Well, well, well. I'm back for more, again. And I have to say that one particular review I got made me laugh so hard that I printed it out and showed it and my response to my friends. Here's what it said. My response is in italics:
No mistakes, huh?
Okay, first of all, you claim that Kane's been playing for TEN YEARS, but DDR's only been out for 7 years and a few months (20, November 1998).
Second, for a TEN YEAR player, getting an A on LoM is absolutely horrid, even on a soft pad.
Third, for a such a hardcore dancer, you'd think he'd be playing In The Groove or at least Pump It Up by now. (It's okay that he's not playing it at school, since ITG and PIU Exceed aren't out for PS2 yet)
Forth, I dislike the fact you never actually placed scores into your fic; I suppose that's to avoid the humiliation of me picking on your combos and such, but being such a hardcore dancer, you'd at least know LoM's max combo and stuff, right? (573: 500 taps, 73 jumps, 0 mines, 0 hands)
Fifth, I notice you said LoM had Kane facing AWAY from the screen, which is untrue unless he had bad technique, LoM has NO crossovers (except maybe the 8688646 runs near the start, but you're supposed to doublestep to conserve energy)
Sixth, I notice they were both panting after LoM, but that can't possibly be true if they got A's - an A signifies 85 DP, but you can't possibly achieve that on a 10 if you get tired.
Seventh, V is VIOLIN, not piano.
Seven mistakes, tsk tsk. Just out of curiosity, how good are YOU?
Well, first off, thank you SO MUCH for pointing out my mistakes. Let me explain the reasons behind said mistakes, in order.
First of all, I don't remember specifying the year in which the story is set. It'll be very possible to have played ten years IN THE FUTURE. And yes, it isn't a careless mistake. I actually have something planned for the setting.
Secondly, Kane may be a ten year player here, but there are songs that'll still screw him up. Like Ballad for You. I've been playing four years and I STILL can't AA the damn thing on Light. So there.
Thirdly, I haven't played ITG or PIU before and, while Kane might have, ITG and PIU will only get minimal reference in the story.
Fourth, the scores and combos aren't really important until the third or fourth chapters, and, honestly, I'm still trying to figure out how Extreme grades the songs. I don't care about humiliation and shit. I don't know you, so it don't hurt. I don't claim to be a hardcore dancer either. I dance on my own free time in school for a dance group. DDR is a PASSTIME.
Fifth, Kane faces away from the screen (on purpose or by accident, you decide). I actually remember a time that I screwed up so horribly that I ended up facing away. I put it in and decided to work with it. (And what are the 8688646 runs? I'm sorry; I don't speak 'number'.)
Sixth, I have a friend who played LoM on Heavy, A'd it, then collapsed on the couch panting. I'm sorry you feel it's wrong, but If my characters pant after LoM, let them be. It all depends on the person.
Seventh, I know V has violins. There's a funny inside joke with that. My friend and I played V and then, after, she asked me "Why do I like creepy piano music?" In my mind, I knew they were violins, but the comment stuck. That mistake was neglect, so thanks for pointing it out. But, doesn't V have pianos in it too? I was playing it today, and could of sworn I heard pianos. Until that gets cleared up, it's staying 'piano'.
And as for how good I am, I dunno. I can barely play on Heavy, my reaction time is somewhat slow, and I'm stupid. I sometimes try things totally out of my league (LoM Heavy) and sometimes I totally fail beginner songs (Only You, my favorite Heavy stage). I play on Standard most of the time. I'm sorry if you think I suck, but I have a life outside of DDR. I want to study History, and I need to take time to study for school and to socialize. As I said, DDR is a pastime, so excuse me if I don't know exact terminology and the exact run of the songs. Not everyone can be as obsessed as you.
And that's all I have to say. If someone who knows more than me and wishes to beta read or something, I'll be glad to accept help. I always appreciate helpful tips and hints!
Like before, I don't own DDR. Point out all my mistakes if you must, but don't attack me as a player, or a dancer. That's all I ask.
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Kane sighed in relief as the final bell of the day rang. He just wanted to go home, and gloat to his siblings. The membership card had come that morning, as well as a note saying the DDR Lunch Club (lovingly named by a boy with no imagination) was officially starting on Monday. The crew had two days to get ready for the influx of people, as installing the machines was a big job.
Stretching his arms over his head, Kane walked quickly to his locker to gather his coat and boots to leave. He'd always bring his bag to last period, despite school rules saying not to. He'd never catch is bus otherwise. His locker was halfway across the school from the parking lot for the buses.
Giving a yawn, Kane opened his locker and put on his black winter jacket, then his boots. He went to shut his locker when he saw a note taped to the inside. He rolled his eyes and peeled it off; only Mina knew his locker combo, and only Mina used paper with a hastily drawn chibi Emi in the bottom right corner.
"'K, change of plans, my house, gotta show you latest development. M.' Well, thanks for the short notice..." Kane muttered sarcastically. Mina never warned him hours in advance. Ever. If she had, he would have left his bag in his locker. Mina's house was within walking distance of the school.
Kane hummed a tune to himself as he pulled out his cell phone and dialed his home number. A few rings later, his mother picked up with a breathless "Hello?"
"Hey, mom," Kane greeted. "I'm going to Mina's house, okay?"
"Alright Kane. Be home by 8."
"Sure thing mom..."
Happy, Kane stuffed his cell back into his pocket and shut his locker. He walked calmly back up the stairs and towards Mina's locker. Halfway there, she came running at him, blonde hair floating out behind her. He smiled.
"Heya Kane!" she chirped. "Ready to go?"
"Yes. Give warning next time, though!" Mina giggled, a sound that always made him smile along with her.
"Yeah, okay Kane."
Together, the two left the school building, talking along the way.
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"MOM! I'M HOME!"
Mina and Kane kicked off their shoes. Kane felt no unease about being that messy here; he practically lived a Mina's house on the weekends anyway. Her family had long ago told him to be less uptight when around them. It had taken a while, but Kane was now extremely comfortable in the house.
"Hi Mina. Oh, hello Kane!"
"Hiya Mrs. Zen!" Kane greeted, giving the woman a quick hug before he was pulled up the stairs and to the DDR/Game room. Mina had organized the room so that the DDR system took up minimal space and the other games could be brought in.
"Kane, look, I've corrupted my brother!"
Kane glanced over at the little boy that was scampering towards the two Metal Pads that Mina had. He was only about four, maybe five, Kane didn't remember. Little James had never bothered them enough before to find out exactly.
Now, however, it seemed that James had found out how to play DDR. Kane couldn't hold back a smile as James cried, "Watch me Mina! Look!" James had chosen The Legend of MAX as the song he wished to show off, and Kane had to applaud as James almost actually passed it. The kid was good...
"See Mina SEE!" James inquired. "I can do DDR too!"
"That's so cool little brother!" Mina said with a giant smile.
"Really nice achievement for such a young kid," Kane said. James huffed.
"'M not a kid!" he said. "'M FIVE!"
"Five years old, eh? That's so BIG and STRONG!"
"Mm-hmm!"
Kane and Mina watched James all but skip out of the room. Mina rolled her eyes and closed the door, dropping her bag as she did so. Kane gave her and inquiring look, but all he received in turn was a secretive smile.
"Okay, Mina," he finally said. "Why am I here?"
"Truthfully?" she countered.
"Preferably." Mina smiled, and then stepped onto the pad. Kane followed her and then scrolled to 'Only You' so they could talk. Mina grinned.
"You know, come Monday, we'll be facing each other a lot."
"Why?" Kane asked, perplexed. Why would she want to talk to him about that?
"I spoke to Sean, you know, the manager of the DDR club?"
"Yeah," Kane said. He'd played the brown haired, easy going 18 year old before. Sean only played on Standard, and strictly for fun. Kane liked him.
"Well, he told me that each of us paid 50 for the card. There are 24 of us, right?"
"Mm."
"Well, the Metal Pads he's getting are the Cobalt Flux ones-"
"IS HE INSANE!" Kane exclaimed. Those were so expensive. Mina just smiled.
"Yes, however, with 1200..." Kane did a quick calculation in his mind, and then blinked.
"That's 4 of them!"
"Yep!" Mina said happily, choosing 'Do Me' as the next song. Kane missed his score due to shock. "Sean has four soft pads he's bringing as well, and they're raising money to install computerized tournament boards! The room is HUGE!"
"...But we'd need... 4 TVs..." Kane said.
"Mm. Two of the school's and the supervisors are bringing some." Kane smiled as Do Me ended. He leaned back and smiled at his friend, taking in the flashing purple C as his score. More Greats and Goods than anything...
"That's pretty awesome, though," he said. "The school never lends its stuff to us." Mina grinned.
"Well..." she said. "That's about to change!"
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Later on that night found Kane lying on his bed, looking at the membership card in his hands. The plastic covered cardboard was white, with his school picture and information on it. He sighed and put the card on his desk. He had all weekend to look at it. Come Monday he'd be using it!
"Hey little bro, what's that?" came his sister's voice. Kane rolled his eyes and turned over to look at her.
"Bug off Rose..."
Rose smiled at him and glided over on what looked to be her new hover shoes (released at the insane price of 300 in September of 2009, three years ago) and sat on his bed with a smile. Kane frowned when she patted him on the head.
"You're in the DDR club, right?"
"Yes," Kane answered. Rose grinned, and then gave him a surprisingly encouraging hug.
"So, Mina told you what Sean had planned, right?"
"Most of it, yes." Rose smirked at him, making him recoil. Where was this going?
"Good! See you tomorrow Little Brother!"
As Rose bounced from the room, Kane twitched. His sister was planning something. Anyone could see that. The question was what was it?
Rolling over, Kane fell asleep, promising to figure it out later.
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Yep, so that's chapter two. I've managed to introduce Rose (which was completely random), include a somewhat realistic score, and explain the 'Ten Year Player' thing (which is more than an excuse to have Hover Shoes ). Meh, the DDR Club starts next chapter and I need a new name for it. It's bugging me. Oh well.
Please review! Constructive criticism is welcomed, appreciated and acted upon!
Outright flames with no purpose, punctuation or sense, however, will be laughed at and then ignored. So I hope you liked this somewhat.
Shade
