Forbidden

Disclaimer: I own nothing, cept Emma of course.

Foreword: I got this idea because of a Hiei AMV. I don't know how OOC he is in this fic, but, oh well.

Hiei's POV

I am the forbidden child.

I've known that all my life.

After being banished from Koorime, it's only been one blow after the other. Everyone putting the same label on me, not even trying to see inside me.

I didn't want them to.

I'm so afraid of anyone, even people who want to help me, know what I feel. That would make me vulnerable to them. They could use it to manipulate me.

So I remain guarded.

I don't protect people. I help Yukina out on the odd occasion, but the rest of the group absolutely loves her, so they're always quick to jump to her aid.

I was alone.

But then...Botan had a baby.

A baby girl, to be exact.

I had no idea what would come of this, a simple human child. From the very beginning, I could tell she was different from other humans, and yet she was no demon, or a spirit being like her father.

She was always infatuated with me as a child, always smiling up at me with those innocent child-like eyes.

I pitied her.

She was shunned and labeled like I was, because she was different in a society where everyone is the same. She was beaten at school by the other children.

She never once complained. She always smiled and went on with her life.

The first time I saw the vulnerability in her eyes as she walked home from school, I wanted nothing more then to reassure her that everything would work out eventually.

Who am I kidding, I still haven't worked things out.

I found out, Kurama and I, that there were people after her and her family. Humans, who wanted the strange family to be put out of existence.

Koenma was going to go pull her out of school to tell her what was going on.

I went in his place.

I still have no idea what possessed me to go and get her. Maybe the similarity I'd felt between us was taking effect.

When I arrived at the school, she was standing at the from gate with one of her friends, crying.

I didn't know what I was supposed to be feeling. I felt numb. I'd never seen her cry, not even as a baby.

I went over to them. As soon as she acknowledged my presence, she dried her tears, looking ashamed to have showed such an emotion to anyone.

As I lead her away, she asked no questions. She followed me wordlessly, her sad eyes to the ground.

When she asked what was happening, I answered. There was no need to put off the inevitable.

Her maturity never seeks to amaze me. She didn't cry, or be afraid. She accepted the information with open arms, not bothering to fight with fate.

At that moment, I let my control on my emotions drop. I knelt next to her, pulling her into an embrace.

She was shocked by my actions, but not nearly as shocked as I was. I had no idea what I was doing. When I let her go, I stood and took her small hand in mine, walking the rest of the way to her father.

That was the first time I'd felt anything but pity for her. I couldn't say it was love then, but it was affection of some sort.

But then, Koenma changed her.

Right before my eyes, she was transformed into an 18 year old.

That really threw me into a loop.

Suddenly, her appearance matched her maturity.

After that, things only got worse for me.

I was determined to never love anyone. I distanced myself from everyone, even Yukina. I had to many secrets, to many people out to get me, and harm the people I held dear.

I was afraid to face the emotional pain of losing the person I held closest.

She followed me from the beginning. Like a lost puppy, trailing behind me.

I made the mistake and told her about my banishment from Koorime.

What had I wanted, for her to turn away from me? Did I want her pity?

It wasn't pity she showed me. It was compassion.

I was completly shocked. I'd figured anyone who heard that chapter of my past would turn tail and run away from me.

If anything, it only fueled her to stay closer. She was afraid for me to leave her sight for more then a few moments.

At first, this annoyed me. I didn't want the emotional attachment between me and this...human girl.

She had demons after her. Loads of them. She had a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I wanted nothing more then to protect her.

At first, I did this because I felt I owed her and her family something.

But then, one day, I wasn't there quite in time, and someone else came to her rescue after being knocked from her oar in the sky.

The sight of her in another man's arms made my blood boil. The jealousy in me only built when other men would be kind to her, or offer her the attention I never did.

She never returned their feelings, never once. She seemed to be saving herself for someone. Someone else.

Things only got worse. It seemed whenever I was around, the danger she was in would only be multiplied. So, I left.

When I finally returned, Botan told me that she had come to the point of suicide.

I was shocked.

What was wrong with this girl? I was cursed for god's sake! Anyone who got too close to me would almost indefinantly be killed.

I was right.

I had held her to close to me, unconsciously, and this was almost the end of me.

Mind controlling demons are everywhere. I had the tendency to run into those.

Because of those damn demons, I almost strangled her twice.

The last encounter with a mind controller, I stabbed her. She never once fought back from me. The sight of her blood staining my hands snapped the control on my mind.

The sight of her, face contorted in pain; pain that I cause, was emotional overload. I wanted nothing more then to die, then to end this gnawing on my concious.

She stopped me.

Even in her current state, she was more worried about me then she was herself.

And her affection twords me only seemed to increase from there. Occasionally, I would lose control of myself and give into my selfish desires. I'd allow myself to kiss her, to hold her.

After that, I was so furious with myself, I used my anger as fuel to hurt her. I wanted her to hate me, to forget me.

She deserves so much more. Much more, then anything else I could ever give her.

It hurts to see her in pain because of something I've said or done to her.

But the damn stubborn girl won't hate me. She refuses to get mad at me, or blame anything on me.

Why can't she understand?

I shouldn't feel this way about anyone. I deserve to be alone. I don't deserve to be in love. None the less with the princess of Spirit World.

I'm darkness. I'm shunned. I hate, I inflict pain. I don't love.

She's light. She forgives without though. She can't kill another being. She stays constantly by my side.

I know I hurt her.

But, since I'm darkness, that's what I'm supposed to do.

Even though it kills me inside.

END

Author's Note: Like it? Hate it? Review please!