A/n: Ya know…if you were smart then you read the last Author's note to find out why I didn't update this fic for like 2 to 3 months. But like a LOT of idiots out there who just think that some author's put these little notes here just for fun then obviously they didn't read it and are now wondering why I took so long just to write one chapter. But really I'm sure this chapter only took me about one hour to write. Honestly I have no idea b/c my favorite past-time isn't looking at the clock thinking, 'Oh how lovely! 5 minutes has passed by.' But besides all that this chapter was like the last. It is merely here to help the story along and as you all have noticed I have started using the people's actual names instead of referring to them as colors and adjectives. I got bored doing that because some people don't appreciate good work when they see it.
Chapter 3 Thinking of a Lullaby
Walking along this lonely path I feel almost disappointed, though of course I'm disappointed about a lot of things. The leaves seem to be having a good time scraping against the ground in front of me while they dance. I've never really thought about how beautiful nature can be. I guess I just never had the time.
But looking back on it now there's a lot of things that I never had the time for and probably still don't. While I have a demon resting inside of me more precious moments seem to be lost to me. I've never had a normal life and I envy more people then I even know. It seems to me that every time I decide to go out for a walk my footsteps get heavier. It's like I'm carrying a great weight on my back. Do I even have anything good to look forward to when I go home?
Sometimes I find myself staring at a couple, their children playing and giggling not too far behind. I bet the husband feels warm and cozy every time he goes home. He actually has somebody to welcome him as he opens the door and feels the warmth of the heater rush towards his face. But when I walk through the door all I feel is more coldness-more alone.
And whenever I think about these things my mind always seems to wander to thoughts about Niwa and his life. Sure we share a similar curse but it's still different. His spirit resides in him like a safe haven to all the cruel things and people on the outside. The only thing that my curse does is tell me the truth about most things and people. And the truth hurts more and more everyday. But Krad scares me more then he'll ever know. He claims that all he wants is my happiness. That's such a big lie. If he wanted my happiness then he'd just die and leave me alone.
But I guess what they say is true. Nobody ever said life was fair. As I stare at the man and his family walking away with cheerful smiles on their faces that saying is nagging at me even more. I hate sayings. They're always so true it's amazing really. And I hate having to hear the truth. That's why I hate Krad everyday, every minute, every second of my life.
I walk into the coffee store on my right and immediately I can smell the sweet scent of cinnamon and fresh coffee. I feel so tired, like I'm an old man on the verge of dying. So I take a seat by the window and stare out at the huge grey clouds hovering over our city. Without really noticing or looking I tell the waitress to my right my order of a caramel frap and a slice of their delicious crumb cake, though my mind is elsewhere right now. I can still just barely hear the howling of the wind outside my window.
I keep telling myself that everything that I'll ever want can come to me in my dreams. Dreams are so much more better then reality. But the depressing thing about dreams is that they end as soon as you open your eyes. Can good things really come out of no where while your life just keeps on falling apart? Can you really be saved when your heart has just decided to take a downward spiral? What if life could be reset by the push of a button like on a video game?
In that case, I wonder, would I really be happy? I don't even notice that my order has just arrived and by itself my hand reaches down and picks up the drink. As I take a sip I close my eyes and take a long exhale. Maybe all I need to do is forget. My body feels so peaceful just sitting here. And my mind has gone blank leaving me to revel in my own most desired warmth. I let out a sigh of contentment. With a last thought of worry and inner pondering I open my eyes to once again stare out the window. And I forget. My mind has left my body completely. I just feel so calm right now. What's more is that I never thought that just by drinking coffee while surrounded by tasty scents such as vanilla and spicy cinnamon that I could actually feel so peaceful. It's such a surprise.
I sigh. Why does life have to be so hard? Dark probably hates me now and Satoshi…I have no idea what he's thinking. Actually I wonder what he's doing right now.
My feet seem to have a mind of their own as they walk their way through the quaint little coffee shop to my left. Oh my! What a pleasant aroma. This smell couldn't possibly be created by candles. This is genuine home made coffee and cakes. I'll have to buy some of their amazing chocolate chip cupcakes. I turn my head and start looking around when the site of blue catches my eyes. I just have to let a gasp escape my lips.
Satoshi sits with his head leaning against the window, sleeping. Is he asleep? I bet he feels pretty happy right now. He has a little smile on his face. He actually looks kind of cute. But I've always thought he was handsome. Though right now, with the hanging ceiling lights shining above his head he almost looks angelic.
My feet start walking towards his table and without realizing it I'm already sitting down beside him. The waitress comes and I give her my order, still staring at my classmate. I trail my hand down the side of his face and smile. He looks younger when he's asleep. His eyes slowly open to stare at me. So I immediately pull my hand back.
He's not saying anything. I hope he's not mad. I have too many problems right now for him to be mad.
He clears his throat, "So…how have you been?"
"I'm ok. How about you?"
He turns his head to the window. Maybe he is mad.
"I'm fine."
I lower my head and whisper, "That's good to hear."
"Why is that so good? It's not like you really care."
I stay silent and look up into his dark blue pools. What can I say to that?
"That's not true. I-I do care about you."
He smirks, "No. You only care about Krad. So, how was it last night? Did you enjoy making me and Dark suffer?"
I can't help it. I slap him as hard as I can and run out the door, already well aware of how my world just continues to fall apart.
I never knew he could slap that hard. I was kind of always under the assumption that he was weak and always relied on Dark to get anywhere. I guess I was wrong. Was I out of line to say those things? No. He is just toying with me and Dark's lives, him and Krad both. My eyes fall down to the half empty coffee and I smile. I'll drink while I walk home.
I pick up my paper bag of crumb cake and leave. My mind is already wondering again. While I walk past the elementary school to my left I can see children laughing and playing. They have such wide smiles on their faces. They all look so happy. Nostalgia slowly takes over and I find myself walking towards the empty swing set underneath a cherry blossom tree. Its rosy petals seem as though they'll keep falling forever. I set my coffee and cake down to my left and slowly start to swing.
To me elementary schools have always been nostalgic. I remember when my mother took me to this very same school when I was around the age of five. She pushed me while I swung for the first time on the swings. I was laughing so hard as my heart quickly filled with joy. I remember a feeling of safety and belonging most of all. All the other children that were there played with me. But now years later, my mother and father are dead, my step father doesn't care about me, and my one true love doesn't even love me. What do I have left in this world to cherish anyway? Krad isn't even an option.
"Hey, mister?"
I turn my head when I here a quiet voice. It's a little girl with shoulder length jet black hair. Her huge chocolate brown eyes gaze at me with pure innocence. I can't help but smile, "Yes?"
She digs her shoe in the dirt and asks, "Can I swing with you?"
That just makes me smile even more, "Sure."
She lets out the biggest grin I have ever seen. She's such a sweet kid. I just have to ask, "What's your name?"
"Sakura. What's yours?"
"Satoshi."
Sakura's eyes stare deeply into the ground as if seeing something there that I can't.
"Why are you out here all alone? Don't you have any friends?"
I lift my head towards the darkened sky and answer, "You mean real friends? No."
I can hear her shoe scrape the ground as her swing stops with a sudden squeak.
"I'll be your friend, Satoshi."
I stop swinging myself and turn to her with wide eyes. What can I say to this girl? She's just offered me her friendship and I don't even know her. Her eyes sparkle with a foreign emotion just like Daisuke's once did. Children really are a blessing.
"Thank you, Sakura. I'm honored to have you as my friend."
Her tiny hand reaches out and holds mine. She starts swinging while humming a tune-a familiar tune. And that's when I remember. My mother used to sing this same song to me. I soon find myself humming along. It was such a melancholy melody. It was my favorite lullaby. Sakura's hand squeezes mine gently and I turn my head to look at her. Her smile shines and I don't even have to ask.
"I'll always be your friend Satoshi. You don't have to be alone anymore."
Did she somehow read my thoughts?
"Thank you, Sakura."
She starts humming again and for a moment I think I can hear my mother humming too.
"Thank you."
I'm suddenly feeling calm again and a sense of relief washes over me. I find myself feeling warm and safe as if I'm finally at a loving home. I turn my head to the sky once more to see a flash of light. I don't feel so alone anymore. Who ever would've thought that this child could make me feel like this, like I belong some where? You can learn something new everyday, another saying that is so true. You can learn something new from someone, no matter how small or young they are. Today I've learned something new. Even with all the darkness that seems to be taking over my life there will always be someplace that you can find everlasting peace. And for me that place is here, swinging hand in hand with this cute little girl. Here, beneath the cherry blossom tree.
A/n: You like? I like! R&R ppl!!!
