Disclaimer: hmmm...I don't own the beautiful characters or the anime (or fantastic song), but I might be somewhat responsible for the trail of bodies from reviews that died waiting for this update.
Warning: Not a lot to warn about here. Pretty tame; a little angst, a little blood, you know, the usual
Author's Note: Oops. I'm a bit late, aren't I. Gomen, things are still hectic here. I still am living out of suitcases, so I don't have my computer or anything. It makes it a little more difficult to write. I am using a very pitiful substitute to finish this for you guys. I don't even have spell check if you can believe it. Woe is me ;; Please excuse any mispellings or grammatical mistakes. I've been working on this for a while, but I've gotten to the point, where I'm not sure if it's finally good enough to post, or if it is so horrible it should be deleted. Since I took pity on you guys, I posted. Don't forget to thank me nicely for that
Happy Birthday
Chapter VI: Pouring Crimson Regret
'i tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
i lay dying
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?'
'Tourniquet,' by Evanescence
Tai sat in his Math class in a stupor. His teacher was going over the weekend's homework, but Tai wasn't paying any attention. His eyes kept wandering back to the empty seat in the last row of desks. Matt's desk.
How could this happen? Just a couple days ago my biggest problem was not understanding the math assignment. Now..., Matt...
Despite his obviously lack of attention, the teacher didn't berate him like he normally would. Tai's teacher understood that there was nothing normal about today.
Because of everything that had happened over the weekend, Tai's mother had stopped at the principle's office when she brought Tai to school that morning. She had spoken with Matt's family Sunday night and they had asked her to explain to Matt and Tk's schools the reason why they were absent. It had been hard to talk about, but Mrs. Yagami was glad that, at least in that small way, she could help the devastated family.
The school board was very aware of the different problems and situations that could occur to it's students and tried to be prepared to respond quickly and appropriately in an emergency. And so, once informed of what had happened, the Principle had gathered all the teachers together for an emergency meeting, called in extra counselors to help the students cope, and called the police to assure them that the school would cooperate in any way necessary. But there was no assembly or explanation for the students, the principle wanted to keep things as quiet as possible out of respect for the Ishida family. Of course, even though the general student population didn't know exactly what had happened, they could sense something was wrong. The plain-clothes detectives were easy to spot as they moved through the students and interviewed friends and teachers. The students were quiet as they passed between classes, the once loud halls felt sureal in the uncharacteristic silence. It almost felt as if the students had been replaced with robots and it worried their instructors. All the teachers were keeping a close watch on their students, hoping to catch any sign that they were overwhelmed or in distress and ready to step in to provide comfort. They kept an especially close eye on those that they knew were good friends with Ishida Yamato.
Even with the police wandering the school and the teachers less then subtle attention, Tai couldn't find enough energy to care about what was happening around him. His mind was too haunted by what happened just two short days ago. The events played over and over again in his head; images of blood-stained snow, Tk screaming his brother's name, flashing lights, white curtains, Matt's still form. The images coalesed together bringing him back to when everything had changed for him. Tai's history teacher had once said that the history they studied was never completely accurate, that the passage of time blurs and confuses past events. Tai wished it were true for him, he remembered everything with stark clarity.
flashback
Tai faltered to a stop as his searching eyes finally caught sight of his friend. Matt was lying on his side in the snow. For a minute it almost looked like he had just fallen asleep, but Tai knew it was much worse. He knew that the deceptively soft white blanket of snow was too cold for anyone to lay so quietly on, especially someone who had forgotten his jacket and shoes. Before he could react to what he saw, he felt Tk stumble into him from behind. He half turned, hoping to block the sight of Matt's still form from his brother, but he was already too late. Tai felt himself pushed sideways, almost falling into the snow as the younger blonde shoved by him.
"No!" Tk shrieked as he came up beside his brother.
Tai could only watch as Tk fell to his knees next to his brother. Pulling Matt's limp form into his arms, Tk began rocking back and forth mumbling a pleading litany to his unhearing brother.
"Matt, please wake up. Open your eyes. Please, Matt, talk. Just say something. Anything. Matt!" Tk continued to call out to his brother, his soft pleading words merging until they had become an almost inaudible chant trying to call Matt back to awareness.
Tai stood watching it completely frozen. But it wasn't the cold that kept him trembling a few steps away from Tk and Matt, it was the sight of something he prayed was only a dream, a nightmare. The sight of Tk, brokenly calling to his unconscious brother as he held Matt's body in the blood-stained snow was something Tai would never get out of his head. He had known then that the scene would haunt his dreams for a long time to come.
"Tai!" Tk's voice broke through his dazed thoughts and his eyes focused on the younger blonde. "What do we do, Tai? He won't wake up."
The look in Tk's eyes was like a slap in the face for Tai. His friends had always instinctively looked to him for guidance. That was how he had become the leader of their group when they were in the digital world. They trusted him to know what to do in an emergency. They had known he wouldn't let them down.
And he wouldn't.
Tai found his cell phone in his hand and himself listening for someone to answer before he even knew that he had dialed. The other end was answered almost immediately.
"Emergency Services, please state your emergency."
The voice sounded calming, but Tai was not in the mood to be soothed. "You have to help me. My friend is hurt and we need help!"
"Alright," the male voice on the line continued easily, "where is he?"
"We're in the park," Tai rattled off their location, all the while keeping his eyes on the two blondes. He kept hoping Matt would wake up and reassure them everything was fine.
"Paramedics are on the way," the voice assured. "I'll stay on the line with you until they get there."
"Matt, they're coming. Hang on." Tk had heard the voice through the cell phone and was trying to comfort himself with that knowledge as he reassured his brother.
The person on the phone continued to talk, but Tai wasn't able to comprehend much. All he knew was that help was coming. The voice on the phone was trying to explain to Tai for the third time how to check Matt's condition when he heard sirens approaching the park.
"They're here!" He yelled excitedly into the phone.
Dropping the phone, he waved frantically to show the paramedics where they were. The ambulance slowed briefly to move around the barriers that kept cars out of the park and then they were racing down the wide path towards Tai.
At any other time, Tai would have been amazed at how efficient the paramedics were. Instead, all he could do was numbly watch them in action. In moments, they had the stretchers out and beside the two blondes. One man gently took Matt's body from Tk's arms and laid him on the stetcher while the other began to assess him. The driver was out of the front cab and had taken the job of helping the two shellshocked children.
"We're going to take him straight to the hospital," the driver said as he began herding them towards the ambulance. "You can ride along, but you need to sit up front with me. Don't worry, they're doing everything they can."
Before he knew it, Tai found himself hanging on as the ambulance sped through the empty streets. Tk sat with him in the front, but his focus was on the small window that divided the front cab from the rear. He could see the two men in the back moving around his brother, but he couldn't really see what they were doing. Tai placed his arm around Tk's shoulders for comfort and prayed that they would reach the hospital soon.
Thankfully, the miserable, snowy day did give them one advantage. No one wanted to be out in the cold so the roads were almost deserted. The ambulance reached the hospital without mishap in a little over five minutes. As soon as it had stopped, Tai and Tk quickly jumped out of the cab only to find that the paramedics had been even faster. The two men were already pushing the stretcher through the emergency doors. Tai and Tk had no choice but to race after the stretcher trying not to lose sight of Matt.
They only caught up with them when the paramedics finally stopped at an alcove and shifted Matt's limp form over to the hospital bed that was waiting for him. Tk tried to get to his brother's side, but he was just a fraction of a second slower than the three people in scrubs who swarmed around the bed. Tai kept his arm around Tk, keeping them both out of the way of the busy flow around the bed. He was so intent on trying to understand everything that was going on that he didn't even acknowledge when one of the paramedics gave him a comforting pat on the head before pushing the stretcher back to the waiting ambulance.
Tai listened to what the people taking care of his friend were saying, but he didn't really understand much. He suddenly wished that he watched that hospital TV show that his mom liked so much. Everyone seemed to be talking in some kind of code.
"What's his O2?...I want two large bore IVs...start some NS...get him on some monitors..."
Everyone was talking at once, but at the same time everyone seemed oddly calm. Tai didn't know if something was wrong with them or with him, because all he wanted to do was scream.
One of the men in scrubs finally noticed the two pale boys watching and he stepped away from the controlled chaos and pulled a curtain behind him to hide the view of the work being done on the older blonde.
"Are you friends or family?" he asked, coming to stand in front of them.
"Yes," Tai answered.
"I'm his brother," Tk added, looking worriedly at the curtain that hid his brother from him.
"Can you tell me what happened?"
"We don't know," Tai answered because he could see that Tk wasn't really paying attention to the doctor's questions, he was more intent on what he couldn't see behind the curtain. "We met Matt earlier and found out he was hurt. We tried to find out what happened, but he ran away. We looked all over for him, but didn't find him until now. He was in the park, just...lying there...in the snow..."
"I see," the doctor replied looking thoughtful. "How long was, Matt, out there?"
"...ummm...," Tai tried to think about how long they had been searching for the blonde. "Maybe an hour, an hour and a half."
The doctor jotted down what Tai told him and then looked at Tk. "We need to have a parent or guardian here. Is someone at your home right now?"
"Yes," Tk absently pulled out his cell phone. "My mom's home."
"I'm afraid you can't use the cell phone in the hospital, but if you give me the number, I'll call her and tell her to come in."
Tai didn't comment as Tk punched up the home number in his cell's address book and gave the phone to the doctor. The younger blonde hadn't even realize that he should have told the doctor to call Matt's dad at work, all he knew was that they needed to get ahold of someone and his mom was the first person he thought of. Tai didn't think it mattered much one way or the other. He knew that Matt and Tk's mother would be able to get ahold of Matt's dad to let him know what was going on. Beside, Tai was ready to hand things over to the adults to take care of for a while, he had just about reached his limits.
"Alright," the doctor smiled gently, "You two have been very helpful. I'll have one of the nurses take you to the waiting area and"
"Hey, Doc!"
The doctor paused as someone called out to him from behind the curtain. "What's up?"
"You really need to come and look at this," the voice spoke with urgency.
"Excuse me," the doctor quickly stepped back to the curtain and, with only a momentary fumbling, was through it and closing it behind him.
The slight fumbling had given Tai and Tk a freeze-frame glimpse of Matt. It hadn't been a comforting sight. Matt's clothes had been cut off and, even with a sheet somewhat covering him, there was enough exposed to show that Matt had been cruelly beaten. His skin was very pale with a faint bluish tinge and there were several large mottled areas; vivid with deep reds, blues and purples. Whether it was because of what they had seen or because the voices had suddenly become softer, the two boys felt drawn to the curtain. They crept closer until they could make out what was being said.
"Gently now, on three...1...2...3..."
"Oh, God."
"Let's get him stable and let's start making calls. Bag everything. And let me know when the SANE nurse arrives."
"Okay, everyone, you know the drill." A woman in scrubs almost walked into Tai and Tk as she pushed past the curtain. "Oh! Who are you two?"
"I'm his brother," Tk's voice showed his anxiety about answering the question a second time.
"Okay, come with me please." Not giving them a chance to refuse, the nurse began to usher them to a back room.
To Tai's surprise, he found the room that they were taken to was empty. It turned out that the nurse had taken the two boys to the nurses' lounge instead of to the main waiting area. On the counter across from the door was a TV, phone, and microwave, while the wall on the left was covered with grey lockers. Pushing Tk into an empty chair, the woman popped a tape into the VCR and pressed play.
"Just stay here, okay? The doctor is calling your mother now and as soon as she gets here, I'll bring her in to see you. Don't worry, your brother is in good hands. Dr C is the best."
Smiling one last time, the nurse left them to the bubbly music of The Little Mermaid playing on the TV. Tai stared at the TV blindly for a minute and then promptly turned it off.
"You okay, Tk?"
"No, Tai, I'm not," the younger blonde looked almost as pale as his brother had.
"Me either," Tai admitted glumly.
Tai sat down next to Tk and tried to get the image of Matt in the hospital bed out of his mind. It didn't help. The image of the pale, beaten blonde was only replaced by the image of the still form lying in blood stained snow.
"Why didn't he tell us something was wrong!" Tk stood abruptly and began pacing. "I don't care if he's in some kind of trouble, or if he did something wrong. He should have known that! He shouldn't have tried to keep something like this from me. What happened that he thought he needed to keep it a secret?"
"I don't know, Tk." Tai'd words were soft, showing his own confusion.
"What do we do now? What if he..." Tk halted in mid-stride, his stricken eyes turning to Tai for reassurance.
"He'll be alright," Tai rushed to comfort the agitated blonde. "We got him to the hospital and they'll take care of him. We just have to wait..."
Wait for them to take care of him. Wait for Tk's mom. Wait for him to be alright. I hate waiting!
"I hate waiting!" Tk echoed Tai's thoughts. "I want, no, I need to do something."
"I feel the same way. I'm sure the others do, too...the others...crap, I forgot to tell everyone that we found him. They're probably still out looking for him."
Tai reached for his cell phone only to find that it was missing. He hadn't noticed it drop from his nerveless hand into the snow when the ambulance arrived. He didn't even try to figure out where it was, instead he grabbed the phone off the counter next to the TV and quickly dialed home. His mother answered the phone on the first ring and after only a few questions had assured them she would notify the others and be at the hospital in no time.
Tai hung up the phone to find Tk sitting dejectedly in his chair again. Now they really had nothing to do but to sit and wait. It felt like they were waiting for the world to end.
"Tai?"
end flashback
"Tai?"
Tai looked up to find his math teacher staring down at him.
"Tai, the bell rang. Class is over."
Looking up, he saw that the classroom around him was already empty. Tai stood slowly and began to gather his books together. "Sorry, I guess I didn't hear the bell."
"Tai, if you need to talk..." His teacher patted his shoulder comfortingly, leaving the invitation hanging in the air.
"Yeah, I know. Thanks, but I don't want to talk right now." Tai slipped out from under his teacher's hand and was out the door before anything else could be said.
Everyone's trying to understand, but they just don't. They can't. This is all so useless, I just need to get out of here.
Tai headed to his locker to put away his books, but paused when he saw that Sora was waiting for him there. Ducking down a different hallway, he readjusted his backpack and headed for the nearest emergency exit.
I know she just wants to help, but I don't want to talk to her yet. I just don't know what to say. The adults all act like I'm some stupid kid. All the other digi-destined act like I should know what to do. I don't know which is worse.
Once outside, Tai turned away from the soccer field and headed out the gate. Soccer used to be the thing he looked forward to the most during school, but that was not where he found his focus now. There was only one place he wanted to be.
The walk was familiar, but that was no surprise. Tai had taken this path many times in the last couple of days. He didn't even bother to look up as he walked, he knew each step in his heart. He didn't even look up when he finally reached his destination. Nor did he didn't acknowledge any of the friendly hellos, he was silent until he found himself in front of a pair of glass doors looking up at the clock above them. It was five minutes until 5pm, five minutes until visiting hours.
"Tai?"
Hearing his name, Tai turned to find Tk sitting in the open waiting room beside the doors. Even though the visiting hours were limited, only three times a day and only for 15 minutes at a time, Tk had steadfastly refused to leave the hospital. He had forcibly told his mother that he would not leave until his brother woke up. Tai understood how Tk felt, his own parents had basicall had to drag him away Sunday night.
"Where's your mom?" Tai noticed she wasn't sitting in the waiting room where he had last seen her.
"Her boss told her she could take some time off since Matt is in the hospital, but she had to go to work to fill out the paperwork. She said she'd come back as soon as she was done."
"She left you here?"
"She didn't want to, but I told her I wouldn't go with her."
"What about your dad? Where'd he go?" Tai remembered how upset Mr Ishida had been when he found out Matt was in the hospital. He had demanded that the hospital call the police and that they find out who hurt Matt. Of course, the hospital already had, but it didn't calm Matt's dad down.
"He was here earlier, but he told me that the police had some questions for him. He said he'd come back as soon as he finished with them."
Tk looked furatively around the waiting room before tugging Tai towards one of the deserted corners.
"Tai, I have to tell you something." Tk checked around them once more. He had been dying to talk to Tai alone, but one or both of his parents had been staying close to him every since they were called to the hosptial.
"What's up?" Tai was very curious about what Tk was being so secretive about.
"I heard something last night. I had gone in with mom to sit with Matt, but when visiting hours were over and we left, I realized that I had forgotten something in Matt's room. I went back to get it and I overheard the nurse and the doctor talking."
Tai leaned closer to Tk, his entire attention directed at the young blonde. Since the moment the adults had arrived at the hospital, all information about the older blonde had been kept away from them. Tai and Tk had tried to listen and to ask questions, but continually found themselves shooed from the room whenever the doctors and parents were discussing things. It had been more than frustrating.
"I didn't hear everything, just pieces really, but the doctor asked the nurse if there was any problems. She told him 'no,' that the nurses were making sure to be in the room with Matt whenever someone came to visit. She also said something about 'how horrible it was that someone had been hurting him for so long.' The doctor just agreed and said something about a sane nurse again and the police. I didn't get to hear anything else because one of the other nurses caught me and kicked me out."
"Hmm," Tai was staring thoughtfully at Tk, "Does that mean that this isn't the first time Matt's been hurt like this?"
"That's what it seemed like to me," Tk nodded seriously. "And I think it means that they think it might be one of us. Why else do they not want any visitors alone with him?"
"That can't be right." Tai looked at Tk, shock evident in his face. "None of us would hurt Matt. They're probably just being overly cautious. You know, so the psycho who did this to him can't sneak in and hurt him again."
"Whatever the case is, I'm going to get some answers today." Tk's face was grim.
Tai understood immediately, Tk was going to use his parents' absence to try to get information directly from the nurse or doctor. He nodded to Tk and gave him a equally grim smile of understanding and they both stood. It was 5, time to go see an old friend.
When they passed through the glass doors, they paused briefly to check in at the front desk and then continued on to Matt's room. The secretary at the desk had just waved them by, she knew them by sight. The two boys didn't know it, but all the nurses and the secretaries recognized them now. Matt had been adopted by the unit and he and everyone associated with him were now watched over by the staff.
Matt was in Bed #10. Tai had found it weird that they called it a bed, but it actually was a private room. He had thought about it for about a second when he first came to see Matt, and never thought of it again. It was easy for him to forget once he entered Matt's room. In fact, every time Tai entered the room, he found all his thoughts just faded away at the sight before him.
Today was no different.
Tk stopped when Tai stopped, just inside the doorway. It always took a minute for them to take everything in. Matt lay still on the hospital bed in the center of the room with his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open. Of course, it had to be open, otherwise, he couldn't have had the large, clear tube sprouting from his throat. This tube led to a large machine that seemed to hiss with air in a strange darth vader sort of way. A smaller tube emerged from his nose and led to a small pump that seemed to be feeding him a milkshake. Tai hoped he couldn't taste it, he didn't think that milkshake up the nose would taste very good. A small cluster of very thin tubes seemed to spring from his left upper chest and held a strange mixture of colored liquid, one white, like milk, one yellow, and a third that was clear. A monitor above the bed moved in the rhythm of Matt's heart. For once, it didn't look like anything major had change since their last visit. Really, the only difference seemed to be the small white towels that wreathed Matt's pale face. Tai let out a small sigh of relief, he had been getting tired of coming in and finding a new machine attached to his friend. In fact, looking at the machines that were already there, Tai had the slightly hysterical thought that maybe the hospital had simple run out of machines to attach to Matt. Of course, most of Tai's thoughts had a hysterical edge to them when he looked at Matt in that hospital bed. Neither Tai nor Tk noticed the nurse until she spoke.
"It's okay, you can come in," she stood up from behind the head of the bed where she had been partially hidden and smiled reassuringly at them as they hesitated in the doorway. "I was just finishing up."
As she spoke, she moved further into view. She was about average height for a japanese woman, which meant fairly short, and had unusal golden-brown eyes. When she turned fully towards them, they saw a small water-filled bucket and a couple of bottles in her hands. It seemed that the two boys had come in as she was finishing up Matt's bath an about to wash his hair. Normally, Tai wouldn't have given it a second thought, but, after the conversation with Tk in the waiting room and the fact that everytime they came in the nurse seemed to be just about to wash Matt's hair, he now knew it was simply a convient excuse to stay in the room with them. He didn't mind though, he wanted a chance to talk to the nurse. Plus, despite how touchy Matt was about his hair, 'don't touch the hair, man,' he knew Matt would appreciate it.
Tk took the nurse's invitation and moved into the room to stand beside his brother. The sight of his brother seemed to banish Tk's earlier thoughts of interogating the hospital staff, but Tai hadn't forgotten. He stayed in the doorway watching the nurse as she washed Matt's hair and tried to figure out a way to get information from her. The nurse pretended not to pay attention to them as she worked, it gave Tk and Matt the illusion of privacy.
For her part, she tried not to listen to the desperate tone in the younger blonde's voice as he tenetively spoke his brother's name. Instead, the nurse focused on the task at hand. This was not the first patient she had taken care of that had been abused, but he was definately one that touched a raw spot in her. Amazingly, it wasn't the utter stillness of him lying there or the multiple injuries that showed so painfully against his too pale skin that was affecting her so much. It was his unruly, golden hair. The wounds on his body showed the evidence of abuse, but his hair implied it and therefore provided images that her imagination couldn't reject.
The nurse wet down the blonde strands, running her fingers through them as she did it. Matt's hair felt very fine, almost silky. But it was more like raw silk, the texture a bit rougher than it should have been. It also should have been straighter, calmer. She realized that his friends probably thought he styled it wild because it looked better that way. She also knew that he probably hadn't let anyone get close enough to know that it was wild, not because he wanted it that way, but because it had been ravaged. Her fingertips could feel the splintered hair shafts, the damaged hair fragile under her careful touch. As she gently massaged the shampoo in, she could feel the inflamed and irritated areas of his scalp. She knew what it meant and wished that she didn't. In her mind's eye, she could see hauntingly real images. She knew that the bright, golden hair had been used against the boy. His hair was just long enough to get a good grip on. And from the damage, that's just what had happened. She could almost see the dark figure grabbing the boy by his hair, using it as a handle to capture and abuse the boy. Shaking her head slightly, she rinsed the shampoo out and tried to banish the dark thoughts in the same manner as she rinsed away the bubbles.
Even though he was studying her, Tai wasn't able to read anything from the nurse's face. She had too much practice in hiding her emotions at work. Finally he stepped up behind Tk, laying his hand comfortingly on the younger boy's shoulder.
"Matt?" Tk's voice was soft and questing as he continued to try to reach his brother. When his words didn't work, he streatched a tenative hand towards his brother's. "Matt, it's me, Tk. Can you hear me?"
Tk didn't really expect Matt to talk to him since it wasn't exactly possible with the tube in his throat, but he stared at Matt's eyes willing them to open. He wanted some sign that Matt could hear him, that Matt knew he was there. He gave the fragile hand in his a gentle squeeze and watched his brother's face hopefully. He got a sign, but it wasn't what he wanted.
Tk let out a gasp and dropped Matt's hand like it burned. Tai hadn't been watching Matt like Tk had and so he hadn't seen what spooked his friend. And he didn't get a chance to look before Tk jumped backwards away from the bed and knocked them both into the window seat. As Tai tried to help the shaken boy stand, he almost dropped him completely when he finally looked up and saw Matt's face. A delicate, red tear was tracing a lonely path down Matt's cheek.
"Oh, god" Tai was breathless as the first bloody tear was joined by another. He stared in morbid fascination until a small, white clothe moved into his line of sight and erased all evidence of the crimson tears. Tai's eyes tracked up that arm until he found the nurse's sad eyes watching them.
"What the hell was that!" Tai couldn't help it, his voice just wasn't going to be calm after seeing that.
"He's very sick right now." The nurse's eyes didn't look away, but they didn't reveal anything either.
"He's crying blood, damn it! What the hell is going on?"
"Did I hurt him?" Tk's voice was timid, something Tai had noticed happening more often than he wanted. When the brunette looked down at the boy he was steadying, he saw fear in his friend's pale blue eyes. Tk was terrified that somehow his holding his brother's hand might have caused him to cry the bloody tears.
"No, you didn't hurt him." The nurse reassured the younger boy. She sighed briefly before she continued. A lot of people believed that children should be sheltered from the ugly realities of life, but in this case it was already too late. They had seen the damage that can happen and not knowing what was going on was worse for them then knowing. Somehow the unknown was always more frightening. She gave a small nod, more to herself than to them. "You brother is very sick, he is suffering from something called DIC."
The boys' faces where blank, neither of them had heard of it before. They stayed silent, waiting and hoping that the nurse would continue. Watching those expectant faces, she decided to try to explain it to them. However, she also decided that it would be better to explain what it was and not what it stood for; neither the scientific medical name nor the ICU's nickname for the disease would comfort the boys. After all, they didn't need to know that the nurses and doctors referred to DIC as Death...Is... The nurse shook her head and banished the name from her thoughts, she instead decided to give the two children an oversimplified description of the disease itself.
"Normally when a person gets sick, just a couple parts of the body are affected." The nurse continued, trying to keep the explanation from disintergrating into the technical, medical jargon that doctors were famous for. "Like a runny nose and a sore throat when you have a cold. DIC happens when the body is so very weak that a small illness grows larger until the entire body becomes sick. Unfortunately, when so many parts of the body are ill, the body becomes overwhelmed. There is so much to do and to fix, it can't figure out where to send help first and so it doesn't send help anywhere. Small cuts and scrapes that normally scab and heal in no time, just bleed without stopping. Usually it happens at the places that are more delicate; the mouth, nose, eyes and ears."
Tai glanced down at Matt again. He had thought the towels around Matt's head were for catching the water as the nurse washed his hair. But now that he looked closer, he noticed reddish stains on the towels. It seemed that's Matt's crimson tears had been falling even before he and Tk came to visit.
Tk just listened to the nurse's explanation. It scared him that his brother was so sick, but he felt some of the tightness ease from around his heart. The fact that his touch hadn't hurt Matt helped smooth away some of the terror in his eyes. Moving softly back to the bed, Tk timidly took his brother's hand in his again and sat down. The younger blonde seemed content for the moment to just sit with his brother, but Tai was not so easily satisfied. He moved to sit next to his friend, but kept his eyes on the nurse. She had answered their questions once, maybe she would do it again.
"Why doesn't he wake up?" Tai was smart enough to know not to leap into the toughest questions. Once the nurse had answered a few innocuous ones, he thought she'd be more likely to answer some of the harder ones.
"He can't wake up right now," she answered without the slight hesitation that marred her first explanation. "Right after he got here, he developed pneumonia, a really bad infection in his lungs. The doctors think it was the a mixture of his time spent out in the snow and the wounds he had suffered that brought it on. He was having so much trouble, we put him on the ventilator to help him breathe. But even when he slept naturally his body seemed to be fighting against something. The doctors finally gave him some medications that work to make him sleep and to paralyze him so that his body can't fight against the help we're giving him. This is especially important with the DIC. By keeping him asleep and doing the work for his lungs, we've taken one of the problems away. It gives his body a better chance to fight back and heal."
"He's paralyzed?" Tk felt himself drawn to the word.
"Just temporarily," she stated calmly. "Think of it like this...If Matt had hurt his legs and you knew that if he tried to walk on them he would only hurt himself more, you would carry him until they healed enough for him to walk on his own. Right?" She waited until she saw both blonde and brunette nod. "Well, that's what we're doing. We're just going to carry him for a little until he can do it on his own. Then we'll turn off the medications and he'll wake up."
Both boys let out simultaneous sighs, but for different reasons. Tk was reassured by her answer, Tai was reassured by the fact that she had answered. The brunette digi-destined was ready to move on to harder questions.
"What is a sane nurse?"
"What?" the nurse blinked, seemingly caught off guard by the shift in topic.
"A sane nurse. I heard someone mention calling for a sane nurse in the ER, but it didn't make sense. I mean, aren't all the nurses here sane? Why would they need to look for someone sane?"
The nurses clear golden-brown eyes darkened until they where the color of unsweetened coffe. For a long time she didn't answser them. Normally, she would never have brought something like a SANE nurse up to children, but she also believed that you should never lie to a patient or family member. She didn't want to explain, but she would stand by her principles. The truth might hurt, but lies had been known to kill. Besides, if the person that had hurt the older blonde was someone he knew, then his friends might either currently be or soon be victims of the same person. It was better to warn them so they could watch out for themselves and each other.
"Not sane, SANE," She didn't do anything unusual, but just in how she pronounced the word, Tk and Tai could hear the capitalized letters. "A SANE nurse works directly with the police and is trained for special situations. SANE stands for Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner."
"...sexual assualt..." Tai understood her words, but couldn't seem to really grasp them. Of all the situations he and Tk had dreamed up in the wee hours of the night, that one had never even been the slightest shadow of a thought.
Tk's soul felt a sharp stab of pain at the nurse's words. They triggered a reaction in his mind, allowing him to put together a few of the puzzles pieces. But that's just what they were. A few pieces, fragments, to a picture that Tk still couldn't see.
-Stop it. Let go of me-
'So, are you going to tell me what your problem is?'
'You are just one of many,'
-No! Stop! Please, STOP-
'It's horrible that someone has been hurting him for so long'
-NO! STOP! PLEASE-
But the few puzzle pieces weren't enough to reveal the hidden picture, especially when so many of the pieces were missing. And Tk knew with absolute clarity that finding out what the puzzle pieces formed was the second most important thing in his life right now. His brother, of course, was the first.
"Who?" Tai growled, he had quickly found his shock and pain pushed aside by anger. "Who would do something like that? What kind of sick bastard would do that to my best friend."
"We don't know," the nurse anwsered sorrowfully. "The SANE nurse examined him, but she couldn't find any evidence that might link the person to the crime. The police are doing everything they can to find out who has been hurting Matt. We all are."
"How long has it been going on?" Tk's voice held a quiet rage. Unlike Tai's anger, however, his was focused inward. Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't I know?
"It's hard to know with children sometimes..."
"How long?" Tk repeated, refusing the nurse's attempt to temporize.
"...a few years...at least..." She watched their faces as they seemed to flinch at her words. She wished that she could do something, anything to help them, but there was nothing else she could do for them. "I'm sorry."
Before anyone else could speak, a patently cheerful female voice came floated down form the speakers recessed in the ceiling. "Visiting hours are now over. Please make your way to the exit. I repeat: Visiting hours are now over. Please make your way to the exit."
"I'm sorry," the nurse repeated, this time for a different reason.
Tai pushed his anger down, forcing the hot fury to shrink into itself until finally it seemed to implode. It left him with a solid knot of ice in his heart and a determined plan in his mind. "Thanks."
Without another word Tai stood, drawing Tk to his feet with him. Tk was too overwhelmed by everything he had learned to resist Tai's pull as he was lead to the door of Matt's room. He pulled away from Tai briefly to ask one last question to the small, dark-haired woman. "You'll take care of him?"
"Yes."
The answer was simple, but Tk could hear the promise underneath. He didn't resist a second time when Tai grabbed his wrist and pulled him out the door. He let his thoughts chase shadows as he mindlessly followed in Tai's wake. He was completely oblivious to his surroundings until he stumbled on an icy patch of sidewalk. Only then did he look up to find that they had long ago left the hospital.
"No!" Tk tried to pull his hand away from Tai's grasp. "I can't leave. I can't leave my brother there alone. What if the person who hurt him comes back? What if he gets worse? I have to stay!"
"I know you want to stay with Matt, Tk, but I think there's something else we need to do. Visiting hours are over for the night, so even if you stayed, you wouldn't be able to see him again tonight. That also means that no one can get in to hurt him. Besides the nurse said she'd watch out for him."
"But..."
"Please, Tk, trust me. We have to talk to the others. This is the best way we can help Matt now."
It took a lot of arguing, but Tk finally gave in to Tai. Using Tk's cell phone, they contacted the original digi-destined and arranged for them to meet at Tai's house. Everyone agreed to come although they all knew that it would take some arguing of their own with their parents. After what had happened to Matt, none of the digi-destineds' parents were too eager to let them out at night. Tk had similar problems when he called his mother to let her know he was going home with Tai, but she was relieved enough that he had finally left the hospital that she let him go.
But even after Tk had agreed and all the arrangements were made, Tk and Tai continued to have their own private fight as they walked. They couldn't seem to agree about what they should tell the others. It was about a twenty minute walk from the hospital to Tai's apartment, and they had needed every minute to come to an agreement. Tk wasn't happy with Tai's argument, but he had finally given in to Tai. Yet another example of what made Tai the leader of their small group.
When they finally arrived at Tai's apartment, Tai's mother was waiting in the front hall for them. Three days ago, this would have been unusual for her, but she was just as scared as the other kids' parents. Tai didn't mind, not even when she gave him as quick embrace. He was glad to feel her arms around him after everything he had learned that afternoon. Tai waited for her to release him, but instead was surprised to find a second warm body pulled into the hug. Seeing the look of unfaded shock on the two boys' faces, Tai's mother had given what comfort she could. Tai had never been more thankful for his mother. A brief, but fierce battle was fought on Tai's face, but neither the tears nor the smile won.
"Mom?" Tai tried to get her attention.
"Yes?" was her answer into the space between his and Tk's head.
"Is it okay if the others come over? I really need to talk to them."
"Sure," she reluctantly released the two boys and stood up again. "I'll make some snacks for everyone."
"Thanks." The word was heartfelt and she understood that it wasn't because of the snacks.
Tk and Tai went into Tai's bedroom to wait for the others. They wanted to be somewhere private in case they needed to talk, or rather fight, again. But once they sat on the warm wooden floor, they realized that they didn't really have anything more to talk about at that moment. The decision had been made and all they could do was wait for their friends to arrive.
The others trickled in over the next 15 minutes or so. Sora was the first to arrive, but then, she was the closest to Tai's apartment. Joe and Izzy arrived together, having bumped into each other in the elevator up. Suprisingly, Kari was the last to arrive. She had been over at Ken's house. It seemed that the younger digi-destined had instinctively pulled each other closer in what had turned into an unofficial support group. No one in the younger generation was ever alone; if they weren't with their families, they were with each other. When Tai had learned about how the kids were looking out for each other, he had been extremely relieved. He had enough to worry about with Matt and with how Tk was holding up. If he had to face the fear of his sister out alone, potentially prey to the same person who hurt Matt, he knew he would have gone stark raving mad.
The room had remained utterly silent until Kari arrived. Sora, Joe, and Izzy had each seen how upset Tai and Tk were. Even after Kari had entered the room and sat down to complete the circle on the floor, no one spoke. Tai was the leader, they would wait for him to break the silence.
Tai turned his head slowly to search each of his friends' eyes. He wanted to say that he didn't know what he was looking for in them, but he couldn't lie to himself. One friend was hurt, maybe even dying, but there might be more. Swallowing a sudden lump in his throat, he forced himself to break the heavy silence.
"Tk and I just got back from the hospital. I'm afraid there's something I have to tell you."
Sora paled and let out a soft gasp, her hand unconsciously seeking Kari's on the carpet beside her. Kari's own hand tightened around hers hard enough to reveal her own sudden fear. Both of the boys leaned forward suddenly, as if they thought that maybe they had misheard Tai. Their wide eyes begging him to take back his words.
"You don't mean...he couldn't have...when?" Only Joe seemed to be able to push past his fear enough to ask Tai what they all wanted, no, not wanted, needed to hear.
"No, Joe," Tk was quick to answer them, their loss of hope being almost physically painful to him. "Matt's still fighting, but he's getting worse."
"Worse? How?" While the Sora, Kari, and Izzy where letting out small sighs of relief, the part of him that drew him towards medicine pushed Joe to understand what was happening to his friend.
"They told us that he had developed something that's called, 'DIC.' That it meant that he was too sick for his body to fight off everything."
Eveyone listened quietly to Tai's explanation, but only Joe understood the lingering horror around the edges of Tai and Tk's eyes.
Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation. That's bad, really bad. There's a chance that his body could start shutting down. He's more than worse, he's probably dying.
Joe had studied the disease in his text books and researched it on the web, but it wasn't until he had shadowed a doctor at a local hospital that he had truly understood the disease. He had seen a young woman lying in a hospital bed. Blood seemed to be everywhere; slow drops falling from her eyes, trails running out of her mouth, nose and ears to become hidden in her dark hair, the growing spots of red on the bandages on her arms. The male nurse taking care of her was making a valiant effort to keep pace with the crimson stain, trying to erase the blood that would only horrify her family if they saw it, but the blood wouldn't stop and he would never win the battle. The doctor had told Joe that the woman's kidneys and lungs had stopped working. And in those quiet corridors, he had heard the soft murmur of the staff. They had a different name for the disease, but he hadn't truly comprehended why they called it what they did. It wasn't until he returned 3 days later to follow the docotor on his rounds again that he understood and believed their soft voices. Despite all their best efforts, she had died.
DIC...Death Is Coming
'do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?'
...tbc
:) Don't you just love Evanescence?
Everyone like? Not exactly a cliffie this time, but I figured you guys could use a break. (especially since I've been so bad with updates)
I forgot to tell you. The other reason it took so long is because the chapter just kept going. I got to twenty pages and told myself just to find a good place to cut it and post the first completed section. I will try to finish up the next chapter faster (and with better editing)
Thanks again for sticking with me. I hope everyone liked it.
Special Thanks to:
Fey Phantom: laughs Well, you already know I wouldn't give away my ending ;P You'll have to wait and see. I'm glad you enjoyed the letter. Of course, some of it was from the show, but a lot of it was purely my imagination to how certain events would have occured. It was such a shame that the y only really showed Tai's meeting with his digimon. Just goes to show how biased they were ;) Sorry for the long delay, I'll try to be better nest time.
KazamaFangirl: smiles Yep, i fooled a lot of people with that last chapter, but strangely enough, I wasn't trying to. I even told everyone what I was doing in advance. As for killing or not killing of Matt, I don't have much to say about that. I'm afraid the decision will rest purely in Matt's hands (if his father doesn't take the decision away from him. But as for the rest of your demands, 'torture him, bring him to the brink of death, cause him pain and suffering,' your wish is my command ;P
Amanda: Thanks you so much for the review. It's hard to write Matt's letters. I'm so thrilled that so much emotion is coming through in them. I don't want to make things too graphic, but the emotions are different. I feel it's approriate to show the depth of emotion involved. I hope everyone likes Matt's last letter just as much. But you won't get to read it for a few more chapters. Stick around and let me know what you think when you get to it.
Miyama Ishida: blushes shamefully I do intend to finish this. And I was definately much better at my updating until recently. I'll try to be better. Thanks for the review. :)
Syaoran-Lover: Definately, the entire situation is tragic. I'm going to be a bit more in depth on abuse in the next chapter, but it won't be graphic, it'll be analytical. And as you were hoping, we will see how the others handle the info about Matt's abuse. I hope it lives up to expectations. Thank you for the high praise on the letter. It made me smile so big :) Catch you next chapter
Kari-HP: smiles Glad you like it so far. Come back and finish it up with me.
Blue Tajiri: laughs Some many people are just desperately begging me to save Matt. I've got everything planned, don't worry. (I've already got my get away car ready) giggles Hope I can find a good safe house to get away from the torch weilding fans. Joking! Joking!
Bronwen: :) Addicted already? Good to know. I hope you haven't been going through withdrawal. Thanks for joining us, catch ya next chappie
VioletteMai: Getting good? teasing I'm so glad everyone likes the letters. They really are what the story is about. I hope you enjoy the rest as much. Ja ne!
BrnttsDoItBest: I'm making everyone cry. But since that is what I was aiming for, go me! laughs I'll try to give you guys a bit of a break before ripping your hearts out again. Enjoy it, thinks will continue to get darker.
Jodi Crystal: smiles I envy you, you've already found the love of your life. I would hate to tear you guys apart, but for this story, Matt's mine, all mine MWAhahaha Ahem But back to the story. Matt's alive for know, be happy (for now) ;)
Acajou: Good points. I love a reader that brings in more questions then I do. Unfortunately, i won't be sharing the story with Matt in the cave. it was a great scene in the anime and I just don't think I can do anything to improve it, so I'm going to leave it alone. As for Gabumon knowing about Matt's problem. He didn't 'know' as in have all the information (who, what, and so forth), but he did 'know' as in understood Matt's pain and fears. That is part of their relationship, they know what they need to, but also respect each others privacy. A complicated relationship that is based simply on instinctive knowledge. I really don't know if that make any sense to you, but it's the only answer I have. Unfortunately, the digimon won't have much to do with the story. This is a story about a human child abused by a human man, the digimon are background in it.
DemonGirl666: wow OO You are the only reviewer that asked me for that. I do understand what you're asking, though. Death would definately be easier for Matt. if he dies, he doesn't have to suffer anymore, he'll finally stop hurting. But if Matt dies, it leaves a lasting torment for his brother and his friends. So with suicide, it's not a matter of ending pain, but choicing who has to live with it. Thank you for the comments on the letters. That is exactly the emotions that I was aiming for. If he didn't have a little self loathing after everything he's been through, he wouldn't be believable. For some reason, probably the inability to admit lose of control, a lot of victims believe that everything happened because of something they did or didn't do. Poor boy will probably need a lot of therapy if they manage to stop his father and/or him from killing him/himself. Thanks for the review.
LuV2Writ3: smiles Glad you like it so far. It is definately going, just can't tell you where yet. It's a mystery ride on the torture express with the evil authoress as conductor. Hold on, it'll be a wild ride ;)
black kitten: oops Well, it wasn't soon, but it is updated. Thanks for the review :)
snowflke: I'll tell you a secret whispers The letters make me cry too. I know I'm done with the letter when I read it again and end up with tears in my eyes. I hope the last letter turns out well. by the way, I love your name :) Thanks and catch ya next chappie
Butterflie fka Crimson Goddess: laughs I know, I know. i actually like Mr Ishida in the series, he's a good guy and a good papa. But, that being said. I needed a villian and he fit the necessary requirements. I hope you don't hate me too much for the massive character assasination, but I hope that it is worthwhile for the story's plot. As for the 'lighter chapters,' they are only lighter if you don't know Matt's being abused. Since of course, we all know, there is a lot of angst right under the surface. I'm glad you liked the cliffie. laughs I'm quite proud of my cliffies. Please come back and let me know what you think of the rest of the story. Ja ne!
Gabriel of Dreams-Yume Chan: I will definately finish it, I promise. But I may have to beg your indulgence with the time it takes to update, got a lot going on right now. I'll be as good as I can. :)
yamatoforever: You've got good instincts. Yep, Matt's father was definately not happy with Matt and took it out quite painfully on him. You'll find out more about that in another chapter. And yes, as you read above, the doctors definately figured out what was going on. The only thing is, Matt can't tell them who hurt him, even if he was willing to. Should lend itself to some nice plot twists, ne? ;P
Violet Cleric:) Glad you liked the chapters so far. Thanks for the review, I hope you stick around for the rest.
weird1: laughs I'm so happy you like my story, but don't die! You won't get to finish it if you do. leave the dying to Matt (I'm KIDDING Back fangirls, back!) Hope you liked this one as well.
EllaJ.W: oh crap I'm so sorry I feel so bad I read your review and I thought 'EllaJW, where have I seen that before?' And then I remembered, it was from My Brother's Keeper that I read, really enjoyed and forgot to leave a review for since it was 4 in the morning. God, I feel like such a heel after you where so nice and left a review for mine. Thanks for the reviews. I'm so happy you liked the story. And I'm ecstatic that you loved the letters. Since the first letter was really the basis of the story it is extremely important to me. The letters are also the most difficult to write, so I'm glad to hear that they are giving all the emotions I want them to. As for the mention of the group bath...Would you believe that it happened in the series after his wounds healed?...How about this is an alternate reality and it never actually happened, it was a dream concocted in the heads of pervy yaoi fangirls?...How about...I forgot and we will never mention my truly moronic slip of the pen/keyboard? blushed oops Yeah, something like that. Thanks again for the review. I'll swing by and read and review, i promise. Plus, I still need to check out the sequel, ne ;) oh yeah conspiratory whisper You are definately on the right track about Matt having serious trust issues after what happened, but you forgot about one other thing, or should I say person. Enjoy the hint ;P
Hsiu: wow, thanks for such wonderful praise. I do love the characters in digimon. It's one of the great things about anime, the fact that they usually have some deeper characters in them. And in the more children oriented animes, those beautiful characters are just not fully explored. It really lets us play with them. It's so much fun. Please come again and enjoy the rest of the story :)
Thanks again! Please leave a little light and I'll catch you next chapter :)
