A/N: Even though I'm sure you're all tired of the toe stub scenes by now, this chapter will still have one more toe stubbing for the sole reason of developing a plot. Please bear with me... or not...

Random Comment: I really hate it when the quick editor messes up my grammar/punctiationsfor no apparent reason. Anyone know how to stop it?

The Life of Orochimaru:

Oh no! Something really horrible has happened! I forgot to add an entry to my historical recording yesterday! And it was such an eventful day too!

I was in my washroom brushing my teeth when I realized the disaster. It is just horrible, as though the nature of the Universe has become sickly twisted. I stared at the mirror and paniced, thinking of a plan. I could write the entry today, but it was bad to do such a thing as it would be time-wisely illogical.

Then, an evil smirk crept across my face. No one has to know that I was being time-wisely illogical... Muhuhuhahahahaha!

Suddenly, I noticed the mirror and saw the diabolical expression on my face. I immedietly jerked my head and almost fell backwards. Wow... I actually scared myself by looking in the mirror. I've only been practicing for 3 days and I'm already that good... er... scary. Although I wonder why I couldn't scare that kunoichi last time.

I took one last look at my evil smirk and turned away. Shivers were sent down through my spine. Definetly creepy.

Anyways, I washed my hands and turned the doorknob, which infact didn't turn because my fingers were wet and you know, there's no friction. Seeing that, I dried my hands on a towel and then flung open the washroom door and... oh no... this was not good... I looked down down at my feet and realized that I was in for another world of suffering.

Thirty minutes of pain that could not be put into words passed by and I was left battered and broken on the shiny, clean, and spotless washroom floor. For all those wondering, I wash my floors with 'Mr. Clean'. It works quite well unlike a certain product that rhymes with 'Tilex'. Anyways, where was I? Oh yah, lying on the floor with a near broken toe of which was caused by a really powerful toe stub. I slowly got up and cursed fate for punishing me with such pain. It was unholy. Unfair... My life was always unfair. I am always the one to do good deeds yet I suffer the most. Being good makes no difference at all. I should just do things my way. It was just unfair... unfair I say! I was quickly consumed by the angst within me and I got all angsty, hatin', and all that other stuff that has to do with angst. However, I was able to fight back my inner demon, and the hate within me slowly faded away... but only for now. That is why I decided that I needed to talk to someone. To tell them my feelings and ask for advice to cope with the current events.

First I went berserk. Then wierd rumors began spreading about me. Next I find out an awful truth about Jiraiya. After that, I was hit with the mother of all toe stubs. And now, the BIG BIG Daddy of all toe stubs. To top it all, people are STILL calling me 'Oro'. All I know is that these past three days have been very awful. So I definetly needed to talk to someone... but who?

Jiraiya, I can't go to because he is somewhat part of my problems. And not Sarubobi-sensei either because I shouldn't bother the Hokage, even if he is my sensei, with my personal problems. That is not what a ninja should do... so that leaves me with Tsunade. I sighed and then CAREFULLY left the house seeing as I didn't want to stub my toe, again.

Around half an hour later, I found myself infront of Tsunade's door. I hesitated before I knocked and contempted whether or not this was the right decision. I stood there deep in thought. Realizing it was all for the best, I knocked the door.

Immedietly after the first knock, the door flung open and I was quickly greeted with a: "Hi Oro-kun!"

I was caught off guard at this and I just stood there looking blankly at Tsunade who held the door open. Talk about fast reaction to a knock... was she waiting for me or something? I merely dismissed the thought as coincidence that Tsunade was right by the door when I knocked.

"Um hey," I said.

"Do you want to come in?" she asked.

No duhh. That's why I knocked. "Uhh, sure," I replied.

With that, I entered and was greeted by Tsunade's mom who offered me some food. I declined and said I wasn't hungry, which, infact isn't true because I skipped my breakfast today and all of yesterday's meals and that is alot of meals to skip. But anyways, I needed to get to the main point so I asked to speak with Tsunade alone.

It took a while, but Tsunade's mother FINALLY left. Actually, it only took 2 minutes but I'm impatient and kind of angsty right now so I'm the only person who matters. Anyways, I spoke. "Umm, Tsunade... I have something to tell you."

"Yes..." Tsunade said with an anticipating voice.

"Welllll... this is, um, kind of, hard for me to say..." I studdered.

"Yes, yes," Tsunade continued her anticipating voice which was now joined with anticipating eyes. And that made out to give an anticipating expression.

"You see," I continued. "I, um... kinda..."

"Just say it!" Tsunade exclaimed.

Don't rush me! I'm currently sulking inside due to the current bad events happening in my life here! "Well, I kinda accidentally stubbed my toe yesterday..." I replied.

Tsunade's expression changed from an anticipating/excited one, to a disappointed one, and then a concerned one.

"Oh my god," Tsunade said in a concerned voice. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know." She paused for a while. "Are you OK?"

What kinda stupid question was that! Of course I'm not OK! How can ANYONE be OK after a really hard toe stub! "Well... not really," I replied. Then just to add more effect and make Tsunade more concerened about me, I decided to tell her about the other toe stub. "It didn't end there, I was struck by an even worse toe stub afterwards."

"Good lord..." Tsunade gasped. "This is something that should never happen to anyone, especially you. This must be really hard."

Damn right it shouldn't happen to me! "Yah... it is pretty hard," I replied.

"Well, if you want to let out some stress, you can always go to the ANBU headquarters and ask for permission to torture a few prisoners," Tsunade offered. "With your status, I'm sure they'll let you."

I was utterly shocked with Tsunade's offer... without actually being shocked of course. "Torture! I definetly don't want to do that."

"Oh, don't take me the wrong way or anything. You don't necessarily have to torture the prisoner. Just let off some steam on them," Tsunade replied.

"Hmm, if that's the case, I'll keep it in mind," I replied even though I wouldn't even think about it, nonetheless keep it in mind... but I wasn't going to tell her that. "And by the way, where did you get the idea from?"

"The internet?" Tsunade tried. I could tell she was obviously lying but I didn't want to force it out of her. So, I just took it for what it was.

"Ok, I guess I'll be going now," I said, turning around to open the door. I then waved a goodbye and promptly left for a nearby restaurant. Afterall, I haven't eaten for two days, and frankly, I'm KINDA starving.

Outside the restaurant were several salesnins just standing there, pretending to mind their own business but really, who knows what they're planning. So, I steered away from them because I KNEW, if I talked to them, I would end up getting scammed of my money. I remember what happened once...

-

"Hey, get your ninja gloves!" A salesnin shouted. "Only 900 yen!"

"That's not a bad deal," I said mostly to myself. "But still..."

"Hey kid," the salesnin said. "How bout I give you a 'buy one get one free offer'!"

"Wow really! Ok then, I'll buy a pair," I replied naively as I paid some money.

The salesnin took it and handed me only one pair of gloves.

"Don't I get a free?" I asked.

"You do," the salesnin replied. "Buy the left glove and I give you the right glove."

"Damn cheapskate..."

-

So, knowing that, I used my awesome '1337 ninja stealth skillz' and got inside the restaurant without being detected by any of the salesnins.

As usual, I was greeted with my nickname by everybody who saw me... which got me really annoyed but I ignored it because I was way above name calling... but it still pisses me off.

Anyways, due to some wierd force of nature, I managed to finish my meal AND get out of the restaurant without anything serious happening. Woooowwwww. What random rareness. Thinking that, I began heading home.

Several minutes later, I passed by the ANBU headquarters and stopped. I was kind of tempted to go in, but I didn't. I just looked at the wonderful building which was actually not so wonderful if you ever went inside... unless of course, you're a freak who actually likes seeing bloody torture. However, subconciously, I somehow began slowly walking towards the ANBU headquarters. Step by step I approached it, until suddenly, a random ANBU came out from the building and called me by my nickname.

Why didn't Sarutobi-sensei relay people about this nickname thing yet? Then again, I could imagine it's a difficulty to just tell people to stop calling me by my nickname after they've been saying it for years. Besides, if he did that, I'd have no reason to become Hokage.

"Can thou do thy a favor?" the ANBU person asked in a fake British accent. How could I tell? Because he was Japanese for goodness sakes!

"That depends on what it is," I responded somewhat 'cooly'.

"You see..." the ANBU person began. Hearing the long pause, I figured it would be a pretty big favor. How? It's a part of my 'Orochimaru senses'. The ANBU person continued, "You see, thy beloved wife is in the hospital and I must see her. However, I'm supposed to be torturing tis prisoner and I need someone to cover for thyself."

"So you want me to cover for you?" I said, stating the obvious. But you know, it was to make sure.

"Preciously stated," the ANBU person said. "One would say tis is against the rules, but tis is very important and I shant ignore it."

"Why not," I shrugged. "It'll be field experience for me anyways." I didn't really even know why I agreed, I guess I did it for the sake of doing a good deed... OK, I'll admit, I really wanted to torture somebody, but hey, I have my reasons.

"I greatly thank thee," the ANBU person finished. "By the way, thou's name shall be Uchi Huu for the next 45 minutes."

"Alright," I replied.

"Very well, I shall take my leave," the ANBU person said as he disappeared in a puff of smoke. How did he do that? It wasn't even a jutsu. Oh well, guess it's another one of those ANBU skillz that only ANBU members can do.

I performed the Henge no Jutsu and entered the building. Due to my '1337 ninja skillz' I went without suspicion into the torture chambers.

"Hey Uchi, where were you?" an ANBU asked.

"Uh... thy was cleaning the washroom?" I tried.

"Poor you," the ANBU said. "The toilets and floor there are just nasty. I remember washroom duty once..."

"Right..." I replied.

"Well, your prisoner is in chamber 223... and better get going, your partner, who is named Masashi has already started torturing the prisoner," the ANBU stated, spitting out information for no reason what so ever, but I needed that information anyways so all is good.

"I shall," I responded with the fake British accent.

Once I got to a metal door imprinted with 223, I knocked.

Knock Knock.

"Whos there?" a voice came from inside.

"Uchi," I replied.

"Uchi Huu?" the voice asked.

"Yes, it is me," I said.

The solid metal door opened to reveal a large man with his hair tied into a pig-tail. "Alright, he's all yours," the large man said.

"Thou-self does realize thou words imply an inappropriate meaning, no?" I said, mocking this Uchi person.

The large man just looked at me wierd. "HAHAHA, you crack me up. Well, you may begin."

Damn, he's going to be watching? What do I do? No... what would Uchi do?

"Anytime now," the large man said.

I just gazed at the prisoner for a long while, and then turned away because I realized it would be awkward for both me and the prisoner.

"Hey, I know you were new and all, but you should at least know something," the large man said. "Come on, think of the worst punishment ever and inflict it on the prisoner."

"Oh," I replied easily now that I realized no one really knew this Uchi guy's personality yet. Then I got the best idea ever for a punishment... Muhuhu...Muhuhuhahaha...muhuhahahaha. "I shall give him toe stubs! And also... Paper CUTS!" I said rubbing my hands together and grinning evily as the lights flashed on and off while I said this, adding effect to my evilness.

The prisoner's eyes bulged outwards after hearing what I was going to do to him.

Continuing my smirk, I picked up a piece of paper and walked towards the prisoner.

"God! No!" the prisoner screamed. "Don't do this!"

"Sorry, but unless you give us some information..." I laughed maniacally. "I will do this to you."

"No don't! It's just not right! Please! I'm too young for this! Heck, you're too young for this"

I laughed again as I held the paper towards his arm.

"You'll regret it for the rest of your life!"

Ignoring the prisoner, I slowly slid the paper across his arm, threatening to make a cut.

"I swear! I don't know anything! Please don't cut me! I beg you!"

"Uchi, just stop," the large guy said. "Your 45 minutes is up."

"Which clock are you looking at?" I asked, checking the time. "It's hardly 20 minutes yet."

"What you're doing is just unholy punishment," the large guy said. "Nobody deserves something like that."

"Alright, fine," I said as I left the torture chamber and out of the ANBU headquarters. When no one was looking, I changed back into my normal self. Damn it. I was so close to making someone feel how I felt... ewww, wrong choice of words. But anyways torturing people actually felt better than I originally thought. Maybe I should make a hobby or something...

Announcer: Next time, on The Life of Orochimaru...

BG Music: Dun dun dun dun dun, hoo Flute plays

Announcer: What's this? Orochimaru on an A rank mission alone! What's going on! And Jiraiya, what in the world are you thinking! Waging war on the Hidden Rock! NEXT TIME! 'Jiraiya's Revenge: Start of the Secret World War'

A/N: Well, just to clarify, Orochimaru and gang is supposedly 10 years old. They may seem a little mature for this age but being a ninja does make you mature earlier and all. Besides they're chuunins already so they have to be mature.