Had
a bad day, don't talk to me,
gonna ride this out,
My little
black heart, breaks apart,
with your big mouth.
I walked into the head common room and flopped down on a couch. Who cares that Malfoys don't flop, I've been disowned anyway. Today had to be the worst day of my life to date. It was all good when I started seeing the youngest Weasley, dad didn't even complain too much (just a few curses and slaps) because she is a pure blooded witch, but then she started to change me subconsciously. I always had manners, I'd open the door for ladies and stuff, but she got me to stop harassing mudbloeh hemmuggle borns. Dad flipped out at the change in me. Believes I've got a soft spot for Dumbledore (old fool) and told me if I didn't dump her and join the dark lord (honestly, why can't we just call him Voldemort? I mean, he isn't that intimidating...), I would lose my position as a Malfoy. So I've been disowned and disinherited. Oh well.
She left Granger's room giggling and saw me scowling, so she walked over to me and sat on my lap.
"What's the matter, love?"
I pushed her off. "Leave me alone, I've had a bloody horrible day thanks to you."
She stood up, still rubbing her but and I, while wanting to apologize, turned away. "Excuse me? My fault? I haven't seen you since yesterday and you were the one who left, not me. So don't blame me for shit I have nothing to do with."
She's right. She always is... It has something to do with being a woman, I suppose. Granger's got that uncanny ability too. I can't think of a response to her so I just brush past her (hitting shoulders accidentally) and head to my room where I lock every one away while my heart is breaking.
And I'm sick of my sickness
Don't touch me,
you'll get this.
I'm useless, lazy, perverted,
and you hate
me.
Ugh... I can't stand much more of this. I'm always like this when I'm not with her. Testy, misjudging and untrusting... I don't want her to touch me. She might start getting this... bullshit... I'm feeling and I don't want to contaminate her. She's so productive, busy-bodied and pure I'm afraid of what I'll give her...
I sit around all day without much of a purpose since I can't join the order. I'm spoiled rotten, and I'll admit it. I can't even make a bed properly by myself. And... I'm a perv. I could never get over that. She's so pure, despite her first year, and I'm not. I, the Slytherin sex god, have been around like a school broom. Sad, isn't it?
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well
I'm waiting for my wakeup call,
And everything, everything's my
fault.
She's tried to save me... She cleaned my room for me, I notice as I look around. I notice all my dirty magazines are gone (play witch weekly, sex quill and 17: barely legal) and wonder what she felt while doing this. My beer is gone, no surprise there, and so are my chocolate frog wrappers. She went out of her way to make me happy but I'm not worth it.
I lay on my bed for hours thinking of her attempts, but I know it's useless, so does she. Tomorrow I'll get my next edition of magazines, and have Goyle get me some beer. The garbage will be back after a night of getting high. And I won't be changed a bit. I'll be the same Draco Malfoy that she wanted to change when she first approached me. I fall asleep to her beautiful eyes and soft humming in memory of the first time she cleaned my rooms.
The next morning I get quite a shock when the sun hits my eyes and I realize I'm late. I don't even bother to shower as I get ready for class. Lucky thing its potions, I'll be fine... But as I walk into Snape's class I know I'm not fine.
"Twenty points, Mr. Malfoy, from Slytherin. Why are you late?"
"Um, You see sir I woke up with what feels like a bout of the stomach flu, I thought I'd come tell you where I was going, as the head of my house, before I head up to the infirmary."
"Very well, go."
On my way out I catch Granger's reproachful look and I know I hurt Ginny. Everything's my fault...
Went to the doctor, and I asked
her,
to make this stop. (whoa)
Got medication, a new
addiction,
Fucking thanks a lot.
I walked into the infirmary to see Madame Promfey reading the Quibbler and cough politely to get her attention.
She jumped. "Oh, Mr. Malfoy. What can I do for you? You don't look to be pretending a fatal injury."
I even managed a smile at that. Then I remembered why I was here.
"I need your help, Madame Promfey... I don't know who else to go to." She nodded as if telling me to continue. "I have gotten to a bad place in my life... I think it's the equivalent of what muggles call... depression. I need to get out of it."
She nodded and started taking notes. Then she cast a few spells to examine me (my mental health, I presume) before handing me a bottle of pills.
"Antidepressants. Two a day, in the morning. Understood?"
"Yessum..."
I walked away and went to my common room. Might as well skip the rest of the day. Poppy will always tell the others he came to the hospital wing and they wouldn't mess with him because they didn't know that his father disowned him.
After I closed my doors I threw the pills at the wall. They were nothing. Nothing more than another addiction. Just like beer and sex. And hurting people he cared about. I could feel my heart in my throat and took that as a sign that I needed to do something. I grabbed my floo powder and tossed a bit in the fireplace before stepping in and shouting "Hog's Head!"
I
had to relapse, I'm bad at rehabs
It ruins everything. (whoa)
So
point your finger, at the singer,
He's in the pharmacy.
I fell out of the fireplace ungracefully and strode up to the counter. I asked the man for a firewhiskey and he didn't hesitate to give me one. I'm so bad at this. Gin would kill me if she could see me here. But she can't, a voice in my head told me, so have some fun. Just then a pretty little witch sat next to me and smiled. This was going to be fun.
After getting sufficiently drunk, I brought her back to my rooms at Hogwarts and cast a locking and silencing spell. She immediately attacked me, kissing me all over, then pulling my robes off. I could feel her hand sliding down my abdomen and undoing my pants but I didn't stop it. Only when I felt her take my length in her warm, slippery mouth did I realize what she was doing. And I didn't stop it.
She deep throated me, and it felt damn good. Then she slid her tongue along my dick and down to my base where she carefully sucked on my balls. I would have cummed right then and there if she hadn't drabbed hold of my balls whispering "not yet" in the dark. She played with my manhood a bit more before removing her panties and carefully muttering a contraceptive spell. Then, without warning she slid on me. She rode me like a horse, moving herself up and down at such a pace I could barely keep up with. When I finally did she arched her back and I got her g-spot causing her to orgasm rather abruptly and her tightening muscles around me caused me to come too.
After she cleaned up I pretended to be asleep and she just left. Then I took a bunch of pills.
Go ahead, laugh. I'm supposed to be the arrogant, perfect one and I'm relying on drugs to save me? I don't care. I just want it all to stop...
You can't save me,
You can't change
me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call,
and everything's my
fault.
You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm
waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, and everything's my
fault.
I couldn't get myself to leave my rooms for three days. I had the house elves bring me food and all I did was get high, drunk, eat and sleep. My room was trashed and I had horrible bags under my eyes. No one's tried to wake me from my hell. I know I'm going to have to answer to it all soon but I keep praying for one day more. After all, I have no defense on this. It's all my fault and I ought to be expelled.
And I'm a death threat haven't slept
yet,
Baby why the wake up call
I'm the bad boy tell the
tabloids
everything's my fault.
Whoa whoa whoa yeah, write
it write it,
Whoa Whoa whoa everything's my fault,
everything's
my fault.
She finally cracked the locking charm on my door and opened it on the third day. I barely had time to notice her before she slammed the door shut and left in disgust. I couldn't blame her, though, I'm positively revolting. And so is his room.
By the time I got up and got out I realized it was Christmas hols. I did have a present for her. I just had to get it to her. I called the knight bus and took the quickest route to the burrow. I'd never been there before, but she told me about it with such great detail I couldn't forget.
I went to heaven, but couldn't get in,
For
what I have done.
I said please take me, they said you're
crazy
you had too much fun.
I showed up at the burrow on Christmas Eve and knocked on the door. One of the older ones answered and looked at me.
"Err- I'm Draco Malfoy, I'm here to see"
"I know who you are," he cut in, "I'm Charlie, Gin's oldest brother. I'm afraid you can't see her. You've hurt her too much."
I knew she saw me, after all, I caught her eyes, but she didn't say anything.
"Please, Charlie, I need her. I have to see her. Please. I'll give you anything."
He frowned. "You are a spoiled brat. You can't see her and you should leave her alone. She deserves more stability than you."
I looked down in defeat, hiding the tears from him, and forced myself back to Hogwarts.
You can't
save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up
call,
and everything's my fault.
You can't save me,
You
can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and
everything, everything's my fault.
I arrived in my mess of rooms and decided to clean it myself. That boy was right, Charlie, was it? She deserved better. So I started to get rid of things. I decided to cancel my subscription to porn. I found a place for rehab and got rid of the beer. I threw out everything unnecessary and left only pics of Ginny and I up, to remind me of my goal.
I kept it up for three months before I got that fateful knock on my door.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
You can't
save me,
You can't change me,
You can't save me,
You can't
change me,(everything's my fault)
You can't save me,
You can't
change me,
Everything's my fault.
She walked in without waiting for permission. I was studying for NEWTS (no use, really, I know it all so well), and she was standing there, staring dumbly at my surroundings. Finally she caught her senses and remembered what she came to say.
"I saw you at the Burrow on Christmas Eve..."
"I know. But I wasn't worthy of you at the time."
She looked slightly uncomfortable. "I see you've cleaned up your act."
I nodded. "Listen," I began, "D'you think we could, well, you know,-"
She grinned devilishly, "Why else would I be here? Honeysickles?"
We both laughed.
Then she got quiet. "Just one thing though. I won't save you and I won't change you."
"I know," I looked her strait in the eyes. "Everything's my fault."
That seemed to satisfy her, because the next thing I knew she was straddling me and we were having the most amazing shag-no, lovemaking session- I'd ever had. As she lay curled in my arms, sleeping, I smiled.
She couldn't save me, she couldn't change me, and everything was my fault. But she didn't blame me.
