A/N: Alright, there will be three month time jump because I felt like it for no reason. Sorry for the EXTREMELY LONG wait. I'm doing a lot of other stuff like Flash animations, Mugen characters, other game edits, 2 forums, and I do infact have a life outside the cyber world so you can (hopefully) imagine how busy I am.

The Life of Orochimaru:

Only three months has passed since I recieved my very first A rank mission, and now, I am already taking an S ranked mission. For goodness sakes, did they forget I was a chuunin? Heck, not only that but I was chosen to be the leader. It was like they wanted me to die in battle or something.

I had trembled in fear of what an S rank mission would be like. That last A rank mission alone was barely accomplished, and now an S rank mission? Ok, you're all probably thinking: 'what are you talking about, punk? That A rank mission last chapter hardly counts as difficult.' But, you only think that because you've only heard half the story. Yes, only half... because apparently, a certain somebody decided to skip writing the details last chapter.

But since this is getting off topic and I'm just spamming and trying to raise the word count of my story, I'll stop.

So, I withdrew my attention back to the mission. Our squad was to infiltrate Hidden Rock and retrieve the forbidden scroll of the Tsutaki Clan. We had exactly two days to bring back the scroll. Meaning, we have no choice but to rush to Hidden Rock within the fastest possible time of 17 hours, attempt a hurried infiltration at the maximum time of 14 hours, and return as fast as possible.

Sucks to be me, eh?

Anyways, we soon arrived near the Hidden Rock.

"Kero, you stay here," I said to... well obviously Kero. "When Tora and I get back, we'll hand you the scroll and you just take off as fast as you can back to Konoha."

"Sure," Kero replied.

"Tora, obviously, you come with me," I said.

"Alfirmative," he replied.

With that, we, as in Tora and I, snuck into the village with our amazing skills of which we learned throughout our ninjahood as ninjas.

Twelve hours later, we returned with the enemies chasing at our tails... but not litterally chasing our tails because we don't have one. Since Tora had the scroll, it was my job to defend him until he delivers the scroll to Kero.

So, I stopped right then and waited for the enemies to gather and stop.

"You won't get past me," I shouted in a very omnipotent tone.

"Heh, who are you to stop us kid?" the rock nins asked.

"Well, they call me... Orochimaru," I said mysteriously just to make me seem cool even if it is infront of enemies. "Well, actually," I began after thought. "They call me Oro, but thats besides the point because I strongly dislike that nickname."

"Really eh?" one of the rock nins smirked. "So Oro, you don't like to be called Oro eh? That's strange."

I was way above name calling.

"Aren't you gonna reply Oro?" another asked in a teasing tone.

"Don't make me mad." I warned. "You won't like me when I'm mad."

"Whatsa matter Oro-chan?" they continued. "Can take a little name calling?"

Now I was royally pissed. "You will regret saying that," I whispered scary-ish-ly and started performing seals. "Total Ownage Tactic: Orochimaru's Elite Skillz no Jutsu!" I shouted. Ok, I admit, the name is kinda stupid... but hey, I was a naive kid back then. Anyways, a swarm of chakra surrounded me and then erupted into chakra spears, flying towards the rock nins.

The spears pierced most of the rock nins like a knife through paper. I then performed the jutsu again to finish the last guys off. But apparently, I didn't have enough chakra... ()().

So basically, I realized I would get my rear end owned and handed back to me if I didn't do something quick.

A lightbulb, not litterally, appeared above my head. I could use 'that' jutsu.

I performed a complex chain of seals and focused chakra to my foot. "Heh, if you guys thought that last jutsu was powerful, you're in for something of un-ninja-ish-ly-ed level," I proclaimed. The rock nins seemed to be immedietly frightened.

"What is he?" I could hear one of them whisper.

Man, I was so cool right then. What with threatening all the rock nins and all... too bad no one important was here to see it.

"Total Ownage Tactic: Holy Technique of the Arcane Immortal!" I shouted as I used the chakra on my foot to make a giant leap in the opposite direction of the enemies. I then proceeded to sprint as fast as I can away from the enemies for about 10 seconds. And after that, I got to the trees and began leaping away...

The enemies were probably ever so confused by my ultimate technique. They had no idea what I was doing... heck they're probably still waiting to see what happens. This was the ultimate technique of giving yourself some time to plan and re-organize. It was a flawless jutsu... Ok, I'll admit, I was running away... but hey, it worked and thats all that matters.

Soon, I saw Kero and Tora. Apparently though, they were fighting a rock nin and was having some trouble. So I, obviously, had to help.

And so, I appeared out of nowhere and intercepted the rock nin's attack with a graceful kick. Or I would have, but the rock nin leapt forward and I completely missed and crashed into a branch.

I looked to my teammates to make sure they didn't see that. Luckily, they didn't because they were busy fighting the opponent. So, pretending nothing happened, I composed myself and stood up. There was a lump on my forehead but I ignored it.

"Hey, I'm back!" I shouted to my teammates. Everyone stopped fighting on cue.

"What?" they asked.

"I said I'm back!"

"No you're not!" they replied.

Huh? I don't think they heard right? I tried again. "I just said! I'm BACK!"

"No. You're. NOT!"

Ok... I guess I'll skip that... "You guys go ahead! I'll take this guy!" I said refering to the rock nin.

"Turtle!" they replied randomly.

What are they talking about? "Go!" I shouted towards them. Fortunetly enough, they finally understood and left.

"It's just me and you bud," I said to the rock nin.

He laughed. "Kukuku. Does a tawdry opposition such as yourself believe that you have the capacity to surmount me?"

"Yes?" I replied not very surely because I wasn't sure what he said.

"This surmise will be the anti-succession to the task of which you are to perform," he stated.

I bet the stuff he says doesn't even make sense when it's translated. For all I know, it could be something like: 'This antelope kills all chickens that performs on the stage.'

I laughed at the thought.

"What preciously does one find so amusing?" he asked.

"Guess what?" I replied.

"A companion of yours is currently under concealment and is plotting an ambuscade on me," he stated, looking to the trees.

Huh? They were? How come I didn't know that?

"A meteor is pre-destined to decend and asphyxiate us all," he said.

Ok, now this was just wierd.

"Oh, I apperceive now, we're all just dreaming," he said again.

Oh my god. Don't tell me. He was just replying to my 'guess what?' with random guesses.

"Well, all your guesses are wrong," I said. "And now, your prize..."

"Huh?" he wondered as I disappeared and appeared behind him.

"Surprise! You're dead!" I shouted. Then, I plunged a kunai straight through the rock nin and all this blood and gore came out which I'm not going to describe because I don't have the capacity to do so. That, and I want to keep the rating low.

Easily enough, and quite obviously, the rock nin dropped dead. And Kero and Tora had trouble with him... tisk, tisk, tisk.

I then looked up to see a hundred rock nins from before surround me... or actually it was more like ten but it was cooler to say I was being surrounded by 100 rock nins than 10. Sure it was an exaggeration but it doesn't really hurt. Besides, it was only a 0 number increase. I mean, 0 means nothing right?

"You'll pay for tricking us back there," one of the rock nins said.

"Uh, it was a joke?" I tried.

"Well, now it's time to pay for the joke," they replied.

Uh oh.

"Oro, I've come to save you!" came a fimiliar voice. Soon, the figure came into sight and I realized it was Jiraiya. Was I ever so glad to see him.

All the rock nins looked at him and laughed.

"Heh, look! It's another 12 year old punk. What's he gonna do?" one of them teased.

"I'll show you my new invincible jutsu," Jiraiya proclaimed as he smashed his fist into his palm. "It's time to kick some ass!"

Three minutes later, Jiraiya ended up getting his own ass kicked.

"Crap! They kicked my ass instead," Jiraiya mumbled as the rock nins stood over him and was quite litterally, kicking his ass.

"Great," I replied. "Ah well, I'll just do the job myself."

Three more minutes later, I got my ass kicked too because I forgot that I had no more chakra.

"Good job, for twelve year olds," they said and was about to kill us.

Obviously though, they weren't going to kill me because I was going to be Yondaime. Wasn't really sure for Jiraiya though...

I closed my eyes and awaited death, but obviously I knew I wasn't going to die.

I felt the knife come down, and it stopped right before it hit. Then, I opened my eyes to see Sarutobi-sensei beating all the rock nins.

"I knew we would be saved," I stated as I got up and so did Jiraiya.

"Then why are you sweating?" Jiraiya pointed towards the cold sweat on my face.

"Its raining idiot," I replied.

Jiraiya seemed to feel the rain come on and nodded. "Oh," he said.

Phew, save by the rain...

Sarutobi finished and came to us. "You guys OK?" he asked.

"Yah," we replied. I felt embaressed to have needed extra help on my mission. But I was glad also.

"Wait a minute," I began. "Sarutobi-sensei, if you're here, whos taking place as Hokage?"

Sarutobi-sensei smacked himself on the head. "Oh right... thats what I forgot..."

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Random Reply to Super DDT: I think Neji does spin on Kaiten. That's why he has to pivot his leg before he does so. And you can see him actually spinning at the end. But then again, I could be wrong as always.

Random Comment: If Jiraiya had the power to beat Itachi and Kisame, why did he stop? Sure, you can say Sasuke was hurt but I'd think he would realize that killing 2 Akatsuki members is more important. Besides, Sasuke was mostly mentally damaged through Tsukiyomi and taking care of him would only heal the physical wounds. As you can tell, the only way he woke up was by Tsunade. Then again, I'm probably getting the facts wrong as is just ranting to myself right here.