Evangelion Song Fic
Forever Love
By Kraven Ergeist (Fomerly Known as Draco Delphinus)
Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or anything pertaining to it, nor do I own anything pertaining to X-Japan and their music.
Series: Evangelion
Song: "Forever Love" by X-Japan
Forever Love
Shinji spread his wings. White, not black. No, the black was an illusion created by a dream. Must keep that out. White was the way to go.
Kaworu followed him as he flew to where he saw Ayanami last. Kaworu had wings himself; he didn't need them, but it was less strain on his AT field that way.
It must have taken them hours before they reached Japan again. Even more time to find the exact location. It was hard to distinguish. But thankfully, Shinji was left with a feeling of where it was. No doubt a trait left by his angelic nature.
However, he was suddenly thwarted when he got there.
Rei was gone.
I'll never walk alone again;
The winds of time are too strong.
Ah, it's that which hurts you,
That you'll have to live with.
Shinji flew around desperately trying to find her. Calling her name, spreading his AT field, even shooting flares into the sky. Still no avail.
"Ayanami!" he was shouting. "Ayanami!"
Kaworu stood on the sand, looking forward. He knew the ways of god more than anyone. He knew what this was.
"Shinji, please…come down here and calm yourself. Rei is not here."
Shinji descended to Kaworu and folded his wings. He stood before him and said, "Then where is she?"
Kaworu shook his head. "This is a test of God, Shinji. You made a mistake in leaving her like that, I told you. In your absence, Rei was recalled to Heaven."
Shinji gasped. "What? You mean…I'm never going to see her again?"
Kaworu held up his hands. "Of course you may. Like I said, this is a test. But the reason for the test is that the two remaining angels of Earth are having difficulty together. Happens all the time. It's only human."
"But we're not human," Shinji said. "We're angels."
Kaworu shrugged. "Is there really all that much difference? Humans feel love, Angel's feel love. It's all the same."
Shinji took a deep breath and considered. How to get Rei back?
"Kaworu?" Shinji asked. "Tell me what I should do."
Ah, this tight embrace,
And this burning, unchanged heart.
In this ever-changing time,
Love will never change.
Suddenly, Kaworu was gone. The whole world around Shinji was gone. Everything was black. There was no light to be seen. No ground on which to stand, no air in which to breath. Which didn't matter, since Shinji didn't really need to breathe. He could breathe if he felt like it, and did, out of Human compulsion, but there was no true need.
"What is this?" Shinji called out, his voice echoing out across the blackness. "Where am I?"
He noticed in the gloom a small flicker of light. It was small at first, and then it gradually got larger and larger, until it filled the entire expanse of darkness. It became so bright that Shinji had to shut is eyes.
He felt the light go down and opened his eyes. And before him, he saw something he had not expected to see, something he had been trying very hard to forget about.
Misato's apartment.
The lights were dimmed down. It seemed to be raining outside. And Misato was sitting at the table, her cheek resting on her palm, looking about as sad as she'd ever been.
"Misato?" Shinji called out, trying to see if this was real.
Misato made no reply.
"Misato?"
"She won't listen, Shinji," came Kaworu's voice.
Shinji turned around and saw Kaworu standing there out of nowhere.
"Kaworu, what is this?" Shinji demanded. "Why is Misato like this?"
Kaworu sighed. "I'm sorry, Shinji. I thought that she would realize the truth, but something is blocking it from her."
Shinji narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"
Shinji saw tears flow from Kaworu's eyes. "She is still hurt from…the incident. And she can't stop thinking about it long enough to hear the truth."
Shinji's eyes widened very suddenly. "You mean…she still thinks that I wanted her…dead?"
Kaworu just barely nodded, his own sadness for Misato showing like a scar.
Will you hold my heart?
Stop flowing tears.
Again, all of my heart is broken.
Shinji looked over at Misato, feeling so treacherous. How could he possibly beg for forgiveness?
"Misato," Shinji said, sitting next to her. "I want you to forget what I was forced to do to you."
Misato looked up at Shinji, a betrayed look in her eyes. "…Why?"
Shinji sighed. "God…how can I explain it? It's just that…I wanted you to be happy, Misato. I would never wish anything on you that might make you feel sad. And please believe me when I say…that it hurts me every day to know that you're not still with me."
Misato blinked, as tears fell from her face. "I just…felt so betrayed…"
Shinji placed his hand on her shoulder and leaned over so that his forehead was almost pressed again hers. "Misato, look at me. What I did was beyond my control. If it was…than I would rather die a thousand deaths and even dream about losing you."
Misato's face curved just barely into a smile. "You really mean that?"
Shinji leaned closer and kissed her forehead to answer. "Misato, as long as you are willing to accept the truth, than you are bound to a world of happiness. You will be treated right, you will be among the people you know and love…things will be all right."
Misato sighed for a long time, her mouth turning into a smile. Shinji could see it in her eyes. She had accepted the truth, now unafraid of it. She reached out and took Shinji in her arms. Hugging him tightly, she barely managed to say "thank you," before Shinji returned the embrace with such a loving force, that it left them both lost in each other's arms.
Forever Love! Forever Dream!
Only flowing emotions, bury this intensity.
Trying, meaningless times.
Oh tell me why!
No sooner had he done this, when Misato disappeared from his arms.
Shinji fell into a panic. "What! Where'd she go?"
Kaworu only shook his head. "Relax, Shinji. She's in a better place now. You've succeeded in releasing her soul. You have done the best thing could have possibly done for her."
Shinji wasn't all too convinced. "Are you sure? Because I don't want to settle in on a hunch."
Before Kaworu could respond, Shinji was whisked back to that dark empty place.
"So, what? On to the next test?" he asked no one.
He waited patiently for the glow to come, and it did come. It overpowered his eyesight, and again, he reopened them to find himself somewhere else.
He was at NERV. More specifically, he was in front of Unit 02 on the bridge. And next to him stood Asuka, sitting down with her face to her knees.
"Asuka?" Shinji inquired, seeing her there. "Not you too. I've never known how to talk to you."
"Then you'd better learn how," Kaworu said, who had again appeared next to him. "Because you're her last hope."
All I see is blue in my heart.
Will you stay with me?
Wait until after the wind passes.
All my tears are still flowing.
Shinji trembled. He had no idea how to approach her. Asuka was always the immovable wall to him. If she was upset, there was no changing it. If she wanted something, she would get it. And if she wanted someone to feel someway, him in particular, than he would feel that way. Which somehow seemed to make her even angrier.
"Um…Asuka?" he asked.
She didn't so much as look at him.
"Asuka, what's wrong?"
She just barely raised her head, and hit him with a stare that would have melted lead. "You have a lot of nerve…to show your face to me after what you did to me."
Shinji sighed. "Asuka…let me explain."
"No," Asuka said. "There's nothing to explain. You shot me, Shinji. I was killed by your hands. What's there to explain?"
Shinji closed his eyes. "Don't you even want to know why?"
Asuka threw her hands in the air. "What good would that do!"
"It might help you understand. It might…make you feel better."
Asuka glared at Shinji. "How could any explanation justify what you did to me?"
Shinji just looked at her. "Right now, you're supposed to be in heaven. That's what the Angels were trying to do to us. That's what God was trying to do. Send us to heaven. At first, I thought he was angry with us. But now I see. He simply wanted to amend our ignorance. We had proceeded far enough in our lifetime to learn all that we could. Then it came time to ascend, to proceed to a higher field of learning. That place is heaven, and though I've never seen it myself, it's supposed to be a land of eternal bliss."
Asuka just sulked. "So I was going to die either way, you just chose to speed up the process for me?"
Shinji was about to nod, before he said, "No, it wasn't me pulling the trigger. At lest, not the me speaking to you right now. I learned later what it was for, but God had taken control of my body to perform his cause. How, I don't know, but I don't think it was for a bad reason. He favors the Eva pilots most of all."
Asuka got up and crossed her arms. "So say I go to this heaven place. Will I like it there?"
Shinji nodded. "Of course. You'll be happy there. You'll be loved by everyone."
Asuka nodded. "That sounds alright. Will you be there?"
Shinji stopped. "…No."
Asuka blinked. "Why?"
Shinji shook his head. "Because I'm supposed to recreate humanity on Earth. That is my job. That is my purpose. I doubt…I doubt that I will ever see you again."
Forever Love! Forever Dream!
Stay with me like this.
Hold my trembling heart in the dawn.
Oh stay with me.
Asuka looked sad. Shinji had deliberately left out that fact that he was doing said job with Rei. No need for Asuka to know that.
Shinji looked sadly. "You know…for the longest time, I thought that I was in love with you. And I guess I still am. I still had enough love in my heart to come to you like this and help you on your way."
Asuka shook her head. "This doesn't make sense. If two people love each other, they should be able to stay together."
Shinji shook his head. No, this was going too far. "Asuka, if you truly love me back, then you'll do this for me, ok? You'll do this so that you will be happy, and I'll know that you're happy. Will you do this? Will you fulfill your purpose as a human being?"
Asuka thought about that. She knew that it was what Shinji wanted. And she saw no reason why not. It was better than sulking in front of the corpse of her Eva.
"Ok, Shinji," She said. "I'll do it."
Shinji smiled so deeply, that he rushed over to her and threw his arms around her. She returned his embraced, before she was whisked off to the immortal realm.
"Goodbye, Asuka," Shinji said.
And soon, he was in blackness again.
Ah; everything good seems to be ending,
In this unending night.
Ah, what else would you lose?
If nothing at all matters?
He soon found himself in the strangest place he could imagine. An engine of wires and circuitry, systems of electricity and information strung about him, and post-it notes taped everywhere.
"Hello?" Shinji called. "I don't thin I've been here before. Is anyone here?"
He couldn't see anyone. What was he supposed to do? Was this some kind of trick God felt like pulling on him?
"Over there," Kaworu pointed.
Shinji turned his head and saw the object of Kaworu's concentration.
"Ritsuko?" Shinji said, absently.
He stepped up to her and saw her crumpled on the floor of the MAGI, her eyes swollen from crying.
"Ritsuko?" Shinji asked out.
She wouldn't answer.
"How am I supposed to help her?" Shinji asked Kaworu. "I don't know anything about her."
Kaworu shrugged. "You know her better than I do. Try to summarize everything you know about her."
Shinji listed off on his fingers. "Let's see…she and Misato were roommates…her mother invented the MAGI…and she has a thing for cats."
Kaworu leered. "Did you not also know that she and your father were involved in an affair with each other?"
Shinji blinked. "My god…"
Kaworu shook his head. "This woman has been through probably the most out of all the people you've met so far."
Forever love! Forever Dream!
Stay with me like this.
Hold my trembling heart in the dawn.
Shinji shook his head. "But how do I console someone who willingly did something that I would classify as insane beyond stomaching?"
Kaworu shrugged. "Try to imagine how she feels. And try to let her know of what awaits her."
Shinji went to help her, but stopped.
"Wait a minute…" Shinji said. "How is this a test of god? All he's doing is having me give him more clientele. How does this help me reach Rei?"
Kaworu shook his head. "You must make amends for the people you killed."
Shinji yelled back. "But I didn't kill them. He did!"
Kaworu frowned. "He had placed the responsibility on you, my friend."
Shinji shook his head. "I'm not buying that anymore, Kaworu. God's already put me through hell and back by making me live. I will not tolerate anything else form him. And I want Rei back, now. Tell God that for me."
Kaworu frowned. "That is not wise, Shinji. God will not be pleased."
Shinji shook his head. "I don't care! I'm tired of being pushed around. Tell him that I want Rei back, and I want her back now! No stupid tests, no favors, no errands for him. I want what I want, and I'm not doing anything else to get it."
Kaworu sighed. "It is done."
And then, the world fell apart.
Oh will you stay with me?
Until the wind passes.
Stay with me again.
Shinji was immersed in a world of fire and brimstone. A hell unimaginable by mortal mind, a hell untouchable, unbearable, unthinkable to any living being.
And Shinji was doomed to spend the rest of his life there.
"You fool!" came the voice of the Devil. "God gave you a chance to redeem yourself as an Angel. But you denied him! Now you shall suffer for the crimes you have committed!"
Shinji lay on his front, the pain too much to bear. His world was on fire, he burned in so many ways, it made his head spin. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. All he could do was lie there, helpless.
"Help…" he whimpered out. "Rei…"
Shinji then looked up and saw…not Rei, but his father, also in the midst of the hellfire, taking the pain in strides. He was suffering as much as Shinji was.
"So, this is what you have become," Gendo said, turning his eyes to him. "I had hoped you would have made better of yourself."
Shinji couldn't believe it. His own father, damned as much as Shinji was, was talking down on him, as he always had. Shinji couldn't take it any more. He rose to his feet.
Gendo glared. "What? You're standing."
Shinji glared. "You think this pain is enough to stop me? My life has been pain ever since you called me, father. And it's time I ended it."
Shinji then looked away, and saw the vision of his desire. The ceiling of Hell split open, and Unit 01 descended upon the hellfire.
The devil himself raised his arms in defense, as he spat at the war machine.
Unit 01 just looked smug, taking Shinji into its Entry Plug, and leavening the infernal place behind.
Forever Love! Forever Dream!
I'll never walk this path.
Unit 01 flew all the way to heaven, as only it was capable of such a feat. With Shinji as the pilot, Unit 01 found itself as the footsteps of God, an elderly looking man, with hair a heavenly white, and robes that seemed to diminish into nothing. He had an ethereal glow that seemed to fill the heart and soul. But Shinji was not impressed.
"My lord," Shinji said. "I've come for Rei. You know where she is."
God simply stared him down. "Calm, child. I was mistaken in sending you to Hell. Your adversity and will to live over stipulate even that."
Shinji stepped up to god in his Eva. "What I want to know is why you took Rei from me to begin with."
God shook his hands. "Please, please…the maid of Eden is safe."
Shinji leaned his Eva's head right up to God's. "Then I want her back. Now."
God shook his head. "I cannot do that."
Without warning, Shinji reached out with Eva unit 01's hand and seized the old man.
"I'm warning you, my lord. My Eva has the power it would take to kill you. Tempt me, and I won't hesitate, creator of the universe or not."
Oh tell me why! Oh tell me true!
Teach me how to live.
God glared back. He knew he was in a fix. And he knew the boy was right; the Eva did indeed have the strength necessary to steal the life from him. Measuring the weight of the fertility of the maid of Eden against he perpetuating pandemonium in the universe at the loss of his own life, he gave in.
"Very well, boy. Return to Earth, and you shall find her. Please do not do anything rash."
Shinji put god down and smiled. "Thank you, my lord. I shall dismiss myself now."
Unit 01 descended from Heaven, crossing the interdimensional plain that was Heaven and returned to the planet Earth.
His Eva landed, and Shinji disembarked. He found nothing in his eyesight, but was not discouraged.
Turning to the sky, he said, "Hey, Kaworu?"
Kaworu appeared instantly. "Shinji, I can't believe what's you just did! Not only did you appear before God himself uninvited, but also you actually seized the man and threatened his life! How could you possibly do that?"
Shinji sighed. "I'm looking for the answer right now."
Kaworu was puzzled. "What do you mean?"
Shinji smiled. "She got red eyes, blue hair, and cute slim figure. Seen her?"
Kaworu breathed in. "You mean you did that all for Rei?"
Shinji nodded. "Like you said, she's all I have now. I've got to treasure at least that much. Now where is she?"
Kaworu smiled. "Right behind you."
Forever Love! Forever Dream!
Within flowing tears.
Shinji bolted around and saw her rushing to him. Her eyes were flushed with tears, her arms were open, and her bangs were damp with sweat. But she was there. Really and truly there.
Rei saw Shinji for the first time in days. It had been too long for her, in that strange and horrible place that was supposedly called heaven. She saw Shinji make his way to her within seconds. She found herself in his arms, and before she knew it, she was kissing his lips, and he was kissing her back.
Shinji couldn't believe he had let this moment go so long. It had been right there for since they came here. She had been asking this of him since they arrived in this hellhole. But Shinji had constantly denied her, requesting more time to think. But now, the thinking was over.
"Rei!" Shinji said, as their lips parted. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry I left you! It was stupid! I never should have gone away!"
"Shinji!" Rei said, interrupting him. "It is alright now. I am here."
Shinji stared at her for the longest time. She looked positively golden. A true sight for sore eyes, Rei was the best thing he had seen since the day he was born.
Shinji buried his head below hers, inches form her bosom, but Rei didn't really mind. She held him in her arms and kissed his head.
Bright seasons will forever change
Again and again.
"Rei…tell me," Shinji said. "What happened after I left?"
Rei sighed. "The first two days, nothing. Then, I heard a voice say to me, 'your presence is required,' and suddenly, I was in heaven, among the rest of the angels. I kept saying I wanted to return, I…I knew that I could not afford to leave you behind. But I could not leave. I am not sure as to why I am here as of now, but at the moment, I do not care."
Shinji stared into her eyes, tear welling up in his. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry, Rei. I should have never left you behind. I was all my fault."
Rei looked at him. A playful looked bewitched her face, and she nipped his ear.
"Ow," Shinji said. "What was that for?"
Rei smiled. "Did I not tell you before to stop saying that everything was your fault?"
Shinji smiled, sheepishly. "I guess so."
Rei smiled. "That is better." Reaching beneath her plug suit, she pulled out Misato's necklace. "Here. You said you'd come back for this."
Shinji took it in his hand and looked at it. Smiling, he looked back at Rei. "No, you keep it. It compliments you. Besides…I can finally let it go."
Rei took the gift and smiled. "Thank you, Shinji."
Shinji shook his head. "Rei, there's so much I need to do that I should have already done before."
Rei looked puzzled. "What?"
Shinji smiled. "Remember the question you asked me?"
Rei became nervous. "Which question?"
Shinji closed his eyes. "When you asked if I loved you?"
Rei drew in her breath, still a human reflex. "What…what about it?
Shinji smiled, happily, planting another kiss on her lips. "The answer is yes, Rei," Shinji said, kissing her again. "It always has been. It always will be."
In all her life, Rei had never felt the happiness she felt that day. The boy she dreamed about was holding her and kissing her. She loved him with all her heart, yet she felt as though it did not need to be said. Though, still, it couldn't hurt.
"I love you too, Shinji," Rei said, kissing him back. "How could I not, after all we've both been through?"
Shinji smiled back at her. "Don't worry, Rei. We'll be together forever now. Nothing can stop us. We've got the whole world before us. Why don't we make the most of it?"
Rei looked around at the desolate world that was their home. Buildings lay in ruin, the ocean was still mostly LCL, and the skies were as clouded with debris as though a volcano erupted.
Yet among this destruction, new trees were growing. Between the cracks and crevices of the broken streets, sprouts were finding their way through the cracks. The few microorganisms that lived in the sea were beginning to swim again.
The world was new and beautiful. And it was all theirs.
Forever Love!
"Yes, Shinji," Rei said. "Why don't we?"
That's that. I want to thank you all for your enthusiastic reviews of this story. I'm glad you all like this, and I'm glad that I've managed to establish myself well enough to be noticed in the fan fiction world here to command that much appreciation. I am deeply appreciative of all of it. Again, thank you.
The story ended as predicted, with Shinji and Rei having declared their love, with the whole new world out there for them together. Just perfect, don't you think? See, things turned out all right.
Oh, about that part where Shinji threatens to kill God, I wanted to make it into a message. A message that an actual, physical god could not exist and still be perfect. And that when a person is deep enough in the throes of love, that he or she can do anything, even overpower the will of god.
Again, thank you for reading what I'm now going to call my "J-Rock Songfic Triad."
Read and Review.
I'm out.
