The Hardest Part

Disclaimer- I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, but I own Emma! She's my girl!

Foreword- Okay, before you read this, I'm going to have to do some explaining. This is a fanfic that was brought on by a RP I'm doing with one of my best friends.

In this RP, Botan and Koenma get married and have a daughter. Because of unknown reasons, Koenma puts a spell on their daughter, Emma, when she was 8 years old, turning her into an 18 year old. Emma was gifted with super-human intelligence, so she was 18 on the inside, and now her body is caught up with her.

And, that's about all you need to know before you read! Thank you!

The Hardest Part

Botan's POV

The hardest part of being a mother, is watching my child, my daughter, suffer. And know that I cannot do anything to help her. I've never once punished her. I've never been that good of a parental figure. I know that she had it rough, having to fend for herself, and I hate myself for putting her through this.

But, as I watch her lay sleeping in her bed, her arms draped over her injured stomach, looking like a sleeping doll, I wonder. I think.

Why did she turn out like this? With this inability to hate. She's so forgiving. She insists on carrying the burdens on her own. She wants someone to depend on her. I don't talk to her about it.

She's strong emotionally, but not physically. She's small and weak. She tries to act strong. She doesn't want to burden us. She wants to suffer on her own. It makes my heart ache to watch her carry on the way she does.

She's like a rose, in some ways. Pretty to look at, but painful to touch. She draws away from others because she's afraid of being hurt. She was always picked on at school. She never said anything.

She just smiled.

I wonder how many times she smiled at me, her face shining, how many times that smile was fake. How many times it was just a mask to hide the pain and sorrow she felt from being shunned. They would hurt her. I saw the bruises on her stomach. She just gave me her normal smile and told me she had just tripped.

She was being abused by her upperclassmen, but she didn't fight back. She didn't hate them. She didn't complain. She took the pain willingly. She never cried. She kept silent, her real emotions hidden behind a perfectly constructed mask.

As a mother, this is the hardest thing in the world for me to watch. But, she wants to handle it on her own. So I let her. Her spirit is free, like a leaf on the wind. That's why it makes sense she can fly on an oar like I can.

She is probably one of the most complex, and yet simple people I have been blessed to know. She stands firm on her beliefs, and is incredibly stubborn. But at the same time, she is timid and submissive.

All the abuse at school has marred her reactions. The only time I ever see her mask slip off, is when she's with him.

Yes, him.

He's been with our group for some time now, and yet I know almost next to nothing about him.

Emma's in love with him.

I almost hate her for it. She's tearing herself apart inside to stay by his side. He's not very nice to her sometimes. He can be downright cruel. He's hurt her numerous times. That's why she's in bed right now, her dreams plagued by a burden she doesn't have to carry.

He doesn't mean to hurt her. It's his other side, the darker side, that sometimes emerges and attacks her. She doesn't cry, she doesn't scream, she remains silent untill he lets her go. That's how Koenma and I found her today, laying in a pool of her own blood.

I guess it might make sense if I told you who 'he' is, wouldn't it?

Hiei.

I don't know why Emma is so drawn to him. Why she's so faithful to him. Even after everything he's said and done, she still loves him.

It absolutely blows my mind.

Is she even sane? This is HIEI we're talking about here. She knows everything about him; what he's done, what he used to be, and she still doesn't care.

But Emma has done things that none of us ever expected. She's made Hiei smile, laugh, and in today's case, cry.

I didn't think Hiei could feel the emotion sadness. Even when Yukina was murdered, all he expressed was pure, blind fury.

But today, after he got ahold of his body when he had nearly run Emma through with his own claws. He almost went insane.

Henearly committed suicide. All because he hurt her! He worries about her, I can tell. But I don't think he know how Emma feels about him. How can he not? He must be completly blind. I knew from the first time I saw her smile at him. It was a real smile. Not the fake smiles I'd been seeing when I'd pick her up from school.

And even though Koenma hates Hiei for what he did to Emma, Emma's not even angry. She's worried about him, even though I'm afraid that she'll die from blood loss.

Is this a cruel joke of fate? These two people who seem so dependent upon each other, will be constantly forced through these horrible epidemics.

I'm afraid for the both of them. Hiei can't cope with his emotions as well as Emma can, in my opinion. If he commits suicide, or dies, I don't think Emma could stand it.

Dying on the inside is worse then dying physically. She's so completly dependent on him being there for her. She doesn't care if he yells at her, or tells her to leave, she stays. Like a puppy.

It absolutely breaks my heart to see the two of them together. I never know when he will snap at her unexpectedly or attack her.

But I, like Emma, can't bring myself to hate him. I want to help them, but Emma hardly ever sees me, and Hiei refuses all help altogether.

Emma's emotional breakdowns, the few she has, I can deal with. She's a girl and my daughter.

But Hiei, he just seems so lost sometimes. Completly gone. I can sense what he feels sometimes. The same way Emma can. He reminds me of the lost souls I take back to Spirit World.

These souls...they stay on earth for no reason. They have something that holds them there. They don't even know what it is sometimes. It's the hardest think in the world to drag them away, their gaunt faces and pain filled eyes staring at the world that they're leaving.

I'm afraid that one of these days, Emma and Hiei will become like these spirits. Unable to let go and accept their fate.

It scares me to imagine my daughter, and the person she treasures most in the world, being torn apart by fate.

All I can do is wait and pray that they will be able to be together in the end. Be it in life or death.

Only fate, cruel fate, can decide that.

END

Author's Note: Was it sad? My editor was in tears at the end. I'm trying to work on my emotional writing. So, what do you think. Love it, hate it? I wanna know what you think! Untill next time, cya!

shakita45