, Shinji needed her. But why could he not find it in his heart to touch her?
"Rei?"
Rei's eyes lit up. "Oh…good, you're awake. You were having another nightmare."
Shinji rubbed his eyes. "I know. And I think I'm starting to make sense of them."
Rei blinked. "What do you mean?"
Shinji shook his head. "I don't know. I just need some time to think. I think I'll go for a flight."
Rei nodded. "Ok, why don't I come with you?"
Shinji shook his head. "I'd really like for you to, but…I think it would be better it I went alone."
Rei breathed in. "Why?"
Shinji shrugged. "I need to be on my own to think. I know you understand that, Rei, I know you think on your own a lot."
Rei could not deny it, nor could she deny the fact that she didn't like the idea of Shinji leaving her behind. "But what if you got hurt?"
Shinji shook his head. "You said yourself that even falling wouldn't kill me. I won't get hurt."
"Wait, Shinji!"
Shinji shook his head. "No, Rei. I'm going to be gone for a while. Please don't come looking for me. I promise you that I will be back."
Tears began flowing form Rei's eyes. "Shinji, please…"
Shinji turned to go, but stopped. Reaching into his shirt, the back of which was gone from his wings growing out, he pulled out Misato's necklace. Taking Rei's hand, he placed it into her grasp.
"Hold onto this for me," Shinji said. "I promise that as long as you have this, I'll be back for you."
Rei stared at it. Then, as an afterthought, she put it around her neck.
Shinji smiled, looking at her wear it. "It suits you."
Go away from me now.
I don't know. What is love?
No need to be hurt anymore.
One last tear trickled from Rei's check, before Shinji gave his last smile, and took off, his wings glimmering in the evening sunlight.
Rei stared out over the sea, watching Shinji leave. She bit her lip, but refused to cry any longer.
"Come back to me, Shinji," she muttered. "Come back to me."
"So you just left her there?" Kaworu asked.
It was a day later, and Shinji found himself in exile on top of what was left of Himalayan Mountains. Kaworu had dropped by for a chat, and was appalled to discover how difficult things were going between Shinji and Rei.
"I had to," Shinji said. "It was too difficult to have her near."
Kaworu tilted his head. "So you don't like having her around?"
"That's just it. I do like having her around. I like having her around so much that it makes my head spin."
Kaworu just huffed. "So why did you leave her?"
Shinji shook his head. "I didn't leave her. I promised her that I'd be coming back."
"So what are you doing in the meantime?" Kaworu asked. "Just thinking?"
Shinji nodded.
"About what?"
"About Rei, mostly. She asked me the yesterday if I loved her. And I just couldn't find the right answer to give her."
Kaworu blinked. "But do you love her?"
Shinji sighed. "I think so. But I thought I loved Asuka too. And Misato. And now I have to figure out how to live without them. I mean, I like Rei and all, but I liked Asuka too. And Misato."
Kaworu sighed. "That's pitiful, Shinji. You would have never admitted to that the day we met."
"Huh?"
"And now they're gone, and you, Shinji, have never had a chance to express your feelings for them. And now, Rei's all that you've got left. Isn't it worth telling her how you feel? Doesn't she deserve to know?"
Shinji just curled up and sobbed. He just couldn't figure it out. What was he supposed to do?
Kaworu placed his arms around him and hugged him. "I know that you've been through a lot, Shinji. But she has too. We all have. And we're not going to have a chance to live it another way. So why don't you pull together what you can and come clean?"
Shinji looked up. Staring into his friend's eyes, he saw him smile.
And in a flash, he saw Rei's smile. That beautiful smile that lit up the moonlight.
Can't find my way…
Shinji nodded. "You're right, Kaworu. I will."
Well, that's that. I like this fic a lot better than Art Of Life, but the story's still not over. The second fic is done and gone, but a third one is coming up. I'm trying to decide between the two titles: "Endless Rain" or "Forever Love."
Why don't you be the judge in this one?
R & R, everyone.
I'm out.
