Disclaimer: All Harry Potter people, places, things, or ideas (Harry Potter nouns) belong to J.K. Rowlings. Olivia McGonagall, Ferris Longbottom, and Eudora are mine. I do not know if Severus has a middle name, but in this chapter I gave him one.
Chapter 6: Seeing clearly thru the fog.
Minerva slapped her forehead. She had almost forgotten about Severus, not wanting to admit even to herself that she did remember him touching her face. "You will tell him nothing. I'll probably tell him it was just a bug I need to take vitamins for. I don't want him thinking this was his responsibility in any way. The last thing he needs is something else to blame himself for." She received the necessary items in a bag that she shrunk to put in her pocket and walked out of the door.
Severus caught her by the shoulders as she left the infirmary. "Well? What was the problem?"
The concern she saw in his eyes almost made her cry. I can't tell him, at least not yet. "I am not dying. I have a bit of a bug, not contagious, that I need to take some vitamins for. That's all, there is nothing to worry about," she attempted to reassure him.
As they continued to stare into each other's eyes, she realized that he knew she had not told him the truth. There was a bitter coldness now, a look that asked, 'Should I really waste my time on you?' and the look cut her deeply. He released her shoulders.
"You were right, one of us is a bad liar," he snapped in a quiet voice. She could only stand and watch as he stormed off.
Feeling as if she had been slapped, she rushed back to her rooms and sank down in a chair before allowing herself to cry. Today can't possibly get any worse, she reasoned as she broke down and sobbed for a while, losing track of time. Finally she composed herself when someone knocked at her door. Wiping her eyes as best she could, she walked over and opened her door to find Eudora waiting. She invited her in and the two sat.
Eudora waited less than a minute before stating her purpose. "I'm glad I found you. The Ministry of Magic is holding a party and they want to Headmaster and Headmistress of Hogwarts to be there. The letter they owled us also said that you two could bring dates. Since I am Albus' wife, I was thinking you might like to bring Severus."
Minerva firmly shook her head. "No."
The blonde woman raised an eyebrow. "No, you're not coming, or no, you don't want to bring Severus?"
Minerva gritted her teeth. "That was no to both questions."
Eudora looked abashed. "I don't understand you. Please at least consider this. It's an important public function and the heads of the Ministry of Magic want to see both the Headmaster and Headmistress. And it would be more fun for you if you brought a friend."
Jumping to her feet, Minerva marched over to Eudora's chair. "I suppose I was not clear. I am not going to some silly public function because some bureaucratic numskulls want good people at their parties! As for Severus, I can't bring him because I don't know if we're even on speaking terms anymore!"
Eudora's mouth formed an 'o.' "I'm sorry you're upset. Would you like to tell me what happened?"
Minerva sat back down and sighed. "I suppose it couldn't hurt because now I know today can't get any worse. I've been feeling dreadful lately and he walked me to the infirmary. I received some news I would rather not have shared, and when I spoke with him I did not reveal what was actually wrong with me. He realized what I had done and stormed off, very angry with me. I am sorry, but you came at a bad time."
Eudora sighed and then realized Minerva had been crying. "I think I'll go now."
She stood and quietly left, leaving Minerva to spend the day depressed and grading papers. Walking down to Severus' rooms, she knocked on the door. He had expected to find Minerva and was shocked when he opened it to find Eudora.
The woman noticed the dark glare of the Potions Master, but was not intimidated. "Can I talk with you? It's about Minerva."
He ushered her inside. "Seeing that I probably won't be able to get rid of you easily, you might as well have a seat."
They sat across from each other in his chairs. Eudora sighed before speaking. "You have to talk to her. She's terribly upset and she needs you. I don't understand why you two should be feuding. Won't you please help her?"
She jumped when he hit the table with his fist. "Mrs. Dumbledore, I hate to inform you of this, but you are meddling in something that is most definitely none of your concern! The whole reason I am upset with her is because she refuses to tell me what the problem is! How can I speak with her if she refuses to speak with me?"
Eudora could see that he was angry and this man, when angry, was not to be crossed. She began to feel like a delinquent student. "Isn't there some way you can help her?" she tried to plead.
He shook his head and answered evenly, "No. I'm afraid you've wasted both your time and mine by coming here."
She stood and walked toward his door, but turned around instead of leaving. "You're probably right, I have wasted my time. I don't know what Minerva sees in you, since you won't get down off your high horse to help her and she won't get down off her high horse to let you help her. You're both equally stubborn!" Eudora slammed his door when she left, almost causing him to jump.
The next several weeks went by in the same fashion for both Severus and Minerva. Her nausea eventually went away and she ate with the staff again at meals, but she said nothing. She taught her classes and the students never noticed a problem, but when she walked through the corridors, she looked out ahead of her and spoke with no one, which caused her to resemble a zombie. She would miss have the staff meetings, sending notes of ill health, and the ones she did come to she sat through quietly, only taking notes. No one came to her office and she refused to speak to anyone, even Eudora. She only had to look in the mirror in the morning before breakfast to realize that she was crumbling from the inside.
Severus to everyone around him appeared more menacing than ever. He would speak to no one and skipped almost as many meetings as Minerva. People went to greater lengths than usual to stay out of his way as he walked by. He had retreated to his own dark hole. And he watched Minerva at every available opportunity. He knew she needed help, but he also knew she had to ask for help because it was the only way her pride would permit it.
Minerva had gone to the library in late July to find a potion that could project an image of her as Poppy suggested. She had spent the entire Sunday in the library browsing through dusty books with cobwebs sticking to the tops of them and finally found a book she thought would be useful at 11:00 that evening. Due to the late hour, she nodded off every once in a while.
Needing to find a book on certain types of shape shifting potions, Severus entered the library. He quickly found the book he was looking for, but on the way out he saw a lantern glowing at a table. He neared the table and spotted the sleeping figure. Her bun was still intact, even in her sleep. What is she doing here like this? I should have gone to her a long time ago, he thought with guilt.
He crept up behind her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder, then another hand on her arm. Leaning next to her ear, he called to her. "Minerva. Minerva."
She began to stir and looked to her right to see him. "Severus," she whispered. "I- I supposed I dozed off."
"If you wanted to put yourself to sleep with dry reading, you should have tried a Transfiguration textbook," he mentioned with a wry smile she had not seen in a while.
He brushed her cheek with his hand and she leaned into his touch. "I really should be getting to bed. Please don't be cross with me."
She stood and turned her back to him as she sauntered out of the library. "I was never cross with you. I was just hurt that you didn't want to talk to me," he called after her.
When she had left he turned back to the book and studied the potion she had been reading. What does she want with a different version of herself? Wait, if I make this for her and tell her I have it, she will talk with me and we can sort out whatever has been bothering her, he devised.
Minerva was seated in her office after her last class had ended, planning to visit the library and look at the potions again, when she received and owl. She read it and began pacing. He says he has the potion I need and wishes to speak with me. It would be wonderful to finally repair things with him, she reasoned. After another fifteen minutes of pacing, she convinced herself to see him.
The potion sat on Severus' desk as he graded papers, waiting for Minerva to walk into the classroom. As time went by he began to have doubts. I don't know why I bothered with this scheme. She might not come, but if she does… she's probably not coming. Just when he would have given up, someone knocked at the door. "Come in," he called.
He held his breath for a second as Minerva wandered into the classroom, closing the door behind her. She slowly walked up to his desk and he stood. "Hello," she said softly.
"Hello," he replied.
Feeling guilty for having not spoken with him sooner, she could not bring her eyes to meet his. "You- you said you wished to speak with me."
Not just 'speak with you,' play chess with you, hold you, be with you, he wanted to say. "Yes. I have the potion you were looking for," he pointed to the glass bottle containing the electric-orange liquid. "Take one teaspoon before you join the school for breakfast and the potion should last for twelve hours. I can make more, should you run out."
"Thank you," she told him with a small smile, finally meeting his gaze. "Was there something else?"
He could no longer stand having the desk between them. He walked around it and stopped in front of her. Then he cupped her face with his hands. "I want to know everything." He leaned toward her and kissed her soundly.
She spoke when the kiss ended. "Where have you been?"
He lightly kissed her forehead. "I've been right here the whole time, waiting and watching. I've been watching you fall farther away from life and waiting for you to tell me why. I have missed you."
"And I have missed you, so very much," she whispered with tears forming in her eyes. She swallowed, knowing what she needed to tell him. "The whole thing was because of Ferris Longbottom's potion," she began.
"I told you we should have transferred him," Severus reminded.
Minerva laughed and shook her head. "The poor boy is just clumsy. He obtained the ingredients for his homework assignment from Poppy, and he did have the correct ingredients."
Severus scoffed. "Then why weren't you sound asleep after the potion drenched you?"
She sighed and composed herself before responding. "He had the right ingredients, but they weren't for the potion you assigned."
He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"On the next page is a fertility potion. I saw it in Poppy's book and the only differences between that potion and the sleeping draught are two small herbs. The potion is activated by skin contact. I don't know how many people I ran into before I was able to wash it off. Had I gone to the infirmary when you first suggested it, I might be telling you a different story today," she explained.
"I think you've lost me," he remarked.
She nodded and took one of his hands from her face. Taking a deep breath, as if facing a difficult challenge, she took his hand in both of hers and held it for a moment. She placed his hand against her black inner robes, on her abdomen. He felt a firm roundness and glanced up at her, wide-eyed, when he also felt movement. He saw tears beginning to run down her cheeks as she nodded and faced him.
"I am with child," she whispered.
He moved both of his hands back to her face to wipe her tears away. "Why didn't you tell me? Did you think I'd desert the only real friend I have here? You could have told me, unless…" he trailed off for a moment as comprehension dawned. "Unless you suspect that I could be the-"
"Yes," she interjected. "There is a possibility that the child, aside from being mine, could also be yours. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to think that you were in the least way responsible."
He led her over to the couch and they sat. Then he wrapped his arms around her and held her. "Don't ever try to shelter me again. What do you intend to do about this matter?"
"I intend to keep the child and raise him or her to the best of my abilities," she told him with conviction.
He moved one hand to her chin and met her eyes. "Then I will help you to the best of my abilities."
"Thank you," she whispered with a smile.
He kissed her cheek. "I have missed playing chess with you."
"I have missed the look on your face when I beat you," she said with a smirk.
He chuckled. "I have missed hearing you laugh at the sarcastic comments I make."
"I have missed laughing altogether," she admitted.
Pressing his forehead against hers, he smiled. "And I have missed this," he said as he kissed her ardently. She responded and the two did not break apart until they needed to breathe.
Hours later, Minerva woke to find herself enfolded in something warm and black. Looking around at the room, she realized that she and Severus had fallen asleep on the couch, him having kept his arms around her all night. When she tried to remove herself to look at the clock, he stirred and woke. He stared at her and then came to the same conclusion that she had reached.
She glanced over her shoulder at the clock, which read 5:00. "I should be going. We both have breakfast and classes to prepare for."
He hugged her tightly. "Remember that we should always be on speaking terms with each other." She nodded and left.
As the new school term began and Minerva used the potion and found it effective. She would appear to the school as she always had, except when the potion wore off twelve hours later. She did not use the potion when playing evening chess games with Severus. Soon it was November again and the professors sat in the box to watch the Quidditch game between Gryffindor and Slytherin.
The weather was surprisingly pleasant. Though it was overcast, the grounds were dry. Severus and Minerva were seated next to each other again. The game began and the team members raced around the arena. The Gryffindor keeper zipped over to successfully block a shot.
"That was pure luck," Severus told her with a wry smile.
A Slytherin chaser nimbly outran a bludger and scored a goal. Minerva smiled and said, "I'm sure we all score nice shots one in a while."
When the snitch appeared, the Gryffindor seeker went in a loop to avoid hitting a chaser. "They finally learned good flying tactics I see," Severus stated.
The snitch led both seekers to circle the arena four times before it changed its course. Then it flew by the goals, causing the seekers to dodge the other players in pursuit of the snitch. This time the Slytherin seeker caught the snitch and the game ended. "I suppose it was just their turn to win," Minerva mentioned, handing Severus the usual five galleons.
They walked back to the castle together, arms linked. "How are you feeling?" he asked.
She looked out in front of her. "I feel like a whale out of water," she admitted with a smirk.
He chuckled and shook his head. "When I've seen you, a sea-lion fits you more than a whale does."
She glared at him and playfully swatted his arm. "It's not nice to badger a woman in my condition."
He raised an eyebrow. "When the woman has a reputation for badgering right back, I don't think that her condition applies." She laughed as they entered the castle.
They headed to her rooms for tea. When they were both seated again, he spoke. "Have you decided on a name yet?"
She shook her head. "Not exactly. I could use a wee bit of help in that area."
"What sorts of names are you considering?" he asked.
Thinking for a moment, she replied "I would like an old fashioned name."
He took a sip of his tea. "How about 'Septimus?'"
She scoffed. "No, it means 'seven.' I was thinking more of 'Octavian if it is a boy.'"
He shook his head. "You can do better than that. How about 'Anthony?'"
She paused and smiled. "I think that one would work for a first name. Now I need a middle name."
He thought for a moment. "Gregory?"
"No. Do you have a middle name?" she asked him.
Rolling his eyes, he sighed. "I suppose you could call it that," he mumbled the name.
"I don't think I quite caught that. What did you say?" she inquired.
She knew he was reluctant when he looked at his shoes. "It's 'Oliver,' alright? 'Severus Oliver Snape!'"
"Oh, it's not so bad. Perhaps 'Robert' would work as a middle name. I should think of a girl's name. I was considering 'Alice' for the middle name," she remarked. "What about 'Agatha' for the first name?"
He shook his head. "Are you out of your bloomin' mind? Those two wouldn't work together for a daughter of yours," he stated sardonically.
She glared at him indignantly, but then smiled. "I have the perfect idea. 'Oliver' can be changed to 'Olivia.' I think 'Olivia Alice' sounds just right."
He smiled. "I think it's perfect. She'll need a nickname of course, but that'll come in time."
Minerva had used the muggle tea set and stood to gather the two teacups. Severus followed her with the teapot and they set the dishes in her sink. However, she turned around too quickly to head back to her sitting room and bumped into him.
"I'm sorry. I seem to be bumping into everything lately," she commented.
He leaned toward her and kissed her warmly. She returned the kiss and blushed when they parted. "I think I understand why some muggles enjoy washing dishes," he stated wryly.
She laughed and shook her head. "They enjoy washing dishes because they find it relaxing. You, however, are making a pest of yourself," she teased.
As they moved into the sitting room again he chuckled. "A pest? You've forgotten that I am a scoundrel." He glanced at her clock. "And at the moment I am a scoundrel who should be going."
She stopped walking and turned to face him, grabbing his sleeve. "Then shoo," she told him, brushing her lips with his one more time.
After he had left she sank down in her chair and sighed, resting one hand on her invisible abdomen. The baby had a good strong kick. She closed her eyes for a moment, think of how quickly time had seemed to pass.
Minerva flipped through the day's materials on her desk as the class took notes on December 1st. A hair had come loose and she tucked it back into her bun, standing to give the class further instructions. Not only had she felt exhausted throughout the morning, she also had sudden bouts of pain she could not explain. The students failed to notice her periodically grabbing the edge of the desk, her knuckles white.
The class left after her finally instructions and she closed her eyes for a moment. I could use a break of sorts. I don't think I have ever been so exhausted or so uncomfortable in my life, she thought. The next students had not arrived yet when she suddenly noticed that her robes were damp. Fortunately because of the potion she was taking, nothing was visible. In her mind she tried to process what the problem could be. Suddenly she sighed, realizing what had happened.
The hasty note she left to the students on the board read, "I am unwell. Please take your seats and someone will be teaching you momentarily." After writing the note, she attempted to reach the infirmary. However, the writhing pain came back and she stopped walking in order to grip the wall. I don't know how I will reach Poppy like this, she thought, hoping someone would see her and come to her aid.
Severus had come upstairs to ask Poppy for a few herbs to use in a demonstration and had left his class taking notes. He spotted Minerva and began racing toward her. "Minerva, are you alright?" he asked when he reached her.
She moved herself away from the wall and faced him, her brow furrowed. "Severus, thank goodness it's you. My water broke and I don't think I can get to the infirmary on my own."
"I'm not sure I understand. What did you break?" he asked, puzzled.
She sighed and shook her head. "To be completely candid, I'm in labour."
He nodded and took her hand in his, attempting to walk quickly. Soon he discovered he could not make the trek briskly. She needed to pause every few minutes. Whenever she paused, she squeezed his hand. "Must you crush every bone in my hand?" he inquired once they were walking again.
She smiled wryly. "Care to trade places?"
"Not particularly," he replied.
When they reached the infirmary, he simply led her through the door and told her to sit on one of the beds. Then he went to find Poppy. The nurse was seated at her desk and turned around, startled, when he walked up behind her.
"Can I help you?" she asked.
He shook his head, no longer concerned about the herbs. "I'm not here for myself. Minerva's in labour."
Poppy looked behind him and saw Minerva on the bed. "Alright, I'll be with her in a minute."
He nodded and walked back to the bed. "Poppy will help in a minute. Would you like me to stay with you?"
Despite the pain she felt again, she smiled at him. "It's a kind offer, but what I have need of is someone to teach my class. The notes are on my desk."
"I'll see what I can do," he relayed, kissing her forehead. "I promise I'll be back later."
He tried to formulate a plan as he marched over to her classroom. There was a rumble of noise coming from inside the room, but it ceased completely when he sauntered through the doors. He walked over to her desk and flipped through the lesson plan for a moment. All eyes focused on him as he spoke.
"Today you will all accompany me to the Potions classroom and continue studying out of your textbooks. You will most likely have a substitute until after your Christmas holiday," he paused to change the message on the board, telling the students to come to the Potions classroom. "Everyone, follow me."
When the students reached the Potions classroom, he instructed them to either find something to sit on or transfigure something to sit on and read their textbooks. Using that method, he taught both classes for the remainder of the day. When the classes finally ended, he hurried back to the infirmary. He knocked when he reached the door.
After what felt like an eternity, Poppy answered it. "Come in, Severus. She told me you'd be back."
The medwitch led him down passed the rows of beds, in the direction of a private room. Something bothered him as he walked. Then he realized what it was. It's too quiet. "Is she alright?" he asked, unable to disguise his worry.
Poppy smiled broadly. "She's fine, and so is the baby. She's lucky it only took four hours. I moved her to a separate room so no one would ask questions."
"That was a smart idea," he told her.
They paused at the door. "Go on in. I think she wants to see you," the medwitch mentioned.
He entered and Poppy closed the door behind him. Minerva, propped up against a few pillows with a small amount of perspiration on her brow and her hair undone, held a sleeping infant in a pink blanket. He walked over to the bed and stopped. "Minerva."
She looked up and smiled beautifully. "Severus. Don't stand over there; come, sit next to us."
Hesitantly, he carefully sat and faced her. "I had both classes in the same room for the rest of the day. I'll speak with Albus later and find a substitute."
She laughed softly. "That sounds like a good idea. I really should tell him about all this. Now, she's sleeping but I want you to hold her," Minerva insisted.
Nervousness flashed on his face. "Are you really certain you want me to-"
"Yes. There isn't anyone else I'd want her to be held by before you," she interjected.
She handed the baby to him and he held the tiny infant as if she were made of glass. Still red and wrinkly, she seemed to stir and squirm for a moment, but then went back to sleep. He smiled down at the little child, more genuinely than Minerva had ever seen him smile before. Then he handed the baby back to her.
"That wasn't so bad now, was it?" she teased.
"Not at all. What did you decide to name her?" he questioned.
She laid the baby down in the basinet next to the bed. "Her name is Olivia Alice McGonagall."
He scooted closer to Minerva. "I think I have a suitable nickname: Livie."
She smiled. "I think I like it. However, it sounds like a name to call a curious, precocious child by. You know I don't believe in divination, but I have a hunch that my daughter may give both of us grey hairs. I do intend to have you baby-sit."
He chuckled and cupped her face with his hand. "I wouldn't prefer things any other way," he whispered before kissing her deeply.
When they broke away she placed a hand on his. "You will help me tell the rest of the staff, won't you?"
He nodded. "Of course. I can't wait to see the look on Eudora's face when you explain how this began." She laughed heartily and glanced at the sleeping infant, smiling again.
(my thanks to LinZe, Morgana-Alex, Quill of Minerva, Clove, Silverthreads, MoroTheWolfGod, Lizella, Lady of the Twilight Woods, TartanLioness, and yote for reviewing )
